thoughts

*sigh..another clash of philosophy...  i hate the feeling when I'm not able to explain something adequately(it gets worse when I'm nervous- which usually happens when I have to face him)...
i admit that i was wrong in the first place - not that it's an excuse, but perhaps deep down I knew he would not have understood anyways...

Thank You

I guess some prayers take a little longer to answer... Thank you for answering this one... :)
I look forward with another year of service a little more now... :)

It's been one year

One year serving full time in church post-STM.. Thanks to God for His strength and sending people to uphold me throughout the past year of ministry... :)

Deuteronomy and Ethics - Reflection for Day 2

Today we went through a whole host of interesting topics.. I dun have much time to blog due to lateness of the hour but maybe just to highlight two main points:

1. Election of Israel
Paul (the lecturer, not the apostle) pointed out that the Israel forgot the purpose of their election. God had a greater plan for them.  Why one people group?? Some ppl have the view that when God chooses one group, God rejects the rest (logical conclusion but a fallacy). 
The fact is, God chooses one ppl group for the sake of the rest.
The election of Israel is not a rejection of the other nations – but for the sake of the other nations. 

Similarly, I think it is so easy to lose sight of why we are Christians. It's never for our own sake but for God's greater purpose. So how are we living our redeemed lives? So many of us(including myself) seem to live so selfishly and our self-preservation always seem to be at the top of our list.. 

2. Modern Israel

Despite the fact that Modern Israel consider themselves a secular state, can they still be considered as God's ppl? There seems to be a trend within the Malaysian churches to accept that Israel today is still God's chosen pppl. I wonder also if this is also because ingrained in our churches is a biasness against Muslims and Islam that we die die have to side Israel? On top of that, I wonder too if it's because of our poor/weak understanding when we read the Old testament? 

Deuteronomy and Ethics - Reflection for Day 1

It's been a while since I've done any reflection of any kind in writing... Apologies(to those reading this) if my post is rather incoherent...

Today's is the first day of Deuteronomy and Ethics by Paul Barker.. It's the first time that I'm sitting in his class and though the initial pace was a bit slow for me (but I understand that some ppl in the class might need it to go slower lah), it seemed to pick up speed and to my delight, I had a lot of stuff to chew on as the day went on (sometimes I've been feeling a bit starved for some solid teaching so it was really, really good)...

We covered a wide array of topics from introduction, the themes, the structure of Deuteronomy, OT law and function, Christians and OT law AND deuteronomy 1-3.

I'll just highlight certain things that sticks out for me at this point:

1. Generation conflation (from Style of Deuteronomy session)

As PJEFC is looking forward into addressing the issues of the younger generation, this has really struck me... Are we repeating the mistakes of the older generation in our arrogance in thinking that we are better than our elders and we know best to know how to reach out to other younger ppl in our generation? Are we not in danger of repeating the mistakes that they have made if we do not seek to understand them, if we do not affirm them, if we do not reach out to them - just as we may complain that they do not do these to us? Are we going to throw in the towel if things do not go OUR way? Are we not in danger of being as hypocritical as they seem to be? What happened to denying self? Where is our trust in God? Or are we in danger of doing things only our way?

What God says to the previous generation, he still says to the current generation. Are we listening and obeying?

2. God called the Israelites 'his people' before He gave His law to them (from structure of Deuteronomy session)

I'm reminded again, for all I do and work in the church, there's nothing I can do anymore to earn His love for me (sometimes I can so easily slip back into this old mentality)... He's called me His and though I may make mistakes in following Him, it's really only by His grace that I continue on in my ministry and journey with Him..  I do the things I do out not because I have to do it to earn his favour - but as an expression of my love for Him.. This is such a fine line for me sometimes..

3. Law comes within a framework of established relationship by grace (from OT law functions session - one of my fav)

"Obedience to the law is not about getting into a relationship but an expression of it. Obedience is the ethic of gratitude and thanks to God for the relationship that has been established. "

I think that when I'm not careful, I can get so muddle up about why I obey God's law... I can so easily fall into the trap that I obey the law to keep a relationship with God and not because I want to express my relationship with him in gratitude.. Another fine line for me... 

4. Found out that I hold the maximinalist view (from Christian and OT Law session - another favourite)

It was personally interesting to have more clarity in this area of how Christians today should apply and understand OT law.

Ok.. Enough... As my young ppl whom I'm discipling would say when I'm inspired to 'sermonise' to them.. 'Aiyoh, Brain overload d'.. Enough for today... Tomorrow's another matter. ;)

Revival...

Feels like my blog has died.. Will try to revive it again.. hopefully soon...

Preaching tomorrow!!!

