Blessed

Time passes so quickly when you're having fun. Am in the the middle of Tung Ling with 5 more weeks to go.. Just this week we went through Song of Songs and Feasts of the Lord. It was rather interesting as I've not really gone through the book and the topic before.
Looking back, I've just been so blessed by the lecturers, our principal - Ng Wah Lok, our administrator - Chin Yee and my classmates.
Am definitely having a great time and will be sad when we finish our three months of learning. But as our lecturer says, "we should not only learn, but practice what we learn".
ANother prophecy was spoken over me yesterday and it was just really great. Was really encouraged and edified and was reassured once again that I'm walking in the centre of God's will.

Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for this time at Tung Ling. Thank you too for sustaining me each and everyday as there are times when it's been a strain and struggle to survive through the long day. Thank you for keeping me awake at the lectures so that I am able to learn so much more from you.

Life with Tung Ling in the picture

Time seems to pass by so quickly nowadays... There's the usual amount of work to be done at church... Plus now there's Tung Ling work too. Not that I'm complaining -in fact, I'm enjoying classes Tung Ling a lot. I wish that most people in the church will be able to take time off to attend the 3 month course too..
God has just been revealing so much in the past 5 weeks now. Everyday, it's as if the prescription of my spectacles changes and I see God a little clearer - in a way I've not seen Him before. Not only my view of God has changed, I have been challenged to be more practical in my faith too. I really love my classmates- they are so encouraging and open in their faith too- and we have lots of fun together.
This week we're learning on the anointing of the Holy Spirit... And our lecturer is Ps Kindah Greening from Gold Coast, Australia. Am looking forward to what he has to say on Spiritual Gifts tomorrow and Friday.
We're also expected to complete 10 modules as part of our assignment- have currently completed 5 and I have 5 more to go...
Things have eased up a little bit - now that Easter's over (thank God!).. Have been able to get a little bit more rest...
Have also decided to go to the gymn to do a little bit of exercise.. Just started this yesterday. Wasn't as bad as I thought it would've been..

My current day looks like this:
6.20am: Wake up, shower, get ready to go to Tung Ling
6.50am: Ewe Jin picks me up and we go over to Eiran's
7.30am: Tung Ling starts with prayer time
1.00pm: Lunch
2.30pm: Back in church for work
5.30pm: Finish work
5.30pm: Gym
7pm: Dinner
8pm onwards: Prayer meeting (Wednesday), complete modules/watch TV/study for test/the occasional going out with friends(rare though)/ sleep early, Cross Gen (Friday nights)

weekends are always full of meetings. *sigh*

Dear Father God,
AM so glad for the opportunity I have to learn more about You in Tung Ling. Continue to challenge me and mold me to be more like You- no matter how hard it may be at times.
Your grace, mercy and love strengthens me each day. Thanks Father.

Wow!

Easter's over and my rather hectic days are hopefully slowing down - though I don't see how - what with Tung Ling on Monday to Friday, worship leading this weekend and throw in leading devotions and prayer on Thursday and Friday too. :P
Soul Survivor's coming this Thursday and I'm really looking forward to hear what Mike Pilavachi has got to say!
The past few weeks have rather been a struggle as I've just been adjusting to going for Tung Ling Bible School in the mornings until 2pm and fitting my workload of 8 hours into 3 hours(And just coping with failing at that abysmally!).
Nevertheless, am really excited by what I've been learning at Tung Ling. Can just sense that God's just polishing me up in how I view Him and my walk with Him.
Just today was just blown away by the vision of how He sees me - never really saw it that way before. Am so glad that He's my Father.

Thank You Dad in Heaven for all You're doing. Just can't help falling more and more in love with You. I stand in silent awe.

A quick note

The past week has had it’s up and downs…
I’ve definitely learned some new lessons. I worship led on Sunday. Though I don’t know generally how most of the congregation found it, I know that it was my best and that my God was pleased with it.
It wasn’t an easy week for me as I’ve had my share of discouragements. Spiritual warfare was definitely going on. Many times during the week I had to just fight thoughts of unworthiness as well as “what on earth I’m doing”. My solitude time with Him definitely helped.

The calm before the storm

It's like the calm before the storm.
It's peaceful and quite.
Yet - a sense of foreboding is there.
Jesus be my anchor when the storm comes.

