Esther and Katy

Me, Dad, Esther and the puppies!

Me, Aunty Poo Choo and Esther

Katy, me and mum and the bee farm 

Baby Chloe's sleeping so sweetly 

Baby Chloe 

Sleep

It's been a pretty restful week.. Especially last nite - slept at 7pm! Was so tired.. wanted to go take a bath and then go for prayer meet... The bed looked so tempting.. the next thing i knew -it was 1am!!!! Went back to sleep at about 2.30am - house had a short black out.. And it was really good to have the electricity back..
Feel slightly lost this week - probably because of the lack of the usual hectic activity - had to clear a lot of things as part of Hillsong preparation.. But now that I didn't go, it's just sooo - weird..

Baby Chloe

Went to see baby Chloe yesterday... She's so adorable!! There's just something special in holding 5 day year old baby... My family was just taking turns carrying her and just watching every little movement she made - her yawns, her smile, her scrounging of face and her sleeping so peacefully..
Will put up a pic of her once Esther sends it over.. :P

No visa... but it's ok, :) He still makes me smile

Ahhh... been having a restful Sunday afternoon.. My first in... I can't remember how long..
I've realised that I've rarely blogged on a Sunday too..
My cough is heaps better - probably due to the much needed rest.. :P
For today, I just went to church, went to ABS class on Old Testament by Low Chai Hock (as usual, it's been fantastic even though he gets a bit incoherent with his vertigo.. ), had lunch with my family and basically went home, read excerpts of Jim Elliot's diary and just Konked Out. Didn't realised I was that tired.. Am just so used to my very fast paced life where it's just one thing after another.. Woke up only at 7pm!! went out for dinner, went to Pasar Malam (night market) and came home, watched some tv and now blogging for a bit before watching CSI and just go back to get some sleep... It's been just good to rest... Hinei!! (apparently it's a Hebrew expression for 'very good'.. hehehe am learning well from my ABS classes -it's been just worth it to not go to Hillsong just to listen and learn from the ABS class.)
Think that I should add that I didn't get my visa... But am just so blessed at the same time... Have had so many ppl just concerned for me- either calling me, SMSing me or just coming up to me to ask me I'm ok.. Am just feeling very well loved.. And that's why He makes me smile -through them -everyone that has just been concerned for me (people in church who I have no clue of their names even have been coming up to me and to ask if I was ok)..
Thank You Jesus for just loving me!!!
I was just shocked initially and really disappointed cos as I've said, I really was looking forward to visiting friends and family there and also to have my much needed R&R as I have been feeling rather worn out. Realise that I've not actually have had much of a break since Easter preparations in February.. Uncle Sam (Ministry coordinator/pastor) has just been really concerned for me that I'm getting burnt out..
But am just having this 'peace that passes all understanding' about not going.. For some reason, I do just feel that it's just God's will for me NOT to go.. He's just allayed all my fears -especially about the air ticket refund(Just am praying that tomorrow, the Australian embassy will be able to date that the rejection of visa was on Friday and I'll be able to get the refund!).
Just realised to that it's ONE YEAR that I've been working in church!! (I started in July 2004)..

Dear Father in Heaven,
Thanks for just seeing me through this time.. Though Your ways are hard to understand at times, thank You heaps for watching over me and showing that You still care through so many ppl..
Thank You too for seeing me through the year.. am so excited to just serve You in the next year and see where You lead me.. Continue to hold my hand... I need You to lead and guide me for without You I will truly be lost.

Psalm 138

As I wait on Him, He speaks through His Word.

Psalm 138
Of David.

I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
before the "gods" I will sing your praise.

I will bow down toward your holy temple
and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things your name and your word.

When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted.

May all the kings of the earth praise you, O LORD,
when they hear the words of your mouth.

May they sing of the ways of the LORD,
for the glory of the LORD is great.

Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly,
but the proud he knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
with your right hand you save me.

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands.

It's a GIRL!!

Congrats to Kenny and Sue Yap!! Their baby girl Chloe Yap Huey Ern-was born today at 12.52pm at Sunway Medical Hospital.
Mum and daughter are doing well.. "The baby's 3.21kg" - proclaims the happy daddy..

Waiting...

Discovered that there are complications with my visa on Monday... Was just rather disorientated since Monday afternoon when I received the call from Uncle Lawrence to go to the embassy. To cut the long story short, was running around like a headless chicken to get the necessary documents and to prepare letters as well..

To be honest, I have been somewhat discouraged by the turn of event at times... I think that I just can't stand the wait.. I have continually surrendered it to God and am fine even if I don't go.. But it's the wait that's getting to me- should I start packing or wait for the results? What should I do Lord?? Am just so confused.. Do You or don't You want me to go?? And here I thought that You were opening doors for me so I could not only catch up with family and old friends but to minister to some of them as well... Is this of You or not?

But am encouraged to know that many of my family and friends are praying for me-many in Australia as well as Malaysia.. Some have even said that they are feeling 'kan chiong' on my behalf and are waiting with bated breath for the results too. Another friend said that she lost sleep over it last night. My prayer partner prayed with me over Yahoo Messenger - first time I have ever done that - and I just felt so comforted and lifted up... Am touched by the care and concern that many have shown me in this time...

Dear God,
Thank You for absolutely fantastic family and friends who are such a comfort from You in this time.. Help me to be patient and to wait and trust in You a whole lot more in this matter. Open the doors that You want opened and shut the doors that You want shut. Grant me peace and strength..
Abba Father, I look to You.

Scramblings...

Got majorly sidetracked yesterday..
So I find myself scrambling to finish a lot of work today- my fault I guess.. :P
Have written about 20 emails today.. Not as much as Tuesday(I think I typed about 30)..
On top of that, I am doing my itinerary and report on the side.
Managed to get the tracts that Ps Tay from Australia wanted - only to find out he wanted more stuff from the same store when I got back *sigh*...
Then again, I'm happy cos I managed to help OM(Operation Mobilisation), my all time favourite missions organisation (I'm biased-my mum and dad was in OM before) to get ppl to help them today.. So I'm glad I can contribute a bit towards that in the midst of my busy-ness...
At least I've started my report to the church leaders on Tung Ling -it's just been taking me a really long time to get down to it :P.. Will have to finish it before I go... Managed to sort out a small part of my itinerary in Melbourne too..
Tonight, am planning to get a haircut and rush home to do some more Bible Study on Romans...
Oh! what a life I lead!
OK back to the fray..

Dear God,
Grant me strength and teach me to continually rest in You. Teach me to do a LOT for You and yet include You in everything I do and to grow in You...
*sigh* it looks like I'm going to have to scramble all worship preparations into tomorrow.

MBTI

Am talking to fiona..
Decided to take the MBTI test. Found out I was a ESFJ- same as Fiona.. pretty funny..
Explanation of the profile
http://keirsey.com/personality/sjef.html
http://typelogic.com/esfj.html

Preparation for Hillsong!

It's almost 5pm... still have heaps to do but I thought that I'll just blog something about my hillsong preparation...
I so can't believe it, I'll be leaving for Australia next Saturday (2nd July!!!)... Have almost been 3 years since I last left.. AM SO LoOking forward to see my friends again(Elizabeth, John, Johann,Vern Li, Poh Lyn, David, Karen, Adeline), my family(tuaku and aunty Margaret and Joseph), Uncle and Aunty Sharon and just go down memory lane and just visit old haunts again. Am also looking forward to worshipping in my old church- Richmond AOG.. Really love the worship atmostphere there- we get ppl from 26 ethnic background worshipping there every Sunday and it's just so awesome!

In the meantime, have so much to do! Preparation for my absence is just so NO JOKE! Have to inform ppl in 3 ministries that I'm involved -
Missions Dept: Do seminar stuff this Saturday and just inform everyone I'll not be around next week
Cross Gen: Rush up to finish Bible study questions for Romans during the two Fridays that I'm not around.
Worship Ministry: Buy all the stuff(tracks, booklets, shopping) for Hillsong for Ps Tay, Buy the baby gift for Ta Shing before I go, still finish my weekly duties and preparations for Sunday worship, prepare for Sunday Worship on the weeks I'm absent, ensure all the hillsong tags arrive, and the list goes on and on and on and on.

On the side, still have to arrange my flight ticket from Sydney to Melbourne..
Send my itinerary to my friends and family there..
Get a haircut, get a backpack, start packing my stuff, start getting gifts for friends and family there.. *sigh*
It just never ends.. Am so looking forward to the 9th of July when I finally reach Melbourne and get a much needed holiday!

Dear God
Help me through this time. THanks for being here with me.

