Been getting really black moods these past two days(Monday and Tuesday). It's so black that it scares me-I've never had it before and wonder 'Is this really from me??'. Ugly thoughts have been going through my mind -and at the worst of it, I feel like breaking and destroying things around me. It got so bad that I had to really restrain myself, go to my room and cry it off as a great cloud of depression follows the unreasonable rage.
Sometimes all of this makes me wonder if leading this mission trip is worth all these spiritual attacks... I really tremble and dread it whenever it comes.
And in the end, the resounding answer is 'yes!!!'. It means that the Lord is preparing me for battle. And the reward is great. I might not see it now because the pain is so great at times. But what is a battle without pain? As David says, 'why so downcast O my soul, put your HOPE in GOD'.
Ephesians 6:11-12
Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
He is also refining me. He is making me realise again and again what a weak being I am (how selfish and arrogant I am sometimes) and how much more I need to rely on Him.
Again, it's part and parcel of working out His calling on my life. And that every little decision I make each day- to live on my own desires or His - is important.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Puppies and stuff
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My puppy Houdini is sooo cute. It took a while for us to decide its name. We went from Brownie to Latte to Bruno (someone wanted to name it Bubu too). And we finally decided on Houdini for its escape artist tendencies(It escapes regularly from its cage. We tried tying a wire at the door too. After a couple of times, Houdini decided to try to bite the wire off. It was quite successful =P. Now we have to make sure that the knot is VERY secure).
Today, I manage to get out of my house for a bit(it was such a relief). Went to OM office - one of my favourite places. Manage to get some great ideas from the ppl there for Missions. Am pretty excited about it.
Dear God,
You know my ups and downs. I find it funny sometimes on how and where encouragement comes from when I need it the most.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Nicole Nordeman
Managed to find a quiet spot after all.. So am feeling slightly saner. Spent an hour listening to Nicole Nordeman. Took JT's advice and included 'I am' and 'Gratitude'. All I can say is that she's really gifted. Really love her lyrics. They're all pretty thought provoking and real.
Really like
1. Wide Eyed
2. To Know You
3. Small Enough
4. Every Season
5. Legacy
6. I am
7. Gratitude
8. Fool For You
9. Is it any wonder
10. Jesus
Wonder if I'll ever be able to write like her?? Am again reminded by the message by Uncle Kam Weng and Don Hamman from OM -'are you living up to your full potential?'. Quite a challenge for me. =)
Dear God,
Thanks for creating me to be me and loving me as I am (my grumpiness and all =) )... I pray that You help me day by day to live up to the plans that You help me and I that I do not waste the resources (time, money, strength) that You have given me. Help me to die to myself and my desires. May You increase in me day by day.
Really like
1. Wide Eyed
2. To Know You
3. Small Enough
4. Every Season
5. Legacy
6. I am
7. Gratitude
8. Fool For You
9. Is it any wonder
10. Jesus
Wonder if I'll ever be able to write like her?? Am again reminded by the message by Uncle Kam Weng and Don Hamman from OM -'are you living up to your full potential?'. Quite a challenge for me. =)
Dear God,
Thanks for creating me to be me and loving me as I am (my grumpiness and all =) )... I pray that You help me day by day to live up to the plans that You help me and I that I do not waste the resources (time, money, strength) that You have given me. Help me to die to myself and my desires. May You increase in me day by day.
Going a little crazy
Think I'm not the type of person to stay at home long. Am going a little crazy from being cooped up at home. Even wish that I was at work!
Managed to cook lunch and am about to start cooking dinner. And am glad that I've got some of my correspondence completed today but just feel like going out somewhere.
Or just want to sit in a corner and read a book. And one just can't find a quiet corner in my house! Not with the kids around and my bro's home for the week too.
ARRGGGH..
Maybe just feeling frustrated cos I can't pray for my trip on Friday or just spend a little more time with Him.
Dear God,
Just want to spend a little more time with You and I need a little peace that can only be found in You now.
Managed to cook lunch and am about to start cooking dinner. And am glad that I've got some of my correspondence completed today but just feel like going out somewhere.
Or just want to sit in a corner and read a book. And one just can't find a quiet corner in my house! Not with the kids around and my bro's home for the week too.
