Miracle Does Happen Sometimes...

This is living proof of Daniel coming on time to class for Malaysian Church History - had to call him the previous week 15 mins after class started at lecturer's request... Keep it up Daniel!

MIssion trip???!!!

It looks like my prayer for the end of the year mission trip is going to become a reality. Still feels like a dream to me though - I still cannot believe how easily my church leaders consented to let me go. I was expecting some objections from them (last year when I asked for permission to help out at TeenStreet- a youth camp that I really believe in, there was lots of hemming and hawing and it took them forever to decide - only to finally tell me 'no').

The missions organisation whose covering that I'll be going under says that there are several possibilities that are definitely open (previously it was quite uncertain). It looks like there'll be quite some preparations ahead.. applications to fill, newsletters to prepare, looking into prices of the flights, getting visa and stuff, researching about the country and culture of the place that I'll be going to.

It just seems rather surreal to me at this point of time. I've been wanting to go for a trip like this for most of my life and the door finally seems to be opening. A part of me is afraid and wonder what's going to lie ahead of me - I'll be away from home again for two months in a totally alien culture. I'll be away from friends and family that I love and far from all that is familiar (missing weddings of some close friends too :(, spending Christmas and my birthday away from home). A small part of me wonder if the trip is going to fall through due to whatever obstacle that lies ahead. Another part of me is just very excited - I hope to really be able to take this opportunity to widen my horizon and perspectives on God - to perhaps supplement my learning in STM. I hope to also work out my calling through this trip. Therefore I am at a point where I feel like I'm standing at a precipice - scared to jump and yet excited as well.

Am also reminded of my own sermon(that was miraculously prepared in 6 hours in the wee hours of the morning last nite) about trusting in the Lord and worrying. *sigh* It's definitely so much easier to preach it than to do it.

Take My Hand And Walk -The Kry

OH My GOODNESS!!! AM so estatically happy. Have been looking for this song by the Kry for more than 4 years! Finally thought of looking for it on youtube(thank God for Youtube)... I was so sore when I lost the files while moving back from Melbourne to Malaysia. :p Really love the lyrics.. It looks like it might come in handy for my sermon too (so double happiness!)... Now to look for the other song by them 'down at the cross' which is just as awesome..


Here goes: not exactly a video - just the song...


I know there are times your dreams turn to dust
You wonder as you cry why it has to hurt so much
Give Me all your sadness
Someday you will know the reason why
With a child-like heart simply put your hope in Me

Chorus:
Take My hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on Me alone
Don't you say ""why were the old days better?"
Just because you're scared of the unknown
Take My hand and walk

Don't live in the past cause yesterday's gone
Wishing memories would last
You're afraid to carry on
You don't know what's comin'
But you know the one who holds tomorrow
"I will be your guide, take you through the night"
If you keep your eyes on Me

Take My hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on Me alone
Don't you say ""why were the old days better?"
Just because you're scared of the unknown
Take my hand and walk where I lead
You will never be alone
Faith is to be sure of what you hope for
And the evidence of things unseen
So take My hand and walk

BRIDGE
Just like a child holding daddy's hand
Don't let go of mine
You know you can't stand on your own

Fasting lessons...

It's now the period of the NECF 40 days of fast and prayer. With much fear and trembling, I've decided to participate this year (The last time I did this two years ago, I ended up deciding to study in STM.. Hmm...). I probably would not have chosen to do it if not for the fact that there's a need for a few things in my life that needs to be sorted out at this point of time based on some choices made a couple of months ago (The possible mission trip at the end of the year is one of them. The other is rather personal.)

For me, so far the only side effects of fasting are forgetfulness(for some reason, I kept on leaving things in G's car) and low levels of energy in the afternoon (I missed the first hour of one of my favourite class because I was just so zonked out. Good thing I managed to make it for the last two hours of class and the lecturer was very understanding).

Fasting's rather difficult for me for several reasons. Like any true Malaysian, I love food - a LOT. Giving up food for most of the day is rather difficult especially when I think of all the lovely food that I could be eating. *sigh*.
Lesson #1: I find that I'm a whole lot more thankful for my food when I break my fast and appreciate every bite that I eat even more. I also find myself thinking more and more of those who have to do without food - to have a glimpse of how difficult it must be for them (I sometimes dread the evenings especially the time after my dinner cos it feels like a long time more before I have my next meal. As it is, it's already hard to choose to do without food. However, to not have a choice, that's a different ballgame altogether)...

Another struggle that I have with this fasting thing is I feel as if I'm losing out on my usual lunch fellowship with my close friends. Part of me really struggle with God about this. This conversation sorta took place:
" Do you love me?"
"You know I do Lord. But it's so difficult cos I want to spend time with my friends too... One of them will be graduating in a couple of months time and one of the few times I get to spend with him is during lunch time..."

"Do you love ME? Even more than you love them? Or have your love for them taken my place in your life?"
"I do love you Lord... But... Erm.... I guess it's a really close one sometimes. I guess I'll really have to sit work that out. *sigh*"

"Do you love me? Will you just spend a little more time with me just for this period of time? Cos I do want to have that time with you for just this period of time - I want you to rethink your priorities - do you make it a priority to be with me the way you make it a priority for you to spend time with your friends?"

Lesson #2: My time with God needs a lot of relooking at...

One afternoon, as I was doing some reflection and thinking about this fasting business, this thought came to mind.. "Obedience is better than sacrifice". It would somehow be more important for me to obey him and not fast than to fast and disobey Him. It was not the act of fasting that was really important - but rather the obeying Him that was more important..

Lesson #3: Sure, in this case, it's a sacrifice for me to fast but how about obeying God? To me, if I'm taking this fasting thing seriously, how important is obeying God in comparison? Hmmmm....

Eskimo Sighting in STM

Hahaha - am going to be so dead after posting this pic...

I've passed my driving test!

I've finally passed my driving test this morning!!! It was just a BIG relief especially after what happened last night... Was rather nervous throughout... The engine even died at the U-turn and I thought I was a goner for sure....

A big THANK YOU to God and to all my friends who have supported me, prayed for me and helped me through this milestone of my life.. :D

Unwanted evening adventure

Life is so ironic sometimes, I've been wondering what to blog about the whole day and I now find myself with lots to blog about - in a totally unexpected way... Most of the day went perfectly ok. I managed to wake up to go for chapel and managed to get some rest in between classes. My energy level was understandably quite low(due to lack of food) and I was a little out of it during the afternoon homiletic class - thankfully my comments were still coherent. After class, went out for a bit with Lee Yng, Lucy and David to buy his sports shoes and did a bit of shopping too. Then came back and had dinner with my two buddies - Josh and Gerrad. Did a bit of work for the special occasion sermon next week, then my unwanted adventure began.... Looks like I'm going to have a bit of explaining to do to Mr Chew(the student dean) tomorrow morning and the whole of STM is going to know about it... *SigH* Am still getting over the shock....