My outing at Seremban with my Tung Ling friends

Praise God that I'm feeling considerably better.. My spirits are much brighter too.. Quite a big contrast to my last week's overall mood.
Went to Seremban yesterday to visit Vivienne, check out her church -FGT Seremban, had the famous Seremban beef noodles (it was my first time and it was quite yummy actually), bought Seremban Siew Paus.
I generally had a great time hanging out with some of my Tung Ling friends again.. Sue Min, Fiona, Sally, Vivienne, Andy, Eiran and Jan Sen were all there. Had great fun just catching up with one another, telling jokes (Andy's was especially just bad).. We had that outing cos Sally's going back to Kuching next week after being trained by Pastor Elisha as requested by her pastor in Kuching.
Mum was just against the trip cos she was worried about my health and she really wants to see me get well before I go to Aussie next week for the Hillsong conference.
Sue Min picked me up at 11.00am. By the time we fetched Eiran (BU), Fiona, (OUG), Jan Sen (Puchong) and met up with Andy and Sally at Bukit Jalil, it was already 12.30pm! We parked Sue Min's car somewhere nearby and then we all hopped into Andy's van and off we were to Seremban!
We went to Terminal One, as instructed by Vivienne and somehow ended up going around Seremban town just because we were looking for parking!! To cut a long story short, we ended up at Terminal One, a shopping mall, and walked around while waiting for Vivienne. We saw a poster of Laura there in a school uniform and just had some hillarious laughs along the way..
Vivienne met us, we then went to eat lunch (the time now was about 3pm) - Seremban beef noodles. After that we went to get some siew paus(which is quite yummy!), saw Vivienne's church and ended up at her place at about 5pm. We left at about 6pm after chilling out at her room, listening to a string orchestra recording that she conducted in school, swapped jokes and just had a great time of fellowship. We finally left at about 6pm, dropped everyone else home and I just got in time for my 8.30pm meeting at Adrian Ng's which went pretty well.
By the time I got home at about 11.30pm, I must say that it was pretty satisfying off day. *BIG GRIN*.

Dear God,
Thank You for yesterday and the fellowship I had with my friends. I pray for Sally who'll be going off next week that you continually watch over her and bless her.

Molding, shaping..

Must say that this past week have prolly been one of the toughest week for me. It’s been pretty frustrating because the flu had just really got to me.
I went to see the doctor (I rarely see the doctor when I’m sick unless it’s really bad), took my medications faithfully, ensured that I slept at least 9 hours every night, took ½ hour naps during lunch time, ate non-fried stuff (Really tough for me- I must confess that I just love fried stuff) and kept up just taking healthy foods only.. :P
I’m finally much better after almost a week of torture – though my nose has not totally recovered and my cough is still there (though less frequently today – praise God!!)..
I found that my sickness in body just really affected my spirit as well… Was just quite down in spirit and was bombarded with depressing thoughts especially in terms of ministry.
Am just so glad that I’m feeling much better today. Ps Kenneth Chin came to Cross Gen and spoke on mentoring last nite. As usual, his preaching really spoke to me in a powerful way. A few things stick out in my mind.

- Christian means to be “little Christs”. When ppl see me, do they see Christ in me??
- Christ wants to continually build my character
- Mentoring is - that you have spiritual sons/daughters and produce ppl that can do the job better than you –if not better. The mentoring relationship is a really beautiful one-but can be difficult to be in as it's part of molding your character. There needs to be submissiveness and teachability. While Ps Kenneth was speaking, I just reflected on this and am so glad that I have this relationship with Sue Ann. It’s just helped me to grow a lot in the past half year. We guess that we just now have to work on the rebuking each other bit. :P
- Caring for people is very important. When you care, you will make that extra effort. When you care, strategies for ministry will come out. This has always been one of my greatest struggle. Sometimes, I’ve wished that I didn’t care so much – so passionately and intently. I’d get less hurt this way. During my lowest, I’d find it hard to accept that God has made me thus. Many are the times, I’d wish that I could be like some ppl around me who seemingly don’t care all that much about what they do-how they affect others with their actions. Someone close to me occasionally says “Don’t be so seriouslaa, Always so stressed”. But I just can’t help it. I’m serious because I care – that’s just the way He made me. After last night, God reminded me that it’s great to be the way He made me... Seriousness and all.

Dear God,
Thank You for this past week, tough-though it's been -cos I know that you're continually molding me to be like You. Thank You just speaking to me. Never let me go.

Bad cough, bad flu

That's what the doctor say...

Am feeling heaps better after spending almost two days in bed..
Though that has barely made a dent in the cough and flu...
Hope I get better soon.

Sit, Walk, Stand

Flu's being contained today.. Apart from the occasional sneezing and sniffing.. It's not so bad - so far at least.
At least my body's not feeling so crappy today too...

Am currently reading "Sit, Walk, Stand" by Watchman Nee(my current hero of faith). It about Ephesians... It's just relevant right now as I study through the book of Romans- helps to consolidate my doctrines and just a great reminder of how I need to "sit" and rest so much more before I walk and stand.

FLU coming!!! Arrgghhh!!

*Sigh*..
Am getting a flu today! Just started sniffing and sneezing during lunch time..
I can't afford to get sick this week (I can't afford to get sick at all! there's heaps to do as usual)... I'm worship leading this weekend!
I've been getting at least 8-9 hours sleep the past two days and yet- doesn't seem to be doing much to heal it!! Aaarrrggghh..
Am frustrated because am feeling bleary and I therefore seem to be working half my normal speed.. plus I spend a lot of time trying to recall things because my mind's just going blank.. *sigh*.. I can't even finish the report that was due today -am just so not up to it..
But my time with Him was great today - though I was feeling really sleepy. Was refreshed for a short while and my spirit found rest - despite my body feeling crappy and pulling my spirit down earlier in the morning.
AM just looking forward to go home to SLEEP and sleep and sleep (heheh-now sounding like Eiran and Jan Sen)...

Dear God,
Thanks for that wonderful time that I had with you in this morning.. Please heal my body-before my flu gets worse so that I can lead Your people into worship - if not, please prepare Jason to take over(hahahah)..

Ramblings

Am in a somewhat contemplative mood - as you can see from my previous entry. Somehow, when I'm in this mood, it doesn't dispell as fast as would like it to..
It also means that I'll tend to be slightly moodier and broodier than usual.. :P
So unless you're really funny to me today... I'll probably not speak much.. Cos of the lot of stuff in my mind..
Am seriously confused how ppl can be really unwise(I have a stronger word in mind but I think I'll just not write it!) in their judgements and how it just really affects other ppl. Ok.. maybe I'm complaining because I'm the "other ppl"... And how I totally hate to be involved in this kind of stuff.. It's the 'S' (one of the D,I,S,C temperaments) in me that hates all these things.. Just like my world to be peaceful and calm.. Part of me just want to complain "WHY GOD?????!!!"... The other part of me's going "why does that person have to be so vindictive and hurt everyone??" *sigh*
Then again, someone wisely told me, it's seriously a spiritual battle going on..

Dear God,
In the name of Jesus, I speak life into the situation. God of all wisdom, please grant me some - to know how to deal with this situation as well as not to brood in it.
Please heal my cough too as I know it's not helping the situation much and adds already to the distress in my body.
Thank You Jesus for caring for me in all situations...

Little puzzles

It's amazing how a phone call can make my day.. And at the same time, another phone call can be so awkward..

Am also amazed that how some things told in confidence is just 'blabbed'(for want of a better word) just because the person is mad at the other and justifies it by saying "it's their fault". Sheesh... I pray that I won't be like that. *sigh* life can be so complicated at times.

It's then amazing how God uses some ppl to cheer me up and others to 'make me sad'.

Reuben Morgan, weekend activities...

Am just posting this while Reuben Morgan and his band are just jamming and doing their sound check for their Worship Event here in about 2 hour's time(Yes- I can hear it from all the way here!!!!).
Am trying to drown out their noise with my music over my computer speakers- to no avail I might add!
Am trying to upload my Tung Ling photos into my multiply site (http://ruthng.multiply.com).. Am getting slightly tired of all the editing of photos and deciding what to upload and am taking a break...
Am trying to figure out what I'm suppose to do for the next half hour before my ushering meeting in half an hours.

Such is my life- so many things happening at once! But again, knowing that I'm walking in the center of my father's will while doing all these things just makes me feel really contented..

