Allah Mengerti, Allah Peduli

Banyak perkara yang tak dapat kumengerti
Mengapa harus terjadi di dalam kehidupan ini
There are many things that I don't understand why it has to happen in this life

Satu perkara yang ku simpan dalam hati
Tiada satu pun 'kan terjadi tanpa Allah peduli
One thing I keep in my heart- nothing will happen without God caring

Chorus:
Allah mengerti, Allah peduli
Segala persoalan yang kita hadapi
Tak akan pernah dibiarkannya ku bergumul sendiri
Sebab Allah Mengerti
God understands, He cares
About all the challenges/questions that we face
He will never let me wrestle alone
Because God understands

Some things just don't change...

It's already Friday!! This weekend looks like another particularly terribly busy weekend doing ministry. Meetings to attend, attending practice for Sunday, emails to send out, helping out at CUG, preparing for bible study, packing up stuff at the office, etc... How does one cram doing all these things over tonite and tomorrow till 5pm? :p

Every month, students are usually required to write a reflection paper about their 'practical'/field education during weekends. Mr Allen, one of my lecturers usually reads through our reflection paper and comments on it. Just last week, he told me that he was clearing some of the things in his office and came across one of my reflection papers that I handed up to him two years ago. Apparently that particular reflection paper was about busy-ness in ministry. He cheekily told me 'Ruth, I think that paper still applies to you.' Tongue in cheek, I told him, 'Yeah, I think that as long as I'm in ministry in the church, I'll forever be busy.....' :S

A collect

A friend reminded me of one of my favourite collect that we use for the evening Anglican chapel and I thought it was rather apt as we struggle through assignments. Also, thought of my pastor whom I am very fond of who fell down last saturday and fractured his femur bone.

Lighten our darkness,
Lord, we pray,
and in your great mercy
defend us from all perils and dangers of this night
for the love of your only Son,
our Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Article on Cairo

A friend from church sent me this article: "A city where you can't hear yourself scream".. Thought to post it as it brought back fond memories of Cairo... ;)

CAIRO: Egyptians in this capital city say it is harder and harder to be heard and to have a voice, but they are not talking politics. Well, not only politics.

What they are talking about, or rather yelling about, is noise, the incredible background noise of a city crammed with 18 million people, and millions of drivers who always have one hand on the horn and a rules-free way of thinking.

"Whenever I talk to people, they always say, 'Why are you screaming?' " said Salah Abdul Hamid, 56, a barber whose two-chair shop is on the corner of a busy street on the north side.
Hamid was, of course, screaming.

It was 4 p.m. in Rhode al Farag, a typical Cairo neighborhood teeming with people and shops and cars and trucks and buses and horse-drawn carts. From his shop, the landscape of sound revealed a chorus of people struggling to make a living, trying to assert themselves in a city, and in a country, where they often feel invisible. (Read more here..)

Hard pressed...

Feeling hard pressed on every side
There's the pile of assignments screaming for attention
The never ending demands of ministering in church
People to meet and minister to
Friends and family to spend time with
Issues to be resolved

How is Your voice heard in the midst of the roar?
Where Your words speaks, it seems to be drowned next by the demands of life
Time with You seems so inadequate
The soul barely rests in You before moving on
It longs for green pastures, for the quiet waters
For restoration....

Ps 23
The LORD is my shepherd
I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures
he leads me beside quiet waters
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Thoughts...

I've decided to take a break from my assignment that I've been attempting to write the whole day. 'Attempting' being the operative word as I have ended up staring in the screen and blanking out most of the time. It's most distressing as I've been trying to finish this paper for a couple of weeks and am just pushing myself to finish it by the morning. *sigh*

At this rate, it might be an impossibility unless some miracle happens in the next few hours. *sigh*. I remember that in my first year, I used to wonder if I'll last these four years. Eventually, I got over that as I got used to life in seminary. However, writing this paper seems to bring out that particular ugly head again. :p It doesn't help that I seem to feel tired all the time either. Last weekend has been a particular long one. This weekend looks no different either.

Positiveness has been a little bit harder to come by the last few weeks and there are stretches of days where gloominess seems to be my companion. There's the dreaded feeling of everything just stagnating. My pastor and another friend assures me that it's a phase that I just have to go through for now - and to keep on pushing to keep on going in spite of everything. It's probably because I struggle as I continue to learn to let God mould me. Some days are harder than others. Times that I have to myself to think and pray things through seems like a trial. Nevertheless, I am trying to put one foot forward after another (just like trying to keep on going on despite staring blankly at the screen :p). By His grace, i'll continue taking the next step. Guess I'll have to continue with that particular struggle and get back to that assignment too.

Memories...

My sister Nicole wrote a beautiful poem entitled 'Ancient voices'. I really love the poem and it brought back many wonderful memories about the country of my heart as well as the great need there.

I miss the time and space I had there. In contrast, everything seems so busy here - one thing seems to come after another. I still miss the culture where people drop everything just to be with people- the friendly and interesting taxi drivers, the daily scenes as you walk along the streets of Cairo. I still miss the people and the friends that I've made there. It's been three months since I've been home and sometimes my time there seems like a dream. At other times, very vivid memories and faces come to mind - the language school I attended, my beloved teacher, my family members, the beautiful children, my housemates, my church members, the laughter, the adventure of each new day, the rides on the microbuses with a friend, visitation to an old lady from church - and I find myself longing to be back there once again...

Quote for the day

Liked this quote from chapel service today...

If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live. - Martin Luther King Jr

Service to Remember Martin Luther King Jr

This morning we had a chapel service to remember Martin Luther King Jr's contribution. A lot of emphasis was placed on how he was an agent of change and spoke out for justice. Definitely something to challenge us as we continue following Christ.

As part of the service, we sang negro spirituals songs and I really loved the songs that my friend Lee Yng led. One of my friends said she was really moved when were singing the song Kum Ba Yah (Come By Here). I agree with her. It was really beautiful.

Personally, my favourite song was 'Let Us Break Bread Together'. Thought to put the lyrics up here:

Let us break bread together on our knees (on our knees)
Let us break bread together on our knees (on our knees)
When I fall on my knees with my face to the rising sun
O Lord have mercy on me

Let us drink wine together on our knees (on our knees)
Let us drink wine together on our knees (on our knees)
When I fall on my knees with my face to the rising sun
O Lord have mercy on me.

Eating and fellowship...

Feeling quite stuffed. Just came back from the Marriage and Counselling class (even though technically I'm not enrolled for that class today). I was invited by the lecturer to join them for their 'makan' session(pic left) at the end of the class as it's the final session for the semester. The lecturer, Getrude Buck and her husband Erwin Buck (who's my Mark class lecturer) will be heading for their home back in Canada this weekend. It's been great to have them with us and they've been a blessing to us in STM - wished that they could've stayed longer so that we could get to know them better.

Tonite, there were lots of cheese, crackers, fruits, dips, date squares, cookies, brownies,spring rolls, dumplings, etc... It was quite lovely. I cheekily told one of the lecturers who attends the class- 'how nice it'd be if we did this for every class at the end of the semester.' We'd have lots of eating and fellowship time. ;)

Quote

"I'd rather struggle as a single than be unhappily married." - a friend

Got Tagged: List of 5s

I have been tagged by Kar Yong to do this list of 5's thingy. Thought I better do this before I end up not doing it at all(just like the time when I kena tagged by Pearlie :p )..

