Random Thoughts

• Hope I finish my Christian Spirituality work by tonite
• Was good talking to Liz today - I think we were on the line for quite a long time. Am glad that she found a new job.
• Am sleepy
• Weather is very warm - hope it gets cooler soon
• Looking forward to ice cream outing with a friend tomorrow
• Had a good reminder today to be check my thoughts - that my learning more does not make me holier. I still have to live it out.
• Emilia looked beautiful at her wedding on Sunday. Was really happy for her.. It was great to see her get married to Larry. I think that the SIB ppl did a great job with her wedding.
• Apparently baptism turned out quite interesting last Sunday. Am so glad Li Chun's decided to get baptised. :)
• Sad to hear that Uncle Lee passed away. Will miss his presence on Sunday mornings - I remember fondly that he's usually at church with his wife at our Sunday morning sound check.
• Sadder still to hear Daniel Wong from Tung Ling passed away. But am glad that He managed to find God again before He went back to be with Him. Will always remember his enthusiasm to read more books, his generosity to us and his fervour to know God more and to stand up for justice.
• Howard Marshall came today and I couldn't understand half of what he was saying.. Realise I have a long way to go - if I ever get there...
• Need to get back to do my reflection instead of blogging now or I'll never finish
• Was good to see uncle Mark and uncle Selvendran today at the talk... Hmm - it was also surprising to see uncle Peter Sam too.

Thank You God through everything, You are working in my life.

To....

When will you ever forgive me?
When will what I do be enough for you?
When will me being me be enough for you?
My flaws seem to be bigger than my efforts to make it up to you
When will restitution end and forgiveness start?

I've moved on...
Don't you understand?
I had to - I was dying so slowly
And nobody seem to know - not even you
Nobody except her - but she's now taken your side because you hurt
And yet I hope you will never understand that
I would never wish it on you

But it hurts so much to see you hurting
It hurts to know that I caused it
It hurts to know that I cannot do anything about it
Don't you know that I cannot take the first step anymore?
I've gone as far as I can and there are no more steps left to take

I yearn to see you move on
I yearn to see you let go just so that you can grow
I'd turn the clock back to undo things if I could
But reality does not permit

You say that action speaks louder than words
When will you understand that I had to do what I did at the time - as wrong as it was
To me, I had no other choice
When will you ever understand WHY I did what I did
Though we went through a lot together
He has made us to be so different
Maybe you will never understand
And maybe I have to learn to accept that

You say that my friends are more important to me than you
Don't you understand that I'd bear the pain for you?
You don't know how much I love you - how vulnerable I am to you
I hide it because I learnt a long time ago
That hurting me comes easily to you
Especially when you hurt
You always knew the right buttons to push
And never seem to hesitate to push it
Nevertheless, because of who you are
I love you very much

I hope you will never understand
What it means to dread the coming of each day as I did
The feeling of fear to face up to the ugliness in me
The feeling of dread to face the despair and hopelessness that the rising of the sun brings with it
And that I now am only be able to get up each day because of His mercy and grace
And that though I am healed and am still being healed
I carry the scars -so many of them
I face them almost every day

When will you stop blaming Him for putting you where you are
For the hurts I've caused you? For the hurts he has caused you?
It hurts me to see that when you do, you play into the enemies hands
The fact that I played a part in it hurts so much more than you will ever know

I pray that you will learn to see the silver lining in the cloud
That our God loves you and and is waiting to restore you
Just as he did me with me - unworthy sinner as I am
That He has blessed you more than you realise
And that He loves you more than you will ever know
That His plans are perfect for you
No matter what you have to bear along the way
Because He was and is always there to see you through them
Though you don't see or feel Him there

Soul searching

It's been a soul searching week... Circumstances (more like people) has made me look at my past. It has helped me to understand me - why I am who I am today. At the same time, am challenged to look at the flaws in my life and to challenge my viewpoint. It gets painful at times - but it's a necessary pain..
I have not done this(looking at the past) in a very long time and realised that perhaps I was not ready earlier.. I realised that He has indeed brought me to a point of healing - I would've avoided and ignored this a year ago...

Still I thank God for bringing people into my life to continue to mould and sharpen me.. Especially three people who has been a great source of blessing in their own ways - in ways that I least expected and from the most unexpected place.. God's just using them to teach me about my perspective of people and myself and how wrong I can be sometimes in my preconceived ideas.
Am reminded that bit by bit, God is answering the prayer I wrote in my song last year.. Which is my prayer for this year..

Teach me to worship You the way You want me to
Teach me to love You Lord with all of my heart
Teach me to live for You in all that You do
And to offer up my life as a living sacrifice

May my life as an incense rise to You
Pleasing You as a fragrant perfume

There is still so much to learn from Him - and perhaps the learning will never end.. Nevertheless, I pray for humble and contrite heart - and a heart that continues to be teachable no matter how painful and hard the lesson may be..

It's a time of learning, unlearning and relearning...
To let go and trust Him more...
To learn to move on - knowing that there are others who are travelling on the same path and to share in the pain and discovering joys together..
To change in areas that need change..
To welcome challenges and embrace them even...


My prayer probably is best described in Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Bring it On"

I didn't come lookin for trouble
And I dont want to fight needlessly
But Im not gonna hide in a bubble
If trouble comes for me

I can feel my heart beating faster
I can tell somethings coming down
But if its gonna make me grow stronger then

Bring it on
Let the lightning flash
Let the thunder roll
Let the storm winds blow
Bring it on
Let the trouble come
Let the hard rain fall
Let it make me strong
Bring it on

Now, maybe youre thinking I'm crazy
And maybe I need to explain some things
Cause I know I've got an enemy waiting
Who wants to bring me pain
But what he never seems to remember
What he means for evil God works for good
So I will not retreat or surrender
Bring it on

Now, I dont want to sound like some hero
Cause its God alone that my hope is in
But I'm not gonna run from the very things
That would drive me closer to Him
So bring it on

Living in two worlds

Am tired... am supposed to be asleep now... but there's heaps of work... and people to talk too..
Feel very strongly that I live in two worlds nowadays- the world of STM and the world out there(my church and my home)...
I really love the people here and am just so blessed by the fellowship of the community here and enjoy my studies (though assignments are really stressful things to me)...
At the same time, when I check my mails, my church reminds me that life goes on... I chat on the phone with my close friends and I miss them and my family heaps...

Maybe I'm just rambling cos of my tired mind.... It's been a looonnnggg week... Am glad for the break this weekend.. :)

Personality Test

Someone convinced me that I should do this test - I actually did it before but I forgot my profile and decided to do it again... Quite interesting insight of myself(at least - it is to me)..

EFNJ - Keirsey

ENFJ profile

Transitioning

Phew... Had my first Greek test today and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would go. I think my lecturer's pretty satisfied with my work. I had to do a reflection paper on a controversial article on Christmas that came out on times magazine a couple of years ago called "Behind the First Noel". It was a bit tough getting into the mode of writing an essay. It took a lot of starts only to get stuck... Managed to finish the paper to my satisfaction five minutes before the class started (and decided to skip dinner along the way). Thank God for my friends who go to mamak or else I'd still be hungry now. :)
Another interesting highlight of the day - today's the third time I've attended the Anglican services. I have attended three out of four of their meetings and that apparently is an anomaly for a non-Anglican. They invited me to join them for their after service gathering - having some snacks that they brought from home. It was great to have potato salad! :) That aside, it was just great to hang out with them and just hearing some of the issues and challenges the Anglicans are facing right now - everyone around me was just joking that I've officially been adopted into their Anglican fold - since I now knew their problems too. It was pretty funny. Think that they are a bunch of great people (not just because they shared food with me). Am constantly amazed and touched by their dedication for God despite all the difficulties that come with their denomination.

Dear God,
Thank You for Your faithfulness and Your goodness. Am constantly in awe of You. Especially in lecture today where I am reminded that You are truly my great father in heaven and that You discipline those You love and that if I love You, I should be obedient to You.

Transitions

It feels like ages since I've last blogged - probably because it's true... The last two weeks have just been rather hectic. I feel like everything's been let loose and it just get overwhelming at times.
Chinese New Year was a great break - it was good just to spend time with family on top of the eating and resting... Decided to study(I actually brought up most of my work up with me and managed to glean through some of them). When I came back to STM last week, just got this horrendous feeling of being overwhelmed by the amount of work that needed to be done - and I blame this on the time that I took to actually do my schedule, count the amount of work that I needed to read and sorta realised that it was just going to be really really tough to finish all my readings on time AND do my assignments at the same time.
The weekend was just a non-stop series of meetings and was just really exhausted(and glad!) to get back to STM yesterday evening at an earlier time than I expected to.
Woke up with a pounding headache and puffy eyes. By the grace of God, am just feeling much better than when I woke up!!! Have my first Greek test that I think I'm prepared for but have to complete two reflection papers(one of which is quite challenging and controversial, the other is just a 'huh??' kind of paper).

Dear God,
I need you and your grace to see me through the week and the rest of the semester. Juggling between work and study is just going to be really hard and there are times when I've just reached my limits. Help me to trust in You to see me through. Thanks for friends who just supports me and loosen me up when I get too stressed out. I see You working through them.

