MIssion trip???!!!

It looks like my prayer for the end of the year mission trip is going to become a reality. Still feels like a dream to me though - I still cannot believe how easily my church leaders consented to let me go. I was expecting some objections from them (last year when I asked for permission to help out at TeenStreet- a youth camp that I really believe in, there was lots of hemming and hawing and it took them forever to decide - only to finally tell me 'no').

The missions organisation whose covering that I'll be going under says that there are several possibilities that are definitely open (previously it was quite uncertain). It looks like there'll be quite some preparations ahead.. applications to fill, newsletters to prepare, looking into prices of the flights, getting visa and stuff, researching about the country and culture of the place that I'll be going to.

It just seems rather surreal to me at this point of time. I've been wanting to go for a trip like this for most of my life and the door finally seems to be opening. A part of me is afraid and wonder what's going to lie ahead of me - I'll be away from home again for two months in a totally alien culture. I'll be away from friends and family that I love and far from all that is familiar (missing weddings of some close friends too :(, spending Christmas and my birthday away from home). A small part of me wonder if the trip is going to fall through due to whatever obstacle that lies ahead. Another part of me is just very excited - I hope to really be able to take this opportunity to widen my horizon and perspectives on God - to perhaps supplement my learning in STM. I hope to also work out my calling through this trip. Therefore I am at a point where I feel like I'm standing at a precipice - scared to jump and yet excited as well.

Am also reminded of my own sermon(that was miraculously prepared in 6 hours in the wee hours of the morning last nite) about trusting in the Lord and worrying. *sigh* It's definitely so much easier to preach it than to do it.

Take My Hand And Walk -The Kry

OH My GOODNESS!!! AM so estatically happy. Have been looking for this song by the Kry for more than 4 years! Finally thought of looking for it on youtube(thank God for Youtube)... I was so sore when I lost the files while moving back from Melbourne to Malaysia. :p Really love the lyrics.. It looks like it might come in handy for my sermon too (so double happiness!)... Now to look for the other song by them 'down at the cross' which is just as awesome..


Here goes: not exactly a video - just the song...


I know there are times your dreams turn to dust
You wonder as you cry why it has to hurt so much
Give Me all your sadness
Someday you will know the reason why
With a child-like heart simply put your hope in Me

Chorus:
Take My hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on Me alone
Don't you say ""why were the old days better?"
Just because you're scared of the unknown
Take My hand and walk

Don't live in the past cause yesterday's gone
Wishing memories would last
You're afraid to carry on
You don't know what's comin'
But you know the one who holds tomorrow
"I will be your guide, take you through the night"
If you keep your eyes on Me

Take My hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on Me alone
Don't you say ""why were the old days better?"
Just because you're scared of the unknown
Take my hand and walk where I lead
You will never be alone
Faith is to be sure of what you hope for
And the evidence of things unseen
So take My hand and walk

BRIDGE
Just like a child holding daddy's hand
Don't let go of mine
You know you can't stand on your own

Fasting lessons...

It's now the period of the NECF 40 days of fast and prayer. With much fear and trembling, I've decided to participate this year (The last time I did this two years ago, I ended up deciding to study in STM.. Hmm...). I probably would not have chosen to do it if not for the fact that there's a need for a few things in my life that needs to be sorted out at this point of time based on some choices made a couple of months ago (The possible mission trip at the end of the year is one of them. The other is rather personal.)

For me, so far the only side effects of fasting are forgetfulness(for some reason, I kept on leaving things in G's car) and low levels of energy in the afternoon (I missed the first hour of one of my favourite class because I was just so zonked out. Good thing I managed to make it for the last two hours of class and the lecturer was very understanding).

Fasting's rather difficult for me for several reasons. Like any true Malaysian, I love food - a LOT. Giving up food for most of the day is rather difficult especially when I think of all the lovely food that I could be eating. *sigh*.
Lesson #1: I find that I'm a whole lot more thankful for my food when I break my fast and appreciate every bite that I eat even more. I also find myself thinking more and more of those who have to do without food - to have a glimpse of how difficult it must be for them (I sometimes dread the evenings especially the time after my dinner cos it feels like a long time more before I have my next meal. As it is, it's already hard to choose to do without food. However, to not have a choice, that's a different ballgame altogether)...

