Will be back in STM for the 2nd semester in a couple of days.. And I figure that I better get myself geared up for the coming semester. Perhaps part of that process would be writing this reflection..
I remember on the last day of the semester my principal gave his closing day sharing. As part of that sharing he spoke about how students should manage their time better. I remember as I sat there in the chapel, I was examining my life, wished that my assignments were completed earlier(as is my wish every semester) and had more time to study my Hebrew, I had no regrets.
For me personally, studying in seminary should result in a greater growth than just academically (one of my worship deacon calls it 'growing cerebrally'). Though I do enjoy most of the subjects that I've been studying and have learnt a lot from them, studying in seminary is about growing in other areas of life too as one prepares to go into ministry or even the marketplace.
I remember on the last day of the semester my principal gave his closing day sharing. As part of that sharing he spoke about how students should manage their time better. I remember as I sat there in the chapel, I was examining my life, wished that my assignments were completed earlier(as is my wish every semester) and had more time to study my Hebrew, I had no regrets.
For me personally, studying in seminary should result in a greater growth than just academically (one of my worship deacon calls it 'growing cerebrally'). Though I do enjoy most of the subjects that I've been studying and have learnt a lot from them, studying in seminary is about growing in other areas of life too as one prepares to go into ministry or even the marketplace.
Each semester has taught me different life lessons - learning the importance of rest, learning to be the more relational, the importance of walking the talk and learning to trust in God more. This last semester seems to be about letting God be the surgeon on my spiritual life - the importance of cleaning out the junk within. I supposed that this was brought out even more after my trip - the urgency on letting God just deal with stuff deep inside in the here and now so that I may ready myself for what He has called me to do in the future. So while I attended classes such as counselling, pastoral leadership, theology, Hebrew, thesis methodology and Mark; God was working on me on another level.
Looking back, my circle of friends became smaller. I suppose that a part of me just needed more time alone and only let a few people in. I suppose that it was just God's timing too that I had a single room. It would've been harder otherwise. Of course I wished that I could be my usual self - being able to cope with studies, Exco, church work and friendships a bit more effortlessly. With where I was, there was just no way I could do it. Doing things just seem to take a whole lot of strength that I just couldn't find in me. I remember that early in the semester when I tried starting on a few of my assignment, I was just paralyzed and almost freaked out. It took a while before I could start on that assignment and others. I was just thankful for one of my close friends who reassures me that I did my best whenever I get into one of my self-recriminating moods. I have no regrets.
As I write this, I am reminded why I am not ready to go back - I'm hoping not to have to go through all of it again. The operation's not over... There's still things to work out(and perhaps there will be throughout the rest of my studies). I hope that in the break these last few weeks, I'm a little bit more healed, a little bit more strong, a little bit more whole, a little more wiser. Going back will test that.
Naturally, I wish for the coming semester that things will be better- I'll finish my assignments earlier, exercise more, do better for my studies, cope with everything with a little more aplomb - and I may hope that things will go as planned. However, am learning that God allows curveballs to happen and plans may come to naught. In the end, it's about learning to hang on in spite of the unexpected, trusting that He knows what He's doing. I may not know fully what the future holds, what ministries or the difficulties that lies ahead. He does and I have to remind myself that He is preparing me for it.
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