ARRGGGH..
Maybe just feeling frustrated cos I can't pray for my trip on Friday or just spend a little more time with Him.
Dear God,
Just want to spend a little more time with You and I need a little peace that can only be found in You now.
Busy Weekends
Weekends seems to be the most busy time for me. Though I managed to get sleep until 12pm on Saturday, it was a pretty long day. Had Missions Department meeting that went really well and a lot of things were resolved - was really great to have Uncle Victor back at the meeting after a long long time.
In the evening, there was a meeting for the AV dept and EJ made me go. =P But I must say it went really well and am glad that the rest of the dept was really supportive of EJ's ideas. It must have been the prayers that was answered (prayed with my family for the meeting).
Sunday was pretty much another busy day at church. After service was Parents Day thingo-except for the fact that someone was in a bad mood cause the condenser mikes was being used around, it went pretty ok. Then after that was AGM and Adrian NG was appointed a deacon which came as a surprise to all of us. But it was a good long day. Was sooo tired that I just collapsed in bed at about 10pm and woke up at 10am this morning.
Had heaps of fun with Kenny's camera too. Will be able to post up photos at this site. Yippeee!!!
In the evening, there was a meeting for the AV dept and EJ made me go. =P But I must say it went really well and am glad that the rest of the dept was really supportive of EJ's ideas. It must have been the prayers that was answered (prayed with my family for the meeting).
Sunday was pretty much another busy day at church. After service was Parents Day thingo-except for the fact that someone was in a bad mood cause the condenser mikes was being used around, it went pretty ok. Then after that was AGM and Adrian NG was appointed a deacon which came as a surprise to all of us. But it was a good long day. Was sooo tired that I just collapsed in bed at about 10pm and woke up at 10am this morning.
Had heaps of fun with Kenny's camera too. Will be able to post up photos at this site. Yippeee!!!
Friday, June 18, 2004
Wide Eyed
By Nicole Nordeman
When I met him on a sidewalk
He was preaching to a mailbox
Down on 16th Avenue
And he told me he was Jesus
Sent from Jupiter to free us
With a bottle of tequila and one shoe
He raged about repentance
He finished every sentence
With a promise that the end was close at hand
I didn't even try to understand
He left me wide eyed in disbelief and disillusion
I was tongue tied, drawn by my conclusions
So I turned and walked away
And laughed at what he had to say
Then casually dismissed him as a fraud
I forgot he was created in the image of my God
When I met her in a bookstore
She was browsing on the first floor
Through a yoga magazine
And she told me in her past life
She was some plantation slave's wife
She had to figure out what that might mean
She believes the healing powers of her crystals
Can bring balance and new purpose to her life
Sounds nice
She left me wide eyed in disbelief and disillusion
I was tongue tied, drawn by my conclusions
So I turned and walked away
And laughed at what she had to say
Then casually dismissed her as a fraud
I forgot she was created in the image of my God
Not so long ago, a man from Galilee
Fed thousands with His bread and His theology
And the truth He spoke
Quickly became the joke
Of educated, self-inflated Pharisees like me
And they were wide eyed in disbelief and disillusion
They were tongue tied, drawn by their conclusions
Would I have turned and walked away
And laughed at what He had to say
And casually dismissed Him as a fraud
Unaware that I was staring at the image of my God
************************************************
Hmmmm... Thought provoking isn't it???
When I met him on a sidewalk
He was preaching to a mailbox
Down on 16th Avenue
And he told me he was Jesus
Sent from Jupiter to free us
With a bottle of tequila and one shoe
He raged about repentance
He finished every sentence
With a promise that the end was close at hand
I didn't even try to understand
He left me wide eyed in disbelief and disillusion
I was tongue tied, drawn by my conclusions
So I turned and walked away
And laughed at what he had to say
Then casually dismissed him as a fraud
I forgot he was created in the image of my God
When I met her in a bookstore
She was browsing on the first floor
Through a yoga magazine
And she told me in her past life
She was some plantation slave's wife
She had to figure out what that might mean
She believes the healing powers of her crystals
Can bring balance and new purpose to her life
Sounds nice
She left me wide eyed in disbelief and disillusion
I was tongue tied, drawn by my conclusions
So I turned and walked away
And laughed at what she had to say
Then casually dismissed her as a fraud
I forgot she was created in the image of my God
Not so long ago, a man from Galilee
Fed thousands with His bread and His theology
And the truth He spoke
Quickly became the joke
Of educated, self-inflated Pharisees like me
And they were wide eyed in disbelief and disillusion
They were tongue tied, drawn by their conclusions
Would I have turned and walked away
And laughed at what He had to say
And casually dismissed Him as a fraud
Unaware that I was staring at the image of my God
************************************************
Hmmmm... Thought provoking isn't it???
