To aunty Annie

My head can't seem to get around this fact - You've gone Home today. Everything seems to have moved so fast and now.. You've gone Home.

I rejoice that you are no longer in pain, no longer sick, no longer suffering and is now with our Father.

Yet, my heart is heavy too.

In the midst of my fuzzy childhood memories, my memories of you stand out. You've always been the cheerful aunty who gives me mandarin oranges to try to make me happy because I always felt miserable due to bad carsickness whenever we went out. You helped me to pick a birthday gift for grandma when I was little and really wanted to give something that she'd like.  

Your cheerfulness and patience and generosity will be missed. I have always been touched by your little gifts to encourage me. Even whilst in seminary, you always gave me homemade strawberry jam that you painstakingly made cos you knew I liked them...

Cameron Highlands will no longer be the same without you there. Whenever I pass by your little shop, I will always remember you. Thank you for being such a blessing to me. Your life has touched mine. I will miss you.

I will see you again when it's my turn to go Home too. Rest in peace.

Two anniversaries and a birthday!

November is a special time for my family. My bro, my sis and I celebrate our birthdays in November within the first half of the month. Just imagine the amount of cake we had in our family! Our parents used to get us one each and our maternal granddad used to get us another one each(That's just a lot of chocolate cake in a month when we kids - I am still off chocolate cake unless it's absolutely necessary). If you haven't already guessed, we kick start the birthday celebrations today.

Today's also my parents' 30th anniversary AND my eldest uncle and aunt's anniversary too - which makes this day even more special (though I didn't used to think so when I was a little girl cos I used to get into arguments with my dad as to who gets to decide on dinner decisions - I wanted to go to McDonalds and he wanted to go for some nice chinese dinner). *grin

Happy Anniversary to beloved mum and dad! I think it's awesome as to how you guys are still together after all these years. Thanks for bringing us up and loving us.

Happy Anniversary to my beloved Tuaku and Aunty Margaret. Love you guys heaps and will never forget the time when you guys were my surrogate parents when I lived in Australia for almost four years!

One Year

Someone pointed out to me that it's been one year past since I last went to Cairo. I remember this time last year I was rushing around to get things done to go. How time flies! Perhaps it'll be another year before I do so. I still miss my family and friends there.

It'll be another year (a challenging one) of seminary studies before I graduate and I'm really really looking forward to the end. Yoshua pointed out that it should be something to be savoured too - of which I thoroughly agree. As I think back, I remember in the first semester of my first year, I'd be glad to survive my first year. And now the third year is over and I'm still in STM (how amazing!). So here's to another year ahead! In the meantime, it's back to the church office for the next two months.

Special People - Thaima

You've been gone for a long while now. It's been 16 years. Yet, your life has had a profound impact on mine in so many ways. And so this very first post in the series is dedicated to you.

My siblings and I used to call you 'Thaima' (Hokkien for great grandmother).
You were never the kind of person who'd stand out in a crowd or draw attention to yourself. I remember you always doing things quietly and faithfully. Also, no matter how life was tough on you, you never became bitter - even to those who have treated you like dirt or to those who’ve wronged you. And from the stories you told me of your childhood and your life, you would have had plenty or reasons to be - living in poverty, then sold by your parents when you were young to a rich man who later became your husband so that you could bear his barren first wife some children. Life was harsh and even unfair to you in so many ways. Yet, you’ve never grumbled, never complained, never uttered a single bad thing about them.

At the same time, I remember that you were always thankful for even the smallest things. You'd take more than 10 mins to thank God for your small fillet-o-fish burger. ‘Kam siah chu’ (Thank You Jesus) would never be far from your lips and I remember hearing them every day.

I also remember you sitting at my bedside every night to pray over my sister and I while we were sleeping. Sometimes I'd wake up and peek at you as you prayed. You’d sit by the edge of the bed and mumble words continuously for a long time in the dark. When I grew older, I remember asking you what you’d pray for us. You said that you’d pray that we'd grow strong in God, that we'd do well in our studies and in our future. Many years after you’d gone, at different points of my life, I’d look back and wonder if God is still answering your prayers for me. I wonder if you’d ever envision that I’d be a full time worker one day – and if you’d be proud of me if you knew.