Speaking of many things happening at once.. Am so happy that am meeting some of my Tung Ling friends tonite! Fiona, Andy, Ps Wah Lok and Chin Yee(I think.. ) will at least be here-besides the two E's(As Ezra calls Ewe Jin and Eiran *hehehehe*). Yay!! Though he can't make it tonite, Ezra made my day cos he sent me an email!!! *BIG GRIN*

Thought that I'd better post that the past two days have just been really crazy but good in so many ways..
On Saturday, we didn't go through a lot of Romans as I thought we would. We just did about an hour's worth of reviewing and then Sue Ann realised the meeting was at 5-not 5.30 so we had to rush off to Acts Church.. Am very glad I went- was really blessed during the worship. Was really warmly welcomed too... Just fell in love with the warmness of the ppl there.... We also had dinner with Ps Kenneth Chin, Ps Sandra, Alex and another of their full time worker until 10pm..
Sue Ann and I went to have some buble tea after that and discussed Ps Kenneth's sermon... It really ministered to me in so many ways.. While discussing, we realised that we needed to work on the agenda and so abandoned the thought of continuing studying the book of Romans.. We had some discouraging moments and were stumped about the Cross Gen Leader's meeting agenda and decided to get the help of someone very wise - my mum!
Was glad we did so.. We prayed a lot and discussed until 3 in the morning of what we should do with the Cross Gen leaders on Sunday.. We had a lot of great inputs from my mum too..
Got really zonked out by the time I went to bed and really struggled getting up at 8.30 to go to church! Church service was great the next day with some confirmation of what we were going to do in the afternoon. Our leaders meeting was held at 12.30pm in the afternoon and it went on until 7pm in the evening.... Some of us also went for dinner after that and it was almost 10pm by the time I got back.. Praise God that the meeting went so well!! I believed that God' just doing something great in Cross Gen.

My dear Father in Heaven,
I continually thank You for all that You're doing in my life, for Your guidance, the way You speak to me at so many times, the way You're working in the Cross Gen Leaders, for my great friends that blesses me so much and most of all for my supportive family. Looking forward to an awesome time of worship with You tonight... Am also looking forward to this week and what You have in store for me...

My song of prayer

Was just playing this on the piano while waiting for Sue Ann today.
A song of prayer

Living Sacrifice
Words and music by Ruth Ng

Teach us to worship You the way You want us to
Teach us to love You Lord with all of our hearts
Teach us to live for You in all that we do
And to offer up our lives as a living sacrifice

May our lives as incense rise to You
Pleasing You as fragrant perfume

©May 2005 Ruth Ng

Romans and my Mum

Am on holidays today!!!! Am so glad for the rest - if one can call preparing Bible Study materials for Cross Gen rest..*grimace* :P
Am waiting for Sue Ann to come back from picking up her sister. I thought to write down a few thoughts since she so graciously offered her computer to me. We're doing the Bible study materials on Romans today... This is our second time meeting up and we've only done three chapters! But I must recommend that EVERY CHRISTIAN should read Romans. It's got all the doctrinal basis for a Christian.. So far - we've only done the bits on how much we need to be justified.. And that we're not any better than the Gentiles.. Have been so humbling and it's just speaking to me and rebuking me in my spiritual faith at times.

On a separate note, I was talking to my mum last nite till pretty late (more like 3am! Then again it's a holiday today! yay!). I really treasure her advice on ministry and relational issues... I'm continually amazed at the wisdom God has given her and how much I miss out whenever I choose not to listen to her. It speaks of my own spiritual life -How much I miss out whenever I choose not to listen to God.

Dear God,
I'm continually thankful that you show me how much you care do for me - especially through my mother.. Thank you for my mother so much. She's shown me despite how much I disappoint or how difficult I can get, that she still chooses to love me. She's truly a treasure from You. Please watch over her each and everyday. You see her needs and her discouragements and yet I know that You're more than enough for her and will fulfill her every need. Thank You that she's a living example of Jesus to me. I pray that You will bless her so much.

My prayer song for today

Knees to the Earth
Words and Music by Christy Nockels and Nathan Nockels

Wonderful Savior, my heart belongs to Thee
I will remember always the blood You shed for me
Wonderful Savior, my heart will know Your worth
So let me embrace You always as I walk this earth

CHORUS:
Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here, be glorified
I owe my life to You, my Lord
Here I am

Beautiful Jesus, how may I bless Your heart
Knees to the earth I bow down to everything You are
Beautiful Jesus, You are my only worth
So I will embrace You always as I walk this earth

©2003 worshiptogether.com songs

Technology and friends

Every once in a while, I'm amazed with technology... If not for emails or msn and the like, A LOT of my friendships would be difficult to maintain..
Now that I'm back in the office, I have more time to be online and I find myself catching up with A LOT of my friends- ppl whom I've not heard from in ages.. Ppl from all corners of the world (namely Australia and Uzbekistan-Adeline, Dawn, Vern Li, Johann, etc).. It brings great joy to my heart - and sorrow too at times (more because some of my friends are going through really hard times).. But am blessed to be able to pray for them....
Truly, I think - thank God for placing me in this time of history.

Dear Father,
Please watch over my friends who may be far from You or need You. Please minister to them and guide them.

Song for the day

More Than A Friend
Written by Jeremy Riddle

In the quiet of my soul
In the stillness I hear Your voice call
And I am overwhelmed, and I am lost for words
To describe You

Jesus You're more than a friend
Jesus You're more than my heart could ever express
Your love and Your grace never fail me
Your merciful touch always heals me
You bring joy to my soul

My heart longs to worship, you my King
And I long to bring you a pleasing offering
And I am overwhelmed, and I am lost for words
To describe You

© 2002 Mercy/Vineyard Publishing (ASCAP)

while waiting..

Am waiting to go out for dinner with some dear friends to celebrate my graduation cos they couldn't make it.. In the meantime just thought to blog some thoughts..

1. Was quite weird being back in the office for the WHOLE day after three months.I'm so used to scrambling all my work into the 3 hours that I'm in the office. It just feels so- relaxing... I'm sure that there's heaps to do- but somehow I think I'll do it tomorrow (Hahah.. I can just remember Uncle Title's sermon on tomorrow ;) )

2. I had an exciting point in the day- the church has asked me to start considering what I would like to do- be it a pastor of a ministry and whether I would like to continue in my Bible school studies (place and ministry to be discussed with them)... AM just so excited about that!
At the same time, it IS early days... I feel that there's still things to accomplish here at my church and areas in my life where molding is still needed(I still feel that I should take some time and go for a few months mission trip making a decision)- perhaps all these will be realised in a year's time... God always seem to give me ample notice (Thank You for that!)... Will definitely have to pray hard about it.

Dear Father,
Thank you for new opportunites and new challenges. Where do You want me to go? What do You want me to do? Please show me.. You've said in Your word and through Ps Kindah that You would. I put my trust in You.

Post Tung Ling

A new day.. A new milestone today.
I woke up this morning - the same time that I've been waking up in the last three months- 6.30am.. I wanted to burrow a little deeper under my blanket and just not wake up and think - no Tung Ling today.. *sob*
But I remembered that my Best Friend Jesus was there beside me and it comforted me. I shared with Him what was in my heart and found solace.. It helped me to look forward to this day a little more. It helped me to look forward to what He has in store for me in the coming months and coming years a little more.
Going back to work at 9am in the morning and having staff devotions felt just a little weird-I guess that it's a matter of getting used to it again. One song stuck out - "what a friend we have in Jesus". For me, it was a little assurance from Jesus that He's there...

Yesterday
Finally renewed my passport yesterday. Surprisingly, it took only about an hour to queue and process everything. Praise God for that.
Went out to watch Madagascar with my friends from Tung Ling after that. It was followed by lunch at Chilli's and I really enjoyed myself. Fiona, Sally, Sue Min, Laura, Vivienne and her twin sisters, Andy, Ezra and his bro, Renz and Ewe Jin were all there. On the way to and back from mid valley - I had a great time of sharing in the car with Sue Min- we're pretty similar in our temperaments and it was great to have someone to share the 'lows' of post Tung Ling with someone who was going through the same thing. I seriously salute the others who seem to be taking it in stride.
But I realised that my Creator has made me this way. Even though it can be pretty much "a pain" at times, I'm continually learning to appreciate who He's made me to be - warts and all. Sue Ann, my prayer partner and precious peer-to-peer mentor said something along the lines that it's great that God has made me this way...

Sunday
Attended Rachel and Colt's wedding... It was quite a small one by Malaysian standards(about a hundred). Was privilleged to attend their small wedding ceremony.. It was very touching the whole way through.. Tears were just streaming from pretty much everyone's eyes throughout the whole ceremony - from the time Rachel walked down the aisle, followed by a time of beautiful worship singing (Ta Shing led in Enough, Blessed be Your name and Making a Difference), hearing about how they got together, the poem reading, the simple sermon by Colt's dad, the exchanging of vows by Rachel and Colt(they wrote their own and it was just so beautiful), Exchanging of rings, and prayer of release by their parents. It was ended by prayer for each other... The food was great.. loved the desert- had cendol and there was HUGE chocolate chip cookies and ice cream! (Ice cream always makes my day!)

