The ministry of a mother

Was just having a conversation with my mother in the morning as she picked me up from work to send me home to rest. As I spoke with her, I was reminded again of how blessed I am to have her for my mother.

My mother is a woman with lots of skills and wisdom. She also has a heart for missions. Yet, for all her giftings, she chose to be a stay at home mother to us instead of going out to work. She found ways to earn an income from the home while being there for us when we needed her. This meant that she had to be cook, driver, tuition teacher, income earner, financial manager, etc... Though I know it must've been tough for her, she chose to be with us. As she told me this morning, she'd always considered myself, my bro and my sis to be her top ministry priority. *wow*

As I look at all my skills, giftings and ministry abilities right now, I must say that I owe it all to my mother. She's one of the best teachers I know. She teaches and inspires us by example and not by mere words of commands.

I remember when I was young, she'd sit at the piano in the evenings and sing hymns or songs while playing the piano. I remember thinking to my self - 'when I grow older, I want to be like mum. I want to be able to play and sing on the piano - maybe even better than her.' Then, I'd never dreamed that it would one day be a major part of my work- worship leading in church and playing the piano from time to time.

I remember the times when my mum, myself, my bro and my sis sitting around the dinner table playing word games and scrabble after dinner. Mum was always the champion in the word games. I remember thinking too that I would love to win her when I grew older and sought to improve my vocabulary and read extensively. Today my English is what it is because of my mum's creative way of getting me interested in learning the English language.

As I look at my mother, I wish that many Christian mothers would see ministry the way my mum does - so that there will be a next generation of Christians that will be strong in their faith and that the church of Christ will be better for it.

New Blog Look

After 3 years of the same look on my blog and plenty of encouragement from others, I've finally given my blog a new look.

My pity party - Hate being sick

Have been in and out(more in than out) of bed yesterday and today because I'm S-I-C-K!!

Forehead and body feels clammy.

Head feels heavy with the occasional headache that squeezes out tears from eyes.

Abdomen is in pain because of my body wracking cough. (I dread it whenever I feel the next bout of cough coming along). *sob*

Feel like I'm coughing my lungs out.

Back is beginning to ache too. *sob*

Hate waking up in the middle of the nite because of the cough.

Limbs doesn't feel the same -feels week and achy.

I think my nose is thinking of running away too. :(

Can someone just shoot me and put me out my misery.

Happy Birthday Lucy!

Dearest Lucy,
Happy Birthday to You! I'm so blessed to know you. Since I've met you a year and a half ago, my life has been enriched. You have brought such joy to our prayer meetings and our fellowship. Your honesty(daring to just be who you are) and your lack of guile are qualities that I truly admire about you. I've come to love you as I would my own sister.
May our God continue to bless you in all that you do. I pray too that you will continually grow in His grace and love.

Love you heaps.

Interesting way to pray

Was looking through my mission trip pics and remembered this pic. :)

Broken Prayer

Sometimes, just when I think all is going well - that You are finally answering my prayers - the tide suddenly seem to turn the other way. It's like going one step forward but two steps back.

I hurt.

How long more till healing comes? How long before You will heal her?

How I struggle as I watch her struggle.

As I too am broken, I hide my pain from her. Even though I love her a lot.

She looks at me and see someone detached - someone who doesn't care.

She does not understand that some lessons learnt long ago are hard to undo - that it's easier to hide the pain beneath the smile in fear of being hurt again.

And so again I turn to You.

Where else can I go?

You see the struggle beneath.

You see how much I love her - and I know You love her so much more.

Will You speak into her life?

Show her that You are there for her when all others fail?

Will You take her out of the place that she's in and lift her to higher ground?

Brokenly I ask You - please God, please save her...

Rantings....

Have been back one day in seminary and life here has just been crazier than working in church... :p
Have been rushing around doing errands today during breaks (we've been having sessions cos it's Quiet Day :p). Have also practices and a power point presentation to do tonite for tomorrow's service before I sleep. *SIGH*

The sessions weren't too bad - more or less what I hear from my mum from time to time (my mum's a wise woman. :) )

Looks like I don't have time to finish this post - a milion things are crying out to be done before practice in 15 mins... Will pick up the threads later(if I ever get to it)..