Little Miracles
Today's full of little miracles. The children that came are actually feeling heaps better today - and they are completely healed.. They are in fact bathing the dogs(Patches and Houdini-the puppy) right now and they look like they're having heaps of fun.
Am looking for a digital camera for my family. Decided to call Kenny for a second opinion(talked to EJ last night for a first opinion). Kenny's offered to lend me his digital camera for the missions trip.. And if you know Kenny, he's quite particular about his 'toys'. So that's another little miracle too..
Manage to catch up with my big bro Johann (from Melbourne) online after a long loooonnnnggg time. He's having his final FINAL exam on Monday. It's always great to catch up with dear friends that I've not spoken to or heard from in a while -so it's like another little miracle for me.. *BIG GRIN*
Managed to more or less finish my side of things for the missions trip.. Such a relief!! So it's another little miracle for me.
Even had some time to listen to some of the songs by Nicole Nordeman(one of my favourite singers). Was just so ministered to and challenged once again by her songs.. Will have to post it up one of this days.
Dear God,
Thank you for all the little miracles today. It's been quite a cool day.
Am looking for a digital camera for my family. Decided to call Kenny for a second opinion(talked to EJ last night for a first opinion). Kenny's offered to lend me his digital camera for the missions trip.. And if you know Kenny, he's quite particular about his 'toys'. So that's another little miracle too..
Manage to catch up with my big bro Johann (from Melbourne) online after a long loooonnnnggg time. He's having his final FINAL exam on Monday. It's always great to catch up with dear friends that I've not spoken to or heard from in a while -so it's like another little miracle for me.. *BIG GRIN*
Managed to more or less finish my side of things for the missions trip.. Such a relief!! So it's another little miracle for me.
Even had some time to listen to some of the songs by Nicole Nordeman(one of my favourite singers). Was just so ministered to and challenged once again by her songs.. Will have to post it up one of this days.
Dear God,
Thank you for all the little miracles today. It's been quite a cool day.
He is still listening
Mmmm... Feeling heaps better today. The weather is so much cooler. Which is a really good thing. Though am sleepy due to lack of sleep (as usual), am comforted to know once again the He is still listening.
Was praying with my family until 2am last night and we prayed for better weather and for the healing of the children. Haven't seen any of the kids yet so far. But it's really good to know that He is still listening - no matter how big or small the issues are.
Had a meeting last night with half of my team members for the mission trip that's on 25-27th June (next Friday-Sunday). Was really comforted and encouraged by them -to see their excitement in going and their willingness to fast and pray for God to use them.
Have heaps of stuff to do today(as usual) but am really really comforted to know that HE IS STILL LISTENING.
Dear God,
I praise you that You are a God that's alive and that you do not slumber nor sleep. Thank You for listening to this child of yours.
Was praying with my family until 2am last night and we prayed for better weather and for the healing of the children. Haven't seen any of the kids yet so far. But it's really good to know that He is still listening - no matter how big or small the issues are.
Had a meeting last night with half of my team members for the mission trip that's on 25-27th June (next Friday-Sunday). Was really comforted and encouraged by them -to see their excitement in going and their willingness to fast and pray for God to use them.
Have heaps of stuff to do today(as usual) but am really really comforted to know that HE IS STILL LISTENING.
Dear God,
I praise you that You are a God that's alive and that you do not slumber nor sleep. Thank You for listening to this child of yours.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Invasion of Sickness
It's a conspiracy or something. Everyone(and I mean EVERYONE!!!) in my house is officially sick.
