Thoughts

In the last two weeks I have been blessed - really and truly blessed.. First the Michael Buble concert, then the pampering from Lorna, the affirmation that I have from Pr Elisha last week and today and then the warmth and fellowship with the Lows in the last few days. It has given me a bit more 'oomph' to press on in my ministry.

It's been a season of much struggle, frustration, heartaches, discouragement. But it's also been a season of encouragement, regrouping and affirmation.

I have been reminded again by my mentor that it's a season of learning and that He's going to do something beyond what I'm familiar with, beyond what I know. So I will wait and I will watch and I will pray.

And maybe, just maybe... It's time to get working on my version of 95 theses? we will see...

To aunty Annie

My head can't seem to get around this fact - You've gone Home today. Everything seems to have moved so fast and now.. You've gone Home.

I rejoice that you are no longer in pain, no longer sick, no longer suffering and is now with our Father.

Yet, my heart is heavy too.

In the midst of my fuzzy childhood memories, my memories of you stand out. You've always been the cheerful aunty who gives me mandarin oranges to try to make me happy because I always felt miserable due to bad carsickness whenever we went out. You helped me to pick a birthday gift for grandma when I was little and really wanted to give something that she'd like.  

Your cheerfulness and patience and generosity will be missed. I have always been touched by your little gifts to encourage me. Even whilst in seminary, you always gave me homemade strawberry jam that you painstakingly made cos you knew I liked them...

Cameron Highlands will no longer be the same without you there. Whenever I pass by your little shop, I will always remember you. Thank you for being such a blessing to me. Your life has touched mine. I will miss you.

I will see you again when it's my turn to go Home too. Rest in peace.

It's been one year

One year serving full time in church post-STM.. Thanks to God for His strength and sending people to uphold me throughout the past year of ministry... :)

Deuteronomy and Ethics - Reflection for Day 2

Today we went through a whole host of interesting topics.. I dun have much time to blog due to lateness of the hour but maybe just to highlight two main points:

1. Election of Israel
Paul (the lecturer, not the apostle) pointed out that the Israel forgot the purpose of their election. God had a greater plan for them.  Why one people group?? Some ppl have the view that when God chooses one group, God rejects the rest (logical conclusion but a fallacy). 
The fact is, God chooses one ppl group for the sake of the rest.
The election of Israel is not a rejection of the other nations – but for the sake of the other nations. 

Similarly, I think it is so easy to lose sight of why we are Christians. It's never for our own sake but for God's greater purpose. So how are we living our redeemed lives? So many of us(including myself) seem to live so selfishly and our self-preservation always seem to be at the top of our list.. 

2. Modern Israel

Despite the fact that Modern Israel consider themselves a secular state, can they still be considered as God's ppl? There seems to be a trend within the Malaysian churches to accept that Israel today is still God's chosen pppl. I wonder also if this is also because ingrained in our churches is a biasness against Muslims and Islam that we die die have to side Israel? On top of that, I wonder too if it's because of our poor/weak understanding when we read the Old testament? 

Deuteronomy and Ethics - Reflection for Day 1

It's been a while since I've done any reflection of any kind in writing... Apologies(to those reading this) if my post is rather incoherent...

Today's is the first day of Deuteronomy and Ethics by Paul Barker.. It's the first time that I'm sitting in his class and though the initial pace was a bit slow for me (but I understand that some ppl in the class might need it to go slower lah), it seemed to pick up speed and to my delight, I had a lot of stuff to chew on as the day went on (sometimes I've been feeling a bit starved for some solid teaching so it was really, really good)...

We covered a wide array of topics from introduction, the themes, the structure of Deuteronomy, OT law and function, Christians and OT law AND deuteronomy 1-3.

I'll just highlight certain things that sticks out for me at this point:

1. Generation conflation (from Style of Deuteronomy session)

As PJEFC is looking forward into addressing the issues of the younger generation, this has really struck me... Are we repeating the mistakes of the older generation in our arrogance in thinking that we are better than our elders and we know best to know how to reach out to other younger ppl in our generation? Are we not in danger of repeating the mistakes that they have made if we do not seek to understand them, if we do not affirm them, if we do not reach out to them - just as we may complain that they do not do these to us? Are we going to throw in the towel if things do not go OUR way? Are we not in danger of being as hypocritical as they seem to be? What happened to denying self? Where is our trust in God? Or are we in danger of doing things only our way?