On a side note, I had this really brilliant idea yesterday while I was unpacking - I sorta fixed my speakers to my bed and the music sounds awesome.... Sorta a surround sound when I'm lying down on my bed or when I'm blogging while sitting on bed ... hehehehe

Unexpected changes...

I was watching a show that contrasted expectedness and unexpectedness. It talked about how the unexpected changes a person... I suppose that this is why sometimes God throws in unexpectedness in our lives - though we wish that life would be more predictable...

Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)

Am listening through some of the songs that I have... Came across this version of Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin... Quite Nice....



Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)

Verse 1:
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind but now I see

Verse 2:
T'was grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Chorus:
My chains are gone, I've been set free
My God my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love Amazing Grace

Verse 3:
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
as long as life endures

Verse 4:
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, who call'd me here below
Will be forever mine

Today's Sermon

The rest of the today's service was also quite fun. A good friend and also one of my lecturers at STM , Dr Lim Kar Yong, was speaking in church this morning. His sermon "What story are you telling?" was also quite interesting. We collaborated together with two other friends, EJ and Chris Chew (whom I fondly call 'gramps' from the age of 12) to have a surprise sketch in the middle of his sermon to bring out the story in Mark 5:1-20 (the one about the demon possessed man). The aim of the sketch was to contrast the stories of the demon possessed man and the pig farmer. Gramps and Kar Yong wrote the script - I must say that Kar Yong did well in adding the witty bits (the congregation was quite tickled and one of my close friends who is a professional singer told me that she couldn't stop laughing). EJ acted as the demoniac and yours truly acted as Mrs PIG FARMER(somehow I was 'tarik'ed into it)! From my perspective, it was fun but a bit scary too. I have not acted for many many years(and when I did many many years ago, I generally took minor roles or just preferred the narrator role). So it was rather a challenge for me. Later on another congregation member pointed out he couldn't figure out how I could worship lead and act on the same service (now that I think about it, neither can I!). Was a bit stressed that I would forget the lines (I actually DID forget a line- but EJ and I managed to cover it up - Thank God!). I must say that EJ and I made a pretty good team -hahaha- must be all that squabbling and making up over the years that helped us work alongside in ministry and understand each other better.

For the fun of it, I will post the script below (which took 5-8 mins to act). Kar Yong rather naughtily insisted I started the sketch by screaming really loudly to get people's attention (mind you, this was in the MIDDLE of his sermon). Some of the feedback on the scream: "I didn't pay attention to the sermon until the scream!"; "I thought Kar Yong was screaming, but I thought it was weird cos it sounded like a woman's scream!"; "You woke my daughter up with your scream! But that was ok cos she enjoyed the sketch after that"; "It was so scarylaa when I heard the scream in the middle of the sermon. I thought something was wrong with Kar Yong, some more he ran off the stage suddenly. I was like OMG, what's wrong?!!"; "I knew it - it sounded like Ruth screaming - I thought the voice sounded rather familiar"(this last bit was from one of my colleagues in church, I guess he must be familiar with my scream cos of my doing so at work in frustration sometimes). Kekekeke.... Yup- the service turned out to be really fun. :) Our next repeat of the play will take place at Doulos Presbyterian church in two weeks time. Hope I don't forget all my lines by then or have brain damage from memorising my lines. :p

*********************************************
It’s Gone!
By Chris Chew and Kar Yong

PFW: (Distraught) It’s gone! It’s gone! I am ruined! I am finished!!! (Ruth: make sure you really really scream here!! We need the effect here…)

DPM: (Relieved) It’s gone! It’s gone! I am saved! I am free!!!

PFW: (Between tears) It was not always like this, I had a house, a family, *sob sob*… had my own business. I was rich.

DPM: It was not always like this, I used to live in tombs, I was always bound by chains until it could not hold me no more. I was a mad man.

PFW: I was driven by profits

DPM: (Fearful) I… I was possessed by evil spirits

PFW: The day started beautifully, bright sunny skies, everything was perfect.

DPM: The day started as usual, possessed by an evil spirit. Can’t think straight, could not focus, always angry always shouting. It was a nightmare.