Tomorrow morning will be my first time preaching for a church service. I'm still in the midst of preparing with 15 hours more to go - especially since there was a mishap on Tuesdsay(I'd sent my car for washing and brought out my sermon materials. My aunt accidentally threw them away even though they were in a folder. That was the end of my untyped commentary and thoughts for the sermon that I'd spent a few weeks working on). I had meetings everyday this week so that meant wayyyyy less time to prepare. The new intern this week is only able to come in for the week so I had to allocate a fair bit of hours to spend time with him too. So not a lot time for sermon prep.

Nevertheless, it's been a journey of continual trusting in Him as I see my sermon come together much faster than I thought I'd be able to put together. It's also by His grace that I did save some of my sermon notes so I could build on whatever I had. I guess He wants me to practice what I've been teaching the interns who've been coming in- to continue to trust in Him in my life no matter what happens(through busy-ness, through rough times, when time is tight, when I'm upset).

If God told me 10 years ago that I'd be preaching as part of my following Him, I'd prolly be a whole lot more wary and skeptical about going full time. I think it's ironical to find myself behind the pulpit. I don't consider myself a public speaker (my tongue sometimes twists when I'm nervous). I'm still working on things in my life - I'm not there yet and wonder how I can tell others what to do on a Sunday morning, especially those who are older than me.

Nevertheless, I do love God and I do want to obey Him. So here goes for tomorrow!! :)

Forgive

Forgive...
Let go...
Move on....

Psa 55:16-17

Psa 55:16-17
But I call to God, and the LORD saves me.
Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.

I need You to hear me.. I'm feeling rather overwhelmed these few days... There's so much to do and so little time to finish... The help that was supposed to come is sick...And as time keeps on ticking, more things seems to be piled on top of it... Please help me through this week... Not for my sake, but for the sake of those that You've asked me to care for...

Kaulah Segalanya

I love this song..


Kau Bapa yang mengasihiku
KuasaMu memulihkanku
Hati yang baru Kau berikan
Untuk ku dapat melihat

RencanaMu indah bagiku
Kau ada di s'tiap jalanku
Hatiku haus dan lapar akan Engkau

CHORUS
Kaulah segalanya di dalam hidupku
KerajaanMu, kebenaranMu itu bagianku
Kaulah yang kupandang selama hidupku
MengasihiMu memuliakanMu
Bapa dan Rajaku

I Stand Amazed

Quote

“I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess” - Martin Luther

At The Cross

A prayer for her...

I wonder.... isn't it already enough? When is it all going to stop?? How long more will she go on like this? How much more will she be able to take? What do You want me to do? All I can do is to love her from afar when You've called me to be here while she is still there...

Can you give her a glimpse of hope... even if it's just a small sliver? Please... I ask this of You... for her... because I know You love her... though she does not call herself Yours...

Malaysia reality TV seeks young male Muslim leader - Yahoo! Philippines News

I thought this article is rather interesting as I seek to do discipleship with some of my young ppl in my church...

Malaysia reality TV seeks young male Muslim leader - Yahoo! Philippines News: "the prizes combine both worlds: An all-expenses-paid pilgrimage to Mecca and a car."

Saying

"Using straw boats to borrow arrows" - Chinese saying

*I like the story that comes with this.. :)

Questions of the mind....

I've come to a realization - no matter how hard one works, no matter how one tries to cover all their bases, no matter how pure one's intention, despite the fact that one may think that

communication has been done, even when everything seems to be aligned to the will of God, when things seem to be moving in the right direction - one can get shot down(hard) most unexpectedly and the world can seem to come crumbling down in a moment.

So the question for me is this - how does one go on? Get up again as if nothing has happened? Live in fear for what might come again? Give up? What if it gets worse?

What do You want me to do? Will You give me the wisdom, courage and strength to do it?

A time for change

This is the third time I'm changing my design template since I started blogging...

I've always liked the rain - it brings back good childhood memories of fun with my bro and sis -and so I thought it apt for this blog...

It also seemed a good time to change my blog as I sense a few changes coming up in the air.. .

Perhaps it's a good time to restart blogging again... *cross fingers*

Random

Someone just said that I'm a matured Gen Y... Whatever that means.. kekekkee...

Quote on Happiness

Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. - Helen Keller

Grace - Laura Story

I love this song...