Second week at STM

Have started my second week of classes. Have been overwhelming at times (there's seriously just heaps of work) and have had to make a conscious effort to take a break and yet not too much of it.. :P
Otherwise, I AM enjoying the subjects... Some subjects have been rather mind blowing - challenging my own views on that topic.. The rest of them has just been about learning new things..
It's been a struggle at times to get back to student life.. But on the whole it's been very good. :)
The thing that encourages me the most is my fellow students here... They've all been very encouraging and caring.


Thank You God for leading me here.

CONGRATS TO MY BIG BRO AND VERN!!

Just want to wish a BIG congratulation to my big bro Johann and Vern Li on their wedding yesterday! May God Lord bless your marriage as you begin your journey together.

First day of classes

Today's the first day of classes.. Was a rather heavy day.. Makes me wonder if I should audit the extra subject tomorrow.. Hmmm...
Despite it all, I've enjoyed my classes-Church History, New Testament Survey and Critical Reading and writing... Though am slowly beginning to think- wow! There's heaps of work!! We've been handed our assignments and there's quite a fair bit to do.. A plus point is that the lecturers here are VERY supportive-so it really helps...
Will have pastorate group breakfast (yay!!)in the morning. I also quite like the ppl in my pastorate group - they're quite multicultural actually.. :)
Am struck again about how blessed I am to be here.. The ppl here are very friendly.. Really enjoy the community life here(tonight, someone brought back Nasi Lemak Ayam for supper :) ). Also, I had the opportunity to spend some time in the anglican chapel last nite and tonite just to play on the piano (although it was somewhat out of tune) and just worship Him on the piano. There's just a strong sense of the presence of God as I just sat there and worshiped.


Thank You Jesus for leading me here. Thank You for new friends here. It's just been really awesome knowing You more and knowing them.

View from my window

 

My Study corner

Hmm - not a very good photo.. but this is my study corner..

 

:)

This is another STM resident.. heheh

 

A glimpse of life here at STM

My wi-fi connection's finally set up !!! I am having a rather awesome time here even as I get adjusted to life here in my first week... As I settle down and getting adjusted to living my life as a student again, I find that I am really looking forward to what the Lord has in store for me this year..

Different experiences
It's just been great to have been exposed to different denominations here and getting to know the future leaders of the Malaysian church.. Majority of the ppl here are from Methodist and Anglican background so it's interesting to worship doing devotions with them. Apparently, the Anglicans have their own prayer services at 7am on one of the mornings and the Methodist will have their own prayer service in the evening. Am planning to join them to get a feel of what it's like. :)

There are two other EFC ppl here. It's been good to have them around in view of the overwhelming(at times) ppl who are mostly from Methodist, Anglican and Lutheran background.

My Roommate
Apparently, part of the STM experience is to live with another person - as part of preparation for church ministry in dealing with difficult ppl and resolving conflicts. My roommate's a first year student from KL Chinese Methodist Church.. I've been quite fortunate to have her as a room mate as we discover that we're both not very particular - we both don't mind noise and we can sleep with the lights on. :)

Lecturers
I've really like the lecturers that i've met so far - they have been very approachable and friendly... They join us for our meals and remember our names!! It's also been a comfort to have a lecturer whom I know from my home church here at STM.

Students
We have quite a few international students. Am looking forward to learning from them as I get to know them better..

Besides all that, I really LOVE the library facilities here....
One of my challenges is that I really feel like a 'banana' here some times as most ppl seem to speak chinese here and I mainly speak English...


THANK YOU GOD FOR SENDING ME HERE... AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO KNOWING YOU MORE THIS YEAR.

Blur-ish

It's been a rather blur-ish week.
Sprained my ankle on New Year during the afternoon, John came to town on Tuesday, getting stuff to go to STM, rushing around in the office to tie up loose ends, etc...
My next blog entry will prolly be when I'm there - I can't wait!!

New Year resolutions

1. Travel to a country that I've not been to before (which can't be too difficult as I've only been to Australia, Singapore and Malaysia)
2. Tell a God story every week
3. Have a more exciting year than 2005 (which is going to be pretty difficult as 2005 have been pretty awesome!!)
4. Keep in touch more often with my friends overseas.

Random stuff

Thank you God for:
- the past Christmas that went VERY well (especially since the run through on Christmas morning was a near disaster) and for the souls that came to know You on that morning
-Christmas pressies (All were really nice but I had an extra nice one :) )
- a great break with family in Camerons
-meeting with Ps Mark and family. Justin is soooo cute... He just talks and talks and talks and talks... but he's one of those precocious kids. :)
-people around me that care and are concerned and give great advice as I prepare for Bible School (note to self - pray for a prayer partner and look out for a lecturer to be a mentor)

Just finished reading:
- Devotion explosion (really good book on how to make your devotions interesting!!! One of the tips is to choose a book of the bible and write it in your own handwriting. The other good tip is to type out your prayer.)

Preparing for:
The new year and Watchnite service!

Christmas ramblings

Christmas is coming!! Thank God for sustaining me. Am quite surprised that my stress levels is not any higher than it is now despite all the hitches in the planning for Christmas.
Have been having a pleasant time catching up with some of my ex-OCF friends. It's been a rare treat to meet up with some of them TWICE last week!!!
Doreen's wedding was also on last Saturday.. Had a good time there - though the dinner went on till quite late (we finished about 11.30pm)!!

Foresee a slight struggle this week - it's Christmas activities vs. Christmas reflections. Am hoping to be able to sit down a little longer with Him than my usual 'pockets of time' (which I suppose is better than NO time at all with Him).

Feel like I'm rambling now. Will stop here.

Meeting up with old and new friends

Had a great time yesterday evening. Had TWO dinner appointments - a first for me.
The first was with the TeenStreet committee. Daniel and I, who are the service team leaders were invited along. It was just really good to meet up with all of them again. They are just a bunch of fantastic people who, though busy, give their time and energy to God and young people. It was great to catch up with Daniel in the car too. Found out that he went to Kuantan with a bunch of friends from youth group for a day trip - how fun!!

My friend CQ from Singapore gave a surprise call on Tuesday evening and he invited me to join him and MT and CT for dinner. It was great catching up with them. Of course, we discussed OCF friends whom we've lost contacts with, who's getting married soon, ministry, work, etc...
It was a great evening. CQ's quite entertaining. He always has heaps of stories about his foot and mouth disease. :)

Dear God,
Thank You for different people whom You bring into my life and make it richer. Am so blessed by You.

Thinking of my friends overseas

Was just talking to Simon Ng, Kevin Chew and Wan Qiu online yesterday... They were all part of OCF Melbourne Uni and it just always is good to catch up with them. Kevin says that he'll be coming over in Feb!! Yay!! Was very sad to miss Wan Qiu last week.. : ( was sick with a really bad flu (had to go to the doc to get medication ) and had to go off to Teen Street. Hope that she'll be able to come over again sometime this round..
This morning when I was on my way to work, I was wondering how my other friends were doing: Adeline, Poh Lyn & Karen (the green house girls and my ex-housemates :) ), Johann, Liz, Francis, Eric, John, Jason Tan, Janice Tan, Charlene, Marcus, David, my ACF Rowville friends etc...


*****************

On another note, my sis is going to start work in January!! She's got a job in KPMG... Praise God for opening doors for her!!!

Post Teen Street

Am back from Teen Street Malaysia.. Am just bursting with stories to tell!! Hahaha - have just been sharing about TeenStreeet to the ppl in the office the whole morning and just looking through photos with them.. One of the commitments I made at camp was to share 'stories' of God's work in my life every week to someone...
Miss the crazy fun stuff that was happening at camp.. Really enjoyed the prayer day, the TNT (Teens Need Teens) wacky race... RM25,000 Was raised up by 150 teens for the Dalits.. It was really awesome.. Enjoyed the worship singing sessions too.. Was quite an experience to worship alongside setting up the cafe (I had to leave the hall early most nites to set up for Jungle Time which was after the Throne room sessions). Miss my room mates - crazy though they were...

Was really blessed to get to know the OM Malaysia staff a bit better- they kept on wanting to bless my service team... Dexter, Foo Seng & Jin Ai, Ken and Val are just such great ppl as well.. Was really blessed by their heart for TeenStreet and their encouragements along the way..

********
Miss my service team members..
Jee Lee - my very dependable member of the service team. She's 21 this year and is studying English in NUS, Singapore. She's worshiping in Life Chapel. She was a great help with the ice blended drinks...

Christine Tiong - she's my ice cream lady and my room mate. She's from Good News church in Kuching, Sarawak and she's just absolutely zany.. She was just so desperate for Maggi Mee Tom Yam one nite and it was absolutely funny to watch her..

Wei Li - Wei Li's my other room mate and she's one cool lady. She's working in PWC as an auditor and was helping out in the jungle.

Daniel Lee - Daniel's another crazy but fun guy from SAGC... He's absolutely dependable and gets the job done..