Okies... That's it for now.. Have to get back to the pile of work that is beckoning at me.

Dear God,
Thank You so much for being a comfort and a great friend to me. Your being here when I so need blesses me more than words can say..

Graduation day and last day at TLS (Tung Ling Seminary)

A thought just came to my mind- it's just rather funny to see that:
The weekend before Tung Ling started: Eujin and Kuen Li's wedding
The weekend that Tung Ling ended: Colt and Rachel's wedding

That aside, was feeling rather "raw" yesterday. It was my last day at Tung Ling. There was lots of laughter, autograph signing, giving of presents and testimony. At the same time, it struck me rather hard that I was going to miss all my newly acquainted brothers and sisters in the Lord.
So the whole day, tears were just not too far away from my eyes...
Having Ezra around in the evening(He joined us at Cross Gen cos he's staying in the area this week) helped a lot... Ezra's like a little bro to me and he's rather entertaining at times..
(Hmmm-will perhaps write up on all my fellow ex-classmates next week).

On Thursday night, graduation was just so awesome..
We started with a time of worship - Ps Wah Lok was worship leading and I played the piano alongside with my fellow classmates (Vivienne on the keyboards, Andy on the electric guitar, Jan Sen on drums, Eiran on Bass and Fiona on guitar).
After worship, we had our graduation item(which went pretty well) , followed by presentation of graduation song (written by yours truly - it was really awesome to have the song sung by my fellow classmates) , a message, presentation of certificates(it was a wonderful surprise that I got distinction in class), a charge by Ps Wah Lok (you could just feel the presence of God so strongly when he read the charge) and prayer by the pastors (Uncle Daniel Yeoh prayed for me and it was just so awesome).. Throughout the night I could just feel that the bond between the classmates was just so strong.. Will really really really miss all my class mates *sigh*

Dear God,
I thank You so much for the many wonderful lessons I've learnt at Tung Ling and the many friends You've given me there. Will miss them so much. Thank You for providing for my every need and sending Ezra at the time when I was just feeling so raw to be a comfort to me.
Love You so much Jesus...

Graduation this Thursday

Graduation's this Thursday so am feeling slightly melancholy. :(
Having BBQ at Tung Ling house tonightin about 2 hrs time - it's now raining- so it'll be pretty interesting to see how it turns out.
Feel like I'm having a valley experience... Had an absolutely fantastic time over the weekend with all the Cross Gen Leaders at the retreat. Ps Brian's sharing and leadership training was absolutely fantastic. The fellowship was rather 'sweet' too... The ride with Sue Ann was great because we could pray for Cross Gen continually in the car.
Though I felt that I was a bit 'longish' in my sharing last Friday at Cross Gen, my first time at sharing from God's Word turned out pretty ok. Praise God for that! I was rather nervous when I first started out and became more confident as I went along. The title of my sharing was "Loving God's Word".

Dear God,
I'm really going to miss my Tung Ling friends and this great time of learning from You through the many wonderful lecturers. Please continually grant me a 'fear of You' so that I may have the wisdom to apply all that I've learnt in the pass 3 months. Thank You for the abundant blessing that You've showered on me these past months

He is working His ways in me...

Just realised that it's been AGES since I've last posted anything...
As usual, heaps have been happening. It's now the 10th week and the second last week of Tung Ling. I've started counting down and at times I feel a sense of melancholy that we're finishing soon. Will miss the great fellowship with my classmates..
It's definitely been one of the best growth period in my spiritual life. I feel that God has just spoken so clearly to me in so many areas of my life(I now have to really work at it!) and clarified a lot of things that was once a mystery to me. I sense that my relationship with Him have gone so much deeper than I've expected at this point of time in my life.

Some highlights of the past weeks are:

• FINALLY COMPLETED my song of 9 months. Just finished it today. Pastor Wah Lok's just been pushing me to finish it... Though I wrote it with the church in mind, he really wants to see it being used for our Tung Ling Graduation!
• Attended worship retreat at the beginning of this month... I really praise God that it was awesome - especially the high praise.. Jason and I were worship leading. We really want to give all glory to Him as He answered our prayers to refresh everyone at the worship retreat in His special way.
• Will be sharing my first "sermon" at Cross Gen (youth group and young adults) this Friday.. Am really nervous... It's quite an interesting at the same time. I didn't even dream that I'll be teaching from the pulpit EVER in my life. And yet, several ppl have confirmed that I have that gift - so I thought to take up the challenge and see where God leads me in this new area of my life.
• Poh Lyn and Paul's gone to Australia to work in the pass two weeks. Will miss the blessing of their friendship and presence.
• God has just been speaking into my life in so many ways... A lot of prayers have been answered at this milestone in my walk with Him. From prayers to provide food cos I was hungry to prayers for changes in my ministry and for certain people... I'm so excited as I've seen all that He has done in these three months.
• Have been reading about Watchman Nee. He was a great hero of faith in China. Though I've heard of him a couple of years ago in China, I've just picked up a biographical book on him a week ago.. What I've read about him and his lifestyle for Christ has just been really mind blowing and inspiring.
• Two lecturers that have impacted me greatly since week 5 is Rev Tony Tan and Ps Guek Ju. They're both from Singapore and there's just something about them that challenges me and inspires me to love God's Word more. Rev Tony's sharing about church history had really opened up my eyes to the sacrifices so many men and women of God had to make so that we can get our Bible as it is today. Ps Guek Ju's love for bible study and passion for Him has just been so inspiring (I think that it's absolutely fantastic that she's involve in both missions and worship-as both ministries are very close to my heart)

Dear God,

Just want to praise You so much and thank You more than words could say. I'm beginning to really understand how you are truly the "lover of my soul".. I love You more than words can say.. Your grace, mercy and love continually overwhelms me. You are my strength when in times of weakness. Bless the Lord O My soul!

Blessed

Time passes so quickly when you're having fun. Am in the the middle of Tung Ling with 5 more weeks to go.. Just this week we went through Song of Songs and Feasts of the Lord. It was rather interesting as I've not really gone through the book and the topic before.
Looking back, I've just been so blessed by the lecturers, our principal - Ng Wah Lok, our administrator - Chin Yee and my classmates.
Am definitely having a great time and will be sad when we finish our three months of learning. But as our lecturer says, "we should not only learn, but practice what we learn".
ANother prophecy was spoken over me yesterday and it was just really great. Was really encouraged and edified and was reassured once again that I'm walking in the centre of God's will.

Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for this time at Tung Ling. Thank you too for sustaining me each and everyday as there are times when it's been a strain and struggle to survive through the long day. Thank you for keeping me awake at the lectures so that I am able to learn so much more from you.

Life with Tung Ling in the picture

Time seems to pass by so quickly nowadays... There's the usual amount of work to be done at church... Plus now there's Tung Ling work too. Not that I'm complaining -in fact, I'm enjoying classes Tung Ling a lot. I wish that most people in the church will be able to take time off to attend the 3 month course too..
God has just been revealing so much in the past 5 weeks now. Everyday, it's as if the prescription of my spectacles changes and I see God a little clearer - in a way I've not seen Him before. Not only my view of God has changed, I have been challenged to be more practical in my faith too. I really love my classmates- they are so encouraging and open in their faith too- and we have lots of fun together.
This week we're learning on the anointing of the Holy Spirit... And our lecturer is Ps Kindah Greening from Gold Coast, Australia. Am looking forward to what he has to say on Spiritual Gifts tomorrow and Friday.
We're also expected to complete 10 modules as part of our assignment- have currently completed 5 and I have 5 more to go...
Things have eased up a little bit - now that Easter's over (thank God!).. Have been able to get a little bit more rest...
Have also decided to go to the gymn to do a little bit of exercise.. Just started this yesterday. Wasn't as bad as I thought it would've been..

My current day looks like this:
6.20am: Wake up, shower, get ready to go to Tung Ling
6.50am: Ewe Jin picks me up and we go over to Eiran's
7.30am: Tung Ling starts with prayer time
1.00pm: Lunch
2.30pm: Back in church for work
5.30pm: Finish work
5.30pm: Gym
7pm: Dinner
8pm onwards: Prayer meeting (Wednesday), complete modules/watch TV/study for test/the occasional going out with friends(rare though)/ sleep early, Cross Gen (Friday nights)

weekends are always full of meetings. *sigh*

Dear Father God,
AM so glad for the opportunity I have to learn more about You in Tung Ling. Continue to challenge me and mold me to be more like You- no matter how hard it may be at times.
Your grace, mercy and love strengthens me each day. Thanks Father.