Basically Lucy and I went to practice driving for tomorrow's test... We went to practice at the route where the test was going to be held. During the second round, when I was on the way back, we sorta went off track (to cut short the route and to head back). It was quite dark and it was in one of those remote kampung places... I remember thinking that it would be just BAD if something were to happen and we were both stranded there - and it was a possibility as there are times when I seem to get into this kind of fixes... The next thing I knew, I drove us into this HUGE hole that we both didn't notice - it being dark and all (my mum will have lots to say about this when she finds out)... [Pic - guys checking out the hole and the tyre].

One tyre was stuck in the hole that was covered with this makeshift wood WITH NAILS(trust Malaysians to do stuff like that). The tyre very obviously started to puncture(I could hear the hissing sound)... My nightmare of a thought came true in a matter of minutes - Lucy and I stranded and alone in a dark kampung area next to a mamak shop with one lady who was of absolute no help to us at all.. :P

Lucy was absolutely fantastic - she tried got the jack out of the boot and tried to raise the car while I made called Pauline, Lee Yng and Gerrad for help. Gerrad said that he'd come and bring some guys along (I told him to bring 3). Thank God for mobile phones - especially ones with lights - it was very handy. The soil around the car was soft and because one of the tyres were in the hole it took a while for Lucy lift the car with the jack. Around this time, a Malay guy on a motor bike stopped to assist us - however, the three of us still could not get the car out. Gerrad and the guys arrived shortly after that. Instead of 3 guys, he brought SIX! Oh.. the humiliation... It was so embarassinglaa... However I was extremely grateful for the 'stm rescue team' that consisted of Gerrad and Joshua (of course), Jacob, Charles, Rod(to show the way) AND Billy.. [pic - everyone chipping in]

In a short time, the guys managed to pull the car out (G kept on telling me that there was no way 3 guys could've pulled the car out of the hole.. :P) AND change the punctured tyre. I was really really REALLY grateful for their help - now I know how it feels like to be a 'damsel in distress' with the calvary along to help (in this case 6 knights in two cars - one wira and one iswara. *cheeky grin*). [Pic - Joshua changing the tyre]

In the end, 3 cars came back at 11.15 and as I said, I'll have some explaining to do to Mr Chew tomorrow(about why we came back after our 11pm curfew)... *sighhh.. Half wanted to cry earlier too - sometimes it just sucks to be a girl and be 'emo' over stuff like this. :p Thank God for a friend's weird sense of imagination(he thought I climbed up a tree and got stuck or something like that) and humor who helped to subside the need to cry.. I also half wanted to pummel him for laughing at my predicament. :p

Thankfully, the shock is finally fading and fatigue is slowly overtaking me now(blogging can be rather therepeutic i guess)... Tomorrow will be having driving test... Hope that I will be up to it - good thing the ride home was quite smooth in spite of all that happened - otherwise I'd be even more traumatised.. :p

Thank You God for your protection. Your angels must've been really working overtime tonite. :D

PS: Started participating in the NECF prayer and fast today as well. Hmmm... I wonder if there was a connection somehow. :p

ONE ROCK CONCERT

Just received this in my email... If you're a young person and love music, I highly recommend this and fully support the organiser of this event in trying to create a place where youths in the Klang Valley can go and enjoy good clean rock music...

Last nite's Pastorate Groups BBQ

Had a combine pastoral group BBQ with Kar Yong's group yesterday evening before the prayer meeting. It was totally good fun - tiring, but good fun.... Liz and I did lots of preparation and put in lots of work into it (time to start putting the same kind of effort into my assignments.. :p) and was just absolutely glad that everyone seemed to have a great time.. After that, due to water disruption, we headed back to the hall where we finished cleaning up. It was an a rather interesting moment cos KY joined Dan and I and a few others in the washing up which sort of was interesting cos as far as I know, he's the first lecturer who has done so (pic). *grin* Great way to journey with us students. For those interested, see here to read it from Kar Yong's funny(as in ha-ha funny) perspective. It's definitely worth reading. :D

Prayer meet group

A few girls and I meet up once a week to pray together. Trust me when I say that we don't meet up because we are very spiritual people.

We meet up because each of us have much to learn - and that learning together helps make the road a little smoother.. We meet up because all of us know that we are people who are weak and broken - and that we not only need each other, but God in our lives... We meet up because realise how much support we need from others and how we cannot stand alone in our journeys- even right here in the seminary. We meet up out of love for one another and our desire to support one another...

This evening was one of the most memorable prayer meet that we've had. We sort of had a 'Job and his friends' moment (the bit before his friends started talking) as a friend shared her hurt. At that point of time, I really wished that I could bear the pain for her instead. We gathered around her and just shared the moment. After a while, the pain turned into joy as we could laugh over Rev Tan interrupting the prayer meet (It was rather late to be in the mini chapel I guess- 12pm.. He must've been wondering what Lucy was doing in her night clothes in the chapel as she went to unlock the door until he saw the rest of us... LOL.. )...

Later on, one of them told me another rather shocking news. I pray that it will not turn out to be anything serious. I realise again how much I've come to love my girl friends and treasure each one of them and how much I'd lay down my life for each one of them. Their continual honesty and friendship has allowed me to be truly myself with them. I am so blessed and am spurred on when I see how they want to be a blessing to others in the community of STM despite the pressures and the hardships that each of them face. Thank You God for the blessing of each of them.

Driving test

Am finally taking my driving test tomorrow. Am a bit nervous at this point. However, I was quite encouraged by my friends (barring one or two comments made in jest) who were quite supportive.

On the way back from shopping as we were nearing STM, Gerrad stopped the car and suddenly got out. The next thing I knew, I was sitting on the driver's seat. I was a bit surprised but grateful that he friends trusted me to be in the drivers seat. His trust really helped to boost my confidence.

When I got back, my girl friends were waiting for me. It was their turn to go out with me as I drove. One of my girlfriends, Pauline, lent her car and the other three followed. Lan Yin kept on saying 'pls take care of my mother' in cantonese at the beginning of the journey and I could hear her sighing at the back of me. She was really cute.. Lee Yng and Lucy were very supportive and calmly gave me instructions and made me practice all the stuff they thought I should know. All in all, I must say that the ride was quite smooth.

Even the STM guard was quite supportive - he didn't take down our names when I drove past the gate a couple of minutes after 11pm... He knew earlier when I was driving Gerrad's car that I was practicing.

It's at times like these that I realise again how blessed I am. I am really blessed with wonderful and supportive friends - a priceless gift from God. The girls say they are going to get their pastoral groups to pray for me tomorrow as I take my test. Also, some of the guys said they were praying for me as I bumped into them in STM.