Another struggle that I have with this fasting thing is I feel as if I'm losing out on my usual lunch fellowship with my close friends. Part of me really struggle with God about this. This conversation sorta took place:
" Do you love me?"
"You know I do Lord. But it's so difficult cos I want to spend time with my friends too... One of them will be graduating in a couple of months time and one of the few times I get to spend with him is during lunch time..."

"Do you love ME? Even more than you love them? Or have your love for them taken my place in your life?"
"I do love you Lord... But... Erm.... I guess it's a really close one sometimes. I guess I'll really have to sit work that out. *sigh*"

"Do you love me? Will you just spend a little more time with me just for this period of time? Cos I do want to have that time with you for just this period of time - I want you to rethink your priorities - do you make it a priority to be with me the way you make it a priority for you to spend time with your friends?"

Lesson #2: My time with God needs a lot of relooking at...

One afternoon, as I was doing some reflection and thinking about this fasting business, this thought came to mind.. "Obedience is better than sacrifice". It would somehow be more important for me to obey him and not fast than to fast and disobey Him. It was not the act of fasting that was really important - but rather the obeying Him that was more important..

Lesson #3: Sure, in this case, it's a sacrifice for me to fast but how about obeying God? To me, if I'm taking this fasting thing seriously, how important is obeying God in comparison? Hmmmm....

Eskimo Sighting in STM

Hahaha - am going to be so dead after posting this pic...

I've passed my driving test!

I've finally passed my driving test this morning!!! It was just a BIG relief especially after what happened last night... Was rather nervous throughout... The engine even died at the U-turn and I thought I was a goner for sure....

A big THANK YOU to God and to all my friends who have supported me, prayed for me and helped me through this milestone of my life.. :D

Unwanted evening adventure

Life is so ironic sometimes, I've been wondering what to blog about the whole day and I now find myself with lots to blog about - in a totally unexpected way... Most of the day went perfectly ok. I managed to wake up to go for chapel and managed to get some rest in between classes. My energy level was understandably quite low(due to lack of food) and I was a little out of it during the afternoon homiletic class - thankfully my comments were still coherent. After class, went out for a bit with Lee Yng, Lucy and David to buy his sports shoes and did a bit of shopping too. Then came back and had dinner with my two buddies - Josh and Gerrad. Did a bit of work for the special occasion sermon next week, then my unwanted adventure began.... Looks like I'm going to have a bit of explaining to do to Mr Chew(the student dean) tomorrow morning and the whole of STM is going to know about it... *SigH* Am still getting over the shock....

Basically Lucy and I went to practice driving for tomorrow's test... We went to practice at the route where the test was going to be held. During the second round, when I was on the way back, we sorta went off track (to cut short the route and to head back). It was quite dark and it was in one of those remote kampung places... I remember thinking that it would be just BAD if something were to happen and we were both stranded there - and it was a possibility as there are times when I seem to get into this kind of fixes... The next thing I knew, I drove us into this HUGE hole that we both didn't notice - it being dark and all (my mum will have lots to say about this when she finds out)... [Pic - guys checking out the hole and the tyre].