Wow!

Easter's over and my rather hectic days are hopefully slowing down - though I don't see how - what with Tung Ling on Monday to Friday, worship leading this weekend and throw in leading devotions and prayer on Thursday and Friday too. :P
Soul Survivor's coming this Thursday and I'm really looking forward to hear what Mike Pilavachi has got to say!
The past few weeks have rather been a struggle as I've just been adjusting to going for Tung Ling Bible School in the mornings until 2pm and fitting my workload of 8 hours into 3 hours(And just coping with failing at that abysmally!).
Nevertheless, am really excited by what I've been learning at Tung Ling. Can just sense that God's just polishing me up in how I view Him and my walk with Him.
Just today was just blown away by the vision of how He sees me - never really saw it that way before. Am so glad that He's my Father.

Thank You Dad in Heaven for all You're doing. Just can't help falling more and more in love with You. I stand in silent awe.

A quick note

The past week has had it’s up and downs…
I’ve definitely learned some new lessons. I worship led on Sunday. Though I don’t know generally how most of the congregation found it, I know that it was my best and that my God was pleased with it.
It wasn’t an easy week for me as I’ve had my share of discouragements. Spiritual warfare was definitely going on. Many times during the week I had to just fight thoughts of unworthiness as well as “what on earth I’m doing”. My solitude time with Him definitely helped.

The calm before the storm

It's like the calm before the storm.
It's peaceful and quite.
Yet - a sense of foreboding is there.
Jesus be my anchor when the storm comes.

Happy Chinese New Year and thoughts

Happy Chinese New Year!
Yup yup - had a great break for a week from work and therefore the computer (5th-11th Feb).
It was great to spend the few days with my family - though we had our ups and downs as usual.
It was a great break because it'll be my last one for the next 4 months or so (my next break'll probably be in July AFTER the Hillsong conference- more about that later).
My cousin sherene and my cousin Melissa came and join us for an hour or so and it was great to see them at Camerons. We had to cut our trip short cos my sis was having exams on Friday(3rd day of CNY). Nevertheless it was good to be up in Camerons cos when we came back here it was sweltering hot. I had problems sleeping due to the heat too and it was pretty miserable for me. I also really miss my evening walks with my dog Oreos (we decided to put him up there in Camerons).
Just a glance through of thoughts or stuff that has happened since we came back last week.

• Was worship leading with Jason on Sunday (13th Feb) for our first ever youth worship service in PJEFC so that was pretty awesome
• Mind have been partially occupied with an upcoming friend's wedding
• Have been busy planning for the Hillsong stuff as the MAS Fair is this weekend.
• Planning for my next worship leading session which is next week.
• Had a Cross Gen leaders meeting after which I had a discussion with a friend and was really reminded by the Holy Spirit that so much more prayer has to go into Cross Gen.
• Easter preparations is underway
• Tung Ling Bible School is starting soon!!! so much to clear up beforehand!
• Cousin's started Bible School already.
• Have been communicating more with my Aussie cousin whom I used to stay with recently. It has been really great to see how he's grown up.
• I just love Chinese New Year-I love the spending time with family, the food and the ang paus!!!

Dear God,

Thanks for occasions such as Chinese New Year and the plans that You have for me. Thank You for being so faithful despite my unfaithfulness at times.

Family time, High praise..

Yay!! Going to camerons tomorrow to spend quality time with family. This is one aspect of Chinese New Year that I treasure.. Hopefully I'll get to see my cousins there too.
As usual, we're going to have reunion dinner together and have barbeque on the first night of CNY. Yummy.. Am looking forward to the rest and the time with my family cos I don't get to see too much of them nowadays..
Tonight's High Praise at Cross Gen.. Am leading it with Jason. Part of me is looking forward to it. Another part of me trembles and just feel so unprepared. I pray that His presence will lead us tonight and that He'll be there.
One of the highlights of this week is that a long standing issue has been resolved. Praise God for that! Am really happy cos I really felt that God was speaking to me to resolve it for a few weeks already - and me being me - I took some time to it.

Dear God,
Thank You for occassions like Chinese New Year where families can just get together. I pray too for the High Praise tonight. I pray that we'll You there and that Your glory will just rest upon the place.. Thank you for everything.

Thoughts

A friend recently said that serving in ministry can be very lonely(after all the meetings one has to attend, one does not really have much time for friends-I know it sounds bad but it's true) and a lot of sacrifice has usually be made(I find that my usual tv time has dwindled to almost nothing, have not watched a movie in the past month, have not have energy to go out for mamak as I used to). I think this is so true. Friends sometimes think that I'm crazy to live as I do - from meetings to meetings, fully focused on the ministries I'm in and almost no time for myself to do the things I love to do. My family usually complains that they don't see me often enough - more likely because I don't then carry out my chores as I should(I try to complete them on Mondays if I'm not too exhausted). Don't mistake me, I do get my occasional rest (preferably at least one night a week or at least a couple of stolen hours to myself to do some beloved reading).
I think no one but God can really understand why I do the things I do.
Sometimes, I wonder what it would be to live as others do - to just hang out with friends whenever and just do your own thing; playing computer games, watching tv, watching animes and reading to one's hearts content, going out more often and living life for myself - not for any ministry or doing any of God's will. I wonder if I'll be as satisfied, if not more, if I were living that kind of life. Probably not - maybe happier (and that's a big maybe)- but definitely not as satisfied.
From time to time, I do stop whatever I'm doing and just spend short spans of time just to think if I'm doing all these just because, if this is just my will, or am I just being swept into the storm. So far, I've had blessed reassurance that I'm where I am doing what I'm doing because He has placed me here in this moment in time. I see His plans just unfold before me. For now, He's just stretching me, challenging me to make full use of my time - and yet - give Him at least an hour of my day. It's definitely not a comfortable process. There are times where I just feel like crying,
and many other times where I just feel as if I've a burr under my skin... But He is faithful and just- He does not give me more than I can bear. For that, I thank You Jesus.

Cross Gen Broga Camp!

Had an awesome weekend. Went to Broga adventure camp with my youth group- Cross Gen(photos here).

Came back with bruised knees (due to the obstacle course) and an aching with body. But had a really awesome time. Am so excited to see what God is doing in Cross Gen so far this year. Especially when last year it seemed that everyone felt burnt out and wiped out.
One of the lessons that I've learnt during the Broga camp is that most of my fears can be overcome. I'm really not fond of heights. We did abseiling from 60 feet high. The instructor was not going to let anyone off... I tried excusing myself cos my shoes were wet from the obstacle course. I ended up to be the only one going down with slippers (which was potentially dangerouse if I slipped - but thank God that I didn't).
I got to know a fair bit of people better and it was really great to see everyone working together. One of the games required us to get up a twelve foot wall. It was awesome to see how the whole team getting together to make sure everyone managed to get over the wall. Another highlight was that we had to built a raft for a raft race. Other highlights were telematches and hiking to the waterfalls which were really fun. Everyone definitely got a shade darker due to standing out in the sun for all the activities(This was also remarked by the elders during prayer meet last night...heheheh). Worship was also wonderful. One could just sense the freedom in worship. It was just beautiful. Another great things about the camp was Derrick, Hsien Ling, Edmond and myself managed to try the local specialty - freshly caught tillapia and baked over coals in aluminium foil. The fish tasted absolutely awesome(This is amazing cos I'm not a fish person. Anyone who knows me I generally prefer chicken).
As I've said before, I'm so glad and excited to see what God's doing among our young people in Cross Gen. Last night, the church prayed for us. Aunty Lai Sheong shared a passage about Jonathan and his armour bearer which really encouraged all the Cross Gen leaders that were there. It's just amazing to see how much the church is willing to support us.
Ever since coming back to Broga camp - it's been one meeting after another (Thank God for the break on Tuesday). Monday night I had Cross Gen committee meeting, Tuesday was Easter choir meeting, Wednesday night was meeting with Easter planning committee and prayer meet.
the next few days does not look to be another better.
But in spite of it all, there seems to be a change that God is doing in my life. I sense that He is just moulding me in ways that He has not before. If one asks me how - I just won't be able to explain it. It just awes me. His presence seems more real each and every day. I'm not saying that my life is perfect - my family still does get upset with some silly things that I might do, not all my friendships perfectly great, not all things in the worship ministry is fine-in fact more stuff seems to be cropping up this week and there is quite a few things to deal with, but inspite of it all, God seems to be saying - be still, I'm here- no matter the circumstances.

Thank You Jesus. It helps me to keep going on no matter how high the mountain before me or how big the storm.

