Reading week is almost over, marking that more than half of first semester is over for my final year of my studies in STM. I find myself constantly reminding myself to make the most my time here as I will not be coming back next year and will have to move on to the next phase of my life. There will not be as much time for reflection, for reading, etc - though when I leave I will carry with me the values that I've learned here over the last few years.
I do treasure especially the moments that I have with friends - the conversations, the shared meals, the laughter, the praying together and just being together. However, a part of me longs for the end of October when it'll all be over and I find myself just itching to get on with life - even though I keep on telling myself that the time will come soon enough.
Whatever my personal feelings, I do continue to see Him working in my life..
Interestingly enough, the most of the semester seems to be a tying of 'loose ends'.
Sometimes, it feels like a 'test' - more for myself to see how much I've truly learnt. Many things seem to be coming to a full circle at this point of my journey - things that I've grappled with so much in my first year seems to be resurfacing.
Among them is the facing of fears that used to be so bad that it paralysed me. It's not as bad as it used to be. Every semester it gets a tad easier. However, most days, it still takes a lot out of me and I'm still on this journey of just learning to keep on going despite the fears.
The next thing that has hit me hard is the cost of being a disciple of Jesus. Lately, there has been this particular thing that I know He's been asking of me. Some days, I wrestle so hard with it that I feel so tired. Just opening my fist and surrendering is tough....
In addition to all that, interestingly enough, I find myself coming to a full circle to some of the things I was taught in my first year - a reexamination of some of the questions that I've had and answers that was given. I'm finally learning to put into words the things that I used to term 'like squeezing water out of stone'. It still feels that way sometimes but am a whole lot more coherent now than I used to be...
Though there's a lot going on, I'm glad for people who pray alongside me. Though one of the things that I especially miss is my old prayer group, I know that God's watching over me and I see of how He brings people at crucial moments to pray with me - and gently remind me that He's still there. :)
I do treasure especially the moments that I have with friends - the conversations, the shared meals, the laughter, the praying together and just being together. However, a part of me longs for the end of October when it'll all be over and I find myself just itching to get on with life - even though I keep on telling myself that the time will come soon enough.
Whatever my personal feelings, I do continue to see Him working in my life..
Interestingly enough, the most of the semester seems to be a tying of 'loose ends'.
Sometimes, it feels like a 'test' - more for myself to see how much I've truly learnt. Many things seem to be coming to a full circle at this point of my journey - things that I've grappled with so much in my first year seems to be resurfacing.
Among them is the facing of fears that used to be so bad that it paralysed me. It's not as bad as it used to be. Every semester it gets a tad easier. However, most days, it still takes a lot out of me and I'm still on this journey of just learning to keep on going despite the fears.
The next thing that has hit me hard is the cost of being a disciple of Jesus. Lately, there has been this particular thing that I know He's been asking of me. Some days, I wrestle so hard with it that I feel so tired. Just opening my fist and surrendering is tough....
In addition to all that, interestingly enough, I find myself coming to a full circle to some of the things I was taught in my first year - a reexamination of some of the questions that I've had and answers that was given. I'm finally learning to put into words the things that I used to term 'like squeezing water out of stone'. It still feels that way sometimes but am a whole lot more coherent now than I used to be...
Though there's a lot going on, I'm glad for people who pray alongside me. Though one of the things that I especially miss is my old prayer group, I know that God's watching over me and I see of how He brings people at crucial moments to pray with me - and gently remind me that He's still there. :)
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