James - James has the weirdest comments sometimes but it was just great having him in my team. He was very good with the torches and the lamps.. Also a very good salesman though not a businessman - if he keeps on giving free food away just to make ppl happy, our cafe would've been broke... :)

Eu Wei - Quiet guy but gets the job done.. The poor guy was tuckered out most of the time I saw him.. Probably cos he was at the camp site setting up too..

Moi Sia - from Sarawak too... She was my drinks lady.. Am glad to have her on my team as she has a warm heart..

Ekkpan a.k.a 'Boy' & Pattipan a.k.a 'Pai'- From Thailand.. Both was helping Jee Lee out with the ice blendeds. Pai especially is really funny. He went around with the guitar singing 'Come, Now is the time for ice creams.' (to the tune "come, now is the time to worship")kekeke...

*******************

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!!!

Happy Birthday to my Beloved Mother. She's an absolutely awesome mum - a little crazy sometimes and does things that just "normal" parents don't do. But I love her anyways... Have especially appreciated her blessing in releasing me into ministry the past year. It's not always been plain sailing but it's great to know that I have a WISE mum who's always there and giving advice and support in my ministry work.

Thank you God for my fun, wacky at times mother who's there when I need her and whom you've used mightily to mould my life... :)

Teens Street Malaysia 2005 doing God Time Kingdom Code

 

TeenStreet Malaysia

Am now here in TeenStreet Malaysia and am having an absolutely fantastic time here! Hip Hop's music going on in the background now for the Hip Hop workshop conducted by Joel Tan for one of the Extreme Base Camp (Workshops). Watching him is like watching poetry in motion.. He's really fluid and really great at the hip hop stuff... He apparently started the Urban Groove here in Malaysia to promote Hip Hop in a clean way and to shine for JC.

The camp has sorta been a blur for me... Have been meeting heaps of new ppl and am working alongside and leading a fantastic service team... Our role as service team members is to basically serve the teams.. We've been having great fun selling ice creams, setting up the cafe and selling snacks and ice blendeds.. We're also in charge of setting up for the TNT(Teens Needs Teens) wacky race and the prayer station... It's been rather a lot of work but we have been greatly blessed by the committee(with TS goodies and dinner!!)...

It's been great watching Dan and Suzy Potter take the Wild Kingdom times.... They just work really well together and I've enjoyed watching the dance and drama as well. It's just been really great just being reminded about Loving God and Loving Ppl by going through the Wild Kingdom Code- God Time, The Walk & Net (Loving God); Serving, Support & Story... (Loving Ppl)...

Have heard this so many times in my Christian walk but it's been brought forward to me in a very refreshing way again. I wish more of the youth from my church came. Sue Zen and Kit's here(praise God!!!). The young ppl here has been really blessed. Will post up my photos shortly. Want to go watch the Hip Hop now!!! - Am thinking that Sue Ann and Hsien Ling will definitely love this.

Happiness

I'm so happy! I have a class in an hour and i haven't even finished my notes (almost done).. Have been stalling because I had a lovely surprise today! I just received my notebook!!! Expected to receive it next week but am getting it earlier than I thought I would!
so it's just absolutely fantastic.. :)
The possibilities are just endless. :)

Thank you God for the notebook.

OM Teen Street

Am going off to OM Teen Street soon! Just can't wait to see how everything's going to be.
OM Teen Street is a camp/conference for youths specifically aged between 13-18 years old.
This year it'll be held in STM Seremban from the 3rd-8th of December. OM Teen Street is organised by OM (my favourite missions organisation - I'm biased) and has been running very successfully for the last couple of years in Europe. It's also been running in different part of Asia and it's the first time we're holding it in Malaysia.

The response here has been awesome... 3 weeks before the closing date was due, all 150 places were taken up!!! Was a bit sad as I wanted to see more teens from my church going. Due to the awesome response, the organisers are planning to enlarge it so that 450 ppl are able to participate in Teen Street next year!!!
TeenStreet is really about the teens. All the programmes are fun, interactive, and geared towards what young people are into today. Will write more about the highlights after camp. :)

So... what is 25 year old me doing at a Teen Camp??? I've had the privilege of being asked to be the Service Team leader. :) The Service Team are basically people who are going to be the hands and feet of TeenStreet. We plan the logistics of the camp, help with the setups for the workshops, sports and prayer stations, the TNT (Teen Needs Teens) run and Jungle Time (The cafe and organised chill out time). Am just so excited and thankful to be a part of the team - and that the church has released me to be a part of it. It's been great to work alongside with other ppl from other churches who are so on fire for Him. I've got a fantastic leader who's just so enthusiastic and has a great servant leader's heart. Working with people like this is a refreshing change. :)

Dear God,
Just want to commit the upcoming TeenStreet to you. Thank You for the privilege of just serving you.

Singles at the CrossRoads

Have been reading 'Singles at the CrossRoads' and I must say that it's one of the better books I've read about relationships..

Really recommend this book to anyone who's Christian and single(or dating as well!).

Some of the issues addressed
Gift of singleness (It totally has a different perspective from mine about this topic)
Romantic love (I was surprised of certain things that I learnt)
Is there a specific person God has created for me?

After many years of listening to BGR forum.. Reading books on relationship, this book has pretty refreshing and freeing perpectives to offer.

Will blog some things that struck me if I ever find the time and effort to do so.. :)

Overwhelmed

It's been rather overwhelming at times. Agree with Ps Elisha when he sent the SMS the other day - am just having too many commitments and too many meetings. Some days, I feel like am drowning. Have been sick too - so that's perhaps added to this sense of being overwhelmed.

Surprisingly, when I was talking to John online today, I could honestly tell him that I'm doing great -sick and all(I didn't tell him i was sick).. Funnily, he asked me why I was doing great(ppl just normally leave it at that -but trust John to do something different. :P )... After thinking about it - I answered - I'm doing great because I AM surviving despite everything. :) Because of Him who loves me and holds me in the palm of His Hand, who speaks in His still small voice when I just need to hear from Him, who I know is with me and seeing me through this time...

Thank You God for just being who You are and that You are walking alongside me always - just as you've promised.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUE ANN!!

A very HAPPY BIRTHDAY To my dear Friend Sue Ann!
Thank You for your friendship and your input into my life. Thank You for encouraging me to be more like Jesus in your own special way. :)

Stages of my life

This seems to be a common pattern of my life.
I go through the following stages:

1. The super busy stage(Easter period and end of the year especially) - wake up, plan work for the day (otherwise not effecient enough and things just don't get done as much), bury myself in work until it's lunch time, grab food for meals, work some more, meetings every nite and lots of stress, and just go home to collapse and sleep. And throughout all this, pray hard that I don't get sick (am just prone to get sick in this period - little wonder why :P)

2. Busy stage(Most of the year) - wake up, work, go home, on nites when don't have meeting, just do a bit of reading (as I'll be too tired to go out to hang out with friends) and sleep.

3. Ok stage(Once a month if I'm fortunate enough) - wake up, work go home, no meetings for a 3 nites in a row, just spend times in the evenings to catch up on sleep or relaxing or reading or watch the occasional DVD..

4. Relaxed stage (Rare event) - Hang out with friends, get enough sleep, enough rest, satisfied with the amount of material that I get to read.

Am in the super busy stage now (did i mention that it happens at the end of the year?? :P). *sigh*... Am beginning to crave going back to the busy stage ... When I'm in super busy stage and busy stage- I don't have much time to hang out with friends though I long to do so, then when I get to the Ok stage - I just need 'me' time...

Hmmm.. I wonder how different it'll be next year now that I'll be going to STM??

Dear Lord,
Need lots of help now.. Need your strength to just make it through today. Thank you for being with me always and that you've promised to be my help in time of need.

Am going to STM!!!

It's official! Will be going to STM on 8th January! Just had my letter of acceptance from the Bible School yesterday - seems a bit surreal.. :)

Ok... back to work- have Worship ministry, christmas planning, OM Teen Street, PJEFC songbook, Cross Gen stuff to plan out..

Dear God,
Thank you for this opportunity!!

Happy Birthday Little Brother!!

Just want to wish a very Happy Birthday to my brother Sam!!

November's pretty much a birthday celebration month for my family.. :)

Alpha Fever

I'm continually amazed at the things that has been happening in our church this year. What with Reuben Morgan, Footstool Player, Peter Tsukahira, NECF conference and just yesterday Asia Pacific Alpha Conference with Nicky Gumbel and team!
Was helping out with the PA in the chinese chapel and it was just really great to hear Nicky Gumbel speak.. He's a really great communicator..
Now that it's over, people in our church is really fired up about Alpha - especially those that attended the conference..
Okies... that's it for today... have heaps to do - worship leading preparations and JY workshop too!!

Paintballing outing

Went paintballing last Saturday with a group of crazy ppl.. It was really fun!!! Really enjoyed the running around and shooting people.. hehehe..

Thank you God for that great outing.. :) 

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY to my little sister Esther!!!

Big Brother

My big brother has been here for the past week (since last Wednesday). It was great to see him and hang out with him again! Went to Paradise Church Worship concert, went window shopping - looked for headphones, cuff links and all the other stuff that he wanted to take a look at..

Big bro: If you're reading this.. Thanks for being my 'driver' - just like old times . :)

Random thoughts - Applications are sent in!!