One tyre was stuck in the hole that was covered with this makeshift wood WITH NAILS(trust Malaysians to do stuff like that). The tyre very obviously started to puncture(I could hear the hissing sound)... My nightmare of a thought came true in a matter of minutes - Lucy and I stranded and alone in a dark kampung area next to a mamak shop with one lady who was of absolute no help to us at all.. :P

Lucy was absolutely fantastic - she tried got the jack out of the boot and tried to raise the car while I made called Pauline, Lee Yng and Gerrad for help. Gerrad said that he'd come and bring some guys along (I told him to bring 3). Thank God for mobile phones - especially ones with lights - it was very handy. The soil around the car was soft and because one of the tyres were in the hole it took a while for Lucy lift the car with the jack. Around this time, a Malay guy on a motor bike stopped to assist us - however, the three of us still could not get the car out. Gerrad and the guys arrived shortly after that. Instead of 3 guys, he brought SIX! Oh.. the humiliation... It was so embarassinglaa... However I was extremely grateful for the 'stm rescue team' that consisted of Gerrad and Joshua (of course), Jacob, Charles, Rod(to show the way) AND Billy.. [pic - everyone chipping in]

In a short time, the guys managed to pull the car out (G kept on telling me that there was no way 3 guys could've pulled the car out of the hole.. :P) AND change the punctured tyre. I was really really REALLY grateful for their help - now I know how it feels like to be a 'damsel in distress' with the calvary along to help (in this case 6 knights in two cars - one wira and one iswara. *cheeky grin*). [Pic - Joshua changing the tyre]

In the end, 3 cars came back at 11.15 and as I said, I'll have some explaining to do to Mr Chew tomorrow(about why we came back after our 11pm curfew)... *sighhh.. Half wanted to cry earlier too - sometimes it just sucks to be a girl and be 'emo' over stuff like this. :p Thank God for a friend's weird sense of imagination(he thought I climbed up a tree and got stuck or something like that) and humor who helped to subside the need to cry.. I also half wanted to pummel him for laughing at my predicament. :p

Thankfully, the shock is finally fading and fatigue is slowly overtaking me now(blogging can be rather therepeutic i guess)... Tomorrow will be having driving test... Hope that I will be up to it - good thing the ride home was quite smooth in spite of all that happened - otherwise I'd be even more traumatised.. :p

Thank You God for your protection. Your angels must've been really working overtime tonite. :D

PS: Started participating in the NECF prayer and fast today as well. Hmmm... I wonder if there was a connection somehow. :p

ONE ROCK CONCERT

Just received this in my email... If you're a young person and love music, I highly recommend this and fully support the organiser of this event in trying to create a place where youths in the Klang Valley can go and enjoy good clean rock music...

Last nite's Pastorate Groups BBQ

Had a combine pastoral group BBQ with Kar Yong's group yesterday evening before the prayer meeting. It was totally good fun - tiring, but good fun.... Liz and I did lots of preparation and put in lots of work into it (time to start putting the same kind of effort into my assignments.. :p) and was just absolutely glad that everyone seemed to have a great time.. After that, due to water disruption, we headed back to the hall where we finished cleaning up. It was an a rather interesting moment cos KY joined Dan and I and a few others in the washing up which sort of was interesting cos as far as I know, he's the first lecturer who has done so (pic). *grin* Great way to journey with us students. For those interested, see here to read it from Kar Yong's funny(as in ha-ha funny) perspective. It's definitely worth reading. :D

Prayer meet group

A few girls and I meet up once a week to pray together. Trust me when I say that we don't meet up because we are very spiritual people.

We meet up because each of us have much to learn - and that learning together helps make the road a little smoother.. We meet up because all of us know that we are people who are weak and broken - and that we not only need each other, but God in our lives... We meet up because realise how much support we need from others and how we cannot stand alone in our journeys- even right here in the seminary. We meet up out of love for one another and our desire to support one another...

This evening was one of the most memorable prayer meet that we've had. We sort of had a 'Job and his friends' moment (the bit before his friends started talking) as a friend shared her hurt. At that point of time, I really wished that I could bear the pain for her instead. We gathered around her and just shared the moment. After a while, the pain turned into joy as we could laugh over Rev Tan interrupting the prayer meet (It was rather late to be in the mini chapel I guess- 12pm.. He must've been wondering what Lucy was doing in her night clothes in the chapel as she went to unlock the door until he saw the rest of us... LOL.. )...