What God says to the previous generation, he still says to the current generation. Are we listening and obeying?

2. God called the Israelites 'his people' before He gave His law to them (from structure of Deuteronomy session)

I'm reminded again, for all I do and work in the church, there's nothing I can do anymore to earn His love for me (sometimes I can so easily slip back into this old mentality)... He's called me His and though I may make mistakes in following Him, it's really only by His grace that I continue on in my ministry and journey with Him..  I do the things I do out not because I have to do it to earn his favour - but as an expression of my love for Him.. This is such a fine line for me sometimes..

3. Law comes within a framework of established relationship by grace (from OT law functions session - one of my fav)

"Obedience to the law is not about getting into a relationship but an expression of it. Obedience is the ethic of gratitude and thanks to God for the relationship that has been established. "

I think that when I'm not careful, I can get so muddle up about why I obey God's law... I can so easily fall into the trap that I obey the law to keep a relationship with God and not because I want to express my relationship with him in gratitude.. Another fine line for me... 

4. Found out that I hold the maximinalist view (from Christian and OT Law session - another favourite)

It was personally interesting to have more clarity in this area of how Christians today should apply and understand OT law.

Ok.. Enough... As my young ppl whom I'm discipling would say when I'm inspired to 'sermonise' to them.. 'Aiyoh, Brain overload d'.. Enough for today... Tomorrow's another matter. ;)

Revival...

Feels like my blog has died.. Will try to revive it again.. hopefully soon...

Preaching tomorrow!!!

Tomorrow morning will be my first time preaching for a church service. I'm still in the midst of preparing with 15 hours more to go - especially since there was a mishap on Tuesdsay(I'd sent my car for washing and brought out my sermon materials. My aunt accidentally threw them away even though they were in a folder. That was the end of my untyped commentary and thoughts for the sermon that I'd spent a few weeks working on). I had meetings everyday this week so that meant wayyyyy less time to prepare. The new intern this week is only able to come in for the week so I had to allocate a fair bit of hours to spend time with him too. So not a lot time for sermon prep.

Nevertheless, it's been a journey of continual trusting in Him as I see my sermon come together much faster than I thought I'd be able to put together. It's also by His grace that I did save some of my sermon notes so I could build on whatever I had. I guess He wants me to practice what I've been teaching the interns who've been coming in- to continue to trust in Him in my life no matter what happens(through busy-ness, through rough times, when time is tight, when I'm upset).

If God told me 10 years ago that I'd be preaching as part of my following Him, I'd prolly be a whole lot more wary and skeptical about going full time. I think it's ironical to find myself behind the pulpit. I don't consider myself a public speaker (my tongue sometimes twists when I'm nervous). I'm still working on things in my life - I'm not there yet and wonder how I can tell others what to do on a Sunday morning, especially those who are older than me.

Nevertheless, I do love God and I do want to obey Him. So here goes for tomorrow!! :)

Psa 55:16-17

Psa 55:16-17
But I call to God, and the LORD saves me.
Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.

I need You to hear me.. I'm feeling rather overwhelmed these few days... There's so much to do and so little time to finish... The help that was supposed to come is sick...And as time keeps on ticking, more things seems to be piled on top of it... Please help me through this week... Not for my sake, but for the sake of those that You've asked me to care for...

A time for change

This is the third time I'm changing my design template since I started blogging...

I've always liked the rain - it brings back good childhood memories of fun with my bro and sis -and so I thought it apt for this blog...

It also seemed a good time to change my blog as I sense a few changes coming up in the air.. .

Perhaps it's a good time to restart blogging again... *cross fingers*

To keep on going

I've been finding myself feeling rather edgy in the last few weeks.
Perhaps it's been the lack of rest (the Sabbath break seems barely enough to sustain me on a week-to-week basis), perhaps it's due to the inability to further pursue my personal passions at this season of time, perhaps it's having to deal with the constant bombardment of the urgent rather than being able to work on the important, perhaps it's the uneasiness i feel with certain things that I see, perhaps it's the feeling of uncertainty and the fear of failure due to the heavy stakes involved or perhaps it's the built up frustration of dealing with structures rather than relational issues.