PFW & DPM (together): They he came into town

PFW: I knew he was trouble from the start. Why? (Angry) Because that mad man, than mad man possessed by an evil spirit, the very one that we could never catch him and hold him but He, that mad man went to see him. He knew Jesus was coming, somehow he knew.

DPM: I did not know what I was doing but I heard he was coming to town and so I went to meet him when he got out of the boat. I don’t know what made me do it but I think it knew, the thing inside me.

PFW: No one in town was able to hold this mad man town but when he saw Jesus, he fell on his knees. Devil’s trick I tell you.

DPM: I don’t know what made me do it, but when I saw him I fell to the ground. Then I asked him “What do you want with me, Jesus Son of the Most High God. Swear to God that you won't torture me!"

PFW: This man Jesus, just said "Come out of this man, you evil spirit!" and that was the beginning of trouble. Then he asked for the spirit’s name.

DPM: "My name is Legion," I replied, "for we are many." Then I think it begged Jesus to send them to the pigs and when Jesus gave them permission… all the spirits went into the pigs…

PFW: My pigs, my herd, all those hard work looking after them. Feeding them. All 2,000 of them…

DPM: All the pigs…

PFW & DPM (together): drowned!!!

PFW: All my stocks gone! This is worst than Nipah virus, and the beta agonis crisis…

DPM: I felt my life has returned to me, someone.. no, God has given my life back to me.

PFW & DPM (together): Gone!

PFW: My pigs!

DPM: My chains

PFW: My char siew business!

DPM: The evil spirits!

PFW: No more roast pork

DPM: No more countless sleepless nights!

PFW: He ought to pay!

DPM: The Lord be praised!

PFW: Crucify him!

DPM: Hallelujah!

PFW: I should charge him no! I should sue him! Hehehe…should we say this: I must consult Daniel Yeoh…

DPM: I must tell everyone, the messiah is here!

PFW: No, I cannot do this alone. He has got 12 stupid disciples following him. I am outnumbered!

DPM: I must tell others what he has done!

PFW: These 12 good for nothing useless disciples. One of them is even a tax collector. Can’t he count the loss of revenue? Couldn’t he have told Jesus, how much it would have cost all of us. He could have stopped all this!

DPM: I wanted to join him and his disciples but he told me to go tell my family and tell how much the Lord has done for me and how God has had mercy on me.

PFW: No, I must rally with more people! Justice must be served! Jesus must go!

DPM: Yes, I will do what he told me to. I will go to home to Decapolis and tell everyone!

PFW: He must be rejected!

DPM: Jesus must be accepted! My chains fell off, My heart was free, I rose went forth and followed Thee...

PFW: My pigs ran off, now I am broke, I fell, went home and mourned my loss.. We will drive that trouble maker out of our town! Raise the pitch forks! Sound the alarm!

DPM: I’ve got a story to tell. I must do it now

PFW: I’ve also got a story to tell. I must do it now.

Today's Worship

This morning, the service was one of the more memorable ones for me. I was worship leading (this time without my partner, Jason, cos he had to go to Penang to see Shin Ee participate in a dragon boat race). It has been rather tough going with the songlist in this past week - senior pastor had very specific requests and his instructions was rather conflicting at times (seriously - how many GOOD songs are written on the presence of God/God's glory that are contemporary??)... It was a bit of a headache and a challenge for me - you would not believe how many times I reviewed the list and prayed over it - I wanted to fit in a BM song or a hymn at the same time which can be quite a toughie if one wants a smooth flow. Anyways, I was really proud of my team - all who I call friends. They were really supportive and sporting and though I know I asked them to do a few things that were difficult, as a team, they really helped a lot with encouraging the congregation to worship this morning. People said that there were more energy in the worship today. Personally, it was just very rewarding to see people just really getting into the worship. It was awesome to see people slowly put aside their inhibitions and worship God.