For those that i've tagged and are going to be doing too. The rules are:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player than tags 5 people and posts their names, than goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they done got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

What was I doing 10 years ago (March 1998)?
- I was studying SAM(South Australian Matriculation) in Taylor's college (wow - issit 10 years already! feels like it was just yesterday).
- Deciding what I'd be studying the following year in Uni and in which Uni...
- Praying hard that I'd have the opportunity to study in Australia the following year .
- Hanging out with my close college friends(we were a multicultural group - chinese, indian and malay) and doing crazy stuff together(man.. those were the days).
- 3rd year serving as a pianist in church.

5 things on my to-do list today
1. Do my Hebrew homework
2. Do my counselling assignment
3. Work on my theology assignment
4. Do some church work (prepare for several important meetings on Saturday and Sunday service stuff)
5. Prepare for presentation for Cross Cultural missions class

5 Snacks I enjoy
1. Ice Cream (my absolute favourite!!!)
2. Potato Chips (Lays, Ruffles and Kettle - what to do, the nice ones are expensive...)
3. Chocolate cookies (Tim Tams, Chocolate chips, etc...)
4. Curry Puffs
5. Keropoks (Prawn Crackers and Keropok Lekor)

5 Things I would do if I were a billionaire
1. Support missionaries serving among unreached people groups
2. Support Bible Schools in 3rd world countries
3. Support friends that I know who are serving God full time and struggling financially
4. Buy books and bible softwares
5. Travel around the world

5 of my bad habits
1. Procrastination
2. Snacking when I get stressed out
3. Read till late into the night when I'm interested in a story (despite knowing that I have to wake up early the next day and have lots of work)
4. Doing everything else other than what I should be doing (did I mention procrastinating!?!)
5. Get really engrossed in my favourite TV series (I'll be watching hours upon hours until I've finished the whole season) :p

5 places I have lived
1. Klang (when I was a toddler)
2. My current house in Petaling Jaya
3. Melbourne, Australia (while I was studying in Melbourne Uni)
4. Seremban (while studying in Seminary)
5. Cairo, Egypt

5 jobs I've had
1. Helper in my mum's catering company
2. Part-time waitress in a shop in Melbourne
3. Managing database and Customer Service in Specialty Dept for SOS KL
4. Worship Coordinator in PJEFC (been holding this position for almost 4 years now)
5. Depends on what else God has in mind in the future...

5 people I tag
1. Yoshua Chua - one of my fellow STM mates. Just trying to give you something 'extra' to blog about. ;)
2. Shern Ren - My friend and fellow musician currently studying in Australia.
3. Doulos - It's been a while since I've chatted with you online. Hope you are doing well in Wales.
4. Ewe Jin - My friend and colleague. Time to get up from your blog 'slumber'. Now you don't have excuse about not knowing what to blog about... hehehe...
5. Nicole and Lee - My sister and brother whom I'm quite fond of... Thought to encourage you in your blog postings. :)

In Sickness...

It's been an up and down week for me. To be frank, it's been more down than up as I spend the week hovering between very sick and sick-but-on-the-brink of recovery. I hate being sick.

One of the things I hate about sickness is that it isolates. I'm not able to go out or hang out with my friends - not only because I'm feeling weak, but also kind of difficult to hang out with people when you don't want to spread your germs to others.So all the while I'm in bed, I hear laughter about me and it can get pretty miserable not to be able to participate and share in the fun.

Another thing about sickness is that it impedes one from doing things that one is normally able to do. I find this rather frustrating- especially when I have lots and lots to do anyways - and would rather be up and about. A friend advised me to just rest and not worry about work. A bit hard to do.. but it did help when I finally decided to take his advice (had no choice by then) and am thankfully much better since then.

The last thing that I hate about being sick is how it affects the physical body and finally the emotions. The worst it gets, the worse I feel - trying to be cheerful is rather difficult in such a situation. Thankfully there's the occasional 'cheering up' through online chats - where it's the probably avenue that I can still connect with the world (When I'm lucid enough).

Bear with me. These rantings have a point. As I was lying in bed yesterday, in one of my most painful moments, I came to this realisation. Sin is like sickness. It isolates us (from God). It stumbles and makes one helpless. At the same time, there is a lack of joy.

As I thought about this, I'm thankful once again for the joy that I found in Christ. Because of Jesus, I am able to have a relationship with my Father in heaven. While I am weak, He is strong. I can have joy because of Christ. He has done all of this for me and more. Once again, I am thankful.

Holiness of God

Enjoyed theology class today. We are moving on to the attributes of God in class and today's highlight was on God's goodness and holiness. Quite a few things stood out and lots to think through(will blog about it in another post- if I still feel inclined to do so) - some of which I will prolly use in my sharing with my musicians as I find it relevant.

One of the things that stood out for me about today's lesson is the excerpt written by Myk Habets about CS Lewis - Narnia Chronicles which I thought to post here:

C.S. Lewis speaks often about good not as a thing but a who. In his stories he trawls his thought world to come up with a suitable character to represent God- and that who is Aslan, the great Lion. Aslan is the Jesus Christ figure in the novels. He is God. He is "the Son of the Emperor over the Sea"-that's how he is described. In a famous scene in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe Mr and Mrs Beaver are describing Aslan. When Susan finds out that Aslan is a lion she asks: "Is he - quite safe?" Susan says. And Mr. Beaver says, "Safe... Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good."

Lewis understood the wild side of God. The holiness of God. Susan wanted safety. She wants Aslan to conform to what she wanted him ot be like. But God cannot conform to our limited notion of him. He is good, and he certainly is not safe - for he is holy! He is God.

The issue of the shoes

Just came back from Cross Cultural Missions class. We had a lively discussion in class today. As always, I enjoyed the class -especially whenever our lecturer gives us scenarios and challenges our thinking. I like the fact that he is not afraid to take us 'out of the box' especially when it comes to examining issues relating to the poor and the local church.

Today was no different as he gave us the following scenarios to ponder...

Scenario 1:
You have two pair of shoes and you know someone else who have none. What would you do?
Some of the class responded that they might give a pair away. Others responded by saying that they would take them out to buy new shoes.

Scenario 2:
What if the shoes that you owned were Nike shoes? Would you be willing to give that away? Or would you keep it and take the guy and buy him some cheap shoes...

Scenario 3:
What if you decide not to give the person anything? Would that be a sin in accordance to the Scripture?

Scenario 4:
You have those 2 pair of shoes and you saw a pair of Reebok shoes that you want and your birthday is around the corner. You pray to God that you will get it for your birthday. Somehow the money comes and you are able to buy those pair of shoes. Do you think that God really answered your prayer?

Further questions:
If you
a) decide not to give your pair of shoes to those who are in need AND in accordance to the Bible, sin in not doing so
b) Then you pray for a new pair of shoes and somehow got it,
Would it mean that it was not God who answer your prayers in the first place?
Could it be possible that it was the devil who gave you the pair of shoes - in order for you to keep on being blinded and being self centered that you do not feel guilty in not giving to others???

What do you think?

Quote about pain

"Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional." - Rev Edmund Chan, Senior Ps of Covenant EFC.

Engkau Di Dalamku - GMB

Was just going through some of my BM(Bahasa Malaysia) songs to figure if there was any that I could use on Sundays. Quite liked this one.