*phew* have finally sent in the applications to STM... HAve been running around like a headless chicken since yesterday when Uncle Sam gave the green light... Still have to send in several stuff - but I guess that it can wait until Monday.
God never ceases to amaze me(it's a good thing isn't it) *BIG GRIN*. Have been answering prayers in pretty amazing ways.

Am currently reading: Not too busy to pray by Ps Bill Hybels..
It's been really good simple reading.. Little things continues to challenge me as I learn to talk with God more.

Am...

Am listening to : Nichole Nordeman's new album Brave
Am always just really challenged and ministered to by her songs. Hope to be able to write songs just as great as hers. Her songs just somehow resonates in my soul and looks at issues which I am just facing at the particular point of time.

Am waiting for: Decisions to be made
Sigh. I think God's just teaching me patience... and to continually depend on Him and not on man. Still waiting for decisions so I'll know whether I'll be going in January or not. Praise God for peace that surpasses all understanding - it's ok even though I don't go.

Am frustrated because: I want to spend more time with Him
I wonder how many people can identify with me - I want to spend more time sitting at the feet of Jesus... To know Him, what's on His heart. What's just so frustrating is because everytime I want to do so, something crops up and it's just easier to let my time with Him slide. At the end of the day, I say - I'll try again tomorrow.. and it happens day after day. And because of my frustrations and lack of time with Him, I get grumpier more easily, irritated more easily, moody more easily, judgemental more easily and I lack love, grace and mercy.
I'll continue striving till I spend that time with Him though. With His strength and by His grace, I'll get there one day.

Food Poisoning

Getting food poisoning just is the pits.. Energy feels all sapped up cos you can't eat much, your stomach just feels like it's being pulled apart all the time AND you just feel like throwing up all the time..
I just have one thing to say - I have more empathy for those who undergo food poisoning.. :P

Have learnt one lesson - ALWAYS heat up leftover mushroom soup that's been left out on the table for more than an hour or else you'll barely be able to function for the next 2-3 days.. :P

*SIGH*

Time

Time is so so precious..
It is so sparse nowadays - especially when there are always lots to do(Could have something to do with all the ministries I am involved in).. The worst thing about it is that there are much more that I want to do.. Am just 'envious' of ppl with plenty of time... Wish I could have some of their spare time transferred to me so I can use it for the other things that I want to do.. hehhee

Well... What is it that I am doing nowadays??
*Have been fixing my tooth (which will apparently take until February to finish everything - good news is: doctor says that it is healing nicely and that there are no infection).

*Just finished organising our first PJEFC High Praise- which was pretty successful in my eyes(I had very low expectations- I should've had more faith)..

*Tying up loose ends in the office before the end of the year because..... *drum roll*
I am going to BIBLE SCHOOL in January!!!!! At least, it looks that way... Applications and preparations are currently underway... Have been having discussions with lots of people... Am just tying up loose ends and wait for the final decision from my church board.
Am rather excited... Besides having this wonderful opportunity to study again, there'll be pianos there that I apparently can tinker with(whoopeee!!).. Am hoping to have more time to sit down and write songs too. Heheh - we'll just have to see since I have this knack of getting myself involved in heaps of stuff... *grin*
I'm planning to study Bachelor of Divinity at STM Seremban for the next four years. But I'll be back home for weekends to serve in my church.
So am just looking forward to it all!

Dear God,
Thanks for the wonderful opportunity to study at STM next year.. I continue to pray for Your guidance and leading and Your hand to be upon me.
Thank You so much Father :)

Tooth Job

Finally did something to my tooth.. Had a roller blading accident a few years back and there was a very bad impact on my left canine tooth.
Had my treatment yesterday and it reminded me a lot about the day when I had the accident-the local anaesthetic, the stitches and the blood in my mouth :P .. The doctor had to pull out all the fragments of the root as well as the one that was embedded deep inside... Took him longer than expected.. he was trying to pull it out and crush it... when it didn't work, he had to use the drill -good thing i was on anaesthetic... but when it wore off, it was very painful!! plus it was still bleeding for the next three hours or so... Hate the taste of blood in mouth...
Brought back memories of how eating used to be an ordeal too.. but this time's not as bad as the last time..
Why did I blog this 'gruesome' account?? Because I thank God for bringing me to the doc and for FINALLY doing the treatment.. and that there was no infection affecting my other tooth despite the procrastination... I thank God for bringing the oral facial surgeon and that the clinic was nearby my house (he set up his clinic about under a year ago).. I thank God too for making it much more affordable compared than if I was to do it a couple of years back...

I am reminded in all this, though I had a bad accident, God's still taking care of me.

Thanks Abba, Father.

My Father

This song really ministered to me this morning.. Really recommend it to everyone... Even in this busy time, it was just great to sit at His feet for just a little while and just be in Father's presence. All is right in my world again.. :D


Your Favourite Name is Father - by Newsong
Almighty God, Lord of All Creation
Ancient of Days, The Holy One
So many names You've given us to call You
But the one remains
Your favourite name...

Your favourite name is Father
You love to hear Your children calling
You're there to catch us when we've falling
Your favourite name is Father

Abba Father, Holy is Your name
Abba Father, Holy is Your name

sigh, sigh, sigh..

Fewer,fewer, fewer... That's seems to be the rate that I'm blogging nowadays..
Just going through this 'lazy phase of blogging'.

Busy, busy, busy... That's just about the sum of my life nowadays.. Last week was considered a 'slow' week - was feeling quite weird because of it... This week is almost back to normal..

Conflicts, conflicts, conflicts... Things of this nature seems to crop up frequently - last week none of it happen - so again, it contributed to the feeling of 'weirdness' last week.. This week is back to normal.. And I'm feeling comfortable again (Yes, just call me weird)...

Frustrations, frustrations, frustrations... Am somehow getting this feeling of wanting to do more than I'm doing(Yeah - it's a pretty nutty thing to say since I'm doing a lot nowadays)... And don't know what to do and how to do it.. That prolly sounded weird.. But I just somehow think there's more to it than what I'm currently doing..

Maybe all this is part and parcel of 'post-fasting'..

Reflection on 40 day prayer and fast

Realise *again* that it's been a while since I last posted something up.. I do hope to blog more often... I continue to marvel how time flies..
God's been really good to me in the past month (Then again, He's always good).. As I've just finished the 40 days fast and pray over a week ago, I realise that there was a LOT that He did during that period through me and for me..
During this period:

• There was a breakthrough in an area in my life that I've been struggling off and on for 10 years now
• God spoke very directly into my situation TWICE
• Conflicts and confrontations arose but was overcome
• Felt that I was so much more sensitive the Holy Spirit
• God opened doors for me to minister to my friends whom i've not heard from in a long time..

It was the first time for me to fast for such a long period.. It wasn't all smooth sailing - there were tough days... But on reflection, it was a time of growth in my spiritual life in a different way.. Am glad I did it.

Can't wait..

Counting the hours before I go up to Frasers Hill for a short break with Sue Ann..
We've been planning this for the past two months.. A few friends have told me 'Eh.. I thought that you just went for a break in Camerons?'..
Realise that getting breaks every now and then is very vital to me... I WAS refreshed the when I went up to Camerons last month - but Cross Gen camp (or at least the after effects of it), ministry stuff and just staying late almost every nite in church has just been tiring me out... I don't get much break (my day off is for doing family stuff) - most of my breaks are snatched here and there- an hour here, an hour there - not that I'm complaining, these breaks are better than none at all.
Lots of spiritual battle (feel like i have been squeezed and pressed on every side at times) has been going on the past two weeks and I just want to spend some time with my Saviour and just talk and work things out with Him as well as seek directions for the future.. Am just looking forward to spending more solid time with Jesus.. :)

Dear God,
Thanks for making weekend possible. I pray for protection from your angels as we travel back and forth. Am sooo looking forward to just have some 'me and You' time.

Happenings

This is really terrible... Have been so busy that I've forgotten that I have a blog!!! (can you imagine that!!)..

Events of the past month off the top of my head
Am following the NECF 40 day prayer and fast and so much have been happening in the past month..
Cross Gen Camp.
PJEFC Jamming sessions commencement..
Christmas and Easter planning...
Clearing of workload after coming back from Camerons..
Worship leading for the past two Sundays..
Preparation for Worship Leading at NECF prayer convention..
Working out Cross Gen issues..
Have read several biographies over the past month- Corrie Ten Boom, Samuel Morris, Brother Andrew
Also read: Women as risk takers for God, How to make them laugh Book 1(by David Wong)
Also read: Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 &2 Samuel, 1&2 Samuel (Part of Low Chai Hock's ABS homework)
Awesome ABS (Adult Bible School) classes:
Text and texture of OT - Low Chai Hock
Teaching less and learning more - David Wong (Haggai Institute)
Helen's Baptism

Okies.. back to work... SO MUCH WORK TO DO!!!

Dear God,
Thank You for Your mercies everyday.. Thank You for seeing me through each day - especially the hectic ones... Thank You for revealing so much of yourself to me in the past weeks.. *GRIN*

Life goes on as usual...