In the morning, it was Gary, then Hsu Cherng, then Kit Weng.
In the afternoon, it was Kit Son then Yen Ling.
Ewe Jin was sick since yesterday too.
It seems that only Grace and Marion is spared (and myself too!).
Must be from the really, really bad weather.
Dear God,
Please spare me from getting sick... Can't afford it with the mission trip especially!! Or else I'll have one more thing to worry about!
In the morning, it was Gary, then Hsu Cherng, then Kit Weng.
In the afternoon, it was Kit Son then Yen Ling.
Ewe Jin was sick since yesterday too.
It seems that only Grace and Marion is spared (and myself too!).
Must be from the really, really bad weather.
Dear God,
Please spare me from getting sick... Can't afford it with the mission trip especially!! Or else I'll have one more thing to worry about!
Anxiousness
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so passionate or a perfectionist in ministry. Am just so so worried today for my missions trip. Maybe it's just a spiritual attack. Have been feeling rather down whenever I try to do something about the trip. It'll probably turn out well in the end but for now it's just worry, worry, worry..
The things I worry about
1. The number of ppl- I just wish that there was more ppl coming
-Whether or not they have a calling to be a missionary.. Just want to see my church have a passion and compassion for the lost and be willing to move out of their comfort zones-especially for ppl from other cultures.
2. Not enough prayer- Just sense a spiritual warfare going on... And somehow the team can't agree on a time to meet up. *Sigh* partially my fault cos I haven't called them personally. Have tried emailing them to no avail.
3. That something will happen during the trip
4. Not enough preparation being done.
5. Expectations from church ppl-this is apparently the first missions trip from church this year. At prayer meet last night, ppl were remarking 'Finally, a team is going for missions as the response for others have been poor'
6. Discouraging thoughts- just a lot of discouraging thoughts have been going through my mind. Just feel like giving up sometimes and just tell the Missions Dept - 'I'm too young to lead the team-I want to throw in the towel!!'
And the list goes on and on and on and on....
The verses that encourages me:
Philippians 4:5-7
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Dear God,
Thanks for testing me and allowing me this blessing of leading others to be excited for You in the area of missions. Please guard my mind and protect it from Satan's darts of discouragement. Need your peace that transcends all understanding right now.
The things I worry about
1. The number of ppl- I just wish that there was more ppl coming
-Whether or not they have a calling to be a missionary.. Just want to see my church have a passion and compassion for the lost and be willing to move out of their comfort zones-especially for ppl from other cultures.
2. Not enough prayer- Just sense a spiritual warfare going on... And somehow the team can't agree on a time to meet up. *Sigh* partially my fault cos I haven't called them personally. Have tried emailing them to no avail.
3. That something will happen during the trip
4. Not enough preparation being done.
5. Expectations from church ppl-this is apparently the first missions trip from church this year. At prayer meet last night, ppl were remarking 'Finally, a team is going for missions as the response for others have been poor'
6. Discouraging thoughts- just a lot of discouraging thoughts have been going through my mind. Just feel like giving up sometimes and just tell the Missions Dept - 'I'm too young to lead the team-I want to throw in the towel!!'
And the list goes on and on and on and on....
The verses that encourages me:
Philippians 4:5-7
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Dear God,
Thanks for testing me and allowing me this blessing of leading others to be excited for You in the area of missions. Please guard my mind and protect it from Satan's darts of discouragement. Need your peace that transcends all understanding right now.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Mothers
Ever had the feeling that your mother was somehow put on earth to torture you??? If so, you're not alone. I'm suppose to be on a break today but with an understanding that I'll help my mum to cook and stuff.
For some unknown reason, she informed me last night that I'll have to wake up at 7.30am(!!!!!) to go to the market to purchase all the stuff we'll need!!
3 points to make:
1. She does not usually get up at 7.30 to go to the market
2. She informed me of this at 1.00am the night before!!!!
3. Have I mentioned that I'm on a break???
*SIGH*
This means that now I'm really really REALLY tired. And I have a stack of IMPORTANT correspondance to catch up with, start researching for a camera, plan my missions trip, listen to Christmas materials and catch up with a dear friend. *BIG SIGH*
Dear God,
Please give me strength!