Kaulah penulis hidupku
(You are the author of my life)
Kau membuat segalanya baru
(You make all things new)
Engkau di dalamku dan ku ada dalam-Mu
(You are in me and I am in You)
Tak ada yang take mungkin bagi-Mu
(There is nothing impossible for You)

Ku Dicipta untuk-Mu
(I was created for You)
Untuk membawa harum nama-Mu
(To glorify Your name)
Engkau di dalamku dan ku ada dalam-Mu
(You are in me and I am in You)
Kini kudatang mencari wajah-Mu
(I now come and seek Your face)

Mengasihi-Mu selalu dengan segenap hatiku
(To love You always with all my heart)
Mencintai seluruh perbuatan-Mu
(To love all that you do)
Mengabdikan hidupku sesuai rencana-Mu
(Enslave my life according to Your plans)
Ku mahu menyembah-Mu sampai akhir hayatku
(I want to worship You till the end of my life)

Kau memahami hatiku
(You understand my heart)
Hanya Kau yang mengertiku selalu
(It's only You who always understand me)
Engkau di dalamku dan ku ada dalam-Mu
(You are in me and I am in You)
Kini kudatang mencari wajah-Mu
(I now come and seek Your face)

Ramblings...

Another Sabbath has come and gone. Thought to do some work today and finish up an assignment - but ended up resting most of today as my body has been feeling rather achy, my throat scratchy and have been sneezing throughout the day. *sigh* This constant weather change from cold to hot and cold again is not helping. I already can't afford to fall sick anymore- have a long week ahead and much on the 'to do' list for this week - assignments to finish, leading worship, class presentation, sharing in a Cell Group and chairing a meeting with my musicians on top of the usual classes. I'm reminded about how much I need to continue to depend on God - especially as it seems that my plans have not been going the way I've intended in the last week.

One of my personal highlights is that the last couple of days has been good for me as I hear news from my family in Egypt. Still miss them a lot and am so excited about the stuff I hear that they are doing. My church friends in Egypt has also been sending news and it's great to be able to still keep in contact with them (despite the occasional language barrier). I was also reminded again about how they celebrate Easter at a different time from us - apparently they will be celebrating it during end of April. In so many ways, I wish I could be there with them but am still glad nevertheless that I can be a part of their journey. Their walk with God continually challenges mine and help me to go on in these days where He is continually shaping me.

Quote

“Love always involves responsibility, and love always involves sacrifice. And we do not really love Christ unless we are prepared to face His task and to take up His Cross. . . .” - William Barclay

Reflections for Good Friday 2008

Earlier today, someone in church prayed about how we as Christians have sometimes become desensitised to what Christ has done for us on the cross and asked God to make it real again. Good Friday, Easter and Christmas have become merely another event.

As the prayer went on, it got me thinking - how do we end up making one of the most significant event for a Christian to another mere event? That some how, some way, we just have to contrive some emotion just because it's Good Friday, Easter and Christmas. I shudder to think then what we subconciously think on other days - what Jesus has done for us and the love of God then mean on 'normal' days... Lately, when I talk with some of my young people during Bible study discussions, I find it rather worrying when they tell me honestly that the fact that Jesus died sometimes no longer holds any meaning for them.

I wonder if our lifestyles have a great part to do with it. I wonder if we have let the busyness and demands of life to crowd out our souls. We push God aside instead of allowing Him to govern our lives. Other things seem to matter more - how comfortable we can get, how much money we can get, etc..... We forget to practice dying to ourselves. I wonder then if we no longer become sensitive to the sacrifice of Christ because we ourselves no longer sacrifice. We do things for others of give out of our own convenience.

For me personally, I admit that it's so easy to put my own needs and wants first - instead of helping those who are in need around me. I was joking with my friend the other day that sometimes "when it rains, it floods". Somehow, people seem to need help when I'm already drowning with heaps of stuff. It's so easy to push those who are in need aside. I forget that I live no longer for myself but for Christ.

STM had the stations of the cross this year to encourage us to reflect on the footsteps of Christ to the cross. Regretfully, I was not able to participate as I was sick in bed. Nevertheless, I was able to think and pray (when I was awake) through the work of Christ and listen to some of the songs that I posted up earlier to prepare my heart for this weekend ahead. A friend of mine who shared some insights about Peter denying Christ also got me thinking.

Christ has died for me. I cannot follow Him merely by words. By doing so, His dying becomes merely another event, another ritual. To what extent am I willing to sacrifice for Him- will I be willing to give up my life? Or will I be like Peter, professing Christ's deity but when the time comes, will I deny my Lord? I, who have seen His grace and mercy in my life over and over again - will I still choose to put my life over His in both the small things and the big things of life?

I can only honestly say- I have so much more to learn, so much more that is lacking, so much farther to go. Yet, by the grace of God, I am what I am. As I remember His grace - if only momentarily, for I seem to forget so easily - the wonder of the life and death and resurrection of Christ washes over me and I can only but worship Him...

New Again

A song that we're(young adults) presenting for Good Friday...



Mother - do not cry for me
All of this is exactly how it's supposed to be
I'm right here, can you hear my voice
My life, my love, my Lord... my baby boy

Chorus:
As they nail me to this tree
Just know the Father waits for me
God how can this be your will
To have your son and my son killed
Whatever happens...whatever you see
Whatever your eyes tell you has become of me
This is not...it's not the end
I am making all things new again

I remember when you were born
In that manger where I first held you in my arms
So many miracles and lives you've changed
And this world repays you how, with all this pain

To go or not to go...

Am thinking of going for a holiday after this semester is over for a couple of days... Hmm... To go or not to go.. that is the question...

Quote about Truth

"Truth does not change lives. Truth applied does." - Rev Edmund Chan, Covenant EFC

The Weekend

This weekend is almost over and it has left me with lots of food for thought and challenges personally. Several highlights:-

1. EFCM Conference- all the EFC churches in Malaysia gathered together at my church this weekend for a conference. The speaker Rev Edmund Chan was an awesome speaker. I liked the fact that he not only is he an excellent communicator, he was also theologically quite solid. Even better, he spoke with authority as he evidently internalised what he challenged the congregation with - reading the Word and praying. I was deeply encouraged by some of the things that he shared and by his life. I will try to post up some of it in the coming days (after my assignment on 'inerrancy' is completed).

2. Have been praying for a friend that the Lord seems to have placed a special burden in my heart for. There have been times when I've felt helpless and have wanted to help this friend more. Though I've not gotten any solid answers, I'm glad to see that God is answering prayers in small ways over this weekend. It's been an encouragement to me to keep on praying and keep on depending on God.

3. Managed to finally meet up with a friend that I've been playing 'cat and mouse' game for the last 3 months. Realised how much I missed hanging out with her. It was good to just catch up and encourage one another. I really loved the time where I just played on her piano and the two of just sang songs of worship together - it was lovely. Being with her always challenges me to work out my calling as I am continually molded and shaped while in seminary. God has called her to be in business while He has called me into full time ministry. I've been reminded again and again that I need to keep on letting God to work on my life- no matter how painful or difficult - so that I may be able to minister to hers. This working of God is not merely for me. It's so that He may be glorified through me too...

Just As I Am

Was watching this a couple of days ago... Thought that it'd was appropriate as we move into 'Holy Week'.

Quote

"I'm exercising so I can eat more." - a colleague

Some people just want weird things....

"I want her to hate me so much that she will leave me alone" - a friend of mine..

Happy Birthday...