Your simple faith in God has also always been a challenge to me. God always seem to answer your prayers no matter how small they were. I recollect of the time when I lost my watch or keys for the umpteenth time and I knew I’d be in big trouble if I couldn’t find them and I enlisted your help. Though you scolded me, you prayed that you’d find it. You did so in a matter of minutes while it took me more than a futile hour (which prompted me to desperately turn to you for help).

I remember wishing that you’d be around until I was 30 (which meant that you’d be a hundred years old) so the day you went home was one of the saddest of my life – though I knew you’d gone home to be with God. I remember looking out of the window of the hospital that morning you and wondered why the sky was so clear and beautiful when my world had turned gray.

It’s been 16 years now and there are days when I’d remember you and still miss you. I still want to be like you in so many ways – your simple faith, your thankfulness and your constancy in prayers. As your great-granddaughter, your legacy of faith to me is very much treasured.

Thank You for her.

Thomas and Ju's wedding tomorrow

Will be heading home shortly. Just finished taking the Hebrew test a couple of hours ago - it wasn't too bad. Should be able to pass it at the very least. ;) Totally forgot something major today - thank God for lecturers who are understanding and full of grace. :)

Will be heading back home shortly. Last minute I decided to attend my friends' (Thomas and Ju's) wedding tomorrow - despite the big pile of work that needs to be done. I suppose if it was anyone else, I'd have no qualms skipping it. I met them both in OCF Melbourne in 2000. We were in the same cell group - which was quite happening. Thomas is quite a sweetheart (and a bit Ah Beng-ish) and loves having good food. I remember the three of us going down Lygon street to our favourite lamb souvlaki place - which was totally awesome. Ju is from Singapore and I remember her liking all things pink.

Ju, Char, Faye and I used to play mahjong and hang out together. Of course one of the main topic that we talked about was boys. *grin. In one of our late night mahjong games, we promised we'd attend each others weddings. Thomas and Ju are now living in the Netherlands and are getting married tomorrow. So, after going back and forth about this a hundred times, it'll definitely be worth it to go back just to see them again - and to keep a promise.

Lost in Wonder

It's just one of those songs that just came to my mind today. This song was written a couple of years ago by a British songwriter, Martyn Layzell, who's affiliated with Soul Survivor UK. I first heard this song from the man himself and he shared that he wrote this song while he was here in Malaysia.

This song holds a special meaning for me as it spoke to me in one of the darkest time of my life. It took me years to get out of that darkness. On the night this song was sung, it was as if I could finally see the dawn and found hope that was lost. I remember that it took a while for the tears to wash my soul clean. While most of the lyrics spoke to me in a powerful way, the phrase 'because of Jesus, I am restored' just kept on going in my head and that truth finally broke through into my life. In the following months, many things happened as God truly restored me from the darkness and the all consuming guilt within.

There are days when I look back and wonder what would happen if I that night did not happen, if I was still wallowing in that darkness. Perhaps I would not be alive today. I'm once again struck by the awesomeness of His grace and am truly 'Lost in wonder'.



You chose the cross with every breath
The perfect life
The perfect death
You chose the cross
A crown of thorns you wore for us
And crowned us with eternal life
You chose the cross

And though Your soul was overwhelmed with pain
Obedient to death, You overcame

CHORUS
I'm lost in wonder
I'm lost in love
I'm lost in praise forevermore
Because of Jesus' unfailing love
I am forgiven, I am restored

You loosed the cords of sinfulness
And broke the chains of my disgrace
You chose the cross
Up from the grave victorious
You rose again so glorious
You chose the cross

The sorrow that surrounded You was mine
"Yet not my will but Yours be done" You cried...

CHORUS

And though Your soul was overwhelmed with pain
Obedient to death, You overcame
The sorrow that surrounded You was mine
"Yet not my will but Yours be done" You cried...

CHORUS

BRIDGE
Because of Jesus, I am restored.