Later on, one of them told me another rather shocking news. I pray that it will not turn out to be anything serious. I realise again how much I've come to love my girl friends and treasure each one of them and how much I'd lay down my life for each one of them. Their continual honesty and friendship has allowed me to be truly myself with them. I am so blessed and am spurred on when I see how they want to be a blessing to others in the community of STM despite the pressures and the hardships that each of them face. Thank You God for the blessing of each of them.

Driving test

Am finally taking my driving test tomorrow. Am a bit nervous at this point. However, I was quite encouraged by my friends (barring one or two comments made in jest) who were quite supportive.

On the way back from shopping as we were nearing STM, Gerrad stopped the car and suddenly got out. The next thing I knew, I was sitting on the driver's seat. I was a bit surprised but grateful that he friends trusted me to be in the drivers seat. His trust really helped to boost my confidence.

When I got back, my girl friends were waiting for me. It was their turn to go out with me as I drove. One of my girlfriends, Pauline, lent her car and the other three followed. Lan Yin kept on saying 'pls take care of my mother' in cantonese at the beginning of the journey and I could hear her sighing at the back of me. She was really cute.. Lee Yng and Lucy were very supportive and calmly gave me instructions and made me practice all the stuff they thought I should know. All in all, I must say that the ride was quite smooth.

Even the STM guard was quite supportive - he didn't take down our names when I drove past the gate a couple of minutes after 11pm... He knew earlier when I was driving Gerrad's car that I was practicing.

It's at times like these that I realise again how blessed I am. I am really blessed with wonderful and supportive friends - a priceless gift from God. The girls say they are going to get their pastoral groups to pray for me tomorrow as I take my test. Also, some of the guys said they were praying for me as I bumped into them in STM.

Thank You God for your evident love through them. I am amazed by You.

PS: Went out with the Gerrad, Josh and Beena for dinner. Took them to a 'hongkie' place and it was a first time experience for all three of them. They apparently liked the food. *grin*

Causes of lagging...

Have been a tad lagging in posting up stuff this week. I must confess that I have been rather distracted - namely by two particular TV series that I've been watching(season 2 of Criminal Minds and season 7 of Gilmore Girls). Thus far, my priority for this week are classes, church work, friendships, finishing up TV series and getting books for my assignments. Should finish watching both series by next week then can start getting serious on my work as well as post up more stuff...
Next series coming up that I'm looking forward to - Monk season 6. The season's premiere should be on this Saturday... Yay!

CUG, "Will You Grab Me?", Families...

Had a pretty good weekend this week. Had a pretty interesting Friday afternoon followed by a pretty good Friday night session at College Uni Group. I think I'm falling in love more and more... with the young people in the college uni group in church. ;) I supposed that outsiders might look at them and point out the flaws in them - but I see that there's a lot of potential in them. I pray that as I journey with them, I'll be able to be a good older sister to them.

As I interact with them, I realise again and again how much they need to be equipped to face the challenges of life rather than just sheltering them. I find that many times they are crying out to know how to deal with situations that they come up with. They are also crying out for more adults to be more involved and interested in them - I suppose that this might be a natural cry as many of them already have parents who are both working and this perhaps lead to wanting more visible concern from the adults (both young and old) in the church. I can really see how they appreciate whenever and adult comes over to the fellowship and just talk with them.

On Saturday, during the last 10 mins of Worship Ministry prayer meet where I encouraged the members of the worship ministry to grab someone and to pray and minister to one another, one of the young people ask me "Will you please grab me?" That question really tugged a part of my heart. I was glad just to be able to pray for her as well as talk with her. As my young friend prayed for me, I realised this - the young people in the church really need more interaction with the older ones in the church. I think it's just sad how individuals are so concerned with their own issues that they fail to see the needs of the young people - the very people that need them. I'm not saying that the older ones have to 'rescue' them. I think they just need to make a little effort to talk and get to know the young people.