Today's the birthday of someone I've had a love-hate relationship for a long time. Nevertheless, this person has had quite an impact on my life. Though our relationship has not been easy over the years - and it still has it ups and downs - this person has taught me a lot. This person has taught me that forgiveness is a process. This person has taught me to love those that are difficult is a choice. Through this person's life, I've learnt that God has truly created us all different and that difference is not necessarily bad though it can cause a lot of misunderstandings at times. Through this person, I've also learnt to depend a lot more on God when people fail.

Happy birthday.. Though it's been hard to say this sometimes, I thank God for your being a part of my life...

Just for laughs...

Just to provide a little relief for my fellow seminarians who are doing their assignments... *grin*

Taken from: Reverendfun.com

Liz and Chris are married!

In the excitement of the elections, I totally forgot to post this up earlier... :p My best uni mate Liz has gotten married this past Saturday(8th March - election day) in Melbourne, Australia! Am sad that I couldn't attend the wedding but am so happy for her and her husband(Chris) - both of whom I've known for a number of years now. I wish them all the best as they embark on their journey of life together as husband and wife. I will always remember the times we had together - studying together, playing together, laughing together, avoiding stalking from certain people, fighting, seeing Chris coming to Christ, etc.... I was especially glad that I could spend some time in January this year with Liz when she came over to Malaysia.

Thank You God for both of them. Thank You for Liz who's been such a blessing a me during our uni days. Thank You for friendship.

Post elections posts

In the last few days since the elections on Saturday, the country has been recovering from the shocking results of the election in this country of Malaysia.

As our state heads are being sworn in, many are wondering where we will be going from here and if the opposition who are now holding places of power will be able to hold up to their promises. Quite a number of them will be first timers in the Parliament. The next four years will be definitely be interesting ones in Malaysia in terms of politics.

Some of my friends/blogs have blogged some of their thoughts or perspectives that I find quite worth reading:

1. Rabbi- A New Day for Malaysia
2. Kar Yong- Interesting Facts of 2008 Elections
3. Doulos -Post Elections
4. Desmond - Malaysia for Truly Malaysians
5. Tony Pua(new MP for my constituency) - They just don't get it
6. Yoshua - Thoughts on the way ahead

It has begun!!!

It is time...
It is the time for lack of sleep, lots of coffee, lots of stress, lots of reading, lots of writing....

It is time to start the elimination of the pile of assignments until the end of semester..
:p

Offering - Paul Baloche

Quite like this song.... This version is simple but quite nice...



OFFERING
Paul Baloche

The sun cannot compare to the glory of Your love
There is no shadow in Your presence
No mortal man would dare to stand before Your throne
Before the Holy One of heaven

PRE-CHORUS
It's only by Your blood
And it's only through Your mercy
Lord I come

CHORUS
I bring an offering of worship to my king
No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing
Jesus, may You receive the honor that Your due
O Lord I bring an offering to You

Some wonderings

It's election day today... I wonder what the results are going to be and the implications thereafter...

The church office has been rather quiet today... I wonder why......

Sayings by Yoshua

"We are a hilarious bunch of liberals, conservatives and fundamentalists" - Yoshua Chua (describing the STM community).

"Even brilliant minds can't think of solutions so they migrate" - Yoshua Chua (during our conversation about the upcoming election and the issues that we face in this country)

*Author's note: Taken with permission from Yoshua.

Gardening...

Every Thursday (today included), the whole seminary is involved in gardening from 5-6pm in the evenings. Gardening usually entails sweeping the dried leaves or cleaning up the compound. It's usually compulsory for everyone on campus (including non-residential students) and it's not a big secret that students occasionally pray for rain so that the gardening will be cancelled. Once, when it rained, one of my friends led the guys in singing 'God is so good!'. *grin*

Starting from this week onwards, I have decided to volunteer to help out a good friend doing maintenance instead(Who knows, this kind of training will come in handy when I go out into the field). Today we sorta took an old computer table and started restoring it (sawing, sand paper-ing, etc...)... I must say it is infinitely more fun and much more satisfying too! (Not to mention that it's a good excuse for not being involved in gardening). *cheeky grin

Election's coming and a grandma's blogging!

One of my friend from seminary, Vic Cern, pointed out an interesting story- in an effort to help me think of interesting things to post up on my blog (thanks VC!!!). The story is in the local newspaper about a grandmother who will be standing for elections in one of the states going blogging. Story can be found here.

One thing I find interesting in the article are the three person who went to help her set up her blog, facebook and gmail account. I thought that their initiative to find her and help her was rather cool.

For those who are interested, her blog is at: http://maimunbintiyusuf.blogspot.com/

Quite worth checking out - it's got Youtube stuff on her, pics, articles and even how much she's spending for campaigning.

Shadi

A narrative Arabic song.

Long time ago, when I was a young girl, a boy used to come from the nearby woods
His name was Shadi
Shadi and I used to play in the snow, we sang for each other and ran in the wind
We carved our names in the rocks and the wind bit our faces.

One of these days, the world was smothered with fire
some people began fighting against other people
and the fighting spread to our hills
Shadi ran to watch
I got scared, I yelled: Shadi where are you going, Shadi
He disappeared, he could not hear me, the valley took him in
Since that day I never saw him again
Shadi was lost for ever

Snow fell and melted away for twenty times
I grew up and Shadi remained the boy I knew, playing in the snow.

Note: This song was taken from here.

Songs and Language

As usual, I went out this evening after my Mark class with a few of my friends from seminary to a local coffee shop(it's a little bit like the coffee shop for men only in Egypt where they smoke shisha and play dominoes till 2 in the morning). It's always a good way to chill out after a long day at class. The conversations with this group of friends can get rather interesting as we discuss things that we find interesting (or share our friend's frustrations). ;)

This evening, somehow our conversation was about the translating words into Greek. One of my friends told us of how he translated some simple songs from English to Greek (like 'I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart') as part of his learning Greek during his time. There were some further attempts to translate other songs and it turned out to be quite fun and hilarious. As they were attempting to translate the songs (I realised my Greek is super rusty already. Interestingly enough most of the words that first came to mind was Arabic. :p), I had the thought that songs are really a good way to practice one's language. My friend was telling me that as you translate the songs, you remember the language better... How true...

It also brought to mind how much I enjoyed learning Arabic through songs. I remember in the last few classes, my Arabic teacher played some contemporary beautiful Arabic songs. One of the songs was entitled 'Shadi' by Fairuz (Arabic: فيروز‎, also spelled Fairouz or Fayrouz). It was a rather poignant song but the beauty of the language came through as a story is told of a girl's memory of her childhood friend Shadi in the hills of Lebanon. I can't remember the title of the other Arabic song that I really liked. It was a rather witty and humourous(and sardonic) in nature as it described life in Egypt. My teacher informed me that the Egyptians liked it a lot and it was played over the radio a lot last year during Ramadan period. I learnt quite a few local slangs through that song and used it to use on my pastor in Cairo. It was quite fun.

Am now learning another language this semester - Hebrew. My Hebrew lecturer was just telling us that he'll teach us some songs that our class can sing for the passover feast that we'll be celebrating in our seminary in two weeks time. Am looking forward to it. :)

Quote

"The will of God -- nothing less, nothing more, nothing else." - F. E. Marsh

Brokeness and Healing

As we prepare for or get involved in ministry, we face much brokeness - in others and within ourselves. If we choose to look beyond the surface, I think that we would be able to see that quite a few people carry baggages. They are broken people. While it is true that Christ brings healing, I think that many of us forget that the healing is at many times a process.