Whatever it is, it's been good to have a break today... It's been good to have a good laugh with friends... It's been good to have some time to read through some things for fun rather than for functional purpose... It's been good to have time to think and process my thoughts... It's been good to share a good meal with a couple of friends.. It's been good to talk over some fears with a friend and be reminded of the One my trust is supposed to rest... It's been good just to be able to pray with a friend... It's been good to refocus on the things that are going well - balancing my perspectives - rather than focusing on the concerns all the time...

While it's back to the grind tomorrow, it feels good enough to keep me going on for the coming days - which I'm truly thankful for.. :)

Dear Lord,
Help me to remember that You want me to put my trust in You when things seem to be overwhelming... That You are in the process of molding me.. That things do not have to go smoothly all the time but the bumps are there to teach me to look to You so that I do not go on my own speed... Thank You for all the things that are going well, and in the areas that are not so certain or seems hopeless, help me to believe that You will see me through it though it may not be my in accordance to my way... May Your will be done...

This week in my life...

Am sending out a couple of emails.. was leading staff devo earlier this morning...

Let me see, for the rest of this week:
Have a meeting to attend this afternoon (read- afternoon gone)
Am worship leading this Sunday,
Overseeing two cell groups (and leading worship in one),
Preparing Bible study materials (as many as I can - one is due this Friday),
Organising Drum Training workshop this week,
Following up one or two ppl
Possibly a dinner to attend on Sat (my cg member's bday)...
Plus I'm sure i left out one or two things...

Lord Have Mercy...

Waiting for more...

Everything's going well. I had a great time with family during Chinese New Year. We had an open house for the OA ppl from 10am-3pm and many came too. As usual there's so much food. Things are moving in the ministries that I'm involved at and there's a lot of things to do...
Why then do I feel like I'm waiting for more?

Lovely Time

Yesterday was my cousin's wedding. I could not make it for the ceremony but attended the dinner. I had a lovely time.. It's been a long time since all of the cousins got together like this... I'll let the pics speak for themselves...

All of us together (minus one)

All of us together

Girls Only

Fooling around...

Resting

Am now having a much needed break for these few days - something that I've been looking forward to in the last two weeks. Looking back, the last month has especially been a crazy one. There's been so much to do in the office that I find myself being so exhausted at the end of the day. It's definitely been very different from life in seminary. In the last month, my days have been filled with intensive work and off days have been filled with family-related stuff... I've been seriously craving for some down time - time to read, reflect and rest.

Some people tell me that I'm headed for a burn out if I keep on going on this path. However, at this point, I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and there doesn't seem to be another way. My pastor who's also my mentor told me to take leave at least one day a month, go somewhere else, totally do nothing and take time to just soak in God's presence. So I'm trying out his advice at the moment.

So far, have spent most of the day sleeping... Tomorrow, I hopefully will have some time to relax and to read and do some reflection... Am super looking forward to it...

Grateful

I'm thankfully still alive despite the lack of blogging activity...
Have been adjusting rather well to working in church - despite it being busy ALL THE TIME!!! Some days, I just have to remind myself to sit down(literally) in the middle of work and just breathe...

Am grateful for whatever down time I can get and try to rest whenever I am able to.
Several things I miss the most since being here is hanging out with friends, being able to have time to read and reflect...

Nevertheless, being back has been really good. I've been blessed to be with the young people in my church as well as with my uncle, aunt and cousin from Australia who has been visiting (my big bro too!!!)... :)

Happenings

I am beginning to understand why my friends who have graduated previously blog less and less. As soon as I get to work it's go go go all the way and before I know it, it's the end of the day! I'm still trying to find my footing to slow down to have more time to pray or to do some reading but it oftentime seems impossible. There are a hundred ideas and thoughts of what I have to do running in my head and I feel like I can't write them fast enough before I forget or miss out something.