Praying for this girl reminded me of the tough times I faced during my teenage years. I remembered how much it meant to me to have some of the uncles and aunties, older brothers and sisters in church just talk to me and made me feel as if they were really part of my family - my family in Christ. Many times, when things got really tough at home and I couldn't share my struggles with anyone, I remembered how much it meant for me to have the young adults talk to me and be my friend during those days - people like gramps' age group and slightly older. The fact that they were just there helped - even though they didn't know the struggles that I was going through. I looked forward to the weekends and considered the church my second home - a place where I could find a short respite from the battering of the week - because of the comfort God brought through such people.

Speaking of uncles and aunties, my oldest maternal uncle and his family came over for a brief visit on the way back to Australia from the UK over the weekend. It was absolutely wonderful to spend time with them - I realised how much I missed being with them - I used to live with them in Melbourne for 3 years. *sigh*. Families can drive a person crazy at times but it's times like these that I remember that they are truly a precious gift from God.

Celebrating the Hymns of Charles Wesley

This will be a short post cos I'll be going out for a movie soon(Yay!!!). This morning in chapel, we sang hymns written by Charles Wesley. It instilled in me a further appreciation for both the hymns writer and the hymns that he wrote especially the bit about how he wrote solid theology in his hymns...

Over the past few years, a few of my friends have been encouraging me to write songs. One of them is Ps Wah Lok - he's been a great encourager to me in this area. The last song I wrote is now about 2 years old. Perhaps it's time to attempt to start writing again...

Any suggestions or help are welcomed at this stage. :)

I'll cling to the promise that You're not through with me yet

Had a conversation this morning that struck something in my memory...


I was reminded again of a time when darkness perpetually surrounded me
Though it was day, the sun never shone
My world was bleak and so very cold
My heart was wrapped with pain
Tears were never far from my eyes
My mouth would cry out in silent agony
My mind was plagued by thoughts that unceasingly tormented
I sought and sought but my soul could not find peace

All of life seems to be pointless
All that once made sense now seems to lose its meaning
All the things that once brought joy now brought unspeakable despondency
If not for a tiny ray of light - so weak that it was almost snuffed out
Perhaps I would not be here today...

On a day like this when I remember
A shadow of the past seems to touch me
A glimpse of the pain and darkness comes back
But I am reminded that He has indeed brought me out of that darkness
That though the road to recovery was painful
And I am now covered by scars
I am now where I am by His grace
And I am thankful, so very thankful...
Again I am amazed at His love towards me
I stand in awe and wonder...

As I reminisce, the song "If You Want Me To" resonates within me and gives me hope
It describes where I once was and where I now am
"I'll cling to the promise that You're not through with me yet"

*********************************
Authors' note: If you can identify with I've written above, I would like to encourage you to seek help. There's no way that you can get out of it alone. Do it while the light of hope is still there, no matter how tiny and weak it is.
If you know of people who are in such situation, do walk alongside them and get help for them. Never leave them alone or it may be too late.

If You Want Me To...

If You Want Me To
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason
Why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

No I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will walk through the valley
If You want me to

Reflection on Pastorate Group outing to Malacca

The main highlight of the trip for me was this morning devotions with the pastorate group. I think it was one of the most meaningful times that we as a pastorate group had together. Sarah shared about her life and the challenges ahead her as she chooses to have faith in God in the coming 6 months. The main thing that she challenged the whole group was to trust and obey God (especially in view of how easy it is to go our own way when we are capable people rather than to really trust and obey God). She shared that trusting in God can be quite scary - even for her - just like taking that first step out of the boat. Many times, we'd rather just run away and rely on our strength. I find this to be so true even for myself.


In view of one of my previous post about a seminarian's cry, I was quite moved by Sarah's sharing. I appreciated the fact that she shared her fears and her struggles with us. Of course she’s not perfect(most of us would know her weaknesses - she herself tends to 'publicize' it too sometimes) but I see (and I think the others do too as well) how much she cares for us and is concerned for our welfare as she sees us struggling in seminary. She even shared about how each of us has taught her about God and has been an encouragement to her – this showed me that perhaps she has been watching closely over us more than I previously realized. She furthermore encouraged us to keep watch over our prayer life and to continue to really trust and obey God – in spite of how our studies or work load might distract us. I could see that most of us in the group were really ministered to. It reminded us that this is an area of our life that we need to continually work on and be mindful not neglect for the rest of semester.

