Quote

“Whoever starts out toward the unknown must consent to venture alone” - Andre Gide

Thoughts

Quietness...
Stillness...

Yet, in the space between her head she could hear voices. Thoughts, one after another were bombarding her. Every thought seemed to trigger another one - and it kept on going on and on and on. She wished that they would just leave her alone so that she could just hear the silence. However, she knew that her wish would be in vain.

It was dark. The road seemed deserted and empty. A part of her wished that she had taken her friend's offer to walk with her. However, deep inside, she knew it was better this way - it was something she had to do alone. This path was too narrow for anyone else to come along anyways. He had made it that way. And so, as much as she wished that she had a companion with her to perhaps drown the disquieting voices in her head. She had to take this journey alone. She knew that He wanted it this way.

She was alone. And yet, not alone. No other footsteps broke the silence but for hers. Each step felt uncertain and she was a little afraid. The path seemed perilous. Yet, she felt His gentle presence with her - helping her to take the next heavy step, and the next - urging her on in the midst of the other voices.

She was not sure where the path was leading - though it seemed vaguely familiar. All she knew was that she was happily surrounded by her family and friends when she heard His voice calling to her and she had to go. To Him.... Again... And somehow, apprehensively, she knew that she was going to come out of it not unchanged and perhaps not unscathed - as the voices in her head kept on telling her....

Chinese New Year 2009

As with every Chinese New Year, there's just so much food!!! The pic above shows our reunion dinner last nite.. This year, my family has gone multicultural and my dad has invited his Indian friends as well as his Orang Asli friends to join my family in our new year celebration.

Since this morning, there has been a steady stream of visitors to our house - lots of OA children as well as ppl from the villages that my dad has invited to join us in our Chinese New Year celebrations. So our place has had an interesting assortment of ppl. As Chinese New Year is a time for family to be together, I've been strongly reminded this Chinese New Year through my dad's generosity that our family in Christ goes way beyond skin colour, geographical and socio-economic boundaries. Those that have come through our doors have remarked that they have been blessed by the never-ending flow of food, the angpows and the hospitality. I suppose I have still a lot more to learn from my parents on this. (My sis was rather disappointed to not be receiving more angpows because the ppl who came were not Chinese). *grin.

For me personally, it's been a good time but also tiring. I'm already feeling like my beloved puppy, Toby, below - all wiped out..

Happy Chinese New Year!!

Will be heading *hopefully* soon to the highlands once again for this Chinese New Year. Am now waiting for my bro to get back from the office and my sis to wake up from her slumber before heading off. The next few days will be a nice final break for me personally before immersing myself into the craziness of this year - will have to get cracking on my papers and thesis as well as move house before the end of Feb - at least I hope so (the list of things that my mum has told us to bring up for her - baking cookies stuff - does not sound particularly assuring).

Anyways, it'll be nice to just hang out with my family and just spend CNY together. Look forward to meeting my relatives from Ipoh too - though it'd be nice if the rest of the Klang clan would be around like old times. Whatever it is, I am always appreciative of Chinese New Year because of the time spent with family.

So to all my Chinese friends - Happy Chinese New Year to you all!

Ps - hope I'll get to go to the Starbucks at Camerons to hang out too. :)

In The Light - D.C. Talk

This is an old favourite that still speaks to me..

An encounter

I met her at College Uni Group last Friday. I suppose it was one of those things that some pastors would call as a 'divine encounter'. Things were moving as usual. Class finished later than previous semesters, arranged for transport back to PJ. Then I had to rush to get to church earlier cos I had to lead BS and I totally forgot to bring the materials back to seminary two weeks ago.

When I got to church, amazingly, the issue I had to address had to do with my ecclesiology class earlier that day but admittedly I still felt totally inadequate to handle the issue if anything more complicated came up (plus my supervisor was still at Gopeng and hence having to lead the Bible Study). When I met her, my mind was still in the Bible Study and at the same time recognising that I'd done my best in the circumstances and just had to commit the rest of my anxieties of inadequacy to God.

When we gathered together for the wrap up after the BS discussion, she spoke up about how she felt that she has so many questions but no one could answer her. She looked so lost and my heart just went out to her. Later on, I found out that she has gone through a church split and she was wounded - still is. She shared that answers given until then just seemed futile and unsatisfactory. She hated the usual pat answers - don't think so much, pray more. As if faith and thinking are two separate things. She was glad that my college group and I could help her to find the answers (I had challenge my young ppl to answer her questions as a lesson for them too).