However, I'm so excited cos there are so many things that are moving in the same time and in wonderful ways!
I'm thankful for gentle reminders from good friends to take time out to pray over stuff along the way - things that I may be concerned or getting anxious about.
I'm also grateful for the help that I've been getting from my young people who are so efficient and reliable. God seems to be sending more along the way and I take these as great opportunities to do mentoring and discipleship.
I'm looking forward to visits from different people this month - from close and dear relatives, from a big bro and best friend that I've not seen in ages, from new found friends at the end of the month. :)

Back in church office full-time after graduating!!

Am now in the church office as of 1st Dec 2009.... It's been a crazy last few days - especially because there's a number of big things due by the end of the year. Everything's moving in 5th gear!!! Thankfully I'm not involved in the Christmas preparations *yet*.
Have not had much time to read, write or reflect -it looks like I'll have to leave that for Mondays. I AM thankful for the little help I can get along the way and I'm look forward to see what else God has in store for both my church and for me!!

Right here, right now

Am chilling out at starbucks while waiting for my dad to finish up his stuff... The traveling around has stopped and am glad to be parked in one place - though it may not necessarily mean that it's peaceful... Following my dad around means that life is always on the move as he always seem to have itchy feet and heaps to do.. I finally had to boycott him yesterday so I could rest and just sit in a chair in front of the house and just stare up at the clouds and the mountains and do some reading.. The plan to going into the jungle for the second round has not materialised as heaps of things have cropped up (not to mention that we were in a rather shocking accident two days ago. Thankfully no one was hurt)..

Am just appreciating the silence and the restfulness.. It's been also good to just sit, pray and just sing with my OA friends... All the things that I won't be able to do when I get back to church office.. Yup - am really appreciating where I am right now...

Traveling around

Am now in Alor Setar having a break after eating a fantastic lunch with Kea Chai, Mee Ngik, Gunaraja and Lucy. Next stop - meeting with Gerrad in Sungai Petani. Whoopee!!! Will be spending the night in Penang with a relative before heading to Ipoh to meet up with other STM friends and relatives tomorrow onwards...

Langkawi for the last four days was great!! Am rather thankful for our host, an acquaintance from STM who took Lucy and I around.. We had some really good Thai and local food.. Since there were a lot of duty free shops, a lot of stuff was worth buying - I bought some chocolates and some bags (I especially loveeeeee my new sling bag which was bought at a very reasonable price)!!

We went for to ride on the Langkawi cable car ride and swimming at Pasir Tengkorak... The highlight of the trip for me personally was our visit to Pulau Payar Marine Park.. We went snorkelling for most of the day - we saw corals and lots of different fishes.. There was even shark feeding... It was an amazing feeling... I even swam next to this huge barracuda!! :)

It's been a really really good break so far though it'll be perhaps more restful for the next few weeks as I contemplate going back to the highlands for some non-traveling and quiet time... Will post up pictures soon when I'm more settled... Need to hit the road again soon!

Holiday....

The first week of my break has come and gone... It's been a rather exciting week.
Am up at the highlands and spent three days in the jungle earlier this week, living in a bamboo hut with no electricity or toilets.. There's no beds either... Lucy and I had to mandi in the river - but the water's so refreshing that we spent a really long time in it and really enjoyed the experience... It was really awesome.... Would have stayed there longer but food supplies ran out and our work there was done.

Made two new friends - which is always good... It has also been very encouraging to see their love for God and their willingness to serve Him in the jungle... Their enthusiasm has been very contagious and they made the trip really great.. One of them would gather the children in whatever village we went and teach them the song "Tuhan aje bor!" (God is so good) which the children never got tired of..

It was an eye-opening experience for Lucy as it was her first time.. It was a good reminder to me of those who have to live on so little and how much more we have to help them... Many were sick this time round and was asking for medicine - and unfortunately, there was not enough to go around... We had to ration the giving of clothes as well... Many were wearing clothes that were in tatters and some children had to go without clothes - so they were grateful for whatever we could give them.

After coming out, we went to visit a Myanmar refugee camp.. As they sang songs of hardship and of God, those of us who were visiting just had tears in our eyes. It was really beautiful... The stories they shared with us drove us once again to tears.. It was a good time..

The last two days have been more relaxing and today we explored the highlands a bit more.. We're heading for Langkawi next and am really looking forward to doing a bit of snorkelling and visiting old friends...