I guess that as I question about the topic of forgiveness, I am contemplating on the topic of brokeness and healing as the two go together. Perhaps it is because of the people that I meet or talk about in the last couple of days. I think it's scary to think of how many people in the body of Christ go about doing ministry and not work out their own brokeness. Just think of the impact that they will have in their church.

I'm not saying that they shouldn't be broken - I think that there are benefits to being broken. One of which is that those who are ministered to may be able to identify better with those who are broken. On the other hand, I am coming to the conclusion that those who are ministering and are broken have to go through the process of healing first. I agree with one of my friends who recenly said - without healing, those who are hurt will hurt those who are already hurting as they minister.

Some time ago, I wrote this post on 'The cry of a seminarian' as my fellow friends and I wrestle with our expectations as we journey through life in the seminary. After further thought, I would like also to add that that the element of dealing with brokeness and healing should be a vital part of life in seminary. I am not saying that the onus should purely be on the lecturer(though I always think that they have a great role to play as they are examples of what we are to be when we go into ministry). I think that the students have their part to play too- we have to first choose to see our problems and our brokeness. Then we have to choose to allow ourselves to go through the painful process of healing. I think that this is a big necessity as we journey through life in the seminary. The more we ignore the fact that we have a problem, the greater the problem potentially gets.

A few friends and I have been recently quite shocked when we learnt about a person who just could not see their own faults and choosing to put the blame on everyone else. The extent of the blindness of the person to their own fault is rather shocking. Maybe this person has been hurt in the past and have not dealt with it. It seems that this person has chosen to deal with it by blaming others and thinking themselves totally blameless. I am not judging this person - though this person has brought a lot of grief to one of my close friend. All I am saying is that, if we ourselves do not deal with our own brokeness, we too will end up like this person. We become so blind to our own faults and instead of dealing with it, we begin to blame others and do not realise how much we hurt others from our own hurts.

Through all of this, I am saying that it is essential for those in the seminary and those preparing for ministry to examine the brokeness in our lives and go through healing before we go out there. As one of my pastor once reminded me many years ago - "Doing ministry is not a joke. It is a serious matter as we deal with souls everyday."

Great Light of the World

Was going through my collection of music as I tried to find some comfort this evening and I came across this song. I pretty much identify with it right now. While it speaks of being the darkness, I am comforted as I am reminded of the One who brings light into the darkness.

To forgive divine...

Every once in a while, the issue of forgiveness comes up- perhaps it's because I still have much to learn in this area. Admittedly, the lesson doesn't seem to get any easier. Maybe it's because the issues gets more complicated as one grows older.

Alexander Pope once said - 'It is human to err, to forgive divine'. While I admit that people make mistakes, being the recipient mean coping with the hurt inflicted. Sometimes, it hurts like crazy. It makes forgiving the wrongdoer so hard. As much as I long to be a sincere follower of Christ, forgiveness is a word that is so much easier said than done. I read novels where people get injured and the wound starts to fester. In order for the healing to begin, the wound is sometimes first probed for any bits that may cause infection and is followed by the cleansing of the wound. The greater the wound is, the worse the pain gets. As the wound is being probed and cleansed, the pain may be even more intense than when it was inflicted - as if it was not bad enough in the first place. I guess that's what makes forgiveness so hard.

It's not that I don't want to forgive. I do. And I wish I could do it much more freely. The pain of probing the wound gets so great sometimes that I'd just rather leave it alone - even though it's stupid and I know that it may fester and the wound will take even longer to heal. The fact of the matter is: my soul seems to recoil at the thought of facing such pain and I push it till another day.

I find forgiveness is such a hard lesson to learn - impossible even sometimes and I come to the conclusion that 'To forgive is indeed divine'. Perhaps I'll be able to forgive some time soon. But not today - it still hurts too much.

You are God Alone

This song has sort of been running in my head the last few days.... I quite like it- just a good reminder of who God is (or what He is not)...

You are not a god created by human hands
You are not a god dependent on any mortal man
You are not a god in need of
Anything we can give
By Your plan
That's just the way it is

CHORUS
You are God alone from before time began
You were on Your throne
You were God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You're the only God whose power none can contend
You're the only God whose name and praise will never end
You're the only God who's worthy of everything we can give
You are God - That's just the way it is

CHORUS

Bridge
You're unchangeable
You're unshakable
You're unstoppable
That's what You are

Restoration

Word for the day: Restoration...

Election fever at STM(??!!?)

Elections are going to be held soon - on March 8th. However, I still cannot believe that someone actually posted this poster outside their dorm room door at STM! Hehehe...

None But Jesus...

As I prepare for my Sabbath (a much needed one), I was reminded the song 'None But Jesus'. As I shared about my trip on Friday with my college group, I was strongly reminded about how precious my relationship with Jesus is to me. I was again reminded about how blessed I am to be able to call Him friend, Lord and Saviour.

I dedicate this song to my family in Egypt (and to my sister and brother - Nicole and Lee - who are now in the States). May you always focus on Him as He leads your steps each day. I am praying that you will keep on keeping on. :)




In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that you are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call I won't refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

CHORUS
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

Repeat CHORUS

Bridge:
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in you Lord -forevermore
(Repeat)

CHORUS

CNY pics

Together after a long time - My family and my uncle Henry's(my dad's brother) family.


Now that I'm finally back home after being away for two weeks, I can upload some of my pics that I took with my family during Chinese New Year(CNY) here. CNY ended just on Thursday (two days ago). It is usually celebrated a period over 15 days. This past Chinese New Year has been a good one for me - my whole family gathered in Cameron Highlands and for the first time in many years, we spent it with my uncle's family. It was a memorable time for me.

There were lots and lots of food (of course) - the usual 'siew yok' (roasted pork), vegetables from camerons, curry chicken, etc... We also went out for lots and lots of 'teh tarik'(coffee/tea) sessions together. It was good to just enjoy each others company after being apart for many years...

In My Weaknesses...

I'm supposed to be in bed asleep by now. However, I'm a little excited - so I guess that blogging will help me to sleep a little bit better. :) Last night's talent night went well - I will hopefully post some pictures when I've compiled them. I realise that I've not posted much pics lately. I guess it's not surprising - I find that my emotional exhaustion lately does tend to dry up one's creative juices. The fact that the internet connection in seminary has not been that great could be the other factor(I was very delighted when I was back in my church office- the connection there was such bliss compared to the struggle that i've been having over the last two weeks). I supposed that many things could have been done better for the talent night- but considering the state that I was in and the time limit that I had, I'm satisfied. I was encouraged to see how everyone pulled their weight and came up with the wonderful performances -they were creative, funny and most importantly - they did their best. Their efforts truly complemented the theme for the night - 'Unity in Diversity'. It was wonderful to see so many people from different backgrounds and from different races come together and put on a night of much fun, fellowship and laughter.

Through this event I learnt a small but important lesson - empowering people. A few people commented about the choices of emcees. I was reminded that God does not necessarily use those who are gifted but those who are available. One of them almost quit the night before. I understood his stress with his study workload as well as having to emcee the event (I too was ready throw in the towel -if I could've done so). He previously tentatively agreed to it and I admit that I was begining to get desperate after having been turned down so many times. In my desperation, I prayed and God gave the wisdom to talk to him and prayed with him. As I ministered to Him, I too was ministered. God reminded me that He uses the weak that He may be glorified. As the both of us pressed on - despite our weaknesses - He was glorified as we allowed Him to work in us. I don't know about the emcee, but I know that I had no more strength to go on - if not for the grace and strength of God. I was so exhausted that I went immediately to bed after getting back - and despite resolves to wake up early to prepare an important sharing to my young people, I just could not get up until it was time to go for chapel.