Busy busy busy..
So many things to settle as usual - Worship ministry stuff, Cross Gen stuff, Missions Stuff..
Besides that, try to make a concious effort to get to know people and sow into their lives as well - I realise that sometimes I DO get so involve in the 'business' side of the ministry that I forget to include people.. Was just telling Jia En that i realised that i have a bad habit of running around on Sundays and Friday nites and just not being able to stop to talk to people. =P I reckon that that's one area that I definitely should be working on..
Anyways- the highlight of the week for me this week is CROSS GEN CAMP(Friday evening till Sunday morning)!
Am looking forward to hearing Ps Elisha again!!! Am looking forward to seeing what awesome things God's gonna do in the camp..

Dear God,
I commit the cross Gen Camp into your hands.. I pray that You'll preserve and protect Ps Elisha at this time and grant him the rest that He needs. Please continually move in the people of Cross Gen.
Thank You for what You're going to do!

Holiday at Camerons

Feel so lazy to blog.. Partly because I have lots to clear up due to my past week's break at Camerons as well as making preparations an important meeting this Saturday (which seems to take up a lot of my time) as well as - I must admit- some other distractions. :p
Anyways, just thought I should blog about my trip to Camerons.. Had a great time there last week (as seen on the pics).
The first few days was just spent relaxing, talking to Liza and Azmi (two orang asli staying with my dad) and giving them English lessons in the evening, following my dad around, praying for breaktrhough for some friends who requested prayer, doing some very limited reading, playing with puppies and playing sudoku(a really fun puzzle). The OM OCZ team came up on Friday and it was great fellowshipping with them and getting to know over a dinner.
Mum, Esther and the Sellar family(Uncle William, Aunty Poo Choo and Katy) from UK joined dad and I on Friday night. Had a great time of fellowship and sightseeing with them on Saturday and Sunday. (pics found here)
Overall, it was a great break. *BIG GRIN*

Dear God,
Thank You for breaks and holidays. :)

Uncle William

The Sellars and The Ngs

Esther and Katy

Me, Dad, Esther and the puppies!

Me, Aunty Poo Choo and Esther

Katy, me and mum and the bee farm 

Baby Chloe's sleeping so sweetly 

Baby Chloe 

Sleep

It's been a pretty restful week.. Especially last nite - slept at 7pm! Was so tired.. wanted to go take a bath and then go for prayer meet... The bed looked so tempting.. the next thing i knew -it was 1am!!!! Went back to sleep at about 2.30am - house had a short black out.. And it was really good to have the electricity back..
Feel slightly lost this week - probably because of the lack of the usual hectic activity - had to clear a lot of things as part of Hillsong preparation.. But now that I didn't go, it's just sooo - weird..

Baby Chloe

Went to see baby Chloe yesterday... She's so adorable!! There's just something special in holding 5 day year old baby... My family was just taking turns carrying her and just watching every little movement she made - her yawns, her smile, her scrounging of face and her sleeping so peacefully..
Will put up a pic of her once Esther sends it over.. :P

No visa... but it's ok, :) He still makes me smile

Ahhh... been having a restful Sunday afternoon.. My first in... I can't remember how long..
I've realised that I've rarely blogged on a Sunday too..
My cough is heaps better - probably due to the much needed rest.. :P
For today, I just went to church, went to ABS class on Old Testament by Low Chai Hock (as usual, it's been fantastic even though he gets a bit incoherent with his vertigo.. ), had lunch with my family and basically went home, read excerpts of Jim Elliot's diary and just Konked Out. Didn't realised I was that tired.. Am just so used to my very fast paced life where it's just one thing after another.. Woke up only at 7pm!! went out for dinner, went to Pasar Malam (night market) and came home, watched some tv and now blogging for a bit before watching CSI and just go back to get some sleep... It's been just good to rest... Hinei!! (apparently it's a Hebrew expression for 'very good'.. hehehe am learning well from my ABS classes -it's been just worth it to not go to Hillsong just to listen and learn from the ABS class.)
Think that I should add that I didn't get my visa... But am just so blessed at the same time... Have had so many ppl just concerned for me- either calling me, SMSing me or just coming up to me to ask me I'm ok.. Am just feeling very well loved.. And that's why He makes me smile -through them -everyone that has just been concerned for me (people in church who I have no clue of their names even have been coming up to me and to ask if I was ok)..
Thank You Jesus for just loving me!!!
I was just shocked initially and really disappointed cos as I've said, I really was looking forward to visiting friends and family there and also to have my much needed R&R as I have been feeling rather worn out. Realise that I've not actually have had much of a break since Easter preparations in February.. Uncle Sam (Ministry coordinator/pastor) has just been really concerned for me that I'm getting burnt out..
But am just having this 'peace that passes all understanding' about not going.. For some reason, I do just feel that it's just God's will for me NOT to go.. He's just allayed all my fears -especially about the air ticket refund(Just am praying that tomorrow, the Australian embassy will be able to date that the rejection of visa was on Friday and I'll be able to get the refund!).
Just realised to that it's ONE YEAR that I've been working in church!! (I started in July 2004)..

Dear Father in Heaven,
Thanks for just seeing me through this time.. Though Your ways are hard to understand at times, thank You heaps for watching over me and showing that You still care through so many ppl..
Thank You too for seeing me through the year.. am so excited to just serve You in the next year and see where You lead me.. Continue to hold my hand... I need You to lead and guide me for without You I will truly be lost.

Psalm 138

As I wait on Him, He speaks through His Word.

Psalm 138
Of David.

I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
before the "gods" I will sing your praise.

I will bow down toward your holy temple
and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things your name and your word.

When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted.

May all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD,
when they hear the words of your mouth.

May they sing of the ways of the LORD,
for the glory of the LORD is great.

Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly,
but the proud he knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
with your right hand you save me.

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands.

It's a GIRL!!

Congrats to Kenny and Sue Yap!! Their baby girl Chloe Yap Huey Ern-was born today at 12.52pm at Sunway Medical Hospital.
Mum and daughter are doing well.. "The baby's 3.21kg" - proclaims the happy daddy..

Waiting...

Discovered that there are complications with my visa on Monday... Was just rather disorientated since Monday afternoon when I received the call from Uncle Lawrence to go to the embassy. To cut the long story short, was running around like a headless chicken to get the necessary documents and to prepare letters as well..

To be honest, I have been somewhat discouraged by the turn of event at times... I think that I just can't stand the wait.. I have continually surrendered it to God and am fine even if I don't go.. But it's the wait that's getting to me- should I start packing or wait for the results? What should I do Lord?? Am just so confused.. Do You or don't You want me to go?? And here I thought that You were opening doors for me so I could not only catch up with family and old friends but to minister to some of them as well... Is this of You or not?

But am encouraged to know that many of my family and friends are praying for me-many in Australia as well as Malaysia.. Some have even said that they are feeling 'kan chiong' on my behalf and are waiting with bated breath for the results too. Another friend said that she lost sleep over it last night. My prayer partner prayed with me over Yahoo Messenger - first time I have ever done that - and I just felt so comforted and lifted up... Am touched by the care and concern that many have shown me in this time...

Dear God,
Thank You for absolutely fantastic family and friends who are such a comfort from You in this time.. Help me to be patient and to wait and trust in You a whole lot more in this matter. Open the doors that You want opened and shut the doors that You want shut. Grant me peace and strength..
Abba Father, I look to You.

Scramblings...

Got majorly sidetracked yesterday..
So I find myself scrambling to finish a lot of work today- my fault I guess.. :P
Have written about 20 emails today.. Not as much as Tuesday(I think I typed about 30)..
On top of that, I am doing my itinerary and report on the side.
Managed to get the tracts that Ps Tay from Australia wanted - only to find out he wanted more stuff from the same store when I got back *sigh*...
Then again, I'm happy cos I managed to help OM(Operation Mobilisation), my all time favourite missions organisation (I'm biased-my mum and dad was in OM before) to get ppl to help them today.. So I'm glad I can contribute a bit towards that in the midst of my busy-ness...
At least I've started my report to the church leaders on Tung Ling -it's just been taking me a really long time to get down to it :P.. Will have to finish it before I go... Managed to sort out a small part of my itinerary in Melbourne too..
Tonight, am planning to get a haircut and rush home to do some more Bible Study on Romans...
Oh! what a life I lead!
OK back to the fray..

Dear God,
Grant me strength and teach me to continually rest in You. Teach me to do a LOT for You and yet include You in everything I do and to grow in You...
*sigh* it looks like I'm going to have to scramble all worship preparations into tomorrow.

MBTI

Am talking to fiona..
Decided to take the MBTI test. Found out I was a ESFJ- same as Fiona.. pretty funny..
Explanation of the profile
http://keirsey.com/personality/sjef.html
http://typelogic.com/esfj.html

Preparation for Hillsong!

It's almost 5pm... still have heaps to do but I thought that I'll just blog something about my hillsong preparation...
I so can't believe it, I'll be leaving for Australia next Saturday (2nd July!!!)... Have almost been 3 years since I last left.. AM SO LoOking forward to see my friends again(Elizabeth, John, Johann,Vern Li, Poh Lyn, David, Karen, Adeline), my family(tuaku and aunty Margaret and Joseph), Uncle and Aunty Sharon and just go down memory lane and just visit old haunts again. Am also looking forward to worshipping in my old church- Richmond AOG.. Really love the worship atmostphere there- we get ppl from 26 ethnic background worshipping there every Sunday and it's just so awesome!