I don't know if I'll ever see her again as she'll have to leave for overseas soon. But just for a little while, she reminded my young ppl and I of the importance of the church in helping people like her, in helping one another in our spiritual journeys and through the questions that we have deep within. She reminded me again of the importance of me being in seminary for my final year, to continue in my learning and to not take it for granted despite the struggles. In that short encounter, she has touched my life and I hope that I have hers - for I heard Him speak to me once again through her.

I'm so amazed by You. Thank You for just these moments where You have been speaking -for Your assurance and Your Presence. I see how You've been working in me and through me and I just can't help but be in awe of You - my God, my Lord and my Master. Your will be done.

Happy Birthday to a dear friend...

Just want to wish you a very Happy Birthday! Though we celebrate you tomorrow, I just want to say how very much you've been a blessing to me in the last few years. As you have been a key person in encouraging me in my blogging endeavor (through our friendly competition *grin*) I thought it fitting to dedicate this post to you.

Thank you for walking alongside me in my journey in seminary. You've been there for me in my lowest of moments and helped me make sense of things when all seems to be in chaos, you've encouraged me through my fears, have been willing to listen even though you may not have the answers and most importantly, helped me in my struggle to balance faith and knowledge - and that it is possible to have both. You've helped me to laugh in my darkest moments - a great gift indeed - bringing in a little colour during those times when I would've totally despaired. This has meant a whole lot more to me than you'd ever know. Through your friendship, I've also learnt to understand myself a little better as you helped me to face parts of me that I've been running away from for a long time. You have helped me think through important issues and I would even go as far as to attribute some of the successes I've had with my college uni group to you. As I see you endeavoring to care for the students in STM, I've learnt a little more of how to care for those under me as well - to encourage them in the gifts that God has given them just as you have in mine.

I know that things have not been easy for you most times, but I want to say that you have made a difference not just to my life but also to those that you have met - I think more than you realise sometimes(whenever I try to point it out to you - kena cucuk balik pula. *long suffering sigh*.. Hehehe). Thank you for your sacrifices - though there has been setbacks at times, they have not been in vain. Thank you for daring to open up your life and sharing your life with us despite the potential misunderstanding at times. I've come to respect you greatly for the hard decisions that you had to make and you have taught me how to make mine too. I did tell you once that I've learnt much from you - I wasn't exaggerating. I see how God has used you to shape my life for the better and how you have been an important part as I am in this process of preparing myself for the ministry ahead.

So tomorrow evening as we have dinner, know that each of us is there to celebrate your life. No matter how things turn out, I hope this message goes to you - we are thankful to Him who has created you for you have touched our lives in no small way(despite your love for cucuking and shocking people. *poke* - see... I learnt that from you too. *cheeky grin*). We enjoy doing the things that we do for you because we all think that you are worth it and more. Despite the downs that you face, we pray that you know that we too are journeying with you and as much as you've been there for us, we are here for you too. Happy Birthday Kar Yong... :)

Ramblings on happenings of the past week

Wow.. Time seems to have really flown these two weeks. Am now back and waiting in church for my young people and for College Uni Group to start. So many things have happened since I last posted so i guess I'll just have to summarise. Next week's schedule looks just as hectic (if not more so) - plus Chinese New Year's coming up to (yay!!!)..

Anyways, in the last week, I've gone to Gopeng and have come back. I had a great time with my the group(pic above) for the Step Up plus the teaching session went well. Have been missing them tremendously and I look forward to them coming back this Sunday.

Managed an overnight stay in Ipoh and had a wonderful time with my best cousin, Sherene, and her family. It was good to catch up with her -swapped stories about our ministries in the church (She is a youth pastor). My uncle and his family is always very encouraging - I guess it's because all of us are working in full time ministry and we understand where each other are coming from.. :) I look forward to meeting up with them during CNY..

After I got back from Gopeng, I met up with two church members - one of which is my young ppl who has left to study in the US. On the way back from my meeting I took a taxi and met with a rather interesting taxi-driver whose conversation entertained me all the way home. I had some 'unsolicited advise' on guys as well. Hahahha.. The last time I had such an interesting taxi ride was when I was in Cairo. *grin*

After that, it was back to STM on Thursday morning. STM retreat started on Friday. It was a good reminder of some of the things that I learnt in first year.. It was good to be back also and to meet up with friends that I've not seen for 2 months.

This week has been one of settling down as classes start. It's just been good to just settle into my room and catching up with friends.. Am looking forward to see how this sem will turn out with Thesis and all.. OK.. CUG starting soon.. Will hopefully post more entries one I've completely settled down back in STM.

STEP UP Programme Begins today!!