Her sharing spoke into two areas of my life – one of them is to continue to seek God despite my many capabilities. Lately, I do notice that it can be so easy for me to make my own decisions and to do things my own way rather than God’s. This is especially true as I learn more about myself – in what I’m capable of doing and what I’m not capable of doing. It’s so easy to just lean on my own capabilities and not consult God at all.

I’ve also been contemplating a trip to the Middle East at the end of the year. There are times I wonder if I’m really pushing it. A part of me has been wanting to go for a trip of this nature for a really long time (more than 15 years now?? -since I first heard my role model George Verwer speak). I wonder sometimes if my desire is blinding me to everything else?? Another part of me is afraid of what’s ahead if God does finally say ‘go’. Finance is probably the biggest issue (It’ll cost at least around RM10k to go and I have no where near that amount in my bank account). Out of all this, I hear His still small voice saying ‘Do you trust me? Will you continue to obey me? Will you do these even if things don’t turn out the way you expect them to?’. One would think that it’d be easier to say ‘yes, Lord’ after all these years – after all I faced the same question when I went to Australia, when I came back to Malaysia after that, when I left the job that I really enjoyed in KL to work in church, when I came to study at STM. Somehow, it doesn’t really get easier. It’s still difficult to say "Let Your will be done…."

Lastly, I appreciated the fact that though Sarah was really pressed for time (she apparently had an anxiety attack because she was concerned that she would not be able to finish her packing in time), she really made the effort to show up and make this trip happen. I really admire the way she made to be involved in the trip with us, pulling all of us together to do stuff together (instead of doing things individually). I know how difficult this can be.

Through her short time with us, I’ve learnt more than I expected to from Sarah. I do sincerely hope to see more experiences like these between lecturers and students taking place.

Trip to Malacca with Pastorate Group

I was just warring with myself - to blog about my pastorate group(STM small group) outing or to watch a movie on dvd that I've been having for some time now (looks like Greg Kinnear and Hugh Jackman's just got to wait. Maybe I'll just watch it after this if I'm not too tired). Blogging obviously won out.

I went to Malacca with my pastorate group yesterday afternoon and came back this afternoon.

I must say that overall it was a pretty good trip ... We ate lots of food, stayed at a pretty nice place (one of our lecturer family's home - it was really nice of her to let us stay), went for a spot of sightseeing and shopping.

We went to the Portuguese Settlement last nite and had dinner(comprised mainly of seafood) there. I'm generally not too fond of seafood, but I must say that the food there was not too bad. The baked fish, one of their specialties, was pretty good. I really liked the squid fritters too. After that, we went to Jonker's walk and just did a spot of sightseeing there. I'm not much of a shopper, but I loved the quaint shops along the street and I must say that they had some pretty interesting knick-knacks. I especially loved the old paintings of scenes that they had of Malacca - seriously regretted not buying one or two to place in my room at STM (the price was pretty reasonable too). Maybe next time. Anyways, I bought the guys a bamboo thingo that flies. It was one of the interesting knick knacks that Jacob and I spotted as we walked around. Some of my friends are having a bit of fun with it. *grin* On the way back to the place that we were staying, Jacob asked if we could stop to buy some durian. It was a pity that I'm still having my cough - or I'd join them. Apparently the durian was very good. I was very tired and slept early (I think it was around 11pm).