Thank You God for your evident love through them. I am amazed by You.

PS: Went out with the Gerrad, Josh and Beena for dinner. Took them to a 'hongkie' place and it was a first time experience for all three of them. They apparently liked the food. *grin*

Causes of lagging...

Have been a tad lagging in posting up stuff this week. I must confess that I have been rather distracted - namely by two particular TV series that I've been watching(season 2 of Criminal Minds and season 7 of Gilmore Girls). Thus far, my priority for this week are classes, church work, friendships, finishing up TV series and getting books for my assignments. Should finish watching both series by next week then can start getting serious on my work as well as post up more stuff...
Next series coming up that I'm looking forward to - Monk season 6. The season's premiere should be on this Saturday... Yay!

CUG, "Will You Grab Me?", Families...

Had a pretty good weekend this week. Had a pretty interesting Friday afternoon followed by a pretty good Friday night session at College Uni Group. I think I'm falling in love more and more... with the young people in the college uni group in church. ;) I supposed that outsiders might look at them and point out the flaws in them - but I see that there's a lot of potential in them. I pray that as I journey with them, I'll be able to be a good older sister to them.

As I interact with them, I realise again and again how much they need to be equipped to face the challenges of life rather than just sheltering them. I find that many times they are crying out to know how to deal with situations that they come up with. They are also crying out for more adults to be more involved and interested in them - I suppose that this might be a natural cry as many of them already have parents who are both working and this perhaps lead to wanting more visible concern from the adults (both young and old) in the church. I can really see how they appreciate whenever and adult comes over to the fellowship and just talk with them.

On Saturday, during the last 10 mins of Worship Ministry prayer meet where I encouraged the members of the worship ministry to grab someone and to pray and minister to one another, one of the young people ask me "Will you please grab me?" That question really tugged a part of my heart. I was glad just to be able to pray for her as well as talk with her. As my young friend prayed for me, I realised this - the young people in the church really need more interaction with the older ones in the church. I think it's just sad how individuals are so concerned with their own issues that they fail to see the needs of the young people - the very people that need them. I'm not saying that the older ones have to 'rescue' them. I think they just need to make a little effort to talk and get to know the young people.

Praying for this girl reminded me of the tough times I faced during my teenage years. I remembered how much it meant to me to have some of the uncles and aunties, older brothers and sisters in church just talk to me and made me feel as if they were really part of my family - my family in Christ. Many times, when things got really tough at home and I couldn't share my struggles with anyone, I remembered how much it meant for me to have the young adults talk to me and be my friend during those days - people like gramps' age group and slightly older. The fact that they were just there helped - even though they didn't know the struggles that I was going through. I looked forward to the weekends and considered the church my second home - a place where I could find a short respite from the battering of the week - because of the comfort God brought through such people.

Speaking of uncles and aunties, my oldest maternal uncle and his family came over for a brief visit on the way back to Australia from the UK over the weekend. It was absolutely wonderful to spend time with them - I realised how much I missed being with them - I used to live with them in Melbourne for 3 years. *sigh*. Families can drive a person crazy at times but it's times like these that I remember that they are truly a precious gift from God.

Celebrating the Hymns of Charles Wesley

This will be a short post cos I'll be going out for a movie soon(Yay!!!). This morning in chapel, we sang hymns written by Charles Wesley. It instilled in me a further appreciation for both the hymns writer and the hymns that he wrote especially the bit about how he wrote solid theology in his hymns...

Over the past few years, a few of my friends have been encouraging me to write songs. One of them is Ps Wah Lok - he's been a great encourager to me in this area. The last song I wrote is now about 2 years old. Perhaps it's time to attempt to start writing again...

Any suggestions or help are welcomed at this stage. :)

I'll cling to the promise that You're not through with me yet

Had a conversation this morning that struck something in my memory...


I was reminded again of a time when darkness perpetually surrounded me
Though it was day, the sun never shone
My world was bleak and so very cold
My heart was wrapped with pain
Tears were never far from my eyes
My mouth would cry out in silent agony
My mind was plagued by thoughts that unceasingly tormented
I sought and sought but my soul could not find peace

All of life seems to be pointless
All that once made sense now seems to lose its meaning
All the things that once brought joy now brought unspeakable despondency
If not for a tiny ray of light - so weak that it was almost snuffed out
Perhaps I would not be here today...

On a day like this when I remember
A shadow of the past seems to touch me
A glimpse of the pain and darkness comes back
But I am reminded that He has indeed brought me out of that darkness
That though the road to recovery was painful
And I am now covered by scars
I am now where I am by His grace
And I am thankful, so very thankful...
Again I am amazed at His love towards me
I stand in awe and wonder...

As I reminisce, the song "If You Want Me To" resonates within me and gives me hope
It describes where I once was and where I now am
"I'll cling to the promise that You're not through with me yet"

*********************************
Authors' note: If you can identify with I've written above, I would like to encourage you to seek help. There's no way that you can get out of it alone. Do it while the light of hope is still there, no matter how tiny and weak it is.
If you know of people who are in such situation, do walk alongside them and get help for them. Never leave them alone or it may be too late.

If You Want Me To...

If You Want Me To
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason
Why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

No I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will walk through the valley
If You want me to

Reflection on Pastorate Group outing to Malacca

The main highlight of the trip for me was this morning devotions with the pastorate group. I think it was one of the most meaningful times that we as a pastorate group had together. Sarah shared about her life and the challenges ahead her as she chooses to have faith in God in the coming 6 months. The main thing that she challenged the whole group was to trust and obey God (especially in view of how easy it is to go our own way when we are capable people rather than to really trust and obey God). She shared that trusting in God can be quite scary - even for her - just like taking that first step out of the boat. Many times, we'd rather just run away and rely on our strength. I find this to be so true even for myself.


In view of one of my previous post about a seminarian's cry, I was quite moved by Sarah's sharing. I appreciated the fact that she shared her fears and her struggles with us. Of course she’s not perfect(most of us would know her weaknesses - she herself tends to 'publicize' it too sometimes) but I see (and I think the others do too as well) how much she cares for us and is concerned for our welfare as she sees us struggling in seminary. She even shared about how each of us has taught her about God and has been an encouragement to her – this showed me that perhaps she has been watching closely over us more than I previously realized. She furthermore encouraged us to keep watch over our prayer life and to continue to really trust and obey God – in spite of how our studies or work load might distract us. I could see that most of us in the group were really ministered to. It reminded us that this is an area of our life that we need to continually work on and be mindful not neglect for the rest of semester.

Her sharing spoke into two areas of my life – one of them is to continue to seek God despite my many capabilities. Lately, I do notice that it can be so easy for me to make my own decisions and to do things my own way rather than God’s. This is especially true as I learn more about myself – in what I’m capable of doing and what I’m not capable of doing. It’s so easy to just lean on my own capabilities and not consult God at all.