Will be leaving in a few minutes time to Gopeng to help out with the STEP UP programme - a two week programme for School leavers and College Uni people in my church. It's a shorter version of Residential Bible School or Jeremiah School style and it's the first time we are doing it in the EFC.

I was asked just last week to teach on Worship As A Lifestyle. My session is on Tuesday afternoon and I'll head back home after that. I'll have to be in STM by this Thursday after all. Am a little nervous but VERY EXCITED for my young people as the College Uni Group ministry is one of my primary ministry in the church. I am always glad and encouraged whenever I see them grow in God. So I ask for your prayers for me, the participants, those who are teaching and those who organised this programme.

Reflection for two months practical in home church

I've been ruminating on what to write as the New Year starts. The previous song, Evermore, came to mind as I think of God's goodness to me and how He has been working in my life the last two months in powerful and exciting ways. The things that He has placed in my heart at the end of October has come to a closure of sorts totally unexpectedly over the last few days and in what seemed to me as an impossibly short time. He has reminded me again and again in the last few days - that He does makes what seems impossible possible.

For Him to answer so many prayers in a short time - for a breakthrough for young adult ministry, for help to be found for a close and dear friend, for the Christmas production, that I'd be an encouragement to people I am ministering to, breakthrough in relationships with colleagues, to be a blessing to the people I come into contact with in the two short months I have back in church - He has answered it all and more despite the barriers and struggles. There is still the desire for a greater breakthrough in my Worship Ministry in the church - but I guess He is teaching me to be a whole lot more patient.

As expected, it has been a tiring journey for me when I wrote this post a few months ago. I am amazed my health did not take a turn for the worse (just that my ongoing cough has been fluctuating) - I remember the days where I pushed myself so hard that I had to be comatose for a few days. For all who have been journeying with me in the last two months, I thank you for your continual support and prayers - for listening to my rantings, for correcting my errors, for just letting know that I'm not alone in my rather tough journey. I write this post to share with you my joy and victories of the last two months too.

God does answer prayers in impossible situations. He is indeed our God - His faithfulness and mercy reaches to the skies. May we proclaim Him with our lives evermore. :)

Evermore - Planet Shakers

I will sing of the mercy of the Lord
And I will shout of Your faithfulness oh God
For there is none like You seated in Your majesty
Holy One I come to worship You forevermore

CHORUS
You are my God my life my all
And I live for You alone
I am Yours evermore
Heaven and earth will shout Your praise
The wonder of Your name
I'll proclaim evermore
Evermore
Evermore

BRIDGE
And I will run into Your presence
And I will sing - Sing forever

Reflections for 2008

It's the last day of the year. If I've learned anything in the past two months, it's the importance(as well the necessity and the treasure) of just taking some time out just to pause.... and reflect... In our staff devotions earlier yesterday morning, our senior pastor asked us to share how the year has been for us. One of my colleagues and child hood friend (Leon) commented, it's hard to share when we haven't had the time to reflect. How true.

The craziness of Christmas is over and the following days after that has been about just being. Something that I find myself scarcely having time for in the busy-ness of doing. Went back to the office yesterday morning, and though it's been a little less hectic, it's still been busy - mainly helping one of my pastors with some logistical stuff for the upcoming Step Up programme and preparing for watchnight service later on tonite. Was wondering if I should share a testimony this year - but then I thought about it again and I haven't had the time to prepare for it and the slots for sharing have all been taken up. So I thought to do it here.

This past year not been an easy one for me. I can't exactly say that it's been the hardest one -I know I've had worse - but it definitely has not been a walk in the park. At the beginning of the year, I found myself being so immersed in another culture that I experienced re-entry shock for the first few months. I never expected it I suppose - but I missed the language and the people that I've come to love very much. I still do, though it is easier now than when I first came back. I guess it's hard especially when it's like finding a missing piece that fits into a part of you that you've never realised that's not there only to have to let it go again - and find that you now miss it very much(and not sure if you'll find again someday).

I guess that did not make things easier for the other areas of my life as well - it's been one of those times when I knew that God wanted me to work on areas deep within. In some ways, it helped to have a single room - the 'emo' times alone was a necessary part of the process. It is said somewhere that one's worst enemy is oneself. Confronting myself has definitely been much much harder than confronting an enemy and tiring. Many days, I felt like I lost the battle - only He who is faithful kept me going in spite. I'm conscious that I'm still a-work-in-progress. Nevertheless, looking back, I can see that I've come a long way. I've changed in ways that I didn't expect - but I think they are mostly good.

One of the hardest thing for me this year was perhaps a broken friendship. I will not write much here but it's taught me a lot - especially about how hard and long the path to forgiveness is., and that it is possible no matter how impossible it seemed at the beginning. It also led to some regrets about pushing some people away in the midst of pain - something that I hope I've learnt for the better for the future.