On reflection, it's been quite a journey for me. I see how much I've grown as a worship leader (and how much more I can and need to grow). There was a period where I struggle with being worship leader - and I still do sometimes. There have been times when I've wondered at the purpose of my being a worship leader and how there must be better things to do with my time(such as doing missions or just helping the poor). Today, I was very strongly reminded of why I am in this ministry in the first place. There was just great joy and a sense of rightness for me as I saw people worshipping God as I learn to be a lead them by example by worshipping from my heart. Not only that, it's been such an encouragement to see members of my worship team grow as we journey together to lead the people in worship. Many times I struggle with encouraging members of my team to grow in their spiritual walk. I get disheartened and discouraged many times cos there seem to be so much distractions for them in their daily lives. So many things to pull them away from God. It feels like a losing battle. However, as I take time to talk to them this past week, I am encouraged to see glimpses of growth and maturity in some of their walk. It encourages me to press on and to keep on praying for them.

Dear Lord,
Thanks so much for all that you've done.
Be Thou my vision O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light.

Quote for today

“The Bible without the Holy Spirit is a sundial by moonlight” –DL Moody (1837-99)

Quote for the day

“It is less important to ask a Christian what he or she knows about the Bible than to inquire what he or she does with it”
-Leslie Newbigin (1905-98), British reformed theologian, missionary & ecumenical leader

Recap of the day

It's been quite a day...
Started it with an Intermediate Greek Test (this will be the last time i have anything to do with Greek for the rest of my studies here - except for exegesis)!
Went out for lunch with my two good friends Gerrad and Joshua and we popped into the movies to watch 'Next' - most of the movie's good, but the ending a bit crappy... :p
Came back and finished some church work for the week (I hope!), chatted with some friends online and then helped a friend with his book review (more like helping with his sentence construction) and followed by a good rest.
Had a late dinner with G and Josh and then we popped by a DVD shop - just to see what they had. For some reason, the place was suddenly swarming with STM students - which is quite weird, mainly because we having exams and assignments because this is the final week of semester. :p Then again, I think we're all trying to keep our sanity...
Am back in my room now - deliberating between starting my assignment or watching a show on my com... Looks like the assignment is winning out... :p

Sometimes...

Sometimes being a worship coordinator can be rather trying....

This semester

Everything's quiet at this hour. Mmmmm..... Sweet....

Work's waiting - but it can wait while I savour this moment.... *contented sigh*

Another semester's coming to an end. In this sem, quite a few friendships have grown deeper, some have grown apart, some have begun anew, some have just begun. Another season of change. Another season of learning....

Assignment wise, things are more settled, the fears have receded somewhat... Though of course there are improvements that could be made next semester. Oh well, another semester of moving forward in this area I suppose. On the whole though, am thoroughly glad that most of the assignments are completed just two more to finish up by next Thursday.

Am looking to this break - to going for the mission trip - a learning experience of a different kind. Am looking forward to having some restand to hanging out with a few friends that I've been close to this semester before I head back to work in the office in June. I am looking forward to going back to the office in June - to spend some time with people in the worship ministry as well as with the CUG people. There have been many times that I wished that I could spend a little more time with them - though I've gotten to know a few of them better.

Have become closer with my prayer group as we open to one another and share each other's struggles. Gerrad and Joshua's been especially good companions this past sem. I've also enjoyed much of the coffee sessions with Kar Yong and Silvester - their conversations are always interesting. *grin*. My room mate's been somewhat whacky but a great roomie. :)

This semester's been more balanced in terms of work and rest - have been getting more rest and learning to practice the Sabbath. It's been a good challenge for me to learn to rest. I more and more realise how much of a workaholic I can be sometimes. :p My inner life has definitely been better for it.

A Way Back Into Love

Watched Music and Lyrics recently. This song's being going on and on in my head. As one person said, "It's sweet, Just sweet.."

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need em again someday

I've been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

I know that it's out there

There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light

Not just somebody just to get me throught the night

I could use some direction

And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again

I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again

You know that I'll be there for you in the end

May the Words of My Mouth

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision
Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You

Randomness and joyfulness

Corinthians assignments are waiting to be done, church work is waiting to be done, another small assignment waiting to be done.... *sigh*
Me being my usual scatter brain self, just feel the need to do some blogging at the moment - in spite of all that are waiting to be done - was just inspired by another friend to write this blog entry.