This also meant that I only had the afternoon to prepare for my sharing to my youth group about my recent trip. It was like working a miracle -and miraculously i managed to finish preparing for it with 30 mins to spare. *phew* Kar Yong gave some very helpful suggestions which I'm very thankful for - though some of his suggestions were also rather cheeky. *grin*

In the end - I'm glad of the way the sharing turned out. The young people were responsive and asked quite a few questions. Some came up to say that they were really challenged. I tell them that it's a process and to continue to allow God to work in them. I'm glad that seeds were sown and I will trust God to see them grow - just as throughout the years, different people have planted seeds into my life and God has and will continue to see the fruition of those seeds.

With all that I've been going through this past week, I am amazed at how well things are turning out. I'm reminded so strongly that in my weaknesses and when I choose to let Him take over, He will lift carry me through and He is glorified. I know again and again -there's no way it could've been me. There's no way it could've been my own efforts. Again, all I can say is - Thank You my father in heaven. Thank You.

Ramblings

Things are gearing up today for STM Talent night 2008. It's been an eventful day. Quite a few things have been threatening to go wrong since this morning. I must admit it's been the first time in ages where I've taken a task and felt as if I'm not going to make it. Underlying everything is a sense of discouragement. Somehow, the people that I thought I could count on seems to have deserted me and it's been rather disheartening. The very ones that I thought would be encouraging seems to be more critical. Worse still, there are the few insensitive people who make demands despite my telling them that I'm really really over my head already.

This afternoon, when I finally could no longer take it, I finally prayed. The funny thing is that as I prayed, I realised how much I focus on my own abilities and strength. *sigh*. I remember then that I forget and see how foolish I can be. Of course, things don't solve itself on its own after prayers. However, I begin to see things to be thankful for. Though I feel as if I've been let down by those who I thought would help, I am thankful for the ones who DO help. I'm encouraged by the first years who put in a lot of effort into the event. I'm thankful for the few people who don't turn me down when I've asked for help. I'm thankful for the coffee session I had with a friend - though I didn't realise it at the time, it helped me to have a little time off from planning the event for a little while.

Tomorrow will definitely be a long day. The rest of the week will be hectic as well. I find myself wishing that I could just curl up on my bed with a book for a few uninterrupted hours and without the impending sense that there's urgent things to be done. Oh well, inshallah it'll happen next week....

The painting...

Her thoughts occupying her mind, she walked down the path unseeingly. A little frown furrowed her forehead, her mouth set in a grim line. She was so deep in her thoughts that she did not notice Him. He watched her concernedly as he saw her stumble a little as she continued blindly in her walk. He called to her - but she did not seem to hear him.

He sighed. He longed just to be with her and to have her in his arms again. If only she'd let him help carry her burdens. However, she seemed to have completely forgotten about him. Every day he watched her. He saw the sorrow that she carried that no one else seem to notice. He saw through her smiles. He saw the tiredness deep within. Again and again, he wished that she'd come to him just because she loved him. Sure, there were times when she'd come to him to ask for help for her friends and he'd do what he could but before he could just sit and talk to her, she seem to wander off again.

He tried to tell her in different ways that he loved her - through her friends, through her family, in so many different ways. Yet, she did not seem to hear.


As he watched her today, he painted a picture. A little streak of red. A little grey. Some clouds. He stood back from his painting and was satisfied. He looked at her as she continued her walk. Gently, quietly, he whispered her name. She continued her walk, then belatedly stopped. She looked around, unsure if she heard actually something. Her eyes fixed back on the ground as she decided to walk on. Again, he called to her - gently, softly. This time she was sure she heard something through the fogginess of her thoughts. A shiver ran up her spine. She stopped and closed her eyes. 'That voice sounds familiar,' she thought. 'Could it be him?' Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked up.


What she saw took her breath away. Before her was his painting in the sky - the beautiful streak of red of dusk in the midst of the greyness of the clouds. In the painting, she saw what he intended her to see - a message of his love for her. A tear rolled down onto her cheek. How was it that her love for him was so fickle that she so easily forgot him? More tears flowed. He called her once more in his still small voice. Slowly, she turned and walked towards him....

Breaking the silence...

The last couple of weeks have been crazy... Two weeks ago was Chinese New Year. There was the spring cleaning and the Chinese New Year shopping, the travelling to Camerons, hanging out with relatives from Ipoh, lots of eating and fellowship, impromptu visit to Penang to visit an elderly granduncle who missed my siblings and I during Christmas as we were all away(the trip to Penang meant that we were also part of the heavy traffic back to PJ. It took us 9 HOURS to travel back - where it would usually take 5 hours. :p Never again! I tell you.).

When I got back to STM last Monday, I felt so exhausted-and soooooo not ready to face studies. Then it was time to prepare for the mission trip over the last weekend to the OA (Orang Asli-aboriginal tribal group). Thankfully it went well -but it was rather tiring. In the end, I spent most of yesterday - sleeping *grimace*. For the rest of this week, there's the preparations for the STM talent night to refine, this Friday's sharing with my youth group to prepare for, several reports to write, assignments waiting behind in the long queue, a BIG pile of unattended church work, etc...

Time seems rather scarce - and the mood to blog or email has been diminished by the rather crazy internet connection from my room (the other alternative would be to sit outside where the connection is better and be bitten to bits by mosquitoes. I've got blotches of mosquito bites along my limbs - for the times when I've no choice but to risk it. I've been SORELY tempted to subscribe to one of those wireless broadband). It's been hardgoing to get any work done and I've find myself just being very sorely tried.

To make things worse, where previously I would've just thrived on the challenge of juggling everything at once, now it just feels like I have to go through the motions(my siblings and one of my gf pointed this out to me over the last few weeks). Deep down, I find myself going through some sort of an unexplainable funk. Some days I wake up and wonder why on earth I'm doing what I'm doing. Life seems to go on as usual but a part of me feels dissatisfied - things that I used to be comfortable with no longer seems to fit as well as it used to. Something needs to change but am still at a loss at to what. I'm still searching. It's frustrating and even painful at times - the path is lonely . I suppose I cannot expect others to understand what I myself am still trying to understand. *sigh* Perhaps this is why it's been hard to blog....

Happy Chinese New Year!

Chinese New Year is one of my most favourite festivals in the year - probably because of sense of family that comes with it. I love the gatherings around food (those who know me know that I am rather fond of food - and this is definitely a celebration with lots of food). I love just hanging out in the highlands with my family. I love catching up with my cousins. Of course, I also love the ang pau's (red packets - usually there's some money in it and is given by those who are married to those who are single).

However, I must confess that I'm not particularly fond of the pre-New Year preparations. It's been a long long day as I run around shopping and doing house cleaning (I haven't even bought my New Year clothes :( am seriously contemplating not getting any this year. :p However, I don't have anything in red. *sigh* Should've bought some red clothes when I had the chance. :p ). I am ready to collapse. Nevertheless, beneath the busy-ness. I am excited and looking forward to celebrating the New Year in two days time. I am looking forward to reunion dinner with my family this Wednesday nite - my sister will be back from Johor and I have not seen my father in the last couple of months. I am also hoping that my best cousin and her family will also be in the highlands to celebrate the New Year with us. We'll see...