Down Memory Lane

I remember the times when I was a little girl and you came and visit us. I remember you taking the three of us out taking out for trips. I remember that I look forward to your visits. I remember how you made us feel on top of the world - when sometimes our childhood was hard. You definitely made my world a better place.

I remember thinking you are one of the nicest and kindest person I've ever met. How I looked up to you and how I wish that there were more people like you. Despite you not knowing the person I love the most, you seem to portray His qualities. In comparison to you, I seem to fall far short. I feel so frustrated sometimes because how do I show my Saviour to you when you seem to be like Him?

The years have come and gone. It has put the cloak of age on us - taking its toll in different ways. As I saw you today, my heart strings tugged really hard. As tears welled up in your eyes, it was hard for me to contain mine. It's as if because you found now have AD, every moment seems even more precious.

If something were to happen to you, I know a part of me will not be the same. I pray that you will know my Saviour. I love you - so very much. Though you struggle with being who you are today, you are so precious... I am praying for you with all my heart - and that it will not be too late.

Memories...

My sister Nicole wrote a beautiful poem entitled 'Ancient voices'. I really love the poem and it brought back many wonderful memories about the country of my heart as well as the great need there.

I miss the time and space I had there. In contrast, everything seems so busy here - one thing seems to come after another. I still miss the culture where people drop everything just to be with people- the friendly and interesting taxi drivers, the daily scenes as you walk along the streets of Cairo. I still miss the people and the friends that I've made there. It's been three months since I've been home and sometimes my time there seems like a dream. At other times, very vivid memories and faces come to mind - the language school I attended, my beloved teacher, my family members, the beautiful children, my housemates, my church members, the laughter, the adventure of each new day, the rides on the microbuses with a friend, visitation to an old lady from church - and I find myself longing to be back there once again...

Liz and Chris are married!

In the excitement of the elections, I totally forgot to post this up earlier... :p My best uni mate Liz has gotten married this past Saturday(8th March - election day) in Melbourne, Australia! Am sad that I couldn't attend the wedding but am so happy for her and her husband(Chris) - both of whom I've known for a number of years now. I wish them all the best as they embark on their journey of life together as husband and wife. I will always remember the times we had together - studying together, playing together, laughing together, avoiding stalking from certain people, fighting, seeing Chris coming to Christ, etc.... I was especially glad that I could spend some time in January this year with Liz when she came over to Malaysia.

Thank You God for both of them. Thank You for Liz who's been such a blessing a me during our uni days. Thank You for friendship.

Songs and Language

As usual, I went out this evening after my Mark class with a few of my friends from seminary to a local coffee shop(it's a little bit like the coffee shop for men only in Egypt where they smoke shisha and play dominoes till 2 in the morning). It's always a good way to chill out after a long day at class. The conversations with this group of friends can get rather interesting as we discuss things that we find interesting (or share our friend's frustrations). ;)

This evening, somehow our conversation was about the translating words into Greek. One of my friends told us of how he translated some simple songs from English to Greek (like 'I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart') as part of his learning Greek during his time. There were some further attempts to translate other songs and it turned out to be quite fun and hilarious. As they were attempting to translate the songs (I realised my Greek is super rusty already. Interestingly enough most of the words that first came to mind was Arabic. :p), I had the thought that songs are really a good way to practice one's language. My friend was telling me that as you translate the songs, you remember the language better... How true...

It also brought to mind how much I enjoyed learning Arabic through songs. I remember in the last few classes, my Arabic teacher played some contemporary beautiful Arabic songs. One of the songs was entitled 'Shadi' by Fairuz (Arabic: فيروز‎, also spelled Fairouz or Fayrouz). It was a rather poignant song but the beauty of the language came through as a story is told of a girl's memory of her childhood friend Shadi in the hills of Lebanon. I can't remember the title of the other Arabic song that I really liked. It was a rather witty and humourous(and sardonic) in nature as it described life in Egypt. My teacher informed me that the Egyptians liked it a lot and it was played over the radio a lot last year during Ramadan period. I learnt quite a few local slangs through that song and used it to use on my pastor in Cairo. It was quite fun.