For some unknown reason, she informed me last night that I'll have to wake up at 7.30am(!!!!!) to go to the market to purchase all the stuff we'll need!!
3 points to make:
1. She does not usually get up at 7.30 to go to the market
2. She informed me of this at 1.00am the night before!!!!
3. Have I mentioned that I'm on a break???
*SIGH*
This means that now I'm really really REALLY tired. And I have a stack of IMPORTANT correspondance to catch up with, start researching for a camera, plan my missions trip, listen to Christmas materials and catch up with a dear friend. *BIG SIGH*
Dear God,
Please give me strength!
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Changes-Last day at work
Today was my last day at International SOS. Was really sad just as I left the office. I've really enjoyed my time there. The work was challenging, interesting and fun - though stressful at times. Will miss all my colleagues as they're a really supportive and encouraging bunch of ppl. They really made the atmosphere at the office a great one.
Sue: My boss-really cool and treats me as friend and sis. Will miss all the makan times and heart to heart sharing with her.
Ling: Will miss talking to her in 'Hokkien'. She perpetually laughs at my broken Hokkien whenever I try to converse with the service providers. She joined SOS the same time I did which makes her one of my dearer colleagues.
Leonora: Known also as 'Nora'. She's a really sweet person. Has a big family and she's really caring. Am really fond of her.
Aniza a.k.a "Big Momma": Will miss her exuberance and bubbliness. I remember thinking that when I first met her that she's a person that I would love to have as my friend.
Irrise: "The perfectionist" but a great colleague when one's under great stress. Sorta reminds me of comrades in battle.
Azman: He's such a clown. He's the type of person who brings a smile to your face when you think of him. Really great at crapping over the phone. Taught me heaps of 'tricks' on how to answer the phone.
Alex: Even though he left for UK. Will miss him greatly. He is the only person I know who loves to drink 'rose tea' and makes me laugh whenever he answers the phone. He is such an actor. =)
Will never forget the 'Ruth, can you please call person X for me?? He/She drives me crazy!!)
Rachel: Also left for Singapore two months ago. Has a cute little girl. Always went for lunch with her until she left. Will miss all the sharing times with her and Ling. She's one of the biggest hearted person I've ever known.
CM: Had some quirky CMs which entertained us and drove us crazy at the same time with their unusual and demanding requests. But they made the work fun and interesting.
Dear God,
Thanks for each and every one of them. Please bless them and watch over them in all they do..
Sue: My boss-really cool and treats me as friend and sis. Will miss all the makan times and heart to heart sharing with her.
Ling: Will miss talking to her in 'Hokkien'. She perpetually laughs at my broken Hokkien whenever I try to converse with the service providers. She joined SOS the same time I did which makes her one of my dearer colleagues.
Leonora: Known also as 'Nora'. She's a really sweet person. Has a big family and she's really caring. Am really fond of her.
Aniza a.k.a "Big Momma": Will miss her exuberance and bubbliness. I remember thinking that when I first met her that she's a person that I would love to have as my friend.
Irrise: "The perfectionist" but a great colleague when one's under great stress. Sorta reminds me of comrades in battle.
Azman: He's such a clown. He's the type of person who brings a smile to your face when you think of him. Really great at crapping over the phone. Taught me heaps of 'tricks' on how to answer the phone.
Alex: Even though he left for UK. Will miss him greatly. He is the only person I know who loves to drink 'rose tea' and makes me laugh whenever he answers the phone. He is such an actor. =)
Will never forget the 'Ruth, can you please call person X for me?? He/She drives me crazy!!)
Rachel: Also left for Singapore two months ago. Has a cute little girl. Always went for lunch with her until she left. Will miss all the sharing times with her and Ling. She's one of the biggest hearted person I've ever known.
CM: Had some quirky CMs which entertained us and drove us crazy at the same time with their unusual and demanding requests. But they made the work fun and interesting.
Dear God,
Thanks for each and every one of them. Please bless them and watch over them in all they do..
Monday, June 14, 2004
Gifts from God
Friends are great gifts from the Lord. Am so excited today that one of my closest friend in Melbourne came back today. Am looking forward to meet her!!
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