2008 has not been all bad. Some of my friendships have become deeper and I've grown a lot because of it. I'm thankful for the friends (and family) who have surrounded me and kept on persevering with me on those days that I lose my internal battles and get really really down. I'm also greatful for unexpected new friends who've enriched my life. I thank God for friends who make me laugh when everything is gray. I've learnt of the fragility of such friendships and the preciousness of it.

I've learnt to love a little bit better. And I'm still learning....

Growing does not mean being on an emotional high - most days have been more lows than highs this year. Some days, it's been.... blank-ish... Yet, in the last two months that I've been back, I've sense how much He has worked in me and changed me- strengthening my areas of weakness. I've learnt to deal with some of my fears and pain. I still have some but it paralyses me less than before. These last two months of working in church and giving has shown me how much I've grown and have changed in my worldview.

In a nutshell, though 2008 has not been a walk in a park, it HAS been another year of growth. I'm thankful for the many key people who has been such a blessing to me - Pr Choon Meow, Hera, Sue Ann, Kar Yong, my prayer group girlfriends (Lan Yin, Lucy, Lee Yng, Chin Ying, Liza), Vic Cern, Andrew, Uncle David, Mr Allen, Perng Shyang, Shern Ren and my family.

For the coming year, I'll have several big stones to move - thesis, moving house, finishing up seminary... I guess my main hope and expectation is to end well and to live life to the fullest in the way that He wants me to.

Thank You for both the joy and the pain. Thank You for walking with me through my friends and family. Thank You for the lessons learnt. Thank You for just being You - not fitting into my mould and expectations of You but showing me how much greater You are than my thoughts of You. Thank You for mercy and thank You for Your grace upon my life. Thank You for redeeming me.

For Fun

Criminal Minds Season 3 Whole Day Marathon

Wow - cannot believe that we spent 15 hours watching Criminal Minds Season 3 the whole of Boxing Day. Absolutely Crazy!! :)

Another Treat - LOTR @ MPO

It was a week ago but it feels like it was just yesterday. A close friend gave me a treat of listening to Malaysia Philharmonic Orchestra playing Lord of The Rings soundtrack live, conducted by Markus Hubert last Saturday.

It was absolutely heavenly and magical. While the orchestra was playing, the young KL singers or the KL children's choir sang along. There were a few solo pieces as well and every piece was a delight. The concert lasted from 8.30 and ended at 11.20ish with a 20 min interlude but the time really flew for those of us who were listening and we wished it never had to end. It inspired us to rewatch LOTR too. While the orchestra was playing, they showed sketches of scenes or characters from LOTR.

It was a wonderful treat. :)

Chilling Out

Am up in Cameron Highlands Starbucks(found out that they close really really late - last nite they closed at 4am... Tonite they will prolly close after midnite too).. No wonder I love this place so much! :) I must say that the starbucks up here is really really nice- they have 2 shoplots and have 2 floors so the place is very spacious and cosy too. :)

Enough about starbucks. I'm just savouring the moment. I finally have a break(one that I had to fight for) - and am catching up on emails, sending out sms-es, taking some time to listen to my thoughts and just recuperate from the hectic pace of life. Will also try to catch up on my blogging over the next few days - if I'm not in the midst of my series marathon and if I have internet connection.

Blessed Christmas to All!!

These two months have been really hectic for me personally. At the time of posting this, I will be up and about at church for the last lap of preparations for the Christmas service which will start at 10.30am. As program coordinator for the service, I foresee myself running around like a headless chicken to ensure that everything runs through smoothly. Most of the preparations have just concluded yesterday and am just praying that everything will work like clockwork when the time comes. Most importantly, I hope that the message of the whole service will come together and be a blessing to those who attend.

After the service, my family will head home for a Christmas lunch together. Mum will be preparing turkey and roast lamb (my favourite!) so my bro will be able to have a meal with us(he will not be able to join us for our trip). After lunch, my sis, my mum and I will be heading to the highlands for the next few days to be with our dad during this Christmas season. It will also be my short holiday to recuperate from the craziness of two months so I'm really really REALLY looking forward to it. There will be no internet connection and my sis and I are planning some series marathon! yay!!

So, to all my friends and family who are reading this, I wish you a very blessed Christmas! May the peace of God and the love of Christ be with you during this season. God bless!

Welcome To Our World

For Fun

Thought this was pretty cute.. Taken from: www.comics.com

Peanuts - What Christmas is all about

As Christmas is a week away, I thought it'd be nice to be reminded what Christmas is all about. :)