Happy Chinese New Year and thoughts

Happy Chinese New Year!
Yup yup - had a great break for a week from work and therefore the computer (5th-11th Feb).
It was great to spend the few days with my family - though we had our ups and downs as usual.
It was a great break because it'll be my last one for the next 4 months or so (my next break'll probably be in July AFTER the Hillsong conference- more about that later).
My cousin sherene and my cousin Melissa came and join us for an hour or so and it was great to see them at Camerons. We had to cut our trip short cos my sis was having exams on Friday(3rd day of CNY). Nevertheless it was good to be up in Camerons cos when we came back here it was sweltering hot. I had problems sleeping due to the heat too and it was pretty miserable for me. I also really miss my evening walks with my dog Oreos (we decided to put him up there in Camerons).
Just a glance through of thoughts or stuff that has happened since we came back last week.

• Was worship leading with Jason on Sunday (13th Feb) for our first ever youth worship service in PJEFC so that was pretty awesome
• Mind have been partially occupied with an upcoming friend's wedding
• Have been busy planning for the Hillsong stuff as the MAS Fair is this weekend.
• Planning for my next worship leading session which is next week.
• Had a Cross Gen leaders meeting after which I had a discussion with a friend and was really reminded by the Holy Spirit that so much more prayer has to go into Cross Gen.
• Easter preparations is underway
• Tung Ling Bible School is starting soon!!! so much to clear up beforehand!
• Cousin's started Bible School already.
• Have been communicating more with my Aussie cousin whom I used to stay with recently. It has been really great to see how he's grown up.
• I just love Chinese New Year-I love the spending time with family, the food and the ang paus!!!

Dear God,

Thanks for occasions such as Chinese New Year and the plans that You have for me. Thank You for being so faithful despite my unfaithfulness at times.

Family time, High praise..

Yay!! Going to camerons tomorrow to spend quality time with family. This is one aspect of Chinese New Year that I treasure.. Hopefully I'll get to see my cousins there too.
As usual, we're going to have reunion dinner together and have barbeque on the first night of CNY. Yummy.. Am looking forward to the rest and the time with my family cos I don't get to see too much of them nowadays..
Tonight's High Praise at Cross Gen.. Am leading it with Jason. Part of me is looking forward to it. Another part of me trembles and just feel so unprepared. I pray that His presence will lead us tonight and that He'll be there.
One of the highlights of this week is that a long standing issue has been resolved. Praise God for that! Am really happy cos I really felt that God was speaking to me to resolve it for a few weeks already - and me being me - I took some time to it.

Dear God,
Thank You for occassions like Chinese New Year where families can just get together. I pray too for the High Praise tonight. I pray that we'll You there and that Your glory will just rest upon the place.. Thank you for everything.

Thoughts

A friend recently said that serving in ministry can be very lonely(after all the meetings one has to attend, one does not really have much time for friends-I know it sounds bad but it's true) and a lot of sacrifice has usually be made(I find that my usual tv time has dwindled to almost nothing, have not watched a movie in the past month, have not have energy to go out for mamak as I used to). I think this is so true. Friends sometimes think that I'm crazy to live as I do - from meetings to meetings, fully focused on the ministries I'm in and almost no time for myself to do the things I love to do. My family usually complains that they don't see me often enough - more likely because I don't then carry out my chores as I should(I try to complete them on Mondays if I'm not too exhausted). Don't mistake me, I do get my occasional rest (preferably at least one night a week or at least a couple of stolen hours to myself to do some beloved reading).
I think no one but God can really understand why I do the things I do.
Sometimes, I wonder what it would be to live as others do - to just hang out with friends whenever and just do your own thing; playing computer games, watching tv, watching animes and reading to one's hearts content, going out more often and living life for myself - not for any ministry or doing any of God's will. I wonder if I'll be as satisfied, if not more, if I were living that kind of life. Probably not - maybe happier (and that's a big maybe)- but definitely not as satisfied.
From time to time, I do stop whatever I'm doing and just spend short spans of time just to think if I'm doing all these just because, if this is just my will, or am I just being swept into the storm. So far, I've had blessed reassurance that I'm where I am doing what I'm doing because He has placed me here in this moment in time. I see His plans just unfold before me. For now, He's just stretching me, challenging me to make full use of my time - and yet - give Him at least an hour of my day. It's definitely not a comfortable process. There are times where I just feel like crying,
and many other times where I just feel as if I've a burr under my skin... But He is faithful and just- He does not give me more than I can bear. For that, I thank You Jesus.

Cross Gen Broga Camp!

Had an awesome weekend. Went to Broga adventure camp with my youth group- Cross Gen(photos here).