In the meantime, have so much to do! Preparation for my absence is just so NO JOKE! Have to inform ppl in 3 ministries that I'm involved -
Missions Dept: Do seminar stuff this Saturday and just inform everyone I'll not be around next week
Cross Gen: Rush up to finish Bible study questions for Romans during the two Fridays that I'm not around.
Worship Ministry: Buy all the stuff(tracks, booklets, shopping) for Hillsong for Ps Tay, Buy the baby gift for Ta Shing before I go, still finish my weekly duties and preparations for Sunday worship, prepare for Sunday Worship on the weeks I'm absent, ensure all the hillsong tags arrive, and the list goes on and on and on and on.

On the side, still have to arrange my flight ticket from Sydney to Melbourne..
Send my itinerary to my friends and family there..
Get a haircut, get a backpack, start packing my stuff, start getting gifts for friends and family there.. *sigh*
It just never ends.. Am so looking forward to the 9th of July when I finally reach Melbourne and get a much needed holiday!

Dear God
Help me through this time. THanks for being here with me.

My outing at Seremban with my Tung Ling friends

Praise God that I'm feeling considerably better.. My spirits are much brighter too.. Quite a big contrast to my last week's overall mood.
Went to Seremban yesterday to visit Vivienne, check out her church -FGT Seremban, had the famous Seremban beef noodles (it was my first time and it was quite yummy actually), bought Seremban Siew Paus.
I generally had a great time hanging out with some of my Tung Ling friends again.. Sue Min, Fiona, Sally, Vivienne, Andy, Eiran and Jan Sen were all there. Had great fun just catching up with one another, telling jokes (Andy's was especially just bad).. We had that outing cos Sally's going back to Kuching next week after being trained by Pastor Elisha as requested by her pastor in Kuching.
Mum was just against the trip cos she was worried about my health and she really wants to see me get well before I go to Aussie next week for the Hillsong conference.
Sue Min picked me up at 11.00am. By the time we fetched Eiran (BU), Fiona, (OUG), Jan Sen (Puchong) and met up with Andy and Sally at Bukit Jalil, it was already 12.30pm! We parked Sue Min's car somewhere nearby and then we all hopped into Andy's van and off we were to Seremban!
We went to Terminal One, as instructed by Vivienne and somehow ended up going around Seremban town just because we were looking for parking!! To cut a long story short, we ended up at Terminal One, a shopping mall, and walked around while waiting for Vivienne. We saw a poster of Laura there in a school uniform and just had some hillarious laughs along the way..
Vivienne met us, we then went to eat lunch (the time now was about 3pm) - Seremban beef noodles. After that we went to get some siew paus(which is quite yummy!), saw Vivienne's church and ended up at her place at about 5pm. We left at about 6pm after chilling out at her room, listening to a string orchestra recording that she conducted in school, swapped jokes and just had a great time of fellowship. We finally left at about 6pm, dropped everyone else home and I just got in time for my 8.30pm meeting at Adrian Ng's which went pretty well.
By the time I got home at about 11.30pm, I must say that it was pretty satisfying off day. *BIG GRIN*.

Dear God,
Thank You for yesterday and the fellowship I had with my friends. I pray for Sally who'll be going off next week that you continually watch over her and bless her.

Molding, shaping..

Must say that this past week have prolly been one of the toughest week for me. It’s been pretty frustrating because the flu had just really got to me.
I went to see the doctor (I rarely see the doctor when I’m sick unless it’s really bad), took my medications faithfully, ensured that I slept at least 9 hours every night, took ½ hour naps during lunch time, ate non-fried stuff (Really tough for me- I must confess that I just love fried stuff) and kept up just taking healthy foods only.. :P
I’m finally much better after almost a week of torture – though my nose has not totally recovered and my cough is still there (though less frequently today – praise God!!)..
I found that my sickness in body just really affected my spirit as well… Was just quite down in spirit and was bombarded with depressing thoughts especially in terms of ministry.
Am just so glad that I’m feeling much better today. Ps Kenneth Chin came to Cross Gen and spoke on mentoring last nite. As usual, his preaching really spoke to me in a powerful way. A few things stick out in my mind.

- Christian means to be “little Christs”. When ppl see me, do they see Christ in me??
- Christ wants to continually build my character
- Mentoring is - that you have spiritual sons/daughters and produce ppl that can do the job better than you –if not better. The mentoring relationship is a really beautiful one-but can be difficult to be in as it's part of molding your character. There needs to be submissiveness and teachability. While Ps Kenneth was speaking, I just reflected on this and am so glad that I have this relationship with Sue Ann. It’s just helped me to grow a lot in the past half year. We guess that we just now have to work on the rebuking each other bit. :P
- Caring for people is very important. When you care, you will make that extra effort. When you care, strategies for ministry will come out. This has always been one of my greatest struggle. Sometimes, I’ve wished that I didn’t care so much – so passionately and intently. I’d get less hurt this way. During my lowest, I’d find it hard to accept that God has made me thus. Many are the times, I’d wish that I could be like some ppl around me who seemingly don’t care all that much about what they do-how they affect others with their actions. Someone close to me occasionally says “Don’t be so seriouslaa, Always so stressed”. But I just can’t help it. I’m serious because I care – that’s just the way He made me. After last night, God reminded me that it’s great to be the way He made me... Seriousness and all.

Dear God,
Thank You for this past week, tough-though it's been -cos I know that you're continually molding me to be like You. Thank You just speaking to me. Never let me go.

Bad cough, bad flu

That's what the doctor say...

Am feeling heaps better after spending almost two days in bed..
Though that has barely made a dent in the cough and flu...
Hope I get better soon.

Sit, Walk, Stand

Flu's being contained today.. Apart from the occasional sneezing and sniffing.. It's not so bad - so far at least.
At least my body's not feeling so crappy today too...

Am currently reading "Sit, Walk, Stand" by Watchman Nee(my current hero of faith). It about Ephesians... It's just relevant right now as I study through the book of Romans- helps to consolidate my doctrines and just a great reminder of how I need to "sit" and rest so much more before I walk and stand.

FLU coming!!! Arrgghhh!!

*Sigh*..
Am getting a flu today! Just started sniffing and sneezing during lunch time..
I can't afford to get sick this week (I can't afford to get sick at all! there's heaps to do as usual)... I'm worship leading this weekend!
I've been getting at least 8-9 hours sleep the past two days and yet- doesn't seem to be doing much to heal it!! Aaarrrggghh..
Am frustrated because am feeling bleary and I therefore seem to be working half my normal speed.. plus I spend a lot of time trying to recall things because my mind's just going blank.. *sigh*.. I can't even finish the report that was due today -am just so not up to it..
But my time with Him was great today - though I was feeling really sleepy. Was refreshed for a short while and my spirit found rest - despite my body feeling crappy and pulling my spirit down earlier in the morning.
AM just looking forward to go home to SLEEP and sleep and sleep (heheh-now sounding like Eiran and Jan Sen)...

Dear God,
Thanks for that wonderful time that I had with you in this morning.. Please heal my body-before my flu gets worse so that I can lead Your people into worship - if not, please prepare Jason to take over(hahahah)..

Ramblings

Am in a somewhat contemplative mood - as you can see from my previous entry. Somehow, when I'm in this mood, it doesn't dispell as fast as would like it to..
It also means that I'll tend to be slightly moodier and broodier than usual.. :P
So unless you're really funny to me today... I'll probably not speak much.. Cos of the lot of stuff in my mind..
Am seriously confused how ppl can be really unwise(I have a stronger word in mind but I think I'll just not write it!) in their judgements and how it just really affects other ppl. Ok.. maybe I'm complaining because I'm the "other ppl"... And how I totally hate to be involved in this kind of stuff.. It's the 'S' (one of the D,I,S,C temperaments) in me that hates all these things.. Just like my world to be peaceful and calm.. Part of me just want to complain "WHY GOD?????!!!"... The other part of me's going "why does that person have to be so vindictive and hurt everyone??" *sigh*
Then again, someone wisely told me, it's seriously a spiritual battle going on..

Dear God,
In the name of Jesus, I speak life into the situation. God of all wisdom, please grant me some - to know how to deal with this situation as well as not to brood in it.
Please heal my cough too as I know it's not helping the situation much and adds already to the distress in my body.
Thank You Jesus for caring for me in all situations...

Little puzzles

It's amazing how a phone call can make my day.. And at the same time, another phone call can be so awkward..

Am also amazed that how some things told in confidence is just 'blabbed'(for want of a better word) just because the person is mad at the other and justifies it by saying "it's their fault". Sheesh... I pray that I won't be like that. *sigh* life can be so complicated at times.

It's then amazing how God uses some ppl to cheer me up and others to 'make me sad'.

Reuben Morgan, weekend activities...

