It's the last day of the year. If I've learned anything in the past two months, it's the importance(as well the necessity and the treasure) of just taking some time out just to pause.... and reflect... In our staff devotions earlier yesterday morning, our senior pastor asked us to share how the year has been for us. One of my colleagues and child hood friend (Leon) commented, it's hard to share when we haven't had the time to reflect. How true.
The craziness of Christmas is over and the following days after that has been about just being. Something that I find myself scarcely having time for in the busy-ness of doing. Went back to the office yesterday morning, and though it's been a little less hectic, it's still been busy - mainly helping one of my pastors with some logistical stuff for the upcoming Step Up programme and preparing for watchnight service later on tonite. Was wondering if I should share a testimony this year - but then I thought about it again and I haven't had the time to prepare for it and the slots for sharing have all been taken up. So I thought to do it here.
This past year not been an easy one for me. I can't exactly say that it's been the hardest one -I know I've had worse - but it definitely has not been a walk in the park. At the beginning of the year, I found myself being so immersed in another culture that I experienced re-entry shock for the first few months. I never expected it I suppose - but I missed the language and the people that I've come to love very much. I still do, though it is easier now than when I first came back. I guess it's hard especially when it's like finding a missing piece that fits into a part of you that you've never realised that's not there only to have to let it go again - and find that you now miss it very much(and not sure if you'll find again someday).
I guess that did not make things easier for the other areas of my life as well - it's been one of those times when I knew that God wanted me to work on areas deep within. In some ways, it helped to have a single room - the 'emo' times alone was a necessary part of the process. It is said somewhere that one's worst enemy is oneself. Confronting myself has definitely been much much harder than confronting an enemy and tiring. Many days, I felt like I lost the battle - only He who is faithful kept me going in spite. I'm conscious that I'm still a-work-in-progress. Nevertheless, looking back, I can see that I've come a long way. I've changed in ways that I didn't expect - but I think they are mostly good.
One of the hardest thing for me this year was perhaps a broken friendship. I will not write much here but it's taught me a lot - especially about how hard and long the path to forgiveness is., and that it is possible no matter how impossible it seemed at the beginning. It also led to some regrets about pushing some people away in the midst of pain - something that I hope I've learnt for the better for the future.
2008 has not been all bad. Some of my friendships have become deeper and I've grown a lot because of it. I'm thankful for the friends (and family) who have surrounded me and kept on persevering with me on those days that I lose my internal battles and get really really down. I'm also greatful for unexpected new friends who've enriched my life. I thank God for friends who make me laugh when everything is gray. I've learnt of the fragility of such friendships and the preciousness of it.
I've learnt to love a little bit better. And I'm still learning....
Growing does not mean being on an emotional high - most days have been more lows than highs this year. Some days, it's been.... blank-ish... Yet, in the last two months that I've been back, I've sense how much He has worked in me and changed me- strengthening my areas of weakness. I've learnt to deal with some of my fears and pain. I still have some but it paralyses me less than before. These last two months of working in church and giving has shown me how much I've grown and have changed in my worldview.
In a nutshell, though 2008 has not been a walk in a park, it HAS been another year of growth. I'm thankful for the many key people who has been such a blessing to me - Pr Choon Meow, Hera, Sue Ann, Kar Yong, my prayer group girlfriends (Lan Yin, Lucy, Lee Yng, Chin Ying, Liza), Vic Cern, Andrew, Uncle David, Mr Allen, Perng Shyang, Shern Ren and my family.
For the coming year, I'll have several big stones to move - thesis, moving house, finishing up seminary... I guess my main hope and expectation is to end well and to live life to the fullest in the way that He wants me to.
Thank You for both the joy and the pain. Thank You for walking with me through my friends and family. Thank You for the lessons learnt. Thank You for just being You - not fitting into my mould and expectations of You but showing me how much greater You are than my thoughts of You. Thank You for mercy and thank You for Your grace upon my life. Thank You for redeeming me.
The craziness of Christmas is over and the following days after that has been about just being. Something that I find myself scarcely having time for in the busy-ness of doing. Went back to the office yesterday morning, and though it's been a little less hectic, it's still been busy - mainly helping one of my pastors with some logistical stuff for the upcoming Step Up programme and preparing for watchnight service later on tonite. Was wondering if I should share a testimony this year - but then I thought about it again and I haven't had the time to prepare for it and the slots for sharing have all been taken up. So I thought to do it here.
This past year not been an easy one for me. I can't exactly say that it's been the hardest one -I know I've had worse - but it definitely has not been a walk in the park. At the beginning of the year, I found myself being so immersed in another culture that I experienced re-entry shock for the first few months. I never expected it I suppose - but I missed the language and the people that I've come to love very much. I still do, though it is easier now than when I first came back. I guess it's hard especially when it's like finding a missing piece that fits into a part of you that you've never realised that's not there only to have to let it go again - and find that you now miss it very much(and not sure if you'll find again someday).
I guess that did not make things easier for the other areas of my life as well - it's been one of those times when I knew that God wanted me to work on areas deep within. In some ways, it helped to have a single room - the 'emo' times alone was a necessary part of the process. It is said somewhere that one's worst enemy is oneself. Confronting myself has definitely been much much harder than confronting an enemy and tiring. Many days, I felt like I lost the battle - only He who is faithful kept me going in spite. I'm conscious that I'm still a-work-in-progress. Nevertheless, looking back, I can see that I've come a long way. I've changed in ways that I didn't expect - but I think they are mostly good.
One of the hardest thing for me this year was perhaps a broken friendship. I will not write much here but it's taught me a lot - especially about how hard and long the path to forgiveness is., and that it is possible no matter how impossible it seemed at the beginning. It also led to some regrets about pushing some people away in the midst of pain - something that I hope I've learnt for the better for the future.
2008 has not been all bad. Some of my friendships have become deeper and I've grown a lot because of it. I'm thankful for the friends (and family) who have surrounded me and kept on persevering with me on those days that I lose my internal battles and get really really down. I'm also greatful for unexpected new friends who've enriched my life. I thank God for friends who make me laugh when everything is gray. I've learnt of the fragility of such friendships and the preciousness of it.
I've learnt to love a little bit better. And I'm still learning....
Growing does not mean being on an emotional high - most days have been more lows than highs this year. Some days, it's been.... blank-ish... Yet, in the last two months that I've been back, I've sense how much He has worked in me and changed me- strengthening my areas of weakness. I've learnt to deal with some of my fears and pain. I still have some but it paralyses me less than before. These last two months of working in church and giving has shown me how much I've grown and have changed in my worldview.
In a nutshell, though 2008 has not been a walk in a park, it HAS been another year of growth. I'm thankful for the many key people who has been such a blessing to me - Pr Choon Meow, Hera, Sue Ann, Kar Yong, my prayer group girlfriends (Lan Yin, Lucy, Lee Yng, Chin Ying, Liza), Vic Cern, Andrew, Uncle David, Mr Allen, Perng Shyang, Shern Ren and my family.
For the coming year, I'll have several big stones to move - thesis, moving house, finishing up seminary... I guess my main hope and expectation is to end well and to live life to the fullest in the way that He wants me to.
Thank You for both the joy and the pain. Thank You for walking with me through my friends and family. Thank You for the lessons learnt. Thank You for just being You - not fitting into my mould and expectations of You but showing me how much greater You are than my thoughts of You. Thank You for mercy and thank You for Your grace upon my life. Thank You for redeeming me.
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