Am now learning another language this semester - Hebrew. My Hebrew lecturer was just telling us that he'll teach us some songs that our class can sing for the passover feast that we'll be celebrating in our seminary in two weeks time. Am looking forward to it. :)

To my prayer group...

I remember we began with three in the first semester of seminary - Lucy, Lee Yng and I. Since then, we've had a new member per semester - Pauline, Lan Yin, Chin Ying - our latest addition this semester is Liza. Now that we are in the 1st semester of our 3rd year, we are seven minus one (Pauline will be going to Singapore and continue on her journey).

I continue to thank God for the fellowship we've had thus far - the laughter and the many tears that we've shared in fellowship and in prayer. I look forward to continuing this year with all of you as we continue in our journey in seminary. I pray that God will continually draw us closer to one another as we learn to support one another with the gifts, talents and personalities that He has given us.

To my friends...

Though you are ordinary people

You've chosen to obey Him

Though your path is not easy

And the road ahead may be tough

You have chosen to hear His call

And go where many fear to tread

You are my friends

My family in Christ

A challenge to my journey with Him

You are an inspiration to me

You remind me to focus on Christ alone

Not just with your words, but with your life

I pray that He will constantly protect you (and your family)

As you daily toil for Him

And choose to love the people that He has placed you with

Being salt and light to them

I pray that the harvest will be plentiful for you one day

Though now it may sometimes seem like drought

Living in a land that will not call you its own

I pray that you will persevere and keep on keeping on despite everything

May you always hold on to Jesus -the author and perfector of our faith

Assignment, Wedding, Assignment, Wedding...

In the midst of assignments, mission trip preparation and exam preparation, I find myself having to squeeze some time in between (sorta like squeezing this post :p) to go down to Singapore this weekend and Penang the following weekend for my OCF Melbourne Uni friends wedding.

I'm relatively close to both the bride and groom of this weekend - hence the effort to go down in spite of it being super rushed and two pressing assignments due next week. :p I am rather looking forward to meeting them and old friends again.

The following wedding in Penang brings back memories- I remember that I used to play mahjong with the bride-to-be and two other girls and we would have our 'girly' talks. We also made a pact to attend each others wedding. So far, Charlene's is the only one married (She married our cell group leader last year). It's Faye's turn this next weekend. It'll be good to see everyone again - though I think Wan Qiu will not be able to make it cos she's in Netherlands with Thomas for the time being. :(

CUG, "Will You Grab Me?", Families...

Had a pretty good weekend this week. Had a pretty interesting Friday afternoon followed by a pretty good Friday night session at College Uni Group. I think I'm falling in love more and more... with the young people in the college uni group in church. ;) I supposed that outsiders might look at them and point out the flaws in them - but I see that there's a lot of potential in them. I pray that as I journey with them, I'll be able to be a good older sister to them.

As I interact with them, I realise again and again how much they need to be equipped to face the challenges of life rather than just sheltering them. I find that many times they are crying out to know how to deal with situations that they come up with. They are also crying out for more adults to be more involved and interested in them - I suppose that this might be a natural cry as many of them already have parents who are both working and this perhaps lead to wanting more visible concern from the adults (both young and old) in the church. I can really see how they appreciate whenever and adult comes over to the fellowship and just talk with them.

On Saturday, during the last 10 mins of Worship Ministry prayer meet where I encouraged the members of the worship ministry to grab someone and to pray and minister to one another, one of the young people ask me "Will you please grab me?" That question really tugged a part of my heart. I was glad just to be able to pray for her as well as talk with her. As my young friend prayed for me, I realised this - the young people in the church really need more interaction with the older ones in the church. I think it's just sad how individuals are so concerned with their own issues that they fail to see the needs of the young people - the very people that need them. I'm not saying that the older ones have to 'rescue' them. I think they just need to make a little effort to talk and get to know the young people.