Came back with bruised knees (due to the obstacle course) and an aching with body. But had a really awesome time. Am so excited to see what God is doing in Cross Gen so far this year. Especially when last year it seemed that everyone felt burnt out and wiped out.
One of the lessons that I've learnt during the Broga camp is that most of my fears can be overcome. I'm really not fond of heights. We did abseiling from 60 feet high. The instructor was not going to let anyone off... I tried excusing myself cos my shoes were wet from the obstacle course. I ended up to be the only one going down with slippers (which was potentially dangerouse if I slipped - but thank God that I didn't).
I got to know a fair bit of people better and it was really great to see everyone working together. One of the games required us to get up a twelve foot wall. It was awesome to see how the whole team getting together to make sure everyone managed to get over the wall. Another highlight was that we had to built a raft for a raft race. Other highlights were telematches and hiking to the waterfalls which were really fun. Everyone definitely got a shade darker due to standing out in the sun for all the activities(This was also remarked by the elders during prayer meet last night...heheheh). Worship was also wonderful. One could just sense the freedom in worship. It was just beautiful. Another great things about the camp was Derrick, Hsien Ling, Edmond and myself managed to try the local specialty - freshly caught tillapia and baked over coals in aluminium foil. The fish tasted absolutely awesome(This is amazing cos I'm not a fish person. Anyone who knows me I generally prefer chicken).
As I've said before, I'm so glad and excited to see what God's doing among our young people in Cross Gen. Last night, the church prayed for us. Aunty Lai Sheong shared a passage about Jonathan and his armour bearer which really encouraged all the Cross Gen leaders that were there. It's just amazing to see how much the church is willing to support us.
Ever since coming back to Broga camp - it's been one meeting after another (Thank God for the break on Tuesday). Monday night I had Cross Gen committee meeting, Tuesday was Easter choir meeting, Wednesday night was meeting with Easter planning committee and prayer meet.
the next few days does not look to be another better.
But in spite of it all, there seems to be a change that God is doing in my life. I sense that He is just moulding me in ways that He has not before. If one asks me how - I just won't be able to explain it. It just awes me. His presence seems more real each and every day. I'm not saying that my life is perfect - my family still does get upset with some silly things that I might do, not all my friendships perfectly great, not all things in the worship ministry is fine-in fact more stuff seems to be cropping up this week and there is quite a few things to deal with, but inspite of it all, God seems to be saying - be still, I'm here- no matter the circumstances.

Thank You Jesus. It helps me to keep going on no matter how high the mountain before me or how big the storm.

Easter preparations

Easter preparations has begun as of yesterday. We - Lawrence, Philip, Doreen, Chris and I - went to Philip's place and started Easter preparations.
The material looks quite promising and it'll be interesting to see how it turns out. In between doing all my usual work for worship- I have been just busy getting all the stuff photocopied and preparing for tonight's first practice.
Am definitely getting back into the swing of things. Over the weekend I have been in a flurry attending one meeting after another. Most of them were Cross Gen and missions department stuff.
On Saturday I attended Brother Yun's (the heavenly man) talk. Though the message itself didn't really speak to me personally- he was speaking about the 2 fishes and 5 loaves of bread - just seeing him there was an inspiration. He looked much younger than I expected him to look, especially since he's had so much hardship in his life. He's a walking miracle - I heard of the story of how he was crippled by torture and yet he could walk out of the prison and no one stopped him.
This is one of my few breaks since I got back from Camerons (and you can bet that I'm treasuring every one of them!). Am just really glad for it.
It's just been a long day. There are just times when I wonder why people just don't look at the bigger picture and how they affect others and just let their selfishness hurt so many other people. They say hurtful things in their frustration and never think twice about hurting others just so that they can feel better. And other people have to clean up their mess. Sheesh... Sometimes I just wish that I could repay them in kind. But something just stops me. It's as if Jesus says to me "It's ok. I know it's frustrating and you care for those who hurt. Just look to me. I will make it alright. Just don't do things in your own strength. Do them in my strength and wisdom." As Eiran says, maybe it's just good to cry it out and release it. I guess God is just teaching me to cry out and release it to Him....

Cameron photos

I took these photos while I was there. *sigh* Wish I could bring some of the beauty back.

Beautiful skies

View from Winterhome

Purple flowers

This photo reminds me that God's creations are infinitely more beautiful than man's

Grandfather's cabin

Resting dog

View of the dam from my granddad's place

Lake View Villa

Interesting bug on a chair

Mountain view

Rest..

Matthew 11:27-29
27“All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. "

Funny how all things seem to speak of the same things at a certain season, at a certain time. The verse above was shared by the speaker at church on Sunday. She was sharing about missions.