I’ve also been contemplating a trip to the Middle East at the end of the year. There are times I wonder if I’m really pushing it. A part of me has been wanting to go for a trip of this nature for a really long time (more than 15 years now?? -since I first heard my role model George Verwer speak). I wonder sometimes if my desire is blinding me to everything else?? Another part of me is afraid of what’s ahead if God does finally say ‘go’. Finance is probably the biggest issue (It’ll cost at least around RM10k to go and I have no where near that amount in my bank account). Out of all this, I hear His still small voice saying ‘Do you trust me? Will you continue to obey me? Will you do these even if things don’t turn out the way you expect them to?’. One would think that it’d be easier to say ‘yes, Lord’ after all these years – after all I faced the same question when I went to Australia, when I came back to Malaysia after that, when I left the job that I really enjoyed in KL to work in church, when I came to study at STM. Somehow, it doesn’t really get easier. It’s still difficult to say "Let Your will be done…."

Lastly, I appreciated the fact that though Sarah was really pressed for time (she apparently had an anxiety attack because she was concerned that she would not be able to finish her packing in time), she really made the effort to show up and make this trip happen. I really admire the way she made to be involved in the trip with us, pulling all of us together to do stuff together (instead of doing things individually). I know how difficult this can be.

Through her short time with us, I’ve learnt more than I expected to from Sarah. I do sincerely hope to see more experiences like these between lecturers and students taking place.

Trip to Malacca with Pastorate Group

I was just warring with myself - to blog about my pastorate group(STM small group) outing or to watch a movie on dvd that I've been having for some time now (looks like Greg Kinnear and Hugh Jackman's just got to wait. Maybe I'll just watch it after this if I'm not too tired). Blogging obviously won out.

I went to Malacca with my pastorate group yesterday afternoon and came back this afternoon.

I must say that overall it was a pretty good trip ... We ate lots of food, stayed at a pretty nice place (one of our lecturer family's home - it was really nice of her to let us stay), went for a spot of sightseeing and shopping.

We went to the Portuguese Settlement last nite and had dinner(comprised mainly of seafood) there. I'm generally not too fond of seafood, but I must say that the food there was not too bad. The baked fish, one of their specialties, was pretty good. I really liked the squid fritters too. After that, we went to Jonker's walk and just did a spot of sightseeing there. I'm not much of a shopper, but I loved the quaint shops along the street and I must say that they had some pretty interesting knick-knacks. I especially loved the old paintings of scenes that they had of Malacca - seriously regretted not buying one or two to place in my room at STM (the price was pretty reasonable too). Maybe next time. Anyways, I bought the guys a bamboo thingo that flies. It was one of the interesting knick knacks that Jacob and I spotted as we walked around. Some of my friends are having a bit of fun with it. *grin* On the way back to the place that we were staying, Jacob asked if we could stop to buy some durian. It was a pity that I'm still having my cough - or I'd join them. Apparently the durian was very good. I was very tired and slept early (I think it was around 11pm).

This morning, we had some pineapple tarts for breakfast that Sarah (my pastorate group lecturer and friend) bought from Jonker's Walk the night before. This was followed by a good time of group devotion led by her. We had a good time of prayer for one another then it was time to pack. Jacob showed us the way for Malacca's famous chicken rice balls. We had another walk to Jonker's street and this time we visited the day time shops. I particularly loved the shop with the T-shirts. They had some unique Malaysian designs. A pity I didn't bring more money with me. I loved the shop with the necklaces. Like I said, I'm actually not much of a shopper. I generally only enjoy shopping for books and shopping for 'tech' stuff. However, one of my weakness is that I love shopping for accessories... There was a shop that had lovely necklaces and bracelets for very reasonable prices. I was so estatic! *grin*

We went for some cendol after that. I tried durian cendol for the first time in my life and it was absolutely heavenly! Li Sze and I really loved our durian cendols. The rest enjoyed the normal cendol too. It was an absolutely hot day and we were longing for something cooling by then so the cendols really hit the right spot. It was almost time to head back to Seremban after our cendol consumption - but before that, we went to the new shopping complex in Malacca and did a spot of shopping. The prices there were seriously reasonable as there was a sale going on. I'm now officially broke for the rest of this week. :p Li Sze and I are planning to go back one of these weeks to finish up our shopping - maybe in two weeks time. That way I can go back to get one or two stuff that I really wanted to get. *grin*

*******************************

On a funny note, one of the trip's highlight was watching Jacob eat. That boy can seriously eat - as we walked along Jonker's walk, he would stop and try out stuff at every few shops. I even took a photo of him eating. I seriously do not know where all his food goes to. :p

Bridal Shower, CUG Games, Work

Am beginning to think that I've been overdoing it these last couple of days. My head is pounding slightly and my sis commented that I've got bags under my eyes (great! :p). I think I'm going to have to do an 8pm-er soon(sleeping at 8pm is an unnatural phenomena with me - happens once in a blue moon).

Since my last post, I've had my driving lessons (this time thankfully with quite a nice driving instructor), seeing Rev Tan about my Malaysian Church History assignment, gone back to church to do some work, went for CUG (I played every round of games that they had. Now my whole body's protesting at the contortions that I had to do), went to church again for more work (trying to maintain my patience and trying to refrain from arguing with some stubborn people thrown in between- I was this close from losing it. :p) and attended a bridal shower.

Some highlights:

Driving lesson - My driving instructor this time was a different guy. Thankfully he was quite pleasant and I'm now fairly confident in doing the slope, parallel parking and the three point turn thingy (I think I repeated all three around more than 20 times until both he and I were quite fed up - I am seriously looking forward to being on the road during the next class). This driving instructor is a recently retired bank officer and had just started being an instructor for two days. He has 4 children (oldest in form 5, youngest 2 months old). I also found out some other interesting facts - his world view of Christians was very Roman Catholic in nature. When he found out I was in bible school, he asked me if I was going to be a nun. When I mentioned that I might possibly become a pastor(somehow I found it a little more difficult telling him that I might be a missionary), he didn't understand what/who a pastor was and asked if that was similar to being a priest. When he finally understood, he likened a pastor to being an 'imam' (Muslim religious leader). He asked what my bro and sis were doing and understandably made a remark that in some way I chose the 'lesser path'. I think that a part of him was puzzled as to why I would choose to do what I am doing now. I seriously do not know if the answers I gave him were adequate but I myself was challenged to reflect on the path that I've chosen to take (in a good way).