Am just posting this while Reuben Morgan and his band are just jamming and doing their sound check for their Worship Event here in about 2 hour's time(Yes- I can hear it from all the way here!!!!).
Am trying to drown out their noise with my music over my computer speakers- to no avail I might add!
Am trying to upload my Tung Ling photos into my multiply site (http://ruthng.multiply.com).. Am getting slightly tired of all the editing of photos and deciding what to upload and am taking a break...
Am trying to figure out what I'm suppose to do for the next half hour before my ushering meeting in half an hours.

Such is my life- so many things happening at once! But again, knowing that I'm walking in the center of my father's will while doing all these things just makes me feel really contented..

Speaking of many things happening at once.. Am so happy that am meeting some of my Tung Ling friends tonite! Fiona, Andy, Ps Wah Lok and Chin Yee(I think.. ) will at least be here-besides the two E's(As Ezra calls Ewe Jin and Eiran *hehehehe*). Yay!! Though he can't make it tonite, Ezra made my day cos he sent me an email!!! *BIG GRIN*

Thought that I'd better post that the past two days have just been really crazy but good in so many ways..
On Saturday, we didn't go through a lot of Romans as I thought we would. We just did about an hour's worth of reviewing and then Sue Ann realised the meeting was at 5-not 5.30 so we had to rush off to Acts Church.. Am very glad I went- was really blessed during the worship. Was really warmly welcomed too... Just fell in love with the warmness of the ppl there.... We also had dinner with Ps Kenneth Chin, Ps Sandra, Alex and another of their full time worker until 10pm..
Sue Ann and I went to have some buble tea after that and discussed Ps Kenneth's sermon... It really ministered to me in so many ways.. While discussing, we realised that we needed to work on the agenda and so abandoned the thought of continuing studying the book of Romans.. We had some discouraging moments and were stumped about the Cross Gen Leader's meeting agenda and decided to get the help of someone very wise - my mum!
Was glad we did so.. We prayed a lot and discussed until 3 in the morning of what we should do with the Cross Gen leaders on Sunday.. We had a lot of great inputs from my mum too..
Got really zonked out by the time I went to bed and really struggled getting up at 8.30 to go to church! Church service was great the next day with some confirmation of what we were going to do in the afternoon. Our leaders meeting was held at 12.30pm in the afternoon and it went on until 7pm in the evening.... Some of us also went for dinner after that and it was almost 10pm by the time I got back.. Praise God that the meeting went so well!! I believed that God' just doing something great in Cross Gen.

My dear Father in Heaven,
I continually thank You for all that You're doing in my life, for Your guidance, the way You speak to me at so many times, the way You're working in the Cross Gen Leaders, for my great friends that blesses me so much and most of all for my supportive family. Looking forward to an awesome time of worship with You tonight... Am also looking forward to this week and what You have in store for me...

My song of prayer

Was just playing this on the piano while waiting for Sue Ann today.
A song of prayer

Living Sacrifice
Words and music by Ruth Ng

Teach us to worship You the way You want us to
Teach us to love You Lord with all of our hearts
Teach us to live for You in all that we do
And to offer up our lives as a living sacrifice

May our lives as incense rise to You
Pleasing You as fragrant perfume

©May 2005 Ruth Ng

Romans and my Mum

Am on holidays today!!!! Am so glad for the rest - if one can call preparing Bible Study materials for Cross Gen rest..*grimace* :P
Am waiting for Sue Ann to come back from picking up her sister. I thought to write down a few thoughts since she so graciously offered her computer to me. We're doing the Bible study materials on Romans today... This is our second time meeting up and we've only done three chapters! But I must recommend that EVERY CHRISTIAN should read Romans. It's got all the doctrinal basis for a Christian.. So far - we've only done the bits on how much we need to be justified.. And that we're not any better than the Gentiles.. Have been so humbling and it's just speaking to me and rebuking me in my spiritual faith at times.

On a separate note, I was talking to my mum last nite till pretty late (more like 3am! Then again it's a holiday today! yay!). I really treasure her advice on ministry and relational issues... I'm continually amazed at the wisdom God has given her and how much I miss out whenever I choose not to listen to her. It speaks of my own spiritual life -How much I miss out whenever I choose not to listen to God.

Dear God,
I'm continually thankful that you show me how much you care do for me - especially through my mother.. Thank you for my mother so much. She's shown me despite how much I disappoint or how difficult I can get, that she still chooses to love me. She's truly a treasure from You. Please watch over her each and everyday. You see her needs and her discouragements and yet I know that You're more than enough for her and will fulfill her every need. Thank You that she's a living example of Jesus to me. I pray that You will bless her so much.

My prayer song for today

Knees to the Earth
Words and Music by Christy Nockels and Nathan Nockels

Wonderful Savior, my heart belongs to Thee
I will remember always the blood You shed for me
Wonderful Savior, my heart will know Your worth
So let me embrace You always as I walk this earth

CHORUS:
Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here, be glorified
I owe my life to You, my Lord
Here I am

Beautiful Jesus, how may I bless Your heart
Knees to the earth I bow down to everything You are
Beautiful Jesus, You are my only worth
So I will embrace You always as I walk this earth

©2003 worshiptogether.com songs

Technology and friends

Every once in a while, I'm amazed with technology... If not for emails or msn and the like, A LOT of my friendships would be difficult to maintain..
Now that I'm back in the office, I have more time to be online and I find myself catching up with A LOT of my friends- ppl whom I've not heard from in ages.. Ppl from all corners of the world (namely Australia and Uzbekistan-Adeline, Dawn, Vern Li, Johann, etc).. It brings great joy to my heart - and sorrow too at times (more because some of my friends are going through really hard times).. But am blessed to be able to pray for them....
Truly, I think - thank God for placing me in this time of history.

Dear Father,
Please watch over my friends who may be far from You or need You. Please minister to them and guide them.

Song for the day

More Than A Friend
Written by Jeremy Riddle

In the quiet of my soul
In the stillness I hear Your voice call
And I am overwhelmed, and I am lost for words
To describe You

Jesus You're more than a friend
Jesus You're more than my heart could ever express
Your love and Your grace never fail me
Your merciful touch always heals me
You bring joy to my soul

My heart longs to worship, you my King
And I long to bring you a pleasing offering
And I am overwhelmed, and I am lost for words
To describe You

© 2002 Mercy/Vineyard Publishing (ASCAP)

while waiting..

Am waiting to go out for dinner with some dear friends to celebrate my graduation cos they couldn't make it.. In the meantime just thought to blog some thoughts..

1. Was quite weird being back in the office for the WHOLE day after three months.I'm so used to scrambling all my work into the 3 hours that I'm in the office. It just feels so- relaxing... I'm sure that there's heaps to do- but somehow I think I'll do it tomorrow (Hahah.. I can just remember Uncle Title's sermon on tomorrow ;) )

2. I had an exciting point in the day- the church has asked me to start considering what I would like to do- be it a pastor of a ministry and whether I would like to continue in my Bible school studies (place and ministry to be discussed with them)... AM just so excited about that!
At the same time, it IS early days... I feel that there's still things to accomplish here at my church and areas in my life where molding is still needed(I still feel that I should take some time and go for a few months mission trip making a decision)- perhaps all these will be realised in a year's time... God always seem to give me ample notice (Thank You for that!)... Will definitely have to pray hard about it.

Dear Father,
Thank you for new opportunites and new challenges. Where do You want me to go? What do You want me to do? Please show me.. You've said in Your word and through Ps Kindah that You would. I put my trust in You.

Post Tung Ling

A new day.. A new milestone today.
I woke up this morning - the same time that I've been waking up in the last three months- 6.30am.. I wanted to burrow a little deeper under my blanket and just not wake up and think - no Tung Ling today.. *sob*
But I remembered that my Best Friend Jesus was there beside me and it comforted me. I shared with Him what was in my heart and found solace.. It helped me to look forward to this day a little more. It helped me to look forward to what He has in store for me in the coming months and coming years a little more.
Going back to work at 9am in the morning and having staff devotions felt just a little weird-I guess that it's a matter of getting used to it again. One song stuck out - "what a friend we have in Jesus". For me, it was a little assurance from Jesus that He's there...

Yesterday
Finally renewed my passport yesterday. Surprisingly, it took only about an hour to queue and process everything. Praise God for that.
Went out to watch Madagascar with my friends from Tung Ling after that. It was followed by lunch at Chilli's and I really enjoyed myself. Fiona, Sally, Sue Min, Laura, Vivienne and her twin sisters, Andy, Ezra and his bro, Renz and Ewe Jin were all there. On the way to and back from mid valley - I had a great time of sharing in the car with Sue Min- we're pretty similar in our temperaments and it was great to have someone to share the 'lows' of post Tung Ling with someone who was going through the same thing. I seriously salute the others who seem to be taking it in stride.
But I realised that my Creator has made me this way. Even though it can be pretty much "a pain" at times, I'm continually learning to appreciate who He's made me to be - warts and all. Sue Ann, my prayer partner and precious peer-to-peer mentor said something along the lines that it's great that God has made me this way...