I left for Cameron Highlands on Monday afternoon to get some much needed rest and as I've mentioned in my previous blog entries, to get some solitude. I got all that and more. Funnily enough, missions have been foremost on my mind this week as I reenergized and "find my center"- as I've cheekily told my mum last week before I left.

I went up with a pastor that's involved with missions. Also blessed some Orang Asli with whatever little I had by buying groceries for them. Met this person who went to Banda Acheh who went to do relief work with the tsunami victims. He showed us a picture of dead bodies in a river. You cannot see the water in river at all because of all the dead bodies covering it. He shared with us that the stench of the dead bodies are so great. At the same time, it seems hopeless to bury all the dead body in time. Already their bodies have rotted to the extent that if you were to pull them out of the river, their flesh would come out. The sight of the bodies are also horrible as they have been battered. Even though he's done some really tough things like climbing Mount Everest, he cannot forget the stench and the sight of all who died. He gets nightmares. A Korean drove me back home. He's doing tentmaking here with his wife and kids. I marvel at how they would give up the comforts of familiriaty just so that others can come to know Christ. Learnt a whole lot more about Korea on the way home.

In retrospect I learnt a lot while I was away. Yes, I did get my rest: I had more time to read, did a spot of photographing nature and scenery, gaze at the stars at night as I used to do during summertime in Melbourne, stood in awe at God's work around me - both in people and in nature. But I did learnt a whole lot more than I expected. I rediscovered a yearning inside me that he's placed for missions. Before I went, I was seriously thinking of stepping down from missions department. But I saw how much more needs to be done. How important my role of where He has placed me to be for now. How much more people need to hear about Jesus and the hope and life he can bring to them. How I cannot lax in all the responsibilities He's given under my stewardship and how I have to push on no matter how hard the going is. How I need to continue to mature and to put my childish ways behind me.

A prophecy came to me on Sunday worship. It was a reminder that He has placed me where I am cos He's continually preparing me for what's ahead(there was a mention of God putting me in another country with things that are beyond my imagination in store for me). And my heart yearns to go already. And yet, I know I need to faithfully finish this current mile before I can go to the next milestone.

Dear Jesus,

Please help me to run this mile well. May I fit into Your will and not mine.

Much needed holiday

Will be leaving for some much needed rest in an hour's time. Thought to sneak in some thoughts beforehand.
Am really looking forward to my holiday. Though I think that I could possibly go on doing what I've been doing for the past couple of months for another month, I'm glad that I can finally take a break. I know some people think that I can never sit still and that I'll probably be fidgeting after the 2nd day, but I've been wanting to have some solitude time for the past half year. So I am really really really looking forward to it.
Am planning to sleep, rest(and hopefully completely recover from my cough - yes, it's still there and am beginning to alarm me cos it doesn't seem to go away) , make some new year's resolutions, reflect, contemplate, read some books that has been sitting on the shelf - beckoning me but always ignored because other things have to come first and spend quality time with God (not just the short prayers I take in between work-though that's great as well).

Dear Jesus,
I pray for journey mercies and a great time with dad and the missions people that will be up there in Camerons. See you up there too.. Am looking forward to know what's on your heart for me this year.

Thorn in my side

I find I blog more during my more melancholic moods. I'm having one now. I have this "thorn in my side" that is a constant source of irritation - makes me upset, angry, grumpy, frustrated and just feel like ending up in tears. It could be spiritual warfare too.
Well, as I write this, I've decided to go back to the bible and to recollect what Paul said about the thorn in his side.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. "

Hmm... Not sure how many times I've prayed for the thorn in my flesh to be taken away. But I know for sure that it was indeed "a messenger of Satan". Even as I want to seek the Lord over so many things and just heaps of important planning meetings for Cross Gen and Worship Ministry is currently underway, the thorn in my side just tends to hurt and irritate during times where important decisions have to be prayed about. I just tend to react rather badly and snap too - shows me that I'm weak and not as strong as I'd like to think I am.
The following verses(the part about Christ power resting in me) just really comforted me. Thank You once again.

Dear God,
You know I have this thorn in my side. It's been hurting and affecting me for a while now - and every so often it just brings out the worst in me. Please take it away. If not, help me to take delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Tsunami disaster

Everyday this week, I look at the papers and am just overwhelmed by the news of the effects of the tsunami that happened on Sunday.
I read and hear of tragedies that happen, whole families perishing, parents losing children, children losing parents, masses of people still missing, masses of people dead - and my heart is just so burdened for them. Tears flows.

