Blessed Be Your Name...

Worship led this morning, and it was one of the toughest time for me personally thus far.. Technically, it went ok. A lot of church members told me that they found the time of worship singing really good. However, there were moments where I just really wanted to be on my knees and break down and cry. I was really really thankful for my team - they were really supportive and came at 6 something in the morning for the practice. They were aware that I was really sick earlier in the week - and that my voice could potentially give way at any time (due to recovery from the flu). They were not aware how hard I've been finding the last week and how much of a toll it took on me - aunty Suet Ling looked really worried when I shared with her during the prayer time(she already was telling me that she felt that the forces of evil were working full time. *sigh . My telling her how i was seemed to be a confirmation. :p).

It was rather frustrating during the first hour - the stage crew was not around and it really just dragged the practice. I wish that I was informed that the guy was not coming - I could've made some arrangements for him to come earlier. It did not help my already fragile state. I shudder to think what would've happened if I'd broken down. I was already pretty close to it.

We started the practice with the slower songs. With all that's been going on in the past week, I'd honestly forgotten which songs that I've chosen. It was a challenge to sing "Blessed be Your Name" but at the same time it was a good reminder. I did not want to be a hypocrite when I led the song and had to come to a point where I told God that I really wanted to Bless His Name no matter the circumstance. The rest of the slow songs really ministered to me. It was really weird-I was leading the worship, and yet it ministered heaps to me.

I struggled with the fast song - My Redeemer lives. Especially the bit about believing that my pain was healed in His name. I still struggle with it right now. I wonder if it's true. I guess I won't be singing the song for a while till I figure it out.

On the overall, I really really learn to say - 'Blessed Be Your Name' once again. I just praise God that He really sustained my team and I through the worship singing session this morning. I am seriously more grateful than words can describe.