Anyhows, Happy New Year to all of you who will be celebrating the occasion this Thursday. I hope that many of you will also survive with me the hectic New Year preparation period as you do your last minute shopping and home cleaning.. *grin*

Cool quotes

"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light" - John Keith Falconer

"God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on him." - Hudson Taylor

"Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God" - William Carey

"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose" - Jim Elliot

"We are debtors to every man to give him the gospel in the same measure in which we have received it" - P.F. Bresee

"If a commission by an earthly king is considered a honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?" - David Livingstone

"Lost people matter to God, and so they must matter to us." - Keith Wright

"Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell; I wish to run a rescue mission within a yard of hell." - C.T. Studd

"If Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him." - C.T. Studd

"Any church that is not seriously involved in helping fulfill the Great Commission has forfeited its biblical right to exist." - Oswald J. Smith

"We talk of the Second Coming; half the world has never heard of the first." - Oswald J. Smith

"This generation of Christians is responsible for this generation of souls on the earth!" - Keith Green

"If you found a cure for cancer, wouldn't it be inconceivable to hide it from the rest of mankind? How much more inconceivable to keep silent the cure from the eternal wages of death." - Dave Davidson

"Let my heart be broken with the things that break God's heart" -- Bob Pierce

"No reserves. No retreats. No regrets" - William Borden

Busy-ness...

As I write this, I am wondering -how does one share 2 months worth of experience into two pages or 5 minutes!?! I have been asked to write a testimony for a newsletter, a reflection for my field ed and prepare for a 5 minute sharing on Sunday. *sigh* It sometimes seem like I have this penchant for attempting the impossible. :p

Things have been getting busier rather than slowing down in the last week. It's frustrating sometimes as I find myself not even having the time to hang out with my close friends for a teh tarik(cuppa) session as I used to last semester. I AM looking forward to next week when I'll hopefully *cross fingers* be able to rest a little bit more than my nowadays sleeping for 5-6 hours per nite. Am also hoping to be able to catch up on a pile of important personal emails that's waaaaaayyyyyyy overdue. Am seriously beginning to feel like an antisocial person with never ending work - not a particularly good feeling. :p Hopefully after clearing a few more things, the pace of things will be slower.

Other than feeling a little grumpy as I write this (possibly because I NEED MORE SLEEP). I am enjoying my lectures tremendously. Though my lecturer goes like a train sometimes (I am constantly and furiously typing out my notes in class so I don't miss anything), I am tremendously enjoying my classes on the gospel of Mark tremendously. I like the feeling of being blown away by the classes as I learn about why Mark wrote the way he did and the significance of the passages. It's been pretty cool and very very challenging.

I am still missing my friends back in Egypt though thankfully it doesn't sting as much as in the last couple of weeks since I got back. Nevertheless, I fondly remember my friends there and am challenged to continuously pray for them.

STM Ipoh Road Trip 2008

I've just arrived back today in seminary after a good weekend at Ipoh with my first year seminary friends and lecturers. This trip is a yearly event for first years in STM to visit churches of different denominations as well as to be a part of celebrating those who have completed their certificates under ITC (Ipoh Theological Centre).

I was particularly ministered to by Mr Allen's sermon (right pic- first years English Dept and some lecturers in St John's) and I think the first years did a great job in trying to bring out the message that there's more to this life than just going through the motions everyday.

I was also glad to be able to catch up with my 'best cousin'(left pic) as I've not been able to catch up with her since she came back from Singapore and joined my uncle in full time ministry. I was also glad to be able to meet up with my uncle and the rest of his family (except my cousin sister) for dinner before I headed home to PJ (centre pic above). I think it was a good trip overall as I had opportunities to interact more with some of the first year students (I found out one of them have been reading my blog and knows a lot of my church members. :p I also enjoyed my conversations with another girl who has been on the Doulos for 2 years! It was also good fun to know my one of prayer partner's sibling better).

For those who are interested, more pics of the trip may be found here.

Some quotes from St Augustine

Maybe it's because of Criminal Minds (my current favourite tv series). Maybe it's because of training in seminary. I find that I'm learning to appreciate good quotes from people. I was just browsing through some stuff for my theology class and I came across the following quotes that struck me from St Augustine:

"Do you wish to be great? Then begin by being. Do you desire to construct a vast and lofty fabric? Think first about the foundations of humility. The higher your structure is to be, the deeper must be its foundation."

"Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."

"Find out how much God has given you and from it take what you need; the remainder is needed by others."

"God had one son on earth without sin, but never one without suffering."

"I want my friend to miss me as long as I miss him."

"If you believe what you like in the gospels, and reject what you don't like, it is not the gospel you believe, but yourself. "

"It is not the punishment but the cause that makes the martyr."

"O Holy Spirit, descend plentifully into my heart. Enlighten the dark corners of this neglected dwelling and scatter there Thy cheerful beams. "

"Seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand."

"Punishment is justice for the unjust."

"Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul."

"This is the very perfection of a man, to find out his own imperfections."

"Thou hast created us for Thyself, and our heart is not quiet until it rests in Thee."

"What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like."

Ramblings and focusing on Jesus..

My church friends in Cairo tell me that they will be away for a conference over the next few days. Each of them have different hopes for the conference and I pray that God will speak to them and minister to their needs. I will miss talking to them online.

I will be away this weekend for a STM Ipoh road trip. In a way, it's an unexpected blessing to be able to go(I was asked to go to help out with the first years) because I missed attending it in my first year due to church work. I'm also looking forward for an opportunity to spend some time with my best cousin in between. I have lots to catch up with her. :)

I have a pile of work to do before I sleep - it looks like it might be another couple of hours and I have a 4 hour theology class tomorrow. *groan* Not that I detest the class- I quite like most(if not all) of my classes this semester - it's just that I hate being tired and having a class that's going to run for that long at the same time. :p

In the last week, I find myself being VERY VERY busy. I guess it's partly due to the fact that I'm getting adjusted into the momentum of juggling everything at the same time again - work at church, studies, life in seminary, spending time with friends and family. Added to that list, is the responsibility of year rep in the EXCO(Student Body Committee member of STM) and being a social committee chairperson. Due to the fact that things are slightly delayed this year, I find myself having lots to catch up as a social committee chairperson. The first event is on 20th Feb and I've yet to get started on the event much less getting the committee together for our first meeting to plan and hand out responsibilities. On top of social committee, there is the added dimension of keeping in touch with friends in Cairo as often as I can. To my family members(read Sellim) in Egypt, if you are reading this, I will send you a guys an email soon - I've received your mails and have tried to write but so many things have been screaming for attention. Nevertheless, no matter how busy, you are all in my thoughts and prayers constantly.. I assure you that my silence does not mean that you have been forgotten.

In the midst of busy-ness, I'm thankful as I sense God's continual presence. As I continue in my journey in seminary and juggle the many facets of my life - both old and new - I sense that He is right here by my side and I'm overwhelmed by His grace and love. In times of worry and struggle, He has brought me comfort in the last few weeks. Again I realise, it's not because of me and my own strength that I keep on going - it's because of Him. I am reminded again and again to focus on Jesus in so many ways - in chapel, during quiet time, during my Sabbath, during conversations with friends, etc... Sometimes, I worry about what I cannot see - about the future and what will happen to me or my family. Again and again, I am reminded to look to Jesus in the midst of the storm. As I learn again and again to look to Him, an amazing thing seems to happen - the storm no longer matters and I no longer feel like I'm sinking. On the contrary, the struggles of life that still rages around me no longer seems to matter as much as He. I learn then that I am able keep on going on one step at a time and do what seems impossible - walking on water (or in my case, coping with everything at the same time)...

