My meditations - Ecclesiastes 3

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
What gain has the worker from his toil?
I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.
I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live;
also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil--this is God's gift to man.
I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him.
That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.
Moreover, I saw under the sun that in the place of justice, even there was wickedness, and in the place of righteousness, even there was wickedness.
I said in my heart, God will judge the righteous and the wicked, for there is a time for every matter and for every work.
I said in my heart with regard to the children of man that God is testing them that they may see that they themselves are but beasts.
For what happens to the children of man and what happens to the beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts, for all is vanity.
All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to dust all return.
Who knows whether the spirit of man goes upward and the spirit of the beast goes down into the earth?
So I saw that there is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his work, for that is his lot. Who can bring him to see what will be after him?

Thoughts

In the last two weeks I have been blessed - really and truly blessed.. First the Michael Buble concert, then the pampering from Lorna, the affirmation that I have from Pr Elisha last week and today and then the warmth and fellowship with the Lows in the last few days. It has given me a bit more 'oomph' to press on in my ministry.

It's been a season of much struggle, frustration, heartaches, discouragement. But it's also been a season of encouragement, regrouping and affirmation.

I have been reminded again by my mentor that it's a season of learning and that He's going to do something beyond what I'm familiar with, beyond what I know. So I will wait and I will watch and I will pray.

And maybe, just maybe... It's time to get working on my version of 95 theses? we will see...

To aunty Annie

My head can't seem to get around this fact - You've gone Home today. Everything seems to have moved so fast and now.. You've gone Home.

I rejoice that you are no longer in pain, no longer sick, no longer suffering and is now with our Father.

Yet, my heart is heavy too.

In the midst of my fuzzy childhood memories, my memories of you stand out. You've always been the cheerful aunty who gives me mandarin oranges to try to make me happy because I always felt miserable due to bad carsickness whenever we went out. You helped me to pick a birthday gift for grandma when I was little and really wanted to give something that she'd like.  

Your cheerfulness and patience and generosity will be missed. I have always been touched by your little gifts to encourage me. Even whilst in seminary, you always gave me homemade strawberry jam that you painstakingly made cos you knew I liked them...

Cameron Highlands will no longer be the same without you there. Whenever I pass by your little shop, I will always remember you. Thank you for being such a blessing to me. Your life has touched mine. I will miss you.

I will see you again when it's my turn to go Home too. Rest in peace.

Hope of the nations

Quote on Heroes

"Without heroes we are all plain people and don't know how far we can go." Bernard Malamud

Quote on vulnerability

"When we were children, we used to think that when we grew up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability, to be alive is to be vulnerable." - Madeleine L'Engle

ruminations

The night is covered with a blanket of clouds. The air is filled with a symphony played by crickets, frogs and whatever nocturnal animals that has a song to sing which is accompanied by the soft sound of the flowing river.. a gentle breeze blows intermittently.. a sense of peace and tranquility enfolds me as I sit here in the darkness - one that seems to have eluded me in the hustle and bustle of life..
It seems like it's been a while since I've sat with You in the stillness and silence.. to be reminded that You are God my Creator, the Holy One, my Redeemer.. the God who loves me with an everlasting love..

It's at times like these that I wonder at my forgetfulness of Your goodness and of Who You Are.. Why would You call me Yours? I feel so unworthy... I'm speechless as I get a glimpse of Your grace..

As my mind journeys through time, through the last few months, I see how You've watched over me, guided me, spoke to me, strengthened me.. You've brought me beyond where I've ever thought to go.. You've shown me things I never thought to see..

Who is there like You?

I praise You my Lord, my master and my king..

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Blessed are...

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Matthew 5:3-12

thoughts

*sigh..another clash of philosophy...  i hate the feeling when I'm not able to explain something adequately(it gets worse when I'm nervous- which usually happens when I have to face him)...
i admit that i was wrong in the first place - not that it's an excuse, but perhaps deep down I knew he would not have understood anyways...

Thank You

I guess some prayers take a little longer to answer... Thank you for answering this one... :)
I look forward with another year of service a little more now... :)

It's been one year

One year serving full time in church post-STM.. Thanks to God for His strength and sending people to uphold me throughout the past year of ministry... :)

Deuteronomy and Ethics - Reflection for Day 2

Today we went through a whole host of interesting topics.. I dun have much time to blog due to lateness of the hour but maybe just to highlight two main points:

1. Election of Israel
Paul (the lecturer, not the apostle) pointed out that the Israel forgot the purpose of their election. God had a greater plan for them.  Why one people group?? Some ppl have the view that when God chooses one group, God rejects the rest (logical conclusion but a fallacy). 
The fact is, God chooses one ppl group for the sake of the rest.
The election of Israel is not a rejection of the other nations – but for the sake of the other nations. 

Similarly, I think it is so easy to lose sight of why we are Christians. It's never for our own sake but for God's greater purpose. So how are we living our redeemed lives? So many of us(including myself) seem to live so selfishly and our self-preservation always seem to be at the top of our list.. 

2. Modern Israel

Despite the fact that Modern Israel consider themselves a secular state, can they still be considered as God's ppl? There seems to be a trend within the Malaysian churches to accept that Israel today is still God's chosen pppl. I wonder also if this is also because ingrained in our churches is a biasness against Muslims and Islam that we die die have to side Israel? On top of that, I wonder too if it's because of our poor/weak understanding when we read the Old testament? 