My heart is so proud
My mind is so unfocused
I see the things You do through me
As great things I have done
And now You gently break me
Then lovingly You take me
And hold me as my father
And mold me as my maker

Chorus:
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up,
When I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory
How far will forgiveness abound?"
And You answer: " My child, I love You
And as long as you're seeking My face
You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace"

At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged
Knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job
For who am I to serve You?
I know I don't deserve You
And that's the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on

As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means
The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary
So, instead of trying to repay You
I'm learning to simply obey You
By giving up my life to You
For all that You've given to me

Quote

Let nothing disturb thee;
Let nothing dismay thee;
All thing pass;
God never changes.
Patience attains All that it strives for.
He who has God Finds he lacks nothing:God alone suffices.

St. Teresa of Avila

To keep on going

I've been finding myself feeling rather edgy in the last few weeks.
Perhaps it's been the lack of rest (the Sabbath break seems barely enough to sustain me on a week-to-week basis), perhaps it's due to the inability to further pursue my personal passions at this season of time, perhaps it's having to deal with the constant bombardment of the urgent rather than being able to work on the important, perhaps it's the uneasiness i feel with certain things that I see, perhaps it's the feeling of uncertainty and the fear of failure due to the heavy stakes involved or perhaps it's the built up frustration of dealing with structures rather than relational issues.

Whatever it is, it's been good to have a break today... It's been good to have a good laugh with friends... It's been good to have some time to read through some things for fun rather than for functional purpose... It's been good to have time to think and process my thoughts... It's been good to share a good meal with a couple of friends.. It's been good to talk over some fears with a friend and be reminded of the One my trust is supposed to rest... It's been good just to be able to pray with a friend... It's been good to refocus on the things that are going well - balancing my perspectives - rather than focusing on the concerns all the time...

While it's back to the grind tomorrow, it feels good enough to keep me going on for the coming days - which I'm truly thankful for.. :)

Dear Lord,
Help me to remember that You want me to put my trust in You when things seem to be overwhelming... That You are in the process of molding me.. That things do not have to go smoothly all the time but the bumps are there to teach me to look to You so that I do not go on my own speed... Thank You for all the things that are going well, and in the areas that are not so certain or seems hopeless, help me to believe that You will see me through it though it may not be my in accordance to my way... May Your will be done...

Quote on music

And the night shall be filled with music,
And the cares that infest the day
Shall fold their tents like the Arabs
And as silently steal away.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Day Is Done

Quote on change

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Anatole France

This week in my life...

Am sending out a couple of emails.. was leading staff devo earlier this morning...

Let me see, for the rest of this week:
Have a meeting to attend this afternoon (read- afternoon gone)
Am worship leading this Sunday,
Overseeing two cell groups (and leading worship in one),
Preparing Bible study materials (as many as I can - one is due this Friday),
Organising Drum Training workshop this week,
Following up one or two ppl
Possibly a dinner to attend on Sat (my cg member's bday)...
Plus I'm sure i left out one or two things...

Lord Have Mercy...

Deliver Us

For my exodus overview, I showed this opening scene. This has always been one of my favourite parts of the show.

Psalm 138

I've come to appreciate this psalm lately.


Of David. I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; before the "gods" I will sing your praise.
2 I will bow down toward your holy temple and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word.
3 When I called,a you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted.
4 May all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD, when they hear the words of your mouth.
5 May they sing of the ways of the LORD, for the glory of the LORD is great.
6 Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar.
7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.
8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of your hands.

Quote

O Lord, thou hast made us, and our spirits are restless until we rest in thee. - Augustine

Waiting for more...

Everything's going well. I had a great time with family during Chinese New Year. We had an open house for the OA ppl from 10am-3pm and many came too. As usual there's so much food. Things are moving in the ministries that I'm involved at and there's a lot of things to do...
Why then do I feel like I'm waiting for more?

Lovely Time

Yesterday was my cousin's wedding. I could not make it for the ceremony but attended the dinner. I had a lovely time.. It's been a long time since all of the cousins got together like this... I'll let the pics speak for themselves...

All of us together (minus one)

All of us together

Girls Only

Fooling around...

Resting

Am now having a much needed break for these few days - something that I've been looking forward to in the last two weeks. Looking back, the last month has especially been a crazy one. There's been so much to do in the office that I find myself being so exhausted at the end of the day. It's definitely been very different from life in seminary. In the last month, my days have been filled with intensive work and off days have been filled with family-related stuff... I've been seriously craving for some down time - time to read, reflect and rest.

Some people tell me that I'm headed for a burn out if I keep on going on this path. However, at this point, I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and there doesn't seem to be another way. My pastor who's also my mentor told me to take leave at least one day a month, go somewhere else, totally do nothing and take time to just soak in God's presence. So I'm trying out his advice at the moment.

So far, have spent most of the day sleeping... Tomorrow, I hopefully will have some time to relax and to read and do some reflection... Am super looking forward to it...