Sunday
Attended Rachel and Colt's wedding... It was quite a small one by Malaysian standards(about a hundred). Was privilleged to attend their small wedding ceremony.. It was very touching the whole way through.. Tears were just streaming from pretty much everyone's eyes throughout the whole ceremony - from the time Rachel walked down the aisle, followed by a time of beautiful worship singing (Ta Shing led in Enough, Blessed be Your name and Making a Difference), hearing about how they got together, the poem reading, the simple sermon by Colt's dad, the exchanging of vows by Rachel and Colt(they wrote their own and it was just so beautiful), Exchanging of rings, and prayer of release by their parents. It was ended by prayer for each other... The food was great.. loved the desert- had cendol and there was HUGE chocolate chip cookies and ice cream! (Ice cream always makes my day!)

Okies... That's it for now.. Have to get back to the pile of work that is beckoning at me.

Dear God,
Thank You so much for being a comfort and a great friend to me. Your being here when I so need blesses me more than words can say..

Graduation day and last day at TLS (Tung Ling Seminary)

A thought just came to my mind- it's just rather funny to see that:
The weekend before Tung Ling started: Eujin and Kuen Li's wedding
The weekend that Tung Ling ended: Colt and Rachel's wedding

That aside, was feeling rather "raw" yesterday. It was my last day at Tung Ling. There was lots of laughter, autograph signing, giving of presents and testimony. At the same time, it struck me rather hard that I was going to miss all my newly acquainted brothers and sisters in the Lord.
So the whole day, tears were just not too far away from my eyes...
Having Ezra around in the evening(He joined us at Cross Gen cos he's staying in the area this week) helped a lot... Ezra's like a little bro to me and he's rather entertaining at times..
(Hmmm-will perhaps write up on all my fellow ex-classmates next week).

On Thursday night, graduation was just so awesome..
We started with a time of worship - Ps Wah Lok was worship leading and I played the piano alongside with my fellow classmates (Vivienne on the keyboards, Andy on the electric guitar, Jan Sen on drums, Eiran on Bass and Fiona on guitar).
After worship, we had our graduation item(which went pretty well) , followed by presentation of graduation song (written by yours truly - it was really awesome to have the song sung by my fellow classmates) , a message, presentation of certificates(it was a wonderful surprise that I got distinction in class), a charge by Ps Wah Lok (you could just feel the presence of God so strongly when he read the charge) and prayer by the pastors (Uncle Daniel Yeoh prayed for me and it was just so awesome).. Throughout the night I could just feel that the bond between the classmates was just so strong.. Will really really really miss all my class mates *sigh*

Dear God,
I thank You so much for the many wonderful lessons I've learnt at Tung Ling and the many friends You've given me there. Will miss them so much. Thank You for providing for my every need and sending Ezra at the time when I was just feeling so raw to be a comfort to me.
Love You so much Jesus...

Graduation this Thursday

Graduation's this Thursday so am feeling slightly melancholy. :(
Having BBQ at Tung Ling house tonightin about 2 hrs time - it's now raining- so it'll be pretty interesting to see how it turns out.
Feel like I'm having a valley experience... Had an absolutely fantastic time over the weekend with all the Cross Gen Leaders at the retreat. Ps Brian's sharing and leadership training was absolutely fantastic. The fellowship was rather 'sweet' too... The ride with Sue Ann was great because we could pray for Cross Gen continually in the car.
Though I felt that I was a bit 'longish' in my sharing last Friday at Cross Gen, my first time at sharing from God's Word turned out pretty ok. Praise God for that! I was rather nervous when I first started out and became more confident as I went along. The title of my sharing was "Loving God's Word".

Dear God,
I'm really going to miss my Tung Ling friends and this great time of learning from You through the many wonderful lecturers. Please continually grant me a 'fear of You' so that I may have the wisdom to apply all that I've learnt in the pass 3 months. Thank You for the abundant blessing that You've showered on me these past months

He is working His ways in me...

Just realised that it's been AGES since I've last posted anything...
As usual, heaps have been happening. It's now the 10th week and the second last week of Tung Ling. I've started counting down and at times I feel a sense of melancholy that we're finishing soon. Will miss the great fellowship with my classmates..
It's definitely been one of the best growth period in my spiritual life. I feel that God has just spoken so clearly to me in so many areas of my life(I now have to really work at it!) and clarified a lot of things that was once a mystery to me. I sense that my relationship with Him have gone so much deeper than I've expected at this point of time in my life.

Some highlights of the past weeks are:

• FINALLY COMPLETED my song of 9 months. Just finished it today. Pastor Wah Lok's just been pushing me to finish it... Though I wrote it with the church in mind, he really wants to see it being used for our Tung Ling Graduation!
• Attended worship retreat at the beginning of this month... I really praise God that it was awesome - especially the high praise.. Jason and I were worship leading. We really want to give all glory to Him as He answered our prayers to refresh everyone at the worship retreat in His special way.
• Will be sharing my first "sermon" at Cross Gen (youth group and young adults) this Friday.. Am really nervous... It's quite an interesting at the same time. I didn't even dream that I'll be teaching from the pulpit EVER in my life. And yet, several ppl have confirmed that I have that gift - so I thought to take up the challenge and see where God leads me in this new area of my life.
• Poh Lyn and Paul's gone to Australia to work in the pass two weeks. Will miss the blessing of their friendship and presence.
• God has just been speaking into my life in so many ways... A lot of prayers have been answered at this milestone in my walk with Him. From prayers to provide food cos I was hungry to prayers for changes in my ministry and for certain people... I'm so excited as I've seen all that He has done in these three months.
• Have been reading about Watchman Nee. He was a great hero of faith in China. Though I've heard of him a couple of years ago in China, I've just picked up a biographical book on him a week ago.. What I've read about him and his lifestyle for Christ has just been really mind blowing and inspiring.
• Two lecturers that have impacted me greatly since week 5 is Rev Tony Tan and Ps Guek Ju. They're both from Singapore and there's just something about them that challenges me and inspires me to love God's Word more. Rev Tony's sharing about church history had really opened up my eyes to the sacrifices so many men and women of God had to make so that we can get our Bible as it is today. Ps Guek Ju's love for bible study and passion for Him has just been so inspiring (I think that it's absolutely fantastic that she's involve in both missions and worship-as both ministries are very close to my heart)

Dear God,

Just want to praise You so much and thank You more than words could say. I'm beginning to really understand how you are truly the "lover of my soul".. I love You more than words can say.. Your grace, mercy and love continually overwhelms me. You are my strength when in times of weakness. Bless the Lord O My soul!

Blessed

Time passes so quickly when you're having fun. Am in the the middle of Tung Ling with 5 more weeks to go.. Just this week we went through Song of Songs and Feasts of the Lord. It was rather interesting as I've not really gone through the book and the topic before.
Looking back, I've just been so blessed by the lecturers, our principal - Ng Wah Lok, our administrator - Chin Yee and my classmates.
Am definitely having a great time and will be sad when we finish our three months of learning. But as our lecturer says, "we should not only learn, but practice what we learn".
ANother prophecy was spoken over me yesterday and it was just really great. Was really encouraged and edified and was reassured once again that I'm walking in the centre of God's will.

Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for this time at Tung Ling. Thank you too for sustaining me each and everyday as there are times when it's been a strain and struggle to survive through the long day. Thank you for keeping me awake at the lectures so that I am able to learn so much more from you.

Life with Tung Ling in the picture

Time seems to pass by so quickly nowadays... There's the usual amount of work to be done at church... Plus now there's Tung Ling work too. Not that I'm complaining -in fact, I'm enjoying classes Tung Ling a lot. I wish that most people in the church will be able to take time off to attend the 3 month course too..
God has just been revealing so much in the past 5 weeks now. Everyday, it's as if the prescription of my spectacles changes and I see God a little clearer - in a way I've not seen Him before. Not only my view of God has changed, I have been challenged to be more practical in my faith too. I really love my classmates- they are so encouraging and open in their faith too- and we have lots of fun together.
This week we're learning on the anointing of the Holy Spirit... And our lecturer is Ps Kindah Greening from Gold Coast, Australia. Am looking forward to what he has to say on Spiritual Gifts tomorrow and Friday.
We're also expected to complete 10 modules as part of our assignment- have currently completed 5 and I have 5 more to go...
Things have eased up a little bit - now that Easter's over (thank God!).. Have been able to get a little bit more rest...
Have also decided to go to the gymn to do a little bit of exercise.. Just started this yesterday. Wasn't as bad as I thought it would've been..

My current day looks like this:
6.20am: Wake up, shower, get ready to go to Tung Ling
6.50am: Ewe Jin picks me up and we go over to Eiran's
7.30am: Tung Ling starts with prayer time
1.00pm: Lunch
2.30pm: Back in church for work
5.30pm: Finish work
5.30pm: Gym
7pm: Dinner
8pm onwards: Prayer meeting (Wednesday), complete modules/watch TV/study for test/the occasional going out with friends(rare though)/ sleep early, Cross Gen (Friday nights)

weekends are always full of meetings. *sigh*

Dear Father God,
AM so glad for the opportunity I have to learn more about You in Tung Ling. Continue to challenge me and mold me to be more like You- no matter how hard it may be at times.
Your grace, mercy and love strengthens me each day. Thanks Father.