Weekend entry

I'm back at STM again and am about to finish another assignment by tonight. It's been a long weekend as usual good in some ways and a struggle in others.

The past has a way of coming back and confronting you in many ways. Just this week, my uncle from Melbourne came back. To be honest, I had mixed feelings about him coming here. On one hand, I love him heaps and I know that he loves me and wants the best for me. On the other hand, our last few conversations over the phone have somehow ended with on a slightly sour-ish tinge - mostly because of his ideas of 'a better future' for me clashes with mine and I guess he can't understand the path that I've decided to take (not surprising - a lot of people I'm close to can't understand either) and a few other factors. However, whatever time we had with him was great - and I was reminded of great memories of just hanging out with him in the evenings and helping him with gadgets, talking to him about my aunt and cousin, about church, about gadgets or just watching documentaries or news with him. Realised how much I missed that part of my relationship with him.

I was also reminded about another uncle in my family - I was very close to him until he left for his studies in Australia... Am always saddened whenever I think about him. He is a very broken person - so broken that I wonder if he'll ever heal. I struggle with God and get rather melancholy whenever I remember him. Many times I wonder if our prayers for him will ever be answered.

On another note, in going back to church I find myself again in a very uncomfortable position. It feels like a clash of two worlds sometimes. I struggle with the things I'm learning here in STM and applying it in church. I struggle with the fact that it's hard for people to understand me as to where I'm coming from - then again, should that really matter to me? I continually ask myself, what is the Lord teaching me and what do I do with that? Am I meant to impart it or keep it to myself? If I'm meant to impart - how do I do so? Can I do so without being too lofty to be understood and too idealistic? Is it possible for me to bring them to the place of understanding that I find myself (then again... I'm still learning and internalising what I'm learning so I'm not 'there' yet and then again, I have a feeling that it'll be a long time before I get there - if I ever get there)... Or is it better that I keep quiet and keep my thoughts to myself?? If so, how do I respond when people ask me as to what I'm learning in STM? *sigh*

On a more positive note, my sister's graduation ceremony was today... Had to forgo it but we managed to take photos together. Am so proud and happy for her. :)