Deuteronomy and Ethics - Reflection for Day 1

It's been a while since I've done any reflection of any kind in writing... Apologies(to those reading this) if my post is rather incoherent...

Today's is the first day of Deuteronomy and Ethics by Paul Barker.. It's the first time that I'm sitting in his class and though the initial pace was a bit slow for me (but I understand that some ppl in the class might need it to go slower lah), it seemed to pick up speed and to my delight, I had a lot of stuff to chew on as the day went on (sometimes I've been feeling a bit starved for some solid teaching so it was really, really good)...

We covered a wide array of topics from introduction, the themes, the structure of Deuteronomy, OT law and function, Christians and OT law AND deuteronomy 1-3.

I'll just highlight certain things that sticks out for me at this point:

1. Generation conflation (from Style of Deuteronomy session)

As PJEFC is looking forward into addressing the issues of the younger generation, this has really struck me... Are we repeating the mistakes of the older generation in our arrogance in thinking that we are better than our elders and we know best to know how to reach out to other younger ppl in our generation? Are we not in danger of repeating the mistakes that they have made if we do not seek to understand them, if we do not affirm them, if we do not reach out to them - just as we may complain that they do not do these to us? Are we going to throw in the towel if things do not go OUR way? Are we not in danger of being as hypocritical as they seem to be? What happened to denying self? Where is our trust in God? Or are we in danger of doing things only our way?

What God says to the previous generation, he still says to the current generation. Are we listening and obeying?

2. God called the Israelites 'his people' before He gave His law to them (from structure of Deuteronomy session)

I'm reminded again, for all I do and work in the church, there's nothing I can do anymore to earn His love for me (sometimes I can so easily slip back into this old mentality)... He's called me His and though I may make mistakes in following Him, it's really only by His grace that I continue on in my ministry and journey with Him..  I do the things I do out not because I have to do it to earn his favour - but as an expression of my love for Him.. This is such a fine line for me sometimes..

3. Law comes within a framework of established relationship by grace (from OT law functions session - one of my fav)

"Obedience to the law is not about getting into a relationship but an expression of it. Obedience is the ethic of gratitude and thanks to God for the relationship that has been established. "

I think that when I'm not careful, I can get so muddle up about why I obey God's law... I can so easily fall into the trap that I obey the law to keep a relationship with God and not because I want to express my relationship with him in gratitude.. Another fine line for me... 

4. Found out that I hold the maximinalist view (from Christian and OT Law session - another favourite)

It was personally interesting to have more clarity in this area of how Christians today should apply and understand OT law.

Ok.. Enough... As my young ppl whom I'm discipling would say when I'm inspired to 'sermonise' to them.. 'Aiyoh, Brain overload d'.. Enough for today... Tomorrow's another matter. ;)

Revival...

Feels like my blog has died.. Will try to revive it again.. hopefully soon...

Preaching tomorrow!!!

Tomorrow morning will be my first time preaching for a church service. I'm still in the midst of preparing with 15 hours more to go - especially since there was a mishap on Tuesdsay(I'd sent my car for washing and brought out my sermon materials. My aunt accidentally threw them away even though they were in a folder. That was the end of my untyped commentary and thoughts for the sermon that I'd spent a few weeks working on). I had meetings everyday this week so that meant wayyyyy less time to prepare. The new intern this week is only able to come in for the week so I had to allocate a fair bit of hours to spend time with him too. So not a lot time for sermon prep.

Nevertheless, it's been a journey of continual trusting in Him as I see my sermon come together much faster than I thought I'd be able to put together. It's also by His grace that I did save some of my sermon notes so I could build on whatever I had. I guess He wants me to practice what I've been teaching the interns who've been coming in- to continue to trust in Him in my life no matter what happens(through busy-ness, through rough times, when time is tight, when I'm upset).

If God told me 10 years ago that I'd be preaching as part of my following Him, I'd prolly be a whole lot more wary and skeptical about going full time. I think it's ironical to find myself behind the pulpit. I don't consider myself a public speaker (my tongue sometimes twists when I'm nervous). I'm still working on things in my life - I'm not there yet and wonder how I can tell others what to do on a Sunday morning, especially those who are older than me.

Nevertheless, I do love God and I do want to obey Him. So here goes for tomorrow!! :)

Forgive

Forgive...
Let go...
Move on....

Psa 55:16-17

Psa 55:16-17
But I call to God, and the LORD saves me.
Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.

I need You to hear me.. I'm feeling rather overwhelmed these few days... There's so much to do and so little time to finish... The help that was supposed to come is sick...And as time keeps on ticking, more things seems to be piled on top of it... Please help me through this week... Not for my sake, but for the sake of those that You've asked me to care for...

Kaulah Segalanya

I love this song..


Kau Bapa yang mengasihiku
KuasaMu memulihkanku
Hati yang baru Kau berikan
Untuk ku dapat melihat

RencanaMu indah bagiku
Kau ada di s'tiap jalanku
Hatiku haus dan lapar akan Engkau

CHORUS
Kaulah segalanya di dalam hidupku
KerajaanMu, kebenaranMu itu bagianku
Kaulah yang kupandang selama hidupku
MengasihiMu memuliakanMu
Bapa dan Rajaku

I Stand Amazed

Quote

“I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess” - Martin Luther