Easter preparations

Easter preparations has begun as of yesterday. We - Lawrence, Philip, Doreen, Chris and I - went to Philip's place and started Easter preparations.
The material looks quite promising and it'll be interesting to see how it turns out. In between doing all my usual work for worship- I have been just busy getting all the stuff photocopied and preparing for tonight's first practice.
Am definitely getting back into the swing of things. Over the weekend I have been in a flurry attending one meeting after another. Most of them were Cross Gen and missions department stuff.
On Saturday I attended Brother Yun's (the heavenly man) talk. Though the message itself didn't really speak to me personally- he was speaking about the 2 fishes and 5 loaves of bread - just seeing him there was an inspiration. He looked much younger than I expected him to look, especially since he's had so much hardship in his life. He's a walking miracle - I heard of the story of how he was crippled by torture and yet he could walk out of the prison and no one stopped him.
This is one of my few breaks since I got back from Camerons (and you can bet that I'm treasuring every one of them!). Am just really glad for it.
It's just been a long day. There are just times when I wonder why people just don't look at the bigger picture and how they affect others and just let their selfishness hurt so many other people. They say hurtful things in their frustration and never think twice about hurting others just so that they can feel better. And other people have to clean up their mess. Sheesh... Sometimes I just wish that I could repay them in kind. But something just stops me. It's as if Jesus says to me "It's ok. I know it's frustrating and you care for those who hurt. Just look to me. I will make it alright. Just don't do things in your own strength. Do them in my strength and wisdom." As Eiran says, maybe it's just good to cry it out and release it. I guess God is just teaching me to cry out and release it to Him....

Cameron photos

I took these photos while I was there. *sigh* Wish I could bring some of the beauty back.

Beautiful skies

View from Winterhome

Purple flowers

This photo reminds me that God's creations are infinitely more beautiful than man's

Grandfather's cabin

Resting dog

View of the dam from my granddad's place

Lake View Villa

Interesting bug on a chair

Mountain view

Rest..

Matthew 11:27-29
27“All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. "

Funny how all things seem to speak of the same things at a certain season, at a certain time. The verse above was shared by the speaker at church on Sunday. She was sharing about missions.

I left for Cameron Highlands on Monday afternoon to get some much needed rest and as I've mentioned in my previous blog entries, to get some solitude. I got all that and more. Funnily enough, missions have been foremost on my mind this week as I reenergized and "find my center"- as I've cheekily told my mum last week before I left.

I went up with a pastor that's involved with missions. Also blessed some Orang Asli with whatever little I had by buying groceries for them. Met this person who went to Banda Acheh who went to do relief work with the tsunami victims. He showed us a picture of dead bodies in a river. You cannot see the water in river at all because of all the dead bodies covering it. He shared with us that the stench of the dead bodies are so great. At the same time, it seems hopeless to bury all the dead body in time. Already their bodies have rotted to the extent that if you were to pull them out of the river, their flesh would come out. The sight of the bodies are also horrible as they have been battered. Even though he's done some really tough things like climbing Mount Everest, he cannot forget the stench and the sight of all who died. He gets nightmares. A Korean drove me back home. He's doing tentmaking here with his wife and kids. I marvel at how they would give up the comforts of familiriaty just so that others can come to know Christ. Learnt a whole lot more about Korea on the way home.

In retrospect I learnt a lot while I was away. Yes, I did get my rest: I had more time to read, did a spot of photographing nature and scenery, gaze at the stars at night as I used to do during summertime in Melbourne, stood in awe at God's work around me - both in people and in nature. But I did learnt a whole lot more than I expected. I rediscovered a yearning inside me that he's placed for missions. Before I went, I was seriously thinking of stepping down from missions department. But I saw how much more needs to be done. How important my role of where He has placed me to be for now. How much more people need to hear about Jesus and the hope and life he can bring to them. How I cannot lax in all the responsibilities He's given under my stewardship and how I have to push on no matter how hard the going is. How I need to continue to mature and to put my childish ways behind me.

A prophecy came to me on Sunday worship. It was a reminder that He has placed me where I am cos He's continually preparing me for what's ahead(there was a mention of God putting me in another country with things that are beyond my imagination in store for me). And my heart yearns to go already. And yet, I know I need to faithfully finish this current mile before I can go to the next milestone.

Dear Jesus,

Please help me to run this mile well. May I fit into Your will and not mine.

Much needed holiday

Will be leaving for some much needed rest in an hour's time. Thought to sneak in some thoughts beforehand.
Am really looking forward to my holiday. Though I think that I could possibly go on doing what I've been doing for the past couple of months for another month, I'm glad that I can finally take a break. I know some people think that I can never sit still and that I'll probably be fidgeting after the 2nd day, but I've been wanting to have some solitude time for the past half year. So I am really really really looking forward to it.
Am planning to sleep, rest(and hopefully completely recover from my cough - yes, it's still there and am beginning to alarm me cos it doesn't seem to go away) , make some new year's resolutions, reflect, contemplate, read some books that has been sitting on the shelf - beckoning me but always ignored because other things have to come first and spend quality time with God (not just the short prayers I take in between work-though that's great as well).

Dear Jesus,
I pray for journey mercies and a great time with dad and the missions people that will be up there in Camerons. See you up there too.. Am looking forward to know what's on your heart for me this year.

Thorn in my side

I find I blog more during my more melancholic moods. I'm having one now. I have this "thorn in my side" that is a constant source of irritation - makes me upset, angry, grumpy, frustrated and just feel like ending up in tears. It could be spiritual warfare too.
Well, as I write this, I've decided to go back to the bible and to recollect what Paul said about the thorn in his side.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. "

Hmm... Not sure how many times I've prayed for the thorn in my flesh to be taken away. But I know for sure that it was indeed "a messenger of Satan". Even as I want to seek the Lord over so many things and just heaps of important planning meetings for Cross Gen and Worship Ministry is currently underway, the thorn in my side just tends to hurt and irritate during times where important decisions have to be prayed about. I just tend to react rather badly and snap too - shows me that I'm weak and not as strong as I'd like to think I am.
The following verses(the part about Christ power resting in me) just really comforted me. Thank You once again.

Dear God,
You know I have this thorn in my side. It's been hurting and affecting me for a while now - and every so often it just brings out the worst in me. Please take it away. If not, help me to take delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Tsunami disaster

Everyday this week, I look at the papers and am just overwhelmed by the news of the effects of the tsunami that happened on Sunday.
I read and hear of tragedies that happen, whole families perishing, parents losing children, children losing parents, masses of people still missing, masses of people dead - and my heart is just so burdened for them. Tears flows.

Random comments

• The production's finally over. But a part of me do miss the hustle and bustle. Will probably have a whole lot more of that next year.
• Have more or less caught up on sleep - though I am still looking to taking a break and visiting my dad(am just looking forward to the cool weather , the time of solitude, and the R&R that I'm planning to have at Camerons- sleeping, reading and having tea, fishing, and taking some photographs have plenty of appeal at the moment) .
• John's sister Lea's staying over next week.
• Was sad everytime I looked at the newspaper and heard of how many lives were taken by the tsunami-Malaysia was affected for the first time. ABout 52 lives in Malaysia to date have perished. According to news, 23,000 lives have been taken so far. I wonder how many souls were lost. It's just really heart-wrenching to hear how lives have been lost
• Contemplating what to say for my testimony for watch night service - philip's encouraged me to share something about the christmas production. He said that if he shared about it, he will probably take 2 hours -which is so true- never met a guy that loves to talk that much. *grin*. Definition of watch night service: Our church usually have a service on the night before New Year's day. We usually get people to share their testimony, have a bit of worship and some presentations.
• Contemplating about a certain group of people - the really hurtful kind of people. Not going to say more but that I'm just contemplating and that being friends with them can be really difficult especially as their feelings seem to be more important to them than others.
• Contemplating about my walk with my Jesus-it's not at an ideal state at the moment - probably cos myself and my rest came first. =P Help me to decrease and may Jesus increase in me.
• Contemplating a certain conversation that I had with a certain relative of mine. Don't think that the person's right - at least not for now. Will have to mull over it more - perhaps when I go for my time of solitude in Camerons.
• Contemplating my new year's resolution and having a check if I did stick to this year's resolutions. I probably did for some - and slacked off for others. Oh well, I'll just have to keep trying then.

Christmas production Announcement

Had this idea from my cousin's blog.
PJEFC - THE CHRISTMAS STORY MUSICAL
Date: 25th December 2004
Time: 10.30am-12.30pm
Venue: PJEFC Heritage Centre - 3, Jln Seksyen 13/6

Christmas Eve

I thought I should blog something today as it's Christmas eve. I generally love this time of the year, but probably due to the hustle and bustle, it just seems really different this year.
My family, as usual is still contemplating if we're having our usual annual dinner tonight(yes even though it's almost lunchtime now, they haven't decided!). Mum's already bought 2 turkey and 2 roles of lamb to roast - but the problem is, the car's been broke down again last night and we have not been able to buy and prepare the other stuff.. So she's still deciding if we should just go ahead with the dinner. Whatever it is, I'm really looking forward to the lamb. Don't eat much lamb since I got back and this is one of the few times of the year that my family does...