This morning, we had some pineapple tarts for breakfast that Sarah (my pastorate group lecturer and friend) bought from Jonker's Walk the night before. This was followed by a good time of group devotion led by her. We had a good time of prayer for one another then it was time to pack. Jacob showed us the way for Malacca's famous chicken rice balls. We had another walk to Jonker's street and this time we visited the day time shops. I particularly loved the shop with the T-shirts. They had some unique Malaysian designs. A pity I didn't bring more money with me. I loved the shop with the necklaces. Like I said, I'm actually not much of a shopper. I generally only enjoy shopping for books and shopping for 'tech' stuff. However, one of my weakness is that I love shopping for accessories... There was a shop that had lovely necklaces and bracelets for very reasonable prices. I was so estatic! *grin*

We went for some cendol after that. I tried durian cendol for the first time in my life and it was absolutely heavenly! Li Sze and I really loved our durian cendols. The rest enjoyed the normal cendol too. It was an absolutely hot day and we were longing for something cooling by then so the cendols really hit the right spot. It was almost time to head back to Seremban after our cendol consumption - but before that, we went to the new shopping complex in Malacca and did a spot of shopping. The prices there were seriously reasonable as there was a sale going on. I'm now officially broke for the rest of this week. :p Li Sze and I are planning to go back one of these weeks to finish up our shopping - maybe in two weeks time. That way I can go back to get one or two stuff that I really wanted to get. *grin*

*******************************

On a funny note, one of the trip's highlight was watching Jacob eat. That boy can seriously eat - as we walked along Jonker's walk, he would stop and try out stuff at every few shops. I even took a photo of him eating. I seriously do not know where all his food goes to. :p

Bridal Shower, CUG Games, Work

Am beginning to think that I've been overdoing it these last couple of days. My head is pounding slightly and my sis commented that I've got bags under my eyes (great! :p). I think I'm going to have to do an 8pm-er soon(sleeping at 8pm is an unnatural phenomena with me - happens once in a blue moon).

Since my last post, I've had my driving lessons (this time thankfully with quite a nice driving instructor), seeing Rev Tan about my Malaysian Church History assignment, gone back to church to do some work, went for CUG (I played every round of games that they had. Now my whole body's protesting at the contortions that I had to do), went to church again for more work (trying to maintain my patience and trying to refrain from arguing with some stubborn people thrown in between- I was this close from losing it. :p) and attended a bridal shower.

Some highlights:

Driving lesson - My driving instructor this time was a different guy. Thankfully he was quite pleasant and I'm now fairly confident in doing the slope, parallel parking and the three point turn thingy (I think I repeated all three around more than 20 times until both he and I were quite fed up - I am seriously looking forward to being on the road during the next class). This driving instructor is a recently retired bank officer and had just started being an instructor for two days. He has 4 children (oldest in form 5, youngest 2 months old). I also found out some other interesting facts - his world view of Christians was very Roman Catholic in nature. When he found out I was in bible school, he asked me if I was going to be a nun. When I mentioned that I might possibly become a pastor(somehow I found it a little more difficult telling him that I might be a missionary), he didn't understand what/who a pastor was and asked if that was similar to being a priest. When he finally understood, he likened a pastor to being an 'imam' (Muslim religious leader). He asked what my bro and sis were doing and understandably made a remark that in some way I chose the 'lesser path'. I think that a part of him was puzzled as to why I would choose to do what I am doing now. I seriously do not know if the answers I gave him were adequate but I myself was challenged to reflect on the path that I've chosen to take (in a good way).

CUG Games- Had quite a fun time in CUG last nite. It was also challenging. We played a game that required team work and good strategy planning. Through it, I learnt that Kerry can have quite a devious mind (he initially put me near the goal to be the 'striker' with the hopes that the opponent's team will not dare to bully/touch me as I was a girl and a church worker to boot - unfortunately, his brother, who was on the opponent's team had no such compunction. He even planted Ps Choon Meow at strategic places cos he said that the opponent's team would not dare to harass Ps Choon Meow either. :p), our CUG people are very competitive people and at the same time were very supportive of whoever were leading them. I played all five games(thanks to Kerry) for two hours. Was really a zombie when I finally reached home at 12. Some more went out with bro and sis after that cos was really hungry(didn't have dinner). Finally slept at 2am (*faint).