Random thoughts:

• Am quite satisfied with the A&W float I just had earlier this evening


• Had a terrific weekend


• Church History test on this Friday.. :p


• Worse still, Greek test's on Monday


• Both Corinthians assignment are due next Friday (as my fav TV character Monk would say - it's a blessing and a curse)


• Looking forward to the coming break - a bit tired of doing assignments. Am looking forward to hang out with some of my friends without the assignments or exams hanging over our heads.


• Love of reading has somewhat palled this semester, hope to be able to read the stuff that I'm interested in


• Bought a new book on Saturday from Evangel - looking forward to it


• The weather is awfully hot


• I have to play the piano tomorrow morning


• I'm planning to sleep late tonite - at least finish some reading for my corinthians assignment and finish up the small assignment (otherwise another lecturer will definitely kill me)


• Looking forward to having some solitude time sometime soon


• Saw a pretty interesting video the other day - it was Wes (a little brother in Australia that I was quite fond of) proposing to my close friend Sarah. Miss them heaps as I watched the video and at the same time am so glad for them. They got married Feb this year.



• Am glad to have good girl friends who will stay up until ungodly hours to encourage me to do my assignments.


• Am so happy that the CUG ministry is coming along. Looking forward to spending time with the girls during June. They're a lovely bunch of people.


• Am so happy that God's working in the lives of those in the worship ministry - some are having a greater concious of a need for transformation in their lives. Am so encouraged by answered prayers.


• Am looking forward to having a new guy in the ministry this Friday. Am encouraged to see how God is working in his life and his family's.


• It's amazing how God's answering one or two prayers for my family-miraculous even.


• Am glad to have ppl like Tim and Jon around. Their willingness to come and pick us up on Sunday mornings and go for breakfast with us is very touching and encouraging.

Feel like I'm on top of the world
Yet part of me is a little afraid of falling from here
But for now, I will revel in this joy that You've given me
I will just marvel at every good thing that You've done
Am so amazed by Your grace
Am speechless at Your wonderful works
I want to shout to the world of all that you've done for me
Thank You so much my Father in Heaven!!

Reflection on Worship Retreat

Have been meaning to write this post in the last few days. For a host of reasons (needed post-retreat rest, assignments, etc...) was not able to until now. Just submitted an assignment - feels liberating... Have a few more to go. :p

Anyways - back on thoughts of Worship Retreat. This was the second one I've organised for the Worship Ministry in my church. It was more challenging as last minute, I ended handling all the details (did I mention that I'm in the midst of assignment season? :p This just meant that last week was an almost impossible week).

In the end, it was pretty worth it. I must say that it wasn't perfect - then again I wouldn't wish it to be. However, the group was small enough that the fellowship was really good and meaningful. The sense unity in the group was amazing - in the discussion and in the worship sessions. It was also timely as many in the team have been feeling rather tired. Ps Soon Hock messages really hit the areas that really needed to be addressed. Everyone was challenged by his messages -about our lives on/off stage, how we need to move on from where we are, the forms of worship (our church culture and who we want to reach out to). It was a good time of thinking and discussion on the the ministry. It was an encouragement to see both young and old in worship and in agreement with one another - though some of the discussion was funny. I think Ps have not realised what an odd bunch of people in the church he was inheriting (especially when we were discussing about lighting in the church- he was giving us funny looks- like in the pic below - when many said they were more comfortable with worshiping in the dark... kekeke).

My friendship with a friend also went deeper as we shared our stories and struggle with one another. I saw another side her and marriage through the sharing time. Gave me lots of food for thought. Also, I didn't feel so alone in my struggles cos she's been through more or less the same thing. We both saw how far God's brought us and how he's continually healing our lives. It was really awesome. Worship held more meaning for me after sharing - to continually know that He loves me and that I'm not alone....

I've also learnt to love the people in the ministry more as I get to know them more. Some of their quirkiness are rather endearing. The fellowship times over meals and mamak was rather fun as we spent time bonding with one another. I rather enjoyed the devotion time - I think it really spoke to many of us as we shared based on the material provided by Ps. On the overall, it was a great time.


Dear God,
Thanks for being with us at the retreat. It was a great time especially since you were there. Thanks so much for everything at the retreat!