Random comments

• The production's finally over. But a part of me do miss the hustle and bustle. Will probably have a whole lot more of that next year.
• Have more or less caught up on sleep - though I am still looking to taking a break and visiting my dad(am just looking forward to the cool weather , the time of solitude, and the R&R that I'm planning to have at Camerons- sleeping, reading and having tea, fishing, and taking some photographs have plenty of appeal at the moment) .
• John's sister Lea's staying over next week.
• Was sad everytime I looked at the newspaper and heard of how many lives were taken by the tsunami-Malaysia was affected for the first time. ABout 52 lives in Malaysia to date have perished. According to news, 23,000 lives have been taken so far. I wonder how many souls were lost. It's just really heart-wrenching to hear how lives have been lost
• Contemplating what to say for my testimony for watch night service - philip's encouraged me to share something about the christmas production. He said that if he shared about it, he will probably take 2 hours -which is so true- never met a guy that loves to talk that much. *grin*. Definition of watch night service: Our church usually have a service on the night before New Year's day. We usually get people to share their testimony, have a bit of worship and some presentations.
• Contemplating about a certain group of people - the really hurtful kind of people. Not going to say more but that I'm just contemplating and that being friends with them can be really difficult especially as their feelings seem to be more important to them than others.
• Contemplating about my walk with my Jesus-it's not at an ideal state at the moment - probably cos myself and my rest came first. =P Help me to decrease and may Jesus increase in me.
• Contemplating a certain conversation that I had with a certain relative of mine. Don't think that the person's right - at least not for now. Will have to mull over it more - perhaps when I go for my time of solitude in Camerons.
• Contemplating my new year's resolution and having a check if I did stick to this year's resolutions. I probably did for some - and slacked off for others. Oh well, I'll just have to keep trying then.

Christmas production Announcement

Had this idea from my cousin's blog.
PJEFC - THE CHRISTMAS STORY MUSICAL
Date: 25th December 2004
Time: 10.30am-12.30pm
Venue: PJEFC Heritage Centre - 3, Jln Seksyen 13/6

Christmas Eve

I thought I should blog something today as it's Christmas eve. I generally love this time of the year, but probably due to the hustle and bustle, it just seems really different this year.
My family, as usual is still contemplating if we're having our usual annual dinner tonight(yes even though it's almost lunchtime now, they haven't decided!). Mum's already bought 2 turkey and 2 roles of lamb to roast - but the problem is, the car's been broke down again last night and we have not been able to buy and prepare the other stuff.. So she's still deciding if we should just go ahead with the dinner. Whatever it is, I'm really looking forward to the lamb. Don't eat much lamb since I got back and this is one of the few times of the year that my family does...

Also thought that I should blog that our PJEFC choir(myself included) was on TV3 this morning. We were invited to go and sing some songs from our Christmas musical. Thank God it went pretty well. That's probably all I'm going to say about it since I wasn't keen on going for it in the first place-my mum was more excited about it than me in the first place. I almost didn't go cos the van breakdown but I had all the choir robes with me - sheesh - which meant that I had to go anyway. Oh well - it was a rather interesting experience. Will have to check out the tapes that my family taped.

Generally, even though this Christmas have been busy; it's been good in some ways. Despite being on telly, it's been a whole lot less commercialised for me - it has really been less about Santa and the Christmas tree and a whole lot more a Jesus - so that has been really special to me. As I mentioned in my previous blog entry, because of my business and the many times I've almost given up, it's been great because I got to know my God a whole lot more. His grace and the hope that He gives through Christ has been very real to me. Thank you Jesus for coming down to save me. Happy Birthday Jesus! =)

Good memories

John's left for Australia yesterday night. It was just great to hang out with him for a few short days. I keep on telling him that I only see ex-OCFers when I see him. Which is so true. Saw Mun Wah, Helene, Calvin, Jeremy, Adeline and Tracy all in the past 3 days.

Having him around was sort of walking down memory lane and at the same time finding out how everyone's just changed. Heard that so many people have gotten married and are now having kids. Heard that Andrew Chen just had a kid. Just feels weird sometimes to hear those kind of news - hearing that people have moved on - then again maybe not that weird after all

John with Gary

Johny boy



John, Helene and Calvin



John and I

Christmas pictures

I've not much time to blog today but they say a picture is worth a thousand words.
When I look at these - I can say that the past two weeks is worth it. Praise God!



Everyone in the Christmas 2004 production

The Choir Members

The Children's choir

My stage management crew

Edmond Lee, Sean and Grace - choir members backstage

Backstage with choir members