Also thought that I should blog that our PJEFC choir(myself included) was on TV3 this morning. We were invited to go and sing some songs from our Christmas musical. Thank God it went pretty well. That's probably all I'm going to say about it since I wasn't keen on going for it in the first place-my mum was more excited about it than me in the first place. I almost didn't go cos the van breakdown but I had all the choir robes with me - sheesh - which meant that I had to go anyway. Oh well - it was a rather interesting experience. Will have to check out the tapes that my family taped.

Generally, even though this Christmas have been busy; it's been good in some ways. Despite being on telly, it's been a whole lot less commercialised for me - it has really been less about Santa and the Christmas tree and a whole lot more a Jesus - so that has been really special to me. As I mentioned in my previous blog entry, because of my business and the many times I've almost given up, it's been great because I got to know my God a whole lot more. His grace and the hope that He gives through Christ has been very real to me. Thank you Jesus for coming down to save me. Happy Birthday Jesus! =)

Good memories

John's left for Australia yesterday night. It was just great to hang out with him for a few short days. I keep on telling him that I only see ex-OCFers when I see him. Which is so true. Saw Mun Wah, Helene, Calvin, Jeremy, Adeline and Tracy all in the past 3 days.

Having him around was sort of walking down memory lane and at the same time finding out how everyone's just changed. Heard that so many people have gotten married and are now having kids. Heard that Andrew Chen just had a kid. Just feels weird sometimes to hear those kind of news - hearing that people have moved on - then again maybe not that weird after all

John with Gary

Johny boy



John, Helene and Calvin



John and I

Christmas pictures

I've not much time to blog today but they say a picture is worth a thousand words.
When I look at these - I can say that the past two weeks is worth it. Praise God!



Everyone in the Christmas 2004 production

The Choir Members

The Children's choir

My stage management crew

Edmond Lee, Sean and Grace - choir members backstage

Backstage with choir members

Returnees

One week has gone past and so much has happened. Hoong Ern came back from the UK-which was a really good thing - as he helped out for the Christmas Musical.
It was definitely the busiest week I've had since I've started working in church full time half a year ago(Wow! Time just flew by so quickly). I've learnt a lot about myself as well as other people that I've been working the musical with. My faith has also increased. IT was definitely a very trying time. Many times I was reminded that patience is like a container. The bigger your container the more patience you have. I've lost count of how many times I've prayed for God to make bigger my container - sometimes it was successful and others not so successful. But as I've said in my previous blog, despite who and what I am, I can testify that God is great and He is indeed faithful.
He's answered prayers. I've even sent out a SOS signal to Him in my prayers during the past week- everything in the musical was just going badly: the lights were not ready, the conductor sprained both his arms (from the enthusiastic flinging of his arms during conducting) and was in a lot of pain, one of the cast had food poisoning, some of the musicians were getting flu, the actors were not quite ready, our lead singer was also sick, I was sick and tired and stressed, tempers flared, some had really long and bad days at work, etc..
But in the end, everything just ran smoothly on the first show last Saturday(our second is on Christmas day). Though no one stepped out for prayer, about 8 hands were raised when asked who wanted to accept Christ into their life.
The week kept getting better and better. Had a call from John Foo - my ex-neighbor, cell group member and good friend from Australia - on Thursday to say that he's here and that he'd arrived in Malaysia and brought heaps of goodies. He brought heaps of stuff- Haighs chocolates(these are generally super expensive), really expensive cherries(about AUD 25/kilo - he brought 2 kilos), oreos, tim tams, Salmon, fruit and nuts, mango jam and a few other stuff that I've forgotten to mentioned! Was really overwhelmed by his generosity(in case those reading this are beginning to get the wrong idea, he did these for several other people too).
Though I was really overwhelmed by his generosity, I enjoyed his company more. We just hanged out at KLCC and did some major catching up. I joked with him that the only time that I see ex-OCFers is when I see him(I saw Calvin last night and Adeline in the morning). I had fun talking with him about his work(which he is really greatful to have and is doing quite well in it) and just generally talking about guys and Aussie stuff. We walked around KLCC and John said that we had to walk around the food stores and buy 1 thing from each store - didn't work quite well as we were quite full by the 3rd/4th stall even though we just bought buns and kuih.
It was just generally really good to hang out with an old friend. Speaking of old friend, Myra's back too. She graduated and her convocation's in April. She's still praying if she should work here or return to Australia. Am trying to persuade her to go for a holiday with me in January when I try to get my much needed break.
Received an email from Janice too saying that she's graduated and that she was going for a month's vacation. It's just been really wonderful to hear from everyone at this time of the year. As I said God is just so faithful.
For today and tomorrow, I just planned to take things easy and rest in Him before the everything starts building up on Thursday for Christmas day. I continually look forward to the challenges He gives me each day because I know that He will never give me more than what I can bear.

My God and I

The past week was more crazy than expected.
Turns out the cough that I was having is bronchitis - I found this out when I went to see the doctor. The medicine that he gave helped me to feel better - though the cough is still lingering, it's not as severe as before(I had difficulty breathing and my chest felt tight) - but I was 'half zonked out' due to the side effects.
So I ended up running around like a headless chicken doing all the needed stuff for the Christmas production and at the same time my hands were tremoring and my head was feeling very bleary due to the medication. It's not a great combination.
On top of that, every week night last week, I only got home at 12am and left the house at 8.30am. Saturday and Sunday was worse as I had to get up earlier. By Sunday evening, there were these horrible black bags under my eye and I was just so exhausted and weary. Thank God for yesterday(Monday) so I could rest and recuperate and regain my sanity at the same time. I've lost count of how many times I've almost lost my temper in the past week. My nerves felt really stretched. Thank God for granting me patience.
My mind has just been so preoccupied with the Christmas production that's on this Saturday(18th Dec) and next Sat (25th Dec). I even forgot that I was suppose to lead devotions this morning until 7.30am this morning (Devotions is at 9am). But it turned out ok. Really felt God speaking to me as it was so relevant to my experience in the past week.
My big brother encouraged me to "upgrade my outlook" this morning. His mum also sent an Aussie calendar which I absolutely love. And thus, I've decided to take some time to be still and knowing indeed He is God. That He is faithful and that He's upholding me. A time to put things into perspective. To take it easy this morning before I go back to the fray. A time to remind myself why I'm doing all this - It's all for Him.
I remember little encouragements throughout last week that kept me going. Uncle Lawrence mentioned that a tea's flavour is brought out when the water is at it's hotest and likened me to that (not a flattering comparison - come to think of it *grin*).
I too remember that He whispered to me on Saturday while I was on the piano during the worship practice that He's watching over me and carrying me - feeling as worn out and exhausted as I was. I was so comforted that I almost cried. Even though, to be honest, I am not looking forward to this week and all it entails, I can lift up my head and push forward because He's telling me "We're in this together."

Thank You Jesus.

Strength for today

Dear God,
I once again come to you as a weak vessel. I pray for strength for today as there is so much to accomplish in these two weeks before the Christmas programme. Please help everything to fall into place. Grant me patience with those who are supposed to be doing their jobs but aren't - especially when I have to end up doing it on top of all I've got to do.
I pray for people to come and help. And even if there isn't any, remind me that you're around. There's been so many times that I've been afraid that I wouldn't be able to finish the tasks you've given me and yet, "Your Grace is Sufficient for me" and You've seen me through. Thank You for being always there beside me. Thank You.

work, work, work

My infernal cough won't go away. It continually plagues me. I've a bad feeling that it's turned athsmatic already. Hopefully it won't be too long before it heals completely.
Today's been absolutely crazy. Am busy trying to clear up all my worship stuff before I go for EFCM camp as a facilitator for the next few days. I'm tired already and have not even have had a chance to go through the materials (except the question on tattooing which ended up as a debate over emails!).
Have been busy with coordinating Christmas choir. Philip (our Christmas conductor) has been calling me very frequently (more like morning, afternoon and night *sigh*) with barrages of instructions. On top of that, I've to finish up my worship list and clear up any outstanding matters before I go.
Found out too that one of my follow uppee's getting married! How exciting!
Also remembered that John's probably coming down to Malaysia cos of Audrey's wedding this month! Will hopefully be able to meet up with him.
PLANET SHAKER'S CONCERT IS ON TONIGHT at PYRAMID CONVENTION CENTRE!!!!
WHOOPEEEE!!!