CUG Games- Had quite a fun time in CUG last nite. It was also challenging. We played a game that required team work and good strategy planning. Through it, I learnt that Kerry can have quite a devious mind (he initially put me near the goal to be the 'striker' with the hopes that the opponent's team will not dare to bully/touch me as I was a girl and a church worker to boot - unfortunately, his brother, who was on the opponent's team had no such compunction. He even planted Ps Choon Meow at strategic places cos he said that the opponent's team would not dare to harass Ps Choon Meow either. :p), our CUG people are very competitive people and at the same time were very supportive of whoever were leading them. I played all five games(thanks to Kerry) for two hours. Was really a zombie when I finally reached home at 12. Some more went out with bro and sis after that cos was really hungry(didn't have dinner). Finally slept at 2am (*faint).

Bridal Shower - One of my childhood friend, Alicia Chew, is getting married next month. The Chew sisters are quite known for organizing events. This event was quite different from the other bridal showers I've attended. We went to a french restaurant and.... we learnt cooking from a french chef, Jean Michel. We basically learnt how to cook whatever that was going to be on the dinner menu and so it was pretty cool to learn to make creme brulee, Lamb Shanks Confit and some bruschettas (mushroom, pate, the ones with tomatoes and the ones with olive). Alicia was roped in to help the chef (on the pretext that she was going to be a wife soon, so she might as well learn to cook *grin*). It was an eye opening experience with lots of laughs as the chef was quite entertaining and engaging with his stories. There was only 15 of us (including her mother and 3 sisters) so it was very cosy and relaxing. We didn't even notice the time flying. The Chew sisters also managed to get her fiance Mark(now still in the US), to do a video to introduce himself to us and to share stories of how they met, and their most memorable experience together, how he proposed, etc... It helped us to get to know him a bit better. I was just very happy for Alicia especially as I know I how long she's been waiting to marry. :D

The Cry of a Seminarian

Do you care for me and my fellow seminarians?
Do you really really care?
Do you care for me the person, not just the me that you see in my grades?
Do you know or even care of my struggles?

I struggle as I walk these steps in seminary each day.
I struggle as I re-learn things about God, as I am being corrected in my thoughts about Him.
I struggle as I try to combine faith and knowledge.
I struggle as God speaks into my life and challenges me in the darkest areas of my life.
I struggle as I begin to see more and more of the failures of the church - and wonder if one day I'll be a part of those failures.
I struggle to love the church as Christ loves her when I begin to see these failures.
I struggle to choose not to run away or to hide instead.
I struggle not to be cynical when I see that those who are supposed to be modelling Christ fails to do so.
I struggle to still have hope in God each day in spite of what I see around me.
I struggle when I see those around me, their passion for God dying and wonder if/when my turn will come.
I struggle and wonder if I'll last these years of seminary.
I struggle with the workload - and wonder at the end of the day if all the work I'm doing is worth it in the long run.
I struggle as I see the areas of weaknesses in my life and wonder if I'll be an effective minister of Christ when I graduate.
I struggle when I see lecturers not seeming to live out their faith - when what they teach seems to come merely from their lips and not their lives.
I struggle as sometimes I feel so alone in this journey.
I struggle with my fears for the future - in being a future minister of Christ - if I'll be too impractical in my faith because of the way I am being taught.
I struggle when I see hypocrites or Pharisees around me - and pray that I'll not one day turn out to be one of them.

Will you journey with me?
Will you walk alongside me, not to tell me that everything will be fine - but to let me know that I'm not alone in this journey?
Will you share more of your life and experiences with me - to prepare me more for what's ahead?
Will you just spend SOME time to know me for me - to show that through you Christ cares for me and my struggles - that I am indeed worth more than my grades in a culture where we are judged by our achievements?

Will you help me connect with what I see is happening to the world with what God says in His Word?

Will you help me to know God more - not just intellectually?
Will you be my role model so that I may be an effective role model for the people who will be one day under my care?

I don't need you to be perfect - just be broken jars of clay - that God may be seen through you in spite of your imperfectness.
I don't need you to teach me through just words - but to teach me by your life (after all, don't you know that your actions speaks louder than words?).

Mengejar hadir-Mu

One of my lecturers (Herbert Tan) played this song in class last semester. I've been so into this song since then.



Mengejar Hadir-Mu
Dekat pada-Mu itu rinduku
Setiap kataku Kau pun menunggu
Tak kusangka kutemukan
Kasih yang abadi
Kini ku datang dan ku bawa hidupku

Chorus:
Memandang wajah-Mu
Mengikuti kebaikan-Mu
Mengejar hadir-Mu dalam hidupku
Membawa sembahku
Menyatakan kebesaran-Mu
Mengejar hadir-Mu dalam hidupku

Cute Photo

This was one the classic photo shots that I took - so unlike Mr Chew. even Dr Solomon Rajah is looking at him. *cheeky grin*

Quote for the day

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” - Kahlil Gibran

Good memories

Hahaha - seeing this pic brings up quite a lot of good memories.

'Sekarang Cikgu Sudah Setengah Mati'

I think I've found my new calling - exasperating teachers to no end (my driving instructor in particular). ;)

It's been quite a hilarious day. Spent most of my morning waiting for my turn to learn how to drive for the first time in my life. (hahaha - i think i can hear my bro in Australia saying 'finally'! I can drive you and Vern around the next time you come over to Malaysia ;) ). While waiting, it was just good to be alone with my thoughts and with God. I also took a short opportunity to pray that I will have a good driving instructor.

He finally came just when I thought that they had totally forgotten that I was waiting(and this was like 2 hours after - good thing I'm a very patient person). I had to wait for him to finish his food first - which was a good thing cos I think he'd be in a worse humour otherwise. :p

I do not understand which part of 'I'm a NEW DRIVER' he did not understand. After a cursory minute of pointing out the accelerator, gear, clutch and brake pad; he immediately taught me to do parallel parking AND the three point turn (this was so unlike Rod's instructor who let him drive around the circuit to get used to the car for the first half an hour before getting him to do the stuff I was doing). I was seriously quite blur about what I was doing and was hoping that I'd remember all the instructions that he kept rapidly shooting at me. :P Immediately after going through those two things, he said 'sekarang kita akan naik bukit!'... *faint* And it was the beginning of his troubles with me (serves him right!!) and the beginning of my fun...

