A Prayer...

I want to be anywhere but here. I really want to go home. I need to get away from here.

It feels as if the walls are closing in and I'm slowly suffocating.. God, I'm really counting on You to see me through the next few days till I get home.

Do you remember that time during my Melbourne days? How I would just go out, hop on a tram and go down to St Kilda's whenever I felt like this? I would just go to the pier and sit and watch the rolling waves - even during winter and just talked to You. It's funny, but in the midst of my turmoil, I somehow felt closer to You and comforted by You there. I remember thinking that if You could create the vastness of the ocean and the strong wind and waves, my problems would not be so big to You as they were to me. I long for such times now. During those moments with You, my troubled soul would find temporal relief and peace.

Such peace that I seek seems to elude me. Being with friends have helped a bit - for a little while, the sorrow fades and the burden is shared. However, I know they have their work to do and their own burdens to carry without adding mine to it. I go back to this room and I feel alone and suffocated. In my head, I know that You're here. But I feel that You're so far away. I seek ways to distract me - but the moment I'm done with them, it all comes back.

Tell me, isn't there supposed to be peace and joy in Your presence? Why then do I feel the pain deep within? Why do I feel fear? Why issit that there is such sorrow that the tears are never far away? Why issit that I'm so angry? Why do I keep on worrying?

I have so many questions - that I'm not sure that I can or even want to find the answers. How is it that what started well has come to this? Why has it come to this? Why do You allow it to be so? I am tormented by Your silence. I'm not in Melbourne and I can't go to St Kilda's. Tell me, how can I find You? I want to be anywhere but here. For as I seek You, I can't seem to find You - and I really need You right now.