Praying for this girl reminded me of the tough times I faced during my teenage years. I remembered how much it meant to me to have some of the uncles and aunties, older brothers and sisters in church just talk to me and made me feel as if they were really part of my family - my family in Christ. Many times, when things got really tough at home and I couldn't share my struggles with anyone, I remembered how much it meant for me to have the young adults talk to me and be my friend during those days - people like gramps' age group and slightly older. The fact that they were just there helped - even though they didn't know the struggles that I was going through. I looked forward to the weekends and considered the church my second home - a place where I could find a short respite from the battering of the week - because of the comfort God brought through such people.

Speaking of uncles and aunties, my oldest maternal uncle and his family came over for a brief visit on the way back to Australia from the UK over the weekend. It was absolutely wonderful to spend time with them - I realised how much I missed being with them - I used to live with them in Melbourne for 3 years. *sigh*. Families can drive a person crazy at times but it's times like these that I remember that they are truly a precious gift from God.

I'll cling to the promise that You're not through with me yet

Had a conversation this morning that struck something in my memory...


I was reminded again of a time when darkness perpetually surrounded me
Though it was day, the sun never shone
My world was bleak and so very cold
My heart was wrapped with pain
Tears were never far from my eyes
My mouth would cry out in silent agony
My mind was plagued by thoughts that unceasingly tormented
I sought and sought but my soul could not find peace

All of life seems to be pointless
All that once made sense now seems to lose its meaning
All the things that once brought joy now brought unspeakable despondency
If not for a tiny ray of light - so weak that it was almost snuffed out
Perhaps I would not be here today...

On a day like this when I remember
A shadow of the past seems to touch me
A glimpse of the pain and darkness comes back
But I am reminded that He has indeed brought me out of that darkness
That though the road to recovery was painful
And I am now covered by scars
I am now where I am by His grace
And I am thankful, so very thankful...
Again I am amazed at His love towards me
I stand in awe and wonder...

As I reminisce, the song "If You Want Me To" resonates within me and gives me hope
It describes where I once was and where I now am
"I'll cling to the promise that You're not through with me yet"

*********************************
Authors' note: If you can identify with I've written above, I would like to encourage you to seek help. There's no way that you can get out of it alone. Do it while the light of hope is still there, no matter how tiny and weak it is.
If you know of people who are in such situation, do walk alongside them and get help for them. Never leave them alone or it may be too late.

Good memories

Hahaha - seeing this pic brings up quite a lot of good memories.

A Visit From The Past

Am so awfully excited! I saw an old OCF friend -Li Ming - online today (thank God for Yahoo IM!) after not seeing her for so many years. She and another really good friend of mine are getting married at the end of this year.

She was really cute- she wanted me and a few others to play for her wedding (we called ourselves the Delmont Group cos we used to practice in the garage of a house named delmont. The OCF guys were leaving there and we used the garaged to put all our equipment. The girls would stay at greenhouse - I stayed there in my second and third year - and our equipment and practice eventually moved to the garage there). My friend's husband to-be (Ho Vui Kian) is also my super good friend in OCF(Overseas Christian Fellowship). We both used to spend hours together praying and planning for the worship ministry in OCF - he was the committee in charge of worship(and eventually became OCF president) and I was the worship coordinator - you could say that I received a lot of training for my current job at church from OCF days. *wistful sigh* those were the days.

Am so looking forward to see everyone at the end of this year again. Crossing my fingers that there won't be any clashes-especially with potential mission trip!!!

To my STM friends...

I have been catching up with quite a few friends from STM today - in between work today... As I catch up with them, I realise how much I miss being them. Being busy has helped somewhat... Sure - I've been learning a lot back here in my home church (I preached my first sermon today - it was a nerve wrecking experience but not as bad as I thought it was going to be) and am growing in my walk, but I do miss their friendship and support. I am grateful for friends here but everyone seems so busy and it's hard for me to share what troubles me in what I see for fear of being misunderstood. If not for my pastor, I think it would be a lot worse - but he is around and I am thankful for him.

So, to my STM friends, I am thinking of you. Know that you are being missed by a friend.. I look forward to seeing you guys again in January! In the meantime, I am praying for you guys and hope that you all are doing well at your practical churches. Take care...