I managed to go up the hill after a couple of tries. I even managed to stop of the right spot most of the time. His headache was when I had to go downhill.. As a newbie, I was still getting used to the three pads at my feet and was a bit confused (who wouldn't be when one is feeling disorientated and haven't gotten used to the functions of the pad and had a talkative instructor who kept on giving instructions that one had to try to follow at the same time - it was rather disconcerting). I also wasn't used to the hand brake - kept on forgetting to pull it up first. And so you see my dilemma - my legs didn't know how to function and neither did my hands. I attempted first to concentrate on what my legs were doing and follow his instructions - which I did ok after a few tries. The problem was when it was time to release the hand brake, I totally forgot what my feet were doing. Me being me, I saw the humour in my situation, and kept on laughing at myself. It didn't help that my instructor kept on making funny comments about my hand and feet coordination either. So no surpriselaa - I went up and down a hill quite a fair bit of times without any success. There was a guy at the pondok(hut) at the top of the hill and after seeing my dilemma, was kind enough to tell me to calm down, and gave the instructions in a SLOW manner that I could follow and absorbed. It finally worked! My instructor, by then quite exasperated with me (with his humor still intact) joked about it and said 'tengoklaa, saya ajar awak tak dengar, dia ajar awak, awak boleh dapat'. :p I wisely kept quiet (I wanted to whack him at that point already). :p

Anyways, he finally got out of the car and sat at the pondok after a while. By then, I was beginning to get the hang of all the controls - so while the coming down wasn't perfect it was definitely getting better. My instructor kept on saying 'tengoklah, kalau saya tak ada dalam kereta, awak boleh dapat. Kalau saya ada dalam kereta, awak tak boleh dapat' :P Funny guy. He also kept on saying 'kalau naik bukit - markah boleh dapat 100%. Kalau turn bukit, markah juga turun jadi kosong'. :p It was exasperating and funny at the same time (reminded me of another teruk lecturer i know). I seriously couldn't stop laughing by then(it was a better option than crying). Rod, who was quite far away could even hear him yelling at me from the pondok 'jangan ketawalaaa!'. hahahaha. The next time I went up the hill, the instructor asked me 'awak suka baca komik punya ah? selalu ketawa-ketawa'. :P

And so this went on for two hours - and the time definitely flew for me. At the end of the class, he asked me, 'You betul-betul mula belajar hari ini ya? Tak ada memandu di taman ke?'. Duh - what on earth did he think that i was trying to tell him in the first hour? :P I told him I was a law abiding citizen and that one of my granddad used to be a policeman in Bukit Aman.

Anyways, he appeared to be quite happy with my progress (me too!) - I could more or less go up and down the hill without a hitch towards the end of the class. He cheekily told me that he was quite happy that I could finish it in 2 hours cos some people take more than a day to learn it well (contrast this with him telling me earlier that some people took 3 tries to learn it and i was taking more than half an hour to learn it. :p). At the end of the class, I thanked him for his instructions and help. He, being the funny guy that he was said 'Tak apa, sekarang cikgu sudah setengah mati!'.

I'm sooo looking forward to my next class on Friday. Can't wait to torment him again. :D

Quote from Criminal Minds (Riding of the Lightning ep.)

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” - Albert Pines

A Visit From The Past

Am so awfully excited! I saw an old OCF friend -Li Ming - online today (thank God for Yahoo IM!) after not seeing her for so many years. She and another really good friend of mine are getting married at the end of this year.

She was really cute- she wanted me and a few others to play for her wedding (we called ourselves the Delmont Group cos we used to practice in the garage of a house named delmont. The OCF guys were leaving there and we used the garaged to put all our equipment. The girls would stay at greenhouse - I stayed there in my second and third year - and our equipment and practice eventually moved to the garage there). My friend's husband to-be (Ho Vui Kian) is also my super good friend in OCF(Overseas Christian Fellowship). We both used to spend hours together praying and planning for the worship ministry in OCF - he was the committee in charge of worship(and eventually became OCF president) and I was the worship coordinator - you could say that I received a lot of training for my current job at church from OCF days. *wistful sigh* those were the days.

Am so looking forward to see everyone at the end of this year again. Crossing my fingers that there won't be any clashes-especially with potential mission trip!!!

TV Series

Finished watching Criminal Minds Season 1 during the holidays. It's quite fascinating and interesting - about profiling criminals (also known as unsubs - unknown subjects). Definitely more suspense than CSI. Adding it to my list of must watch tv series:

1. Monk (My Absolute Favourite!!!)

2. Criminal Minds

3. CSI: Las Vegas, New York and Miami

4. Gilmore girls

5. NCIS

6. Boston Legal

7. Numb3rs

8. House

9. Psych

10. Heroes

A Cool Quote from Criminal Minds (What Fresh Hell ep.)

Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them? - Rose Kennedy

The ministry of a mother

Was just having a conversation with my mother in the morning as she picked me up from work to send me home to rest. As I spoke with her, I was reminded again of how blessed I am to have her for my mother.

My mother is a woman with lots of skills and wisdom. She also has a heart for missions. Yet, for all her giftings, she chose to be a stay at home mother to us instead of going out to work. She found ways to earn an income from the home while being there for us when we needed her. This meant that she had to be cook, driver, tuition teacher, income earner, financial manager, etc... Though I know it must've been tough for her, she chose to be with us. As she told me this morning, she'd always considered myself, my bro and my sis to be her top ministry priority. *wow*

As I look at all my skills, giftings and ministry abilities right now, I must say that I owe it all to my mother. She's one of the best teachers I know. She teaches and inspires us by example and not by mere words of commands.

I remember when I was young, she'd sit at the piano in the evenings and sing hymns or songs while playing the piano. I remember thinking to my self - 'when I grow older, I want to be like mum. I want to be able to play and sing on the piano - maybe even better than her.' Then, I'd never dreamed that it would one day be a major part of my work- worship leading in church and playing the piano from time to time.

I remember the times when my mum, myself, my bro and my sis sitting around the dinner table playing word games and scrabble after dinner. Mum was always the champion in the word games. I remember thinking too that I would love to win her when I grew older and sought to improve my vocabulary and read extensively. Today my English is what it is because of my mum's creative way of getting me interested in learning the English language.

As I look at my mother, I wish that many Christian mothers would see ministry the way my mum does - so that there will be a next generation of Christians that will be strong in their faith and that the church of Christ will be better for it.

New Blog Look

After 3 years of the same look on my blog and plenty of encouragement from others, I've finally given my blog a new look.

My pity party - Hate being sick

Have been in and out(more in than out) of bed yesterday and today because I'm S-I-C-K!!

Forehead and body feels clammy.

Head feels heavy with the occasional headache that squeezes out tears from eyes.

Abdomen is in pain because of my body wracking cough. (I dread it whenever I feel the next bout of cough coming along). *sob*

Feel like I'm coughing my lungs out.

Back is beginning to ache too. *sob*

Hate waking up in the middle of the nite because of the cough.

Limbs doesn't feel the same -feels week and achy.

I think my nose is thinking of running away too. :(

Can someone just shoot me and put me out my misery.

Happy Birthday Lucy!

Dearest Lucy,
Happy Birthday to You! I'm so blessed to know you. Since I've met you a year and a half ago, my life has been enriched. You have brought such joy to our prayer meetings and our fellowship. Your honesty(daring to just be who you are) and your lack of guile are qualities that I truly admire about you. I've come to love you as I would my own sister.
May our God continue to bless you in all that you do. I pray too that you will continually grow in His grace and love.