Bridal Shower - One of my childhood friend, Alicia Chew, is getting married next month. The Chew sisters are quite known for organizing events. This event was quite different from the other bridal showers I've attended. We went to a french restaurant and.... we learnt cooking from a french chef, Jean Michel. We basically learnt how to cook whatever that was going to be on the dinner menu and so it was pretty cool to learn to make creme brulee, Lamb Shanks Confit and some bruschettas (mushroom, pate, the ones with tomatoes and the ones with olive). Alicia was roped in to help the chef (on the pretext that she was going to be a wife soon, so she might as well learn to cook *grin*). It was an eye opening experience with lots of laughs as the chef was quite entertaining and engaging with his stories. There was only 15 of us (including her mother and 3 sisters) so it was very cosy and relaxing. We didn't even notice the time flying. The Chew sisters also managed to get her fiance Mark(now still in the US), to do a video to introduce himself to us and to share stories of how they met, and their most memorable experience together, how he proposed, etc... It helped us to get to know him a bit better. I was just very happy for Alicia especially as I know I how long she's been waiting to marry. :D

The Cry of a Seminarian

Do you care for me and my fellow seminarians?
Do you really really care?
Do you care for me the person, not just the me that you see in my grades?
Do you know or even care of my struggles?

I struggle as I walk these steps in seminary each day.
I struggle as I re-learn things about God, as I am being corrected in my thoughts about Him.
I struggle as I try to combine faith and knowledge.
I struggle as God speaks into my life and challenges me in the darkest areas of my life.
I struggle as I begin to see more and more of the failures of the church - and wonder if one day I'll be a part of those failures.
I struggle to love the church as Christ loves her when I begin to see these failures.
I struggle to choose not to run away or to hide instead.
I struggle not to be cynical when I see that those who are supposed to be modelling Christ fails to do so.
I struggle to still have hope in God each day in spite of what I see around me.
I struggle when I see those around me, their passion for God dying and wonder if/when my turn will come.
I struggle and wonder if I'll last these years of seminary.
I struggle with the workload - and wonder at the end of the day if all the work I'm doing is worth it in the long run.
I struggle as I see the areas of weaknesses in my life and wonder if I'll be an effective minister of Christ when I graduate.
I struggle when I see lecturers not seeming to live out their faith - when what they teach seems to come merely from their lips and not their lives.
I struggle as sometimes I feel so alone in this journey.
I struggle with my fears for the future - in being a future minister of Christ - if I'll be too impractical in my faith because of the way I am being taught.
I struggle when I see hypocrites or Pharisees around me - and pray that I'll not one day turn out to be one of them.

Will you journey with me?
Will you walk alongside me, not to tell me that everything will be fine - but to let me know that I'm not alone in this journey?
Will you share more of your life and experiences with me - to prepare me more for what's ahead?
Will you just spend SOME time to know me for me - to show that through you Christ cares for me and my struggles - that I am indeed worth more than my grades in a culture where we are judged by our achievements?

Will you help me connect with what I see is happening to the world with what God says in His Word?

Will you help me to know God more - not just intellectually?
Will you be my role model so that I may be an effective role model for the people who will be one day under my care?

I don't need you to be perfect - just be broken jars of clay - that God may be seen through you in spite of your imperfectness.
I don't need you to teach me through just words - but to teach me by your life (after all, don't you know that your actions speaks louder than words?).

Mengejar hadir-Mu

One of my lecturers (Herbert Tan) played this song in class last semester. I've been so into this song since then.



Mengejar Hadir-Mu
Dekat pada-Mu itu rinduku
Setiap kataku Kau pun menunggu
Tak kusangka kutemukan
Kasih yang abadi
Kini ku datang dan ku bawa hidupku

Chorus:
Memandang wajah-Mu
Mengikuti kebaikan-Mu
Mengejar hadir-Mu dalam hidupku
Membawa sembahku
Menyatakan kebesaran-Mu
Mengejar hadir-Mu dalam hidupku