Worship Leading, flu, handwritten cards and life satisfaction..

Worship lead for the first time last weekend in the main sanctuary and praise God it went pretty well- not exactly the best but definitely was one of the better ones. Must be due to all the prayer and petitioning. Again - all glory to Him. I was really nervous and my team and family knew how nervous I was. Just before I started, I whispered a little prayer "Ok Jesus, I know you're partnering with me in this. I surrender all my fears to You. I'll just worship You". A calm just entered my heart. It was just amazing. For those who know me, they can usually tell when I'm nervous on stage - they remarked that I was just very calm and confident. Thank You Jesus for reminding me that in all that I do that we're partners and doing it together.
The weather have been absolutely crazy the past week - hot and cold alternately. It definitely took its toll on me and I was sick in bed with flu the whole of Monday and Tuesday. Thought I was going to better after resting on Monday but on Monday night, I had a fever plus I couldn't sleep so it was pretty miserable. Rested the whole of Tuesday and have been feeling better each day since.
Also had a wonderful surprise yesterday. Liz sent a handwritten card for my birthday. Was really touched... I'm generally terrible at handwritten cards/letters so I really treasured her card. It was one of my best birthday gifts this year.
Had a short chat with Liz too over yahoo messenger (the wonderful,wonderful blessings on technology).. And we were talking about life satisfaction. I currently rate mine 8/10... So life's pretty good- probably cos I know I'm living the way He wants me to.

Some pics

Gary with Shiro - one of our new pups



My sis and bro



Puppies in a box



Oreos



My sister



Little princess

Rest and Work

Am back at work - after two days of break due to the Hari Raya Holidays. Must say that it's been one of my more restful holidays-which I'm truly thankful for. I just shudder of what's ahead- worship leading this Sunday for my first time, EFCM youth camp (I'm going as a facilitator and at the same time encourage young people to join the worship team and missions) , Christmas and finally: Watch night service.
So the past two days was technically my final break for the year. The calm before the storm - and I savoured every moment of it (Well, almost every moment of it). My sis's going to Penang for a holiday with her friends to celebrate the end of her exams (the last day of which is tomorrow). Wish I was going too. My idea of a dream holiday - sleep, eat, read books, exploring the place a bit and solitude. Am contemplating taking some time off in January next year to do so-but will have to see. Things always happens around here.

Other highlights of the past few days are :

• Managed to talk to Aunty Bernie for a bit on Sunday. She and Uncle Cheng Hsien are now back in Melbourne. Am always glad when they come back for a visit. Am very fond of them as they continually encourage me whenever they are back.
• Played around with Kenny's camera. Am more or less buying it over from him. Had such fun playing with the camera. Should've brought it so that I could download the photos cos the cable was in my office.
• Manage to finish a couple of chapters from the "Heart of the Artist" by Rory Noland. Very easy reading and yet very challenging to me.

Am worship leading this sunday for the first time in the main congregation - an pretty nervous about it. The other times have been just to assist the worship leader. This time I'll have to chose the songs and the flow. Uncle Lawrence's my partner but he's away until tomorrow. I pray that everything will go smoothly. More importantly, people will be ushered into his presence.

Dear God,

I lay all my concerns down at Your feet. Who am I but your instrument. Please grant me Your wisdom and a sensitivity to Your Spirit that Your people will be able to come and worship You in Your presence. Take away too any anxiousness in my mind. "Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me"

Important Announcement

My big bro Johann and Vern Li is engaged!!!!!
Am so happy for both of them!
Warmest congratulations.

His grace is sufficient for me

Busy busy busy.
Sometimes I'm so busy that I don't want to think anymore. There's just so much to do and to get done. The only thing that keeps me going is having Him by my side.
He knows my ups and downs and he knows too my flaws and love me despite of it. That keeps me going.
Have decided to fast this week. It's just a partial fast (lunch only - and no eating for at least 8 hours) but that's it for now. I've decided to do so because there's just so much spiritual warfare going on around me. In my ministry and as well as in people around my life. I need to hear Him ever more so clearly.
Though it's been a tough week in many ways- I've failed in so many ways- it's just revealed to me how carnal and weak I am, it's been a week of grace too. As Sue Ann keeps saying "His grace is sufficient for me". That verse has just taken a different and more powerful meaning.



Your grace is sufficient for me
Martin Nystrom

Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect
When I am weak
And all that I cling to
I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me

Dear God,
Thank You for Your grace. It's just so much more than I ever deserve.
You know too how nervous I am to be worship leading in church next week for the first time. May Your Spirit lead and guide me. Grant me too a teachable heart.

Special Day

Today's a special day for me- it's my birthday. I bought a a CD "Planet Shaker's -All that I want"(which really rocks!) and a new book(Jesus, The One and Only by Beth Moore) to celebrate it.
Last night I watched Passion's One Day and was very inspired once again to live for Him.
And that's what this day for me is about - another year of living for Him, of worshipping Him and learning to make choices and to do things His way. Yay!
Of course I like the little gifts that people gave me like a necklace from my sis, an e-card from Liz and a lovely red rose from Sue that added that extra special touch to my day.
At twelve last nite my sis and mum was the first to wish me happy birthday before I went to sleep. This morning, I had a card for liz and talked to my big bro for a bit. Sean also wished me happy birthday in his own special way.. hehhehe
Liz said she'll call tonight-wow! It's been a while since I last spoke to her so I'm looking forward to it. Am also planning to watch more of Monk!!! Super!

Dear God,
Thank you for making me me. =) Thank you for another year to live for you and to worship you. Thank you especially for all the special people in my life. The many who have encouraged me (my mum, my sis, my bro, Sean, Uncle Lawrence, Johann, Liz, Aunty Nancy, Aunty Chan Boey, Uncle Sam, Uncle Daniel, Poh Lyn, Rachel Tan, Audrey and Ting, Chew Sue Ann, Keng Swee, the worship ministry team, Hoong Ern, Chris, Ewe Jin, Eiran, Marcus, Charlene and countless others) and drew me nearer to You. Thank You for the lessons learnt in the past year. I really look forward to another year of walking with You by my side. All glory and praise be unto You.

Your another-year-older child, Ruth.

Down at the cross

It's a special day today and somehow he reminded me of this beautiful song.

From Jeremiah 9: 23 - 24
This is what the LORD says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD , who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the LORD .

Down at the Cross
The Kry

What can I boast about
When the life that I live has been given me
What can I be proud of
But of Jesus who died to set me free
Set me free

Chorus
Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom
Let not the strong man boast in his strength
Let not the rich man boast in his riches
For all men are equal down at the cross

Jesus still reaches out
No matter how far or how weak we are
His love has no bounds
And He reaches the ones down on their knees
On their knees

Bridge
Down at the cross come and leave your pride
Lay everything at His feet
For all of us He was willing to die
Even when we were weak
When we were still without strength
When we were set in our ways
When we were filled with hatred for Him
Still He was willing to die for you and I
Down at the cross

Reflection

My past week has been hectically busy. Full of spiritual insights and at the same time full of activities. I would never wish my week on anyone else though. They just tend to be rather crazy.
I even missed a call from my best cousin *sob sob*.
Anyway - just thought to write on highlights of the week:

• Managed to get most of the "Monk" series from Eiran. Made me a happy gal. I sooo love the show..
• Put up my map of the world in my cosy corner of my office so I can pray for the world (Hmmm.. I should post up a picture now that I've got my shelf to put my worship resources too. It's a joke that I've got a LOT of stuff that I need a LOT of space. sheesh-not like it's a choice - it's more of other ppl's junk that I have to sort out and store. =P)
• Christmas choir practice is went quite well last night
• Heaps of happening stuff is happening during Christmas
• A ministry problem came up on Friday evening that got me highly stressed. Thank God for His wisdom and guidance.
• On Saturday, we had a record practice time with Adrian Ang - 40minutes! Praise God!
• On Sunday, we managed to finish service on time -10.30am: A record time since we moved to our new building. Praise God! Must pray that it happens this week too. Have been working rather hard to ensure that we finish on time every week.
• On Monday had a rare great time out with my mum - and she totally agreed with me that it was great too. We went to buy a DVD player. Now I can watch Passion and One Day at home.
• One of my insight again and again is that His grace is sufficient for me EVERY SINGLE DAY. How absolutely wonderful.

Tomorrow's a special day for me. Thought I should briefly reflect on the past year. God has just been so great to me. Am settling really well into my 'job'. Though it's not been smooth sailing all the time, I do love it heaps. He's just been teaching me a lot of stuff too - and really challenging me to depend on Him each day. Wonder what He'll have in store for me in the next year??