Love you heaps.

Interesting way to pray

Was looking through my mission trip pics and remembered this pic. :)

Broken Prayer

Sometimes, just when I think all is going well - that You are finally answering my prayers - the tide suddenly seem to turn the other way. It's like going one step forward but two steps back.

I hurt.

How long more till healing comes? How long before You will heal her?

How I struggle as I watch her struggle.

As I too am broken, I hide my pain from her. Even though I love her a lot.

She looks at me and see someone detached - someone who doesn't care.

She does not understand that some lessons learnt long ago are hard to undo - that it's easier to hide the pain beneath the smile in fear of being hurt again.

And so again I turn to You.

Where else can I go?

You see the struggle beneath.

You see how much I love her - and I know You love her so much more.

Will You speak into her life?

Show her that You are there for her when all others fail?

Will You take her out of the place that she's in and lift her to higher ground?

Brokenly I ask You - please God, please save her...

Rantings....

Have been back one day in seminary and life here has just been crazier than working in church... :p
Have been rushing around doing errands today during breaks (we've been having sessions cos it's Quiet Day :p). Have also practices and a power point presentation to do tonite for tomorrow's service before I sleep. *SIGH*

The sessions weren't too bad - more or less what I hear from my mum from time to time (my mum's a wise woman. :) )

Looks like I don't have time to finish this post - a milion things are crying out to be done before practice in 15 mins... Will pick up the threads later(if I ever get to it)..

On a side note, I had this really brilliant idea yesterday while I was unpacking - I sorta fixed my speakers to my bed and the music sounds awesome.... Sorta a surround sound when I'm lying down on my bed or when I'm blogging while sitting on bed ... hehehehe

Unexpected changes...

I was watching a show that contrasted expectedness and unexpectedness. It talked about how the unexpected changes a person... I suppose that this is why sometimes God throws in unexpectedness in our lives - though we wish that life would be more predictable...

Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)

Am listening through some of the songs that I have... Came across this version of Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin... Quite Nice....



Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)

Verse 1:
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind but now I see

Verse 2:
T'was grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Chorus:
My chains are gone, I've been set free
My God my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love Amazing Grace

Verse 3:
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
as long as life endures

Verse 4:
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, who call'd me here below
Will be forever mine

Today's Sermon

The rest of the today's service was also quite fun. A good friend and also one of my lecturers at STM , Dr Lim Kar Yong, was speaking in church this morning. His sermon "What story are you telling?" was also quite interesting. We collaborated together with two other friends, EJ and Chris Chew (whom I fondly call 'gramps' from the age of 12) to have a surprise sketch in the middle of his sermon to bring out the story in Mark 5:1-20 (the one about the demon possessed man). The aim of the sketch was to contrast the stories of the demon possessed man and the pig farmer. Gramps and Kar Yong wrote the script - I must say that Kar Yong did well in adding the witty bits (the congregation was quite tickled and one of my close friends who is a professional singer told me that she couldn't stop laughing). EJ acted as the demoniac and yours truly acted as Mrs PIG FARMER(somehow I was 'tarik'ed into it)! From my perspective, it was fun but a bit scary too. I have not acted for many many years(and when I did many many years ago, I generally took minor roles or just preferred the narrator role). So it was rather a challenge for me. Later on another congregation member pointed out he couldn't figure out how I could worship lead and act on the same service (now that I think about it, neither can I!). Was a bit stressed that I would forget the lines (I actually DID forget a line- but EJ and I managed to cover it up - Thank God!). I must say that EJ and I made a pretty good team -hahaha- must be all that squabbling and making up over the years that helped us work alongside in ministry and understand each other better.

For the fun of it, I will post the script below (which took 5-8 mins to act). Kar Yong rather naughtily insisted I started the sketch by screaming really loudly to get people's attention (mind you, this was in the MIDDLE of his sermon). Some of the feedback on the scream: "I didn't pay attention to the sermon until the scream!"; "I thought Kar Yong was screaming, but I thought it was weird cos it sounded like a woman's scream!"; "You woke my daughter up with your scream! But that was ok cos she enjoyed the sketch after that"; "It was so scarylaa when I heard the scream in the middle of the sermon. I thought something was wrong with Kar Yong, some more he ran off the stage suddenly. I was like OMG, what's wrong?!!"; "I knew it - it sounded like Ruth screaming - I thought the voice sounded rather familiar"(this last bit was from one of my colleagues in church, I guess he must be familiar with my scream cos of my doing so at work in frustration sometimes). Kekekeke.... Yup- the service turned out to be really fun. :) Our next repeat of the play will take place at Doulos Presbyterian church in two weeks time. Hope I don't forget all my lines by then or have brain damage from memorising my lines. :p

*********************************************
It’s Gone!
By Chris Chew and Kar Yong

PFW: (Distraught) It’s gone! It’s gone! I am ruined! I am finished!!! (Ruth: make sure you really really scream here!! We need the effect here…)

DPM: (Relieved) It’s gone! It’s gone! I am saved! I am free!!!

PFW: (Between tears) It was not always like this, I had a house, a family, *sob sob*… had my own business. I was rich.

DPM: It was not always like this, I used to live in tombs, I was always bound by chains until it could not hold me no more. I was a mad man.

PFW: I was driven by profits

DPM: (Fearful) I… I was possessed by evil spirits

PFW: The day started beautifully, bright sunny skies, everything was perfect.

DPM: The day started as usual, possessed by an evil spirit. Can’t think straight, could not focus, always angry always shouting. It was a nightmare.

PFW & DPM (together): They he came into town

PFW: I knew he was trouble from the start. Why? (Angry) Because that mad man, than mad man possessed by an evil spirit, the very one that we could never catch him and hold him but He, that mad man went to see him. He knew Jesus was coming, somehow he knew.

DPM: I did not know what I was doing but I heard he was coming to town and so I went to meet him when he got out of the boat. I don’t know what made me do it but I think it knew, the thing inside me.

PFW: No one in town was able to hold this mad man town but when he saw Jesus, he fell on his knees. Devil’s trick I tell you.

DPM: I don’t know what made me do it, but when I saw him I fell to the ground. Then I asked him “What do you want with me, Jesus Son of the Most High God. Swear to God that you won't torture me!"

PFW: This man Jesus, just said "Come out of this man, you evil spirit!" and that was the beginning of trouble. Then he asked for the spirit’s name.

DPM: "My name is Legion," I replied, "for we are many." Then I think it begged Jesus to send them to the pigs and when Jesus gave them permission… all the spirits went into the pigs…

PFW: My pigs, my herd, all those hard work looking after them. Feeding them. All 2,000 of them…

DPM: All the pigs…

PFW & DPM (together): drowned!!!