Dear God- please help..

Dear God,

I'm so worried for my friend. I don't know what to do. I hate this sense of helplessness. I hate the distance in between. Please intervene somehow. I do not want to betray his trust and yet, I'm worried about what he might do. Help me to trust more in You. Help me to remember that You can do all things and You are more than able to help him through all this. I am struggling to remember that right now.

Somehow, you allowed our paths to cross so that we are now friends. Somehow, you led me to ask him how he was doing today. Please show me what you want me to do as I sense that time is getting short. Thank You for friends there who are willing to help - through prayer and through their availability. Dear God, please help....

To Her...

I still think about you and wonder how you are doing each day. I was sitting in church yesterday and when someone was sharing about how God has changed her life, I wished so much that one day you will be like her.

There was joy mixed with sorrow as I read your letter yesterday afternoon. I was glad to finally hear from you, and yet your pain and struggle made me yearn so much to be with you - to bring you a bit of comfort and to let you know that you have a friend that you can count on. I am still your friend. Inshallah, I will always be your friend...

Future STM lecturer?

More photos found here

Classes begin, still feeling homesick, lots to do...

Classes for the new semester begins tomorrow morning, or more accurately, in approximately 8 hours. I don't know if I've adequately prepared myself to face classes for this semester. I'm still struggling with missing Cairo though it's been 2 and a half weeks that I've been back. It's not so much the city itself that I miss. It's the people - I miss my family, I miss my friends in church and I miss my teacher. As I told one of my dear brother there today, I find myself thinking about them everyday. I spoke with one of my church friend online in Arabic yesterday and it was a very good time of conversation - and yet, I just felt very sad because of the distance between us. I miss our conversations in the microbus on the way back from church(it generally is one of the few times that we can catch up as my friend is one of the most happening people in my church in Cairo). I miss my family and wonder how my sister is keeping. I wonder how big brother and sister and their children are doing. I miss seeing and playing with thier children and hearing them saying 'Miss Ruth, this.. Miss Ruth that..."

I AM glad to be back. Don't get me wrong. It's been good to be with family and with friends here. It's been good to be able to eat Malaysian food again. I am enjoying fellowship with my different group of friends. Yet, when I am alone in my room or when I'm online talking with friends back there, I feel frustrated sometimes. I acutely feel that a part of me is missing - that I left it back with them and am not too sure how to get it back, or if I ever will. I thought that I'd be back to 'normal' by now - whatever normal used to be...

This semester I am looking forward to the some of the subjects that I'll be taking - Cross Cultural missions, Counselling, Pastoral leadership, Theology, Hebrew and studying the book of Mark. Am toying with the idea of overloading a bit more and taking an additional subject - to free up some time for next year when I have to do my thesis. Will have to see how my results are so far.

I have yet to catch up with a ton of church people - worship department meetings, my close friends, my pastors, etc... I get tired when I think about it. Again, I am reminded that I just need to continually walk closer to God - what with the struggle of missing Cairo, the additional responsibility of being an EXCO member of the student body in the seminary, catching up with church members, juggling with spending time with my family(whom I only see during weekends - my sis will also be away from home the next few months :( ) and working for the church just can feel rather overwhelming sometimes.

Yup -it's going to be interesting to see how this semester turns out. Dear God, I'm really really counting on You to see me through everything.

To my prayer group...

I remember we began with three in the first semester of seminary - Lucy, Lee Yng and I. Since then, we've had a new member per semester - Pauline, Lan Yin, Chin Ying - our latest addition this semester is Liza. Now that we are in the 1st semester of our 3rd year, we are seven minus one (Pauline will be going to Singapore and continue on her journey).

I continue to thank God for the fellowship we've had thus far - the laughter and the many tears that we've shared in fellowship and in prayer. I look forward to continuing this year with all of you as we continue in our journey in seminary. I pray that God will continually draw us closer to one another as we learn to support one another with the gifts, talents and personalities that He has given us.

Covenant Service

Today we celebrated covenant service in STM(Seminary Theoloji Malaysia). This is one of my favourite services of the year. As we begin the semester anew and continue to prepare to be future ministers, we renew our love covenant with God. As we say this prayer to as part of our covenant renewal, it always speaks and challenges me.

We are no longer our own, but Yours.
Put us to what You will.
Rank us with whom You will.
Put us to doing, put us to suffering.
Let us be employed for You or laid aside for You.
Let us be full, let us be empty.
Let us have all things, or let us have nothing.
We freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.

I was also very blessed by our speaker Rev Tan Soo Inn, who shared his life with us. This morning, he spoke on 'Failure - The most important preparation for ministry' based on John 21:15-19. It ministered to many of us as we are challenged to be recipients and ministers of grace.

His sharing really spoke to me as I look back on my own life and how in times of my failures, God used those moments to let me see who I really am - a person in need of grace. I also see how he used those moments to teach me and mould me as I learn to submit to Him. I also see that I can thank Him for those moments because it's shaped me to be who I am today.

To my friends...

Though you are ordinary people

You've chosen to obey Him

Though your path is not easy

And the road ahead may be tough

You have chosen to hear His call

And go where many fear to tread

You are my friends

My family in Christ

A challenge to my journey with Him

You are an inspiration to me

You remind me to focus on Christ alone

Not just with your words, but with your life

I pray that He will constantly protect you (and your family)

As you daily toil for Him

And choose to love the people that He has placed you with

Being salt and light to them

I pray that the harvest will be plentiful for you one day

Though now it may sometimes seem like drought

Living in a land that will not call you its own

I pray that you will persevere and keep on keeping on despite everything

May you always hold on to Jesus -the author and perfector of our faith

A Prayer for Her

I miss her.
I miss her a lot.

Will You watch over her while I'm back here?
Will You send her another friend who will love her as much as I do(if not more) and who will show her the way to You?

If no one goes, who will tell her about You?
If no one tells her, how will she believe?

You know that the most precious thing to her is the love of friends.
You know how much her friends have let her and hurt her in the past.

I pray so much that she'll come to know You, Jesus - the best friend a person can have.
I pray that she'll be able to have joy in her life - greater than the day she remembers of being happy.

Yet, I do not wish for her the price that she'll have to pay that will be inevitable if she knows You.
Yet, let Your will be done.

Lord have mercy on her.
I plead for mercy for her.

To My Egyptian friends..

To all my friends and 'family' in Egypt who I've come to love and am missing very much...

A BLESSED CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!!

Back in Seminary

I came back to seminary yesterday - and it's been good so far. Time seems to have passed by so quickly. It seems like yesterday that I left here, went to Egypt and came back. Being the only one of two English department students around, I've been rather busy helping out with the orientation for the first year students since I've arrived -taking them on a tour of the seminary, the usual trip to the hypermarket nearby and to Seremban town. It's also been a good opportunity to meet and interact with the first year students. I'm looking forward to seeing all my friends on this Thursday when they all get back too.

Didn't foresee it coming but I have been allocated to a single room (usually only final year students are allocated a single room and I'm in my 3rd year out of 4 years)! I'm still slowly unpacking the things that I have but have made my room rather comfortable enough to live in.

In the midst of it all, I find myself still thinking of my friends and 'family' back in Cairo. I've been back a week and a half and it feels as if I've just left yesterday. Talking to them online doesn't seem enough - if anything, I find myself missing them more. *sigh* I guess that for now, I'll just have to keep on keeping on.