PFW: All my stocks gone! This is worst than Nipah virus, and the beta agonis crisis…

DPM: I felt my life has returned to me, someone.. no, God has given my life back to me.

PFW & DPM (together): Gone!

PFW: My pigs!

DPM: My chains

PFW: My char siew business!

DPM: The evil spirits!

PFW: No more roast pork

DPM: No more countless sleepless nights!

PFW: He ought to pay!

DPM: The Lord be praised!

PFW: Crucify him!

DPM: Hallelujah!

PFW: I should charge him no! I should sue him! Hehehe…should we say this: I must consult Daniel Yeoh…

DPM: I must tell everyone, the messiah is here!

PFW: No, I cannot do this alone. He has got 12 stupid disciples following him. I am outnumbered!

DPM: I must tell others what he has done!

PFW: These 12 good for nothing useless disciples. One of them is even a tax collector. Can’t he count the loss of revenue? Couldn’t he have told Jesus, how much it would have cost all of us. He could have stopped all this!

DPM: I wanted to join him and his disciples but he told me to go tell my family and tell how much the Lord has done for me and how God has had mercy on me.

PFW: No, I must rally with more people! Justice must be served! Jesus must go!

DPM: Yes, I will do what he told me to. I will go to home to Decapolis and tell everyone!

PFW: He must be rejected!

DPM: Jesus must be accepted! My chains fell off, My heart was free, I rose went forth and followed Thee...

PFW: My pigs ran off, now I am broke, I fell, went home and mourned my loss.. We will drive that trouble maker out of our town! Raise the pitch forks! Sound the alarm!

DPM: I’ve got a story to tell. I must do it now

PFW: I’ve also got a story to tell. I must do it now.

Today's Worship

This morning, the service was one of the more memorable ones for me. I was worship leading (this time without my partner, Jason, cos he had to go to Penang to see Shin Ee participate in a dragon boat race). It has been rather tough going with the songlist in this past week - senior pastor had very specific requests and his instructions was rather conflicting at times (seriously - how many GOOD songs are written on the presence of God/God's glory that are contemporary??)... It was a bit of a headache and a challenge for me - you would not believe how many times I reviewed the list and prayed over it - I wanted to fit in a BM song or a hymn at the same time which can be quite a toughie if one wants a smooth flow. Anyways, I was really proud of my team - all who I call friends. They were really supportive and sporting and though I know I asked them to do a few things that were difficult, as a team, they really helped a lot with encouraging the congregation to worship this morning. People said that there were more energy in the worship today. Personally, it was just very rewarding to see people just really getting into the worship. It was awesome to see people slowly put aside their inhibitions and worship God.

On reflection, it's been quite a journey for me. I see how much I've grown as a worship leader (and how much more I can and need to grow). There was a period where I struggle with being worship leader - and I still do sometimes. There have been times when I've wondered at the purpose of my being a worship leader and how there must be better things to do with my time(such as doing missions or just helping the poor). Today, I was very strongly reminded of why I am in this ministry in the first place. There was just great joy and a sense of rightness for me as I saw people worshipping God as I learn to be a lead them by example by worshipping from my heart. Not only that, it's been such an encouragement to see members of my worship team grow as we journey together to lead the people in worship. Many times I struggle with encouraging members of my team to grow in their spiritual walk. I get disheartened and discouraged many times cos there seem to be so much distractions for them in their daily lives. So many things to pull them away from God. It feels like a losing battle. However, as I take time to talk to them this past week, I am encouraged to see glimpses of growth and maturity in some of their walk. It encourages me to press on and to keep on praying for them.

Dear Lord,
Thanks so much for all that you've done.
Be Thou my vision O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light.

Quote for today

“The Bible without the Holy Spirit is a sundial by moonlight” –DL Moody (1837-99)

Quote for the day

“It is less important to ask a Christian what he or she knows about the Bible than to inquire what he or she does with it”
-Leslie Newbigin (1905-98), British reformed theologian, missionary & ecumenical leader

Recap of the day

It's been quite a day...
Started it with an Intermediate Greek Test (this will be the last time i have anything to do with Greek for the rest of my studies here - except for exegesis)!
Went out for lunch with my two good friends Gerrad and Joshua and we popped into the movies to watch 'Next' - most of the movie's good, but the ending a bit crappy... :p
Came back and finished some church work for the week (I hope!), chatted with some friends online and then helped a friend with his book review (more like helping with his sentence construction) and followed by a good rest.
Had a late dinner with G and Josh and then we popped by a DVD shop - just to see what they had. For some reason, the place was suddenly swarming with STM students - which is quite weird, mainly because we having exams and assignments because this is the final week of semester. :p Then again, I think we're all trying to keep our sanity...
Am back in my room now - deliberating between starting my assignment or watching a show on my com... Looks like the assignment is winning out... :p

Sometimes...

Sometimes being a worship coordinator can be rather trying....

This semester

Everything's quiet at this hour. Mmmmm..... Sweet....

Work's waiting - but it can wait while I savour this moment.... *contented sigh*

Another semester's coming to an end. In this sem, quite a few friendships have grown deeper, some have grown apart, some have begun anew, some have just begun. Another season of change. Another season of learning....

Assignment wise, things are more settled, the fears have receded somewhat... Though of course there are improvements that could be made next semester. Oh well, another semester of moving forward in this area I suppose. On the whole though, am thoroughly glad that most of the assignments are completed just two more to finish up by next Thursday.

Am looking to this break - to going for the mission trip - a learning experience of a different kind. Am looking forward to having some restand to hanging out with a few friends that I've been close to this semester before I head back to work in the office in June. I am looking forward to going back to the office in June - to spend some time with people in the worship ministry as well as with the CUG people. There have been many times that I wished that I could spend a little more time with them - though I've gotten to know a few of them better.

Have become closer with my prayer group as we open to one another and share each other's struggles. Gerrad and Joshua's been especially good companions this past sem. I've also enjoyed much of the coffee sessions with Kar Yong and Silvester - their conversations are always interesting. *grin*. My room mate's been somewhat whacky but a great roomie. :)

This semester's been more balanced in terms of work and rest - have been getting more rest and learning to practice the Sabbath. It's been a good challenge for me to learn to rest. I more and more realise how much of a workaholic I can be sometimes. :p My inner life has definitely been better for it.

A Way Back Into Love

Watched Music and Lyrics recently. This song's being going on and on in my head. As one person said, "It's sweet, Just sweet.."

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need em again someday

I've been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

I know that it's out there

There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light

Not just somebody just to get me throught the night

I could use some direction

And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again

I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again

You know that I'll be there for you in the end

